Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Uncanny X-Men #543

By the end of tonight, I will have managed to review 26(!) of the 28(!!) comic books I picked up last Wednesday. If I was caught up with Fables or Hellblazer(which I started reading tonight), I would have reviewed THEM too! Why? Because that's how I roll. Yeah. Anyway, here's the 24th review I've posted this week... God am I tired...

Uncanny X-Men #543(Fear Itself tie-in):

Summary: Being good and pissed off due to the Serpent stealing his avatar, Cyttorak takes away Serpent-possessed Juggernaut's Juggernaut powers and gives them to Colossus, making Colossus into Jugger-Colossus and Juggernaut into... um, Serpent-possessed Cain Marko. Jugger-Colossus is teleported to the location of the now suddenly bald Serpent-possessed Cain Marko and the two powerhouses battle each other... Seriously, why is Serpent-possessed Cain Marko bald here? I know it probably shouldn't be a big deal and all, but it's weird little things like that that bug me... While the two big guys are fighting each other, Emma Frost wakes up and decides to smother Our Savior Hope with a pillow... You know, had Emma succeeded and killed Our Savior Hope here she'd have automatically become my 5th favorite comic book character. Unfortunately for me, Namor wanders into the hospital room, makes out with Emma and leaves, telling her that if she was HIS woman she'd be getting a whole lot more of his fish-lovin'. Well okay then. Meanwhile, the Serpent teleports Serpent-possessed Cain Marko away from the battle with Jugger-Colossus and Jugger-Colossus acts all intense and slightly evil due to Cyttorak's influence on him. Shadowcat breaks up with Jugger-Colossus because he didn't let his sister(that would be Magik), who has already been through hell, died and returned to life, become Cyttorak's new Juggernaut, because I guess in Shadowcat's mind Magik's life didn't suck enough... And people wonder why I hate Shadowcat so much... Shadowcat leaves and Jugger-Colossus takes off his helmet revealing that much like Serpent-possessed Cain Marko, he was suddenly and inexplicably bald too(!?!)... So I guess Cyttorak hates hair then? That is just so damn weird... From there, Lord Summers heads to the mayor of San Fransisco's office and threatens to kill her in several different ways since she considered letting Crazy Mutie Island(Utopia) get destroyed in order to save San Fran during Serpent-possessed Juggernaut's earlier rampage. HA! I can't even add anything to that... He threatened to MURDER a duly-elected government official for THINKING about(not ordering), destroying Crazy Mutie Island. What a hero! Lord Summers' posturing(mercifully) ends this issue.

Thoughts: You know, I didn't like this comic much, but it did give me a few laughs. Between the sudden and inexplicable baldness of several characters, to Emma Frost trying to kill somebody WITH A PILLOW, to me being completely validated in my hatred of certain characters(I'm looking at YOU, Lord Summers and Shadowcat), this comic made me laugh. Now I don't know if Kieron Gillen intended this to be a comedy issue, but regardless, it WAS funny(to me at least). I don't think there's much more for me to say that I didn't say in the summary, so I think I'll move on to the next review.

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.I don't understand... Why is everybody mysteriously losing their hair in this series?!?


  1. God i fucking wish emma would smother shadowcat and hope to death with her boobs ............................................................................................................. ok.. lol seriously loved this review man halarious :)
    ........... seriously tho FUCK shadowcat that is the biggest bitch break up ive seen i a while
    wtf now collosuss can get all depressed and even emo'er and BIG surprise shadowcat is joining Wolverines X-men Team post Schism
    ugh now i dont have to make up a reason im not geting that book
    the only thing i EVER liked about shadowcat was ellen page played her........ regretably in the 2nd worst x-men film but still she was pretty good in it (sooo cute)
    lol im ranting arent i

    oh one last thing

  2. "God i fucking wish emma would smother shadowcat and hope to death with her boobs" HA!!! That's a hell of an interesting visual!

    Yeah, Shadowcat was a total bitch in this one... I mean why wouldn't Colossus want to save his sister? And how could Kitty be pissed over that?!?

    "lol seriously loved this review man halarious" Thanks man. I had a blast doing this review. Glad ya liked it.

  3. Just FYI, this blog almost singlehandedly got me back into reading and buying comics. Keep up the great work X!

    That said, i disagree with your review a bit.

    Agree: random weird baldness; shadow cat being totally a bitch/not believable. Seriously, your mans just sold his soul to a demon to save everybody, and you bitch him out for not thinking of you? I think there was a valid point to make somewhere in there but it came out poorly, and would not be an excuse to dump his ass anyhow; the emma scene was totally weird and random

    THAT said, I thought the colossus-Cain fight was awesome, and I think you mischaracterized the cyclops scene. The way I saw it, the mayor actually was planning to blow up crazy mutie island, and cyke found out about it. Now his response was nuts and scary- I don't see what he could hope to achieve, other than menace the mayor. Fits in with his new status as dictator, I suppose.

