Really Quick Hits! 3/19/11 edition

Over the course of the past two days I have managed to... instead of review, let's say summarize 14 comic books. After looking back at the books I wrote about, I'm pretty disappointed... The highest score any of these books got from me was a 7 1/2, which is a score I give to a comic that was only SLIGHTLY above average. As a matter of fact, many, if not most, of these books were below a 6, which means they were below average reads. That's really pretty bad... Interestingly, 9 out of the 14 books were DC titles, which I guess explains why the scores were so lackluster... On a positive note, this is my 100th post of the year! That's about the only good thing about this post...

Wonder Woman #608:

What Happened: Cheetah, Artemis and Giganta(who are Amazons now) beat Wonder Woman: The Teenage Amazon down for a while because they want to kill her as revenge for Wonder Woman abandoning them, or maybe they wanted to capture her for the mysterious Morrigan... I really don't know, or quite frankly care. The Morrigan themselves seem like they now suddenly DON'T want WW to join their ranks, and we end this one with Dr. Psycho saving WW from the trio of phony Amazons.

Thoughts: What can I say here that I haven't hit on before? I just can't get into this story at all. I think we're 8 or 9 issues into J. Michael Staczynski's WW story, and I honestly have NO idea what's going on. I mean after nearly TEN issues of this story, shouldn't we have SOME idea of what the hell is going on, why WW is now a Teenage Amazon, and who/what the Morrigan are all about? Every issue it's just more and more confusion... I don't get it.

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.Look out, Wonder Woman: The Teenage Amazon! It's Cheetah: The Sudden Amazon!!!


Titans #33:

What Happened: Deathstroke, Cinder, Cheshire and That Worthless Junkie, sneak onto an island to kill some guy named Drago. Unfortunately for Deathstroke, Drago knew Deathstroke was coming. How'd he know? Because That Worthless Junkie and Cheshire have finally turned on Deathstroke. After an extended fight scene, Cinder is knocked out and Deathstroke is captured and brought before Drago, who pulls out Deathstroke's eye... With his bare hand... Really.........

Thoughts: I... I don't even know what to say anymore. I mean after that last page, what more is there TO say?! What's the purpose of having some feeb LITERALLY pull Deathstroke's eye out? What's the endgame here? Is Slade gonna go all Daredevil and do his thing blind? Is he going to simply... I don't know, stick his eye back in his head and carry on like nothing happened? I thought this series was on the upswing, I recall enjoying the past few issues, but that sure came to a screeching halt with this issue. Ah DC... You find new ways to depress me every single month...

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.Yoink!


Superboy #5:

What Happened: This is the second ever, or as DC is calling it, The FIRST EVER Race Between Kid Flash and Superboy!!!!!!! issue. The two agree to race with the proceeds going to benefit Smallville. So the two teenage heroes run around the globe, inexplicably staying neck and neck the entire time, and then Krypto wins the race.........

Thoughts: What the hell did I do to deserve this?!?!?! Is it because I said Dan Didio sucks?! Is it the way I've been insulting Chairman Johns lately?!? I mean seriously, why is this happening to me?!?! *sigh* Okay X, take a deep breath and calm down... This is one of the few times I finished a comic book and literally cursed aloud after reading it. It was that incredibly bad. Not only that, it was insulting. I literally felt insulted after reading this comic. First off, Bart Allen has already proven that he is light years faster than Superboy. Don't believe me? Then CLICK HERE. But as I was reading this I was thinking, “Maybe Bart doesn't want to embarrass SB too badly in his hometown.” Sure, it SEEMED like Bart was giving the race his all, but like I said, maybe he was holding back. So as the issue rolled along, I figured we'd get a tie or something. And then Krypto, who wasn't even a part of the race won... I don't even want to talk about this anymore. Needless to say, this series just lost a reader.

Score: 0 out of 10.Go to hell, Krypto.


Batman and Robin #21:

What Happened: Some new villain named the White Knight is running around killing off the families of anybody who has ever been incarcerated in Arkham Asylum. By the end of this issue he's managed to kill Victor Zsasz's brother and the Mad Hatter's family, stymie the Gotham Police Department(big shock there!) as well as leave Batman(Dick Grayson) and Robin in his dust.

Thoughts: Hey, somebody sound the alarms, this was actually a GOOD comic book! After the past three DC comics I read/posted about, I REALLY needed something like this. The story is really strong, with Dick and Damian managing to figure out what the White Knight's game was(killing off the family members of Arkham's infamous), but not knowing who the Knight was going to strike against next, since it could be almost anyone. The fight scenes were good, the story was good, the art was good, the dialogue was good, and Commissioner Gordon didn't rough Damian up this issue. I have no complaints here.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.My current Windows background!


