Avengers: X-Sanction #4

Okay, after putting in 9 long hours at work today, I figured, what the hell, I'm already in a working mood, so why not bust out four reviews for the day? So that's what we'll be getting here. Naturally, the combination of a lack of sleep, work and all around lethargy is going to lead to me shortchanging a few of the reviews I do now, so if you want to know more about the comic I reviewed, leave a comment, shoot me an e-mail, etc. And now, let's see how Avengers: X-Sanction finishes up.

Avengers: X-Sanction #4(of 4):

Summary: Man, Cable REALLY looks like Colossus on the cover of this one... Anyway, Wolverine attacks Cable, who's already pretty much humbled the Avengers, while Spider-Man tries to reason with Our Lord and Savior, Hope. Lord Summers ends up getting shot in the back by Our Lord and Savior, which leads to him blasting Spidey(whose Spider-sense was apparently broken or something...) out of the ship. From there, Blaquesmith goes into the head of Our Lord and Savior and helps her disconnect Cap and Iron Man from Cable's super-villain-esque deathtrap. Oh, and Red Hulk burns the TO Virus out of his system. With that, the Avengers beat Cable up(over the course of two pages, after I had to suffer through Cable beating up the Avengers for THREE issues!!), and Lord Summers asks to take his wayward son home to Crazy Mutie Island to die in peace. Cap, not being a scumbag like Lord Summers or Our Lord and Savior, agrees to those terms. While on Crazy Mutie Island, Our Lord and Savior manifests the Phoenix Force(wait, how, what, WHA?!) and destroys the TO Virus within Cable once and for all... Lame. Cable, still unconscious and recuperating, telepathically tells Lord Summers that “Hope is the Phoenix”(roll that around in your head for a while, especially with what we know about AvX), and the two promise to protect her from those damned, evil, evil, damned, evil, Avengers.

Thoughts: This was a weird comic book... I didn't hate it, but I definitely didn't like it either... I don't get how Hope is ALREADY the Phoenix, especially since the previews in the back of several Marvel comic books have Cap and Iron Man telling the president(or somebody) that the Phoenix was coming to Earth... Are there two Phoenixes? Did Jeph Loeb simply misunderstand what Marvel's editorial told him? Am I the only one bothered by this? Probably, due to my irrational hatred of Our Lord and Savior Hope and Lord Summers. So now we'll have Cable, not only back from the dead, but apparently fully powered(for some reason), and living on Crazy Mutie Island. Well, if nothing else, after his actions in this mini he's proven beyond a shadow of a doubt he belongs in a place called Crazy Mutie Island... Eh, I enjoyed typing up the review for this comic more than I enjoyed reading it... Go figure.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.

Spider-sense? What Spider-sense?

Avengers: X-Sanction #3

Oh joy, it's time for THIS mini-series... The past two issues bothered me... Greatly. Cable outfighting and outsmarting Captain America and Iron Man just seems horribly wrong, but maybe that's just me. As for this issue, if things follow along the lines of the first two issues, Cable will manage to overpower the Red Hulk. Let's see if I'm right...

Avengers: X-Sanction #3(of 4):

Summary: Before the Red Hulk can defeat Cable(who has been nearly taken completely over by the Techno-Organic Virus), Blaquesmith arrives on the scene to give Cable some... ugh, hope. After a flashback to Blaquesmith and Cable walking through a future seemingly devastated by the Avengers, we head back to the present where we see Cable shooting Red Hulk with a gun that knocks Red Hulk out of the boat the two were fighting on... Well, it's a good thing Cable's gun didn't run out of ammo like Cap's did in the first issue, now isn't it? Before Cable can regroup, Red Hulk returns with a giant chain and anchor and wraps Cable up in it, demanding to be told how to free Captain America and Iron Man from the traps Cable put them in. Instead of telling Red Hulk, Cable somehow makes his TO Virus infect Red Hulk... Yeah, sure... With Red Hulk infected by the Virus, Cable decides to mercy kill him, but is halted by the arrival of Lord Summers and Our Lord and Savior Hope, who were teleported over by Blaquesmith. Lord Summers is angry that Cable had attacked the Avengers(since starting trouble with other superheroes is Lord Summers' job!), and wants to free Cap and Iron Man, but Cable warns Lord Summers not to try to help the two heroes, lest he sets off the bombs that were attached to the two Avengers. Our Lord and Savior Hope gets tired of Lord Summers and Cable talking, since SHE'S the most important character in the history of all of literature, and demands that they pay attention to her. Before Our Lord and Savior Hope and force Lord Summers and Cable to come to an agreement, Wolverine and Spider-Man arrive on the scene, where Wolvie threatens to kill Cable if he didn't free Cap and Iron Man.