  4. Wow, that's like the best compliment I've ever gotten! Thanks, TRobb.

    The Shadowcat thing still blows my mind when I think about it... I mean Kitty was pretty friendly with Magik back in the day, how can she begrudge Colossus for looking out for his own sister/her friend?! And the complete randomness of the Emma/Namor scene was just great... It was SO out of left field!

    Yeah, the Jugger-Colossus/Serpent Cain fight was pretty cool, especially when Colo was running Cain backwards through the country. As for the Lord Summers scene, I just like to besmirch his rep! I can't help myself! It would have been different if the mayor had told the army(or whoever it was) to destroy Crazy Mutie Island, but wasn't she simply considering it? I don't recall(and I very well may be wrong, I've read A LOT of books since issue #542) her definitively saying to blow up Utopia. If the planes were in the air, then sure, Lord Summers had every right to be uber-pissed at her, but I was under the impression that she was simply weighing her options. But like I said, I very well could be wrong on that. Regardless, if Gillen was trying to make Lord Summers come across as a bit crazy, he succeeded with flying colors here! :D

  5. My problem with the issue is that after all that buildup, Cain Marko simply gets teleported away?!? I mean, yeah, they probably have to leave him with some pride after all and maintain him as a credible threat. But I get the feeling they can't have Cain Marko lose simply because that's what the event dictates. Same with what happened in the ghost rider fear itself tie-in.


    I Love Emma Frost.Which is sad because I haven't read her since genration X ended.
    I liked her in the original Hellfire Club, I liked her as mentor of the Hellions.I really liked her change after the Coma, possessing Ice Man, and eventually becoming involved in Generation X. This was a natural character Progression in which Emma Frost realised that the teaching of mutants to control their powers was more important than machiavellian schemes to rule the world... or the economy in her case, She was mostly a kind of "It's business , don't take it personally" kind of bad guy. In the scale of antiheroes shadiness she is here;
    Gambit < Emma < Mystique
    & Lobdell ,Nicieza, Faerber & Wood deserve a medal for MAKING the Ex-White Queen!
    Then Moronson came onboard & basically wrote a teenage slut that is hungry for cock & makes you wonder "srsly? why isn't anyone telling her to shut the Fuck up? Why are the other X-men written as little dipshit? Why is Quietly's artwork that FUCKING AWFUL?! ". I could rewrite that entire run & replacing her with a blow doll & no one would notice the fucking difference.
    Shadowcat, well I'll tell you, I liked her when Pete Wisdom banged her ( & HE's AWESOME) & as an adult, or inthe XME cartoon where she was believable. On The Other Hand Jubilee is Superior By 3 FUCKING MILES & a LOT more lovable than Kitty. I mean see Jubes 's backgroung & the fact you barely see her complaining about all the shit she's been through & looking at the bright side of life, THAT is the mark of a strong character

  7. Agreed, Noel. The battle itself was really good, and I liked the thoughts from Colossus during the battle, because it sounded like that even with his extra powers he wasn't sure he could win, but he'd keep fighting, but the ending was LAME! I guess there was really no other way to get out of that battle, but that ending was just bad.

    And Jubes>>>>>>Shadowcat. End of story so far as I'm concerned. It's not even close. Shadowcat is a SHELL of the character Jubes is. If Kitty vanished and never popped up again, I'd be compleetly fine with that. She sucks that much.

  8. You're welcome! It's a funny story. I'd been out of the game for about 10 years (right about when Morrison took over and made the x-men suck), reading ult. spidey and x-men trades on and off. Every now and then, I'd check wikipedia to see what was up with my favorite characters when I was bored at work.

    One day I found out about this event called "Fear Itself," and because my interest in the Avengers had been sparked by the recent movies (I never cared for the characters in the past), I wanted to see what it was all about. Looking for good summaries of the "Fear" books took me here.

    It just so happens that I recently moved to a neighborhood with a comic store in walking distance. That, plus the fact that I've been itchin' lately to actually see the art for some of the awesome scenes you describe, equals a born-again comic fan :)

    Lord Summers' evolution since I left is interesting to me. I don't like his character now, but I can totally see how he got to the point he's at. I really liked the haunting, last panels of this book, showing him walking down the hall with Magneto at his side.

    Kind of sad to see what everything has done to the dude who once embodied Xavier's dream. He's clearly lost his way, as we saw in Schism, and I wonder, will he ever be redeemed? Honestly, I'm curious how he even survives Schism, if that fight is as nasty as it looks.