Captain America: The Korvac Saga #4(of 4):

What Happened: Captain America(Steve Rogers) manages to convince future Galactus to give him the Ultimate Nullifier to put an end to the threat of Korvac. Cap confronts Korvac with the Nullifier but is unable to convince himself that nullifying Korvac was the right thing to do. Korvac takes advantage of Cap's hesitation and snatches the Nullifier, but since his mind wasn't properly focuses, it nullifies Korvac, ending his threat. With that, Galactus sends Cap back to the 21st century and we can call this mini-series a wrap.

Thoughts: Eh, no complaints here. I mean I doubt I'll remember this mini-series a week from now, but as it was, it was an okay way to spend a few minutes. This issue, like most of this mini-series was good. And hey, good is better than bad!

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.That Galactus is such a class act!


Batman Incorporated #3:

What Happened: Batman(Bruce Wayne) heads to Argentina to dance the Tango of Death and try to convince Gaucho to join his Batman Inc. initiative. Gaucho turns Bats down, even after Bats assists Gaucho defeat a few of his Argentinian enemies. In the end, Bats and Gaucho are trapped by the thought-to-be-dead villain, El Sombrero, which literally translates to “The Hat”...

Thoughts: I literally have no earthly idea what I just read here. None. There were blue scorpions, a hot air balloon, Batman pretending to be Bruce Wayne in order to dance, and a villain whose name is literally The Hat. The Hat! If ever you need proof that Grant Morrison is insane, then read this comic book.

Score: 3 out of 10.Yup, Batman returned in order to dance.


Batman: Streets of Gotham #20:

What Happened: Dr. Death thinks back to his origin while he's working on some drugs for his new boss, Hush. However, Hush figures out that Dr. Death was going to double-cross him, so he knocks Death out and steals Death's drugs.

Thoughts: I honestly had no problem with this comic. I can imagine that some people would, since this storyline was supposed to be about Hush, and he only appeared on maybe three or four pages, but I actually enjoyed Dr. Death's origin enough to overlook the lack of Hush. I think there are only two more issues left before this series is being canceled, so I'd have to hope that Hush(finally!) takes center stage next issue and reveals exactly what he's up to here.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Man are they OLD!!!

Really Quick Hits! 3/18/11 edition

So remember yesterday when I promised I'd do a post on 10 new comics today? MAYBE that was a bit too optimistic... You see, I have 14 comics to get through, so I decided to do 7 books today, and then do another 7 books tomorrow. So this is STILL going to be a much bigger post than I usually do, just not quite as big as originally promised. Okay, before I get down to business, a quick word to the wise. Usually I break my reviews down into two parts, a summary of the comic, and then my thoughts on said comic. Since there's simply no way I can possibly do 14 full reviews in two days, I had to tweak things a bit. The first half of each “review”(and I use that term VERY loosely!) will tell you what happened in each comic in VERY broad strokes. The second half will still have my thoughts, just an abbreviated version of them. As always, if you want to know more about any comic I reviews, feel free to drop me a comment, and I'll be happy to go further in depth. With all the legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way, let's get on with the show!

Onslaught Unleashed #2(of 4):

What Happened: Throughout this comic, Onslaught and Nomad battle for possession of Nomad's mind. After getting past Onslaught's army of child soldiers, most of the Secret Avengers and the Young Allies manage to break into Onslaught's inner sanctum. Upon entering the room, Beast warns the heroes that Onslaught has indeed returned, which gets Beast attacked by Onslaught. However, Beast's warning has come too late, as it appears Onslaught has managed to possess Nomad completely, after Onslaught reveals that she was never truly alive, simply a creation of Franklin Richards.

Thoughts: Ugh. If you like lackluster artwork, and a story that involves heroes running aimlessly around, while Marvel's biggest mistake from the 90's attempts to possess a powerless girl, then THIS was the comic for you!!! Me, I could have done without reading this one... I mean, I like the Young Allies(for the most part), I like the Secret Avengers, I don't hate Onslaught NEARLY as much as many of my comic reading brethren do, and I usually enjoy Sean McKeever's work, so you'd think I'd really enjoy this comic. But alas, I didn't. I'm just not able to get into the story, I don't get why Onslaught is trying to possess the weakest member of both teams, and the revelation, that Nomad doesn't/shouldn't/can't really exist did nothing for me. Add that to artwork that has me straining my eyes trying to figure out just what was going on in some scenes, and you have a recipe for disaster. Oh well... Maybe next issue will be better.

Score: 3 1/2 out of 10.I have NO idea what happened to Beast in this scene...


Captain America and the Falcon #1:

What Happened: Falcon returns to Harlem to try to find a high school quarterback who had gotten himself tied up with a gang. Basically Falcon has to find the boy before he misses the big game and loses his shot at getting a college scholarship. Falcon tries to locate the kid as Falcon, but quickly realizes that Falcon carried no clout on the streets, so he switches to his civilian identity of Sam Wilson and scares some answers out of some fools. He eventually finds the boy stabbed in the home of a rival gang member, which blows the kid's shot at going to college. In the end though, Falcon offers to help the kid as Sam Wilson: Social Worker.