Thoughts: Yeah, this issue was pretty much what I expected. It was more of Cable being perfect and better than everybody else, and more of the Avengers losing. Seriously, after reading this mini-series, why the hell should I care about the Avengers vs X-Men event, since this mini has shown us that the Avengers characters are nowhere NEAR the X-Men's league. Cable has singlehandedly taken down the strongest Avenger(without Thor around), the smartest and most tech-savvy Avenger AND the Avengers most experienced fighter and best strategist! By himself!! If CABLE can do all of that alone, imagine what Lord Summers and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants can do to the Avengers! But enough bitching(for now...), let's steer this post back to this issue and the events therein. Once again, there wasn't anything truly terrible in this comic, same as the first two issues, I just didn't particularly enjoy it. I'd guess your enjoyment of this comic will depend on how great you think Cable is and/or how much you hate the Avengers.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.

I'm half surprised that wasn't the end of the Red Hulk right there...

Avengers: X-Sanction #2

Next up is the second issue of the Avengers: X-Sanction mini-series. Since this mini is only 4 issues long, when I finish this issue off, I'll be at the halfway point and as such should have a really good feeling for the direction headed here. Now, the first issue had Captain America losing to Cable in one of the most ludicrous ways imaginable, I'm going to predict, before I even open this comic book up, that Iron Man is defeated by Cable in an even more idiotic way! Let's see if I'm right or if Jeph Loeb rights the ship here.

Avengers: X-Sanction #2(of 4):

Summary: Iron Man, realizing that Captain America and Falcon had vanished and weren't responding to his calls, follows Falcon's bird, Redwing, to Cable's secret freighter. As for Cable, he tells Captain America that he had only blasted him with a stun ray, and that was to keep Cap from killing himself in the torture chair Cable placed him in... Uh-huh... Cable rambles about how he didn't understand why the Avengers were after Our Lord and Savior Hope(because she's the be all and end all of the Marvel Universe!! The most important character EVER created!! The greatest!! The best!! But I digress...) and arms himself with some Stark tech from the future. Iron Man enters the freighter and discovers Cap and Falcon and is immediately attacked by Cable. The fight rapidly spills outside into the water, where Iron Man manages to analyze and neutralize the armor components Cable was using. Unfortunately, in doing so Cable is able to introduce a virus into Iron Man's armor which temporarily shuts it down, allowing Cable to defeat Iron Man. With Iron Man defeated, Cable puts him in a torture chair too! What the hell, was Magneto having a yard sale one day and Cable brought all of his torture chairs?! Before Cable can gloat at Iron Man, he is blasted in the back by the Red Hulk, who had swiped some of Cable's advanced weaponry upon entering Cable's freighter of fun. This issue ends with Cable hearing(or thinking he hears) Our Lord and Savior Hope imploring him to fight on while the Techno-Organic Virus begins to envelop him.

Thoughts: Okay, first things first... Yes, Cable is from the future. That is a given. As such, he's acquired a bunch of advanced technology, such as the futuristic Iron Man armor. Now, here's my problem. Tony Stark is one of the smartest characters in the entire Marvel Universe. Marvel itself has his intelligence listed at a 6(out of 7), which means Tony isn't just a genius, he's a SUPER-genius. That puts him on par with the Reed Richards', the Victor Von Dooms, the Hank Pyms of the Marvel Universe... In this issue? He was outsmarted by Cable. Cable, whose intelligence according to Marvel's official stats falls at a 3, which means he's slightly above average. So Cable outsmarting one of the smartest men in the Marvel Universe would be akin to me defeating one of the greatest chess grandmasters at a game of chess... In other words? It should NEVER happen. Besides that, I still don't get WHY I should be rooting for Cable here... I mean he's obviously the protagonist in this mini-series, but all he's done has been to act like a villain, all due to some vague, and thus far, completely bogus threat to Our Lord and Savior Hope... Would it be too much to TALK to the Avengers, since, you know, they've never been known to act villainously before? Besides all of those complaints? I actually enjoyed this issue! Go figure!! Seriously, if you overlook all of the stupid stuff that SHOULDN'T have happened, and pretended that Cable was a good guy and the Avengers were a bunch of nameless bad guys, this issue was a good read. The art was good, and the story moved along at a brisk pace. So oddly enough, while I hated the main points here, I liked this issue as a whole. One thing is for certain though, come the next issue I will be rooting HARD for the Red Hulk for the first time in my life!