  9. In the contest of "which comic this week was Cyclops the biggest jerk" I am not sure why he gets some of the most hate from this comic. The stuff he does here is more "trying to serve the greater good" stuff while in The Children's Crusade he takes a cheap shot at Captain America when he wasn't looking and talking to someone else. That should earn you huge jerk points there.

  10. Huh, it was actually Morrison's New X-Men work that helped bring me BACK into comics after I'd been away for a couple of years, TRobb! Once again, thanks for the kind words. Every now and then it's nice to hear something like that, usually it's just, "You didn't like, 'insert random comic book here'?!? You SUCK!!!" :D

    The last scene in this comic WAS great, because it showed you just how much Scott has changed in the past several years. I mean he was taking advice and walking side-by-side with MAGNETO!! That says it all right there. I STILL think Scott CAN be redeemed. I guess the easiest way is to simply say that while he was grieving over Jean, Emma got deep into his head and was using him as her puppet to rule over mutantkind. I don't think Marvel would EVER do that, but it is one out. For me, I'm dying for Jean to come back and see what's become of Scott these past few years...

    You know, Jermox, you just gave me a great idea... Along with my score, I should have a Cyclops Jerk-O-Meter in the comics he appears in and give THAT a score as well! But yeah, cheap-shotting Captain America is a great way to get a 10 on the Jerk-O-Meter! :D

  11. Aw, I actually really like Shadowcat. Just hasn't really been handled well in recent years but maybe that improves once she joins Wolvie's team.

    I am with you on Cyclops though, he's needs to be knocked off his high horse, as does Emma. They are way too power hungry and why are all these "heroes" falling those two, they act like king/queen.

  12. Maybe getting Kitty away from Colossus WILL be good for her. I always found her the most interesting when she was with Pete Wisdom, I was never a fan of the Kitty/Colossus relationship. It always bugged me...

    Agreed! And that's a great comparison. It fits Emma, seeing as she was the White Queen and all. I also agree completely about the other mutants... Can't they see that the Cyclops they're following now is NOTHING like the guy who used to lead them?

  13. But haven't xmen been gradually breaking away from lord summers, even before schism? Beast left, x-force is operating without his knowledge, and iceman called scott's leadership into question too. Not everybody has been mindlessly following, in other words. I also think people follow Scott because the lack of alternatives- the rest of the mutants are either not leadership material (colossus, kitty), too young, or not fully invested (mainly storm, though it seems she may be back to full- time status, hopefully her stupid marriage is annulled or retconned away).

    As for morrison's run, this may have been discussed before here, but I just despised a lot of the themes in those books (blah uniforms, dumb secondary mutations, stupid stuff like 'kick,'), even before I learned about the lousy story arcs involving Cassandra and xorn. With austin's deplorable run in uncanny going on at the same time, I just lost all interest.

  14. Beast is definitely the one who immediately jumps to mind when you talk about X-characters who broke away from Lord Summers. It's interesting that the original X-Men, the characters who'd know Scott the best, are the ones who seem to dislike his leadership the most. Beast completely pulled away, Bobby's been vocal, Warren's operating with Wolverine on a shadow team... That's something that I hadn't thought about before, but that's pretty telling.

    HA... Morrison's X-run might have been tough to read as it was coming out, but I read most of it in trades/hardcovers, and the story was pretty solid in a single sitting. Granted, there were things I didn't care for(Cassandra Nova!), but for the most part, I enjoyed it. It's funny because I really haven't been all that high on Morrison's current Batman work, which I have been following monthly, and have been told that reading a majority of it in one sitting would help me appreciate it more... Go figure.

    As for Austin, I was fine with his stories in the beginning. I liked the attempted reformation of Juggernaut... I was fine with it until the Draco story... THAT was truly one of the worst things I had ever read comic-wise!! And it never picked back up again for me after that. And then Chris Claremont's 4,000th X-run started, and the less said about THAT the better as well! Man, Uncanny was REALLY weak for a LONG period of time in the mid/late-2000's! It picked up for me with Brubaker's space story, was hit or miss with Fraction, while I've been mainly down on Gillen's run, but that's probably more due to the characters he's been using than the stories. I know it's not popular opinion, but my favorite recent run on Uncanny was the Brubaker stuff, probably because it took us away from all of the M-Day/Decimation garbage.

  15. Shadowcat is awesome. There is a reason why she's considered an iconic X Man and Jubilee is not :)

    This is just a case of crappy writing. What character hadn't been thrown under the bus by a writer who seems to have no handle on the character?

    Though I do agree that Kitty needs to get away from Colossus. Most boring relationship ever.

  16. "Though I do agree that Kitty needs to get away from Colossus. Most boring relationship ever." Yeah, I never liked that relationship from the start, mainly due to Shadowcat's age. They just never clicked for me, during Uncanny, Excalibur, anything. I will say that I like the way Shadowcat is being portrayed in Wolvie and the X-Men though.