Hellblazer #299

This is the penultimate issue of Hellblazer.  Why is that?  I honestly don't know...  I have a theory, but it involves DC being run by a bunch of trained monkeys...  So yeah, the "geniuses" over at DC have decided to cancel this series, which has been going since like 1987 or so, and will replace it with a Constantine series detailing the New 52 version of Constantine...  Because we as comic book fans are SO stupid in the eyes of DC, that we could never deal with TWO Constantine oriented series, even if one is being published under the Vertigo banner...  I don't know how you can cancel a series with a character as important as John Constantine...  Yep, what a company...

Hellblazer #299

Summary: This issue opens with Terry Greaves attacking the goon who shot Constantine last issue since he knew that would infuriate his daughter, Constantine's wife, Epiphany.  From there we learn that Constantine was indeed dead(!), and Epiphany heads to her father for a reckoning   Terry explains to Epiphany that he hadn't okayed the hit on Constantine, and takes her to the tied up goon who did, handing her a gun and telling her to get some closure.  With that, Epiphany shoots the goon in the head, killing him.  We next head to the funeral hone holding Constantine's body, where Epiphany is confronted by a demon that consisted of women Constantine had discarded.  Epiphany calls Angie Spatchcock, an old girlfriend of Constantine's, who is also a magician, to help.  Angie comes by and destroys the demon before angrily leaving Epiphany.  Epiphany heads back to her apartment and sees Finn(Constantine's recently discovered nephew) outside.  It turns out Finn's life has gone to hell since meeting Constantine and he was there to kill him...  HA!!  So after talking for a bit, Finn and Epiphany sleep together.  Next up is the funeral, which goes on without a hitch.  Epiphany heads back home, and turns down Finn's offer to stay with her for a bit.  This issue ends with Epiphany opening the door to the apartment and finding Constantine standing there!

Thoughts: This was a great issue!  It's funny, I didn't care for Epiphany when she first popped up, but as the issues have gone on, I've begun to really like her.  And this issue has me liking her even more!  So it figures that she'll be gone in another issue...  Damned DC...  As for the cliffhanger?  Man do I hope that's really Constantine...  I really, truly do...  Let him have somehow cheated death...  Let this all have been some big elaborate ruse he's pulled...  Even though it would go so counter to Constantine, who would be the first to say has lived a fucked up life, I really want to see him and Epiphany live happily ever after at the end of the next issue.  Regardless, out of everything DC has done recently, cancelling this series is probably one of the dumbest moves, and, to be honest, leaves me more pissed off than just about anything else that company has done...   And I've been REALLY pissed off at DC for a while now!  But cancelling this series?  THIS takes the cake.  Oh, and in case there's any doubt, there's NO chance in hell I'll be reading that watered down, PG-rated Constantine book DC is replacing this title with.  No bloody way.  There's only one John Constantine, and it's not that little bitch version over in JLD.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.

Only Constantine would look better as a corpse!

Hellblazer #291

And this brings us to the final part of the Constantine goes to Hell storyline... Although Constantine is already out of Hell and has randomly decided to go after his EVIL demonic twin... I'm not sure why he's going that route, but hey, here's hoping it's good!

Hellblazer #291:

Story Points:
-After a lot of preparation for a spell to use against his EVIL demonic twin, Constantine manages to convince his niece Gemma to assist him in drawing the fiend out.
-Gemma lays in a crypt and Constantine calls out his EVIL twin, telling him Gemma was a sacrifice.
-However, Gemma pops up and shoots Constantine's evil twin with two magic darts, nearly killing the demon.
-However, she chooses not to fire the final dart at the demon, a dart which would surely kill it.
-Constantine is surprised, but the choice is Gemma's, and in the end, Gemma decides to keep the gun, making a veiled threat at Constantine himself about the final dart.

Thoughts: This was a pretty good issue, I guess. Gemma finally got some closure after being raped by Constantine's EVIL demonic twin back during Constantine's wedding, Constantine is done with his trek to Hell, and we are rapidly approaching issue #300(!). Now, personally I'm hoping we explore more about Constantine's nephew, because a younger version of Constantine could bring all kinds of awesomeness to this series. The more I think about it, this storyline really left a lot of loose ends for further storylines, so kudos to Peter Milligan for that.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.