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Yeah sure, Cable is smarter than Tony Stark. And I'm the pope and the Queen of England all rolled into one.

Avengers: X-Sanction #1

Second and final review of the night is the first issue of the Avengers: X-Sanction mini-series that looks to set the table for the upcoming Avengers vs X-Men mega event this April. I get the feeling that this mini-series is either going to be really good, or really bad... Let's hope it's the former and not the latter...

Avengers: X-Sanction #1(of 4):

Summary: The Avengers respond to a jail break being committed by the Lethal Legion. With the Avengers distracted, Cable(who isn't dead for reasons never adequately explained) shoots Falcon in the back(thus making him the villain of this piece) and captures him, taking him to his underground sewer layer... Huh? When did Cable become the Lizard? Needless to say, Captain America is pissed that somebody had attacked and kidnapped his longtime friend and partner and follows Falcon's... well, falcon, Redwing, and ends up discovering Cable's base. Cable creeps out of the shadows and attacks Cap, at which time we learn, through flashbacks, that after Cable's “death” he ended up in a destroyed future with Blaquesmith(!), where he discovers that the techno-organic virus was killing him(again......), meaning he only had 24 hours to live. He also discovers that the reason the the future was all messed up was because Hope wasn't around to save it. Of course... There's a reason I sarcastically call her Our Lord and Savior, you know. Finally, Blaquesmith reveals that the reason Hope wasn't around? You guessed it. The Avengers. Back in the present, Cap and Cable battle, with Cap being throughly confused by Cable's antics here. Eventually Cable gets a hold of Cap's shield and throws it into a wall, which leads to Cap inexplicably ignoring Cable to pull the shield out of the wall... Really?! Cable takes advantage of Cap's downright stupidity to knock him unconscious and strap him to a torture chair(?!). When Cap comes to he asks why Cable was doing this, but doesn't receive an answer, instead this issue ends with Cable putting a gun to Cap's head and seemingly pulling the trigger.

Thoughts: Okay, first things first. There was nothing technically wrong with this comic book. The art was bright and vibrant, and the story was easy to understand(for a story that involved time travel, people not being dead when they were supposed to be and techno-organic viruses). The first couple of pages weren't that bad actually. It all made sense. And then we got the fight between Cable and Cap. First of all, since Falcon vanished on an Avengers mission, I don't get why Cap went solo to locate him and didn't take, say Wolverine or Iron Man with him. But, I'll overlook that simply because Falcon is Cap's partner and maybe he didn't want the help. Next, the battle between Cap and Cable. Cable is proven to be sick(or sicker than usual due to the T-O Virus, again...) here, while Cap is conceivably well. So anyway, the fight itself is a close battle(which I'm cool with), with Cable gaining the advantage with a telepathic assault(again, that's fine). Having downed Cap, Cable takes Cap's shield and goes to shoot Cap, but is wracked with pain due to the T-O virus, which causes him to drop his gun. Cap gets the gun and shoots at Cable, so Cable blocks with the shield(again, no problems thus far). Now things start to run off the rails... The gun, which was firing energy, not bullets, suddenly runs out of ammo(kind of weird, but I can still overlook that), which leads to Cable throwing the shield at Cap. Cap dodges and the shield gets jammed in a nearby metal wall, at which time Cap ignores Cable and makes a break for the shield, with Cable RIGHT behind him!! For a master strategist like Cap? That made ZERO sense! Cable has been disarmed. He's obviously sick. And he's standing RIGHT BEHIND Cap! Why the hell would Cap drop EVERYTHING to try to get the shield out of the wall?! And once he realized it was jammed in the wall, why would he continue trying to free it instead of concentrating on Cable, who as I stated, was RIGHT BEHIND HIM?!? So Cap gets knocked out because apparently he can't fight without that shield anymore or something. Now Cable apparently has to kill Cap and the Avengers, so what's the first thing he does while Cap's unconscious? Why he straps him into a torture chair of course! And then he waits for Cap to wake up before he(apparently) shoots Cap in the head... Because he's an asshole or something, I don't know. Seriously, why not kill Cap while he was unconscious? Ugh. So yeah, while I can understand the story and all, this issue was definitely a disappointment for me as a fan of Cap. I can't wait to see how Cable beats Iron Man next issue... Maybe he can point the other way and tell Tony that the Mandarin was behind him, and when Tony turns around he can shoot him...

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Now you know the best way to defeat Captain America... Throw his shield at a wall. Nothing distracts him like that!