Thoughts: There's really not much to say here. I've always been a fan of Falcon, so it was nice to read a solo story about him. The story itself was nothing special, it was just a good, solid read. In other words, it was(say it with me, everyone!) a perfectly acceptable comic book.

Score: 7 out of 10.That's right, don't mess with Falcon!


Weird Worlds #3(of 6):

What Happened: Lobo was double crossed by an old foe and with some help from his bounty, killed the foe and went to war against his dead foe's entire planet. Garbageman was still trying to remember who he was, and after remembering a bit of his pre-Garbageman life decides to find his former secretary, and Tanga decides to drunkenly battle a giant.

Thoughts: This is such a weird mini-series! And I'm not talking about the name! Usually I enjoy the Lobo and Garbageman tales and hate the Tanga part. This month it was the Lobo story that didn't do anything for me, while the Garbageman story was solid and the Tanga portions stole the show... Go figure. Three issues in and I have to say that the Garbageman story is my favorite overall. Lobo's story kind of stalled this issue, while it took me three issues to warm up to Tanga. So basically I'm reading this comic to follow the adventures of a big pile of muck named Garbageman... Weird indeed...

Score: 7 out of 10.Hey look, it's Lobo!


Outsiders #37:

What Happened: Doomsday mysteriously appears in Markovia intent on killing/capturing/doing something bad to Eradicator. Doomsday struts through Geo-Force, Looker, Katana, Halo and Achilles before impaling Eradicator and teleporting away with him.

Thoughts: Hey, I actually liked this comic! That tells me three things. Number one, the characters in this comic are good enough that this SHOULD be a solid monthly read. Number two, when Dan Didio doesn't actually have to come up with a story, he can do a good job at writing it. And growing out of number two, number three, Dan Didio sucks. I mean let's face it, he sucks as DC's executive editor/publisher, he tanked the Outsiders series, and he obviously can't write a cohesive story unless he's piggybacking off of a larger storyline(The Reign of Doomsday). Yeah, I obviously don't respect Didio's work. But really, can anybody blame me?

Score: 7 out of 10.I'll say it for Eradicator, OUCH!


Batgirl #19:

What Happened: Steph is still being stalked by her unwanted helper/sidekick, Grey Ghost, while Slipstream(a costumed faux-speedster) is running around Gotham stealing stuff. Steph runs into Slipstream and nearly gets killed by him thanks to Grey Ghost's bungling. Slipstream is prevented from killing Steph thanks to his unseen masters, which leaves Steph eagerly anticipating her next run-in with Slipstream.

Thoughts: First off, 7,000,000 awesomeness points to Bryan Q. Miller for the “Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right” reference. All that was missing was “B, A, Select, Start”! Unfortunately that was pretty much the high point of this comic for me... This was probably the first issue of Batgirl that I just didn't get in to... I don't get why the Grey Ghost is there, unless it's purely for humor, in which case, he's not needed since this series is funny enough. I don't get what's up with those Reaper dudes, and I have no clue what's up with Slipstream. So yeah, I didn't like this issue. Even still, the humor and characterizations were strong enough here for me to still not hate this issue. That's when you know a writer is great, when you don't like the story, but can still tolerate the comic itself.

Score: 6 out of 10.I laughed at the tombstone line because it's so true!


X-Factor #216:

What Happened: J. Jonah Jameson hires X-Factor to investigate the death of an old army friend of his, and two mysterious women run amok.

Thoughts: Yeah, that was basically all that happened here... I mean nothing of any real note went on here. There were a lot of conversations between the various X-Factor characters, which were naturally well done(hey, if Peter David is writing it, you KNOW the dialogue is gonna be solid!), Jameson told his story to Madrox, Spidey had a quick cameo, and that was basically it. This was another one of those perfectly acceptable comic books.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.See, funny dialogue!


Captain America: Hail Hydra #3(of 5):

What Happened: This comic starts off with Black Panther giving Falcon his first wing harness. From there Cap(Steve Rogers), Falcon and Black Panther wind up battling Hydra created zombies in both Wakanda and Haiti. Dr. Geist, a crazy Hydra scientist, is still trying to create a formula for immortality, and by the end of this comic, Cap is wondering if he had been drugged by Geist back during WWII, which would explain why he seemingly wasn't aging.

Thoughts: The first 1/3 of this comic was actually kind of slow, but the final 2/3 really did a great job of pulling me in. The early stuff with Cap, Falcon and Panther was okay, but not all that exciting. However, once we got back into the Hydra parts of this tale, business most definitely picked up. I was so into this comic by the end that I was actually pretty bummed that it was over! I particularly enjoyed the end, with Cap being shaken by the words of the Hydra agent. All in all, another solid issue from Jonathan Maberry and this mini-series.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Ah, the CLASSIC Avengers.