Hellblazer #290

Next up tonight, the latest issue of Hellblazer... To be honest, I have no idea why this issue is so low in my comic pile, but whatever, I guess...

Hellblazer #290:

Summary: Epiphany makes a deal with the First of the Fallen to bring her father back to life in exchange for her father's soul, since there was something the First wanted Terry to do... Something he was uniquely suited for... From there, the now live Terry heads to his club and surveys the damage, and figures Constantine had something to do with it. As for Constantine, after dropping Gemma off at the hospital, he heads back to his apartment to finally take a break, since he'd been going non-stop since heading to Hell. Before he can do any resting, Terry arrives and pulls a gun, ranting at Constantine for killing his men as revenge for what Terry did to Gemma(which Constantine had no idea about). Constantine quickly realizes that Terry's soul had been vouched to a demon, and proceeds to beat Terry unconscious with a flower?! Constantine RULES!! The First chooses that time to appear, telling Constantine that if he left Terry alone, he'd allow Constantine's sister's soul to move on to heaven, since it was trapped in Limbo due to Constantine reneging on a deal he made with the First in Hell. Constantine reluctantly makes the deal, and then has the First teleport him to Epiphany. The two have a quick conversation about what had happened, and this one ends with Constantine deciding to deal with his evil twin once and for all.

Thoughts: Another good issue from this series. This storyline in particular has been really good, and Epiphany giving her father's soul over to the First should make for all sorts of fun going forward... I can't wait to see why the First was so eager to have Terry's soul to begin with... Everything wasn't great though, as the ending kind of came out of nowhere... So suddenly, to end this storyline, Constantine is going to face down his evil twin? Why exactly? His evil twin is already in Hell, what more can he do to it/him? So yeah, the ending was a bit weird to me, but everything else was quite enjoyable.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.

Yup, Constantine's life sucks.

Hellblazer #289

Last review of the night? Hellblazer. Yes, that was practically the same intro as I used for X-Factor earlier tonight... But like I said, I'm running on a very tight schedule here and don't have time to come up with a different intro! Just be lucky I replaced “X-Factor” with “Hellblazer”!

Hellblazer #289:

Summary: Constantine gets booted from Hell by a vengeful demon, and winds up trapped in a grave... Ah, Constantine... Meanwhile, Constantine's wife Epiphany is visiting Constantine's niece, Gemma, who was put in the hospital by Epiphany's scumbag of a father, Terry... Whew, get all that? Anyway, seeing Gemma in that state puts Epiphany in a rage, and she decides to confront her father and forgets about digging Constantine up at their prearranged time. The demon from Hell tries again to get Epiphany to give Terry's soul away, but Epiphany again turns the demon down. Eventually Epiphany finds her father and the two argue, culminating with Epiphany shoving her father into a ditch where he dies(!!). As for Constantine, he's rapidly losing air, but gets saved by Gemma, who saw an image of her mother(probably sent by Constantine) telling her to dig Constantine up. This issue ends with the demon from Hell offering to bring Terry back to life... If Epiphany signs Terry's soul over to him.

Thoughts: No complaints here. This was a good, solid comic that didn't really give me anything to gripe about. Hey, sometimes that's all I want in a quick read. This storyline finishes off next issue as Epiphany will make her decision, while Constantine no doubt tries to stop her from making any deals with demons. It SHOULD be good.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.

Ah Hell-demons... Always chopping heads off...

Hellblazer #288

Huh, check out how high in my comic pile this series has climbed... That just goes to show you what a good job Peter Milligan has been doing with the story here, especially the current story.

Hellblazer #288:

Summary: This issue opens up with Constantine's drunken father-in-law(and notorious mobster) trying to convince Constantine's niece to go to a restaurant with him. Gemma turns Terry down, which leads to him tossing an empty bottle of vodka through Gemma's window. Meanwhile in Hell, Constantine meets up with the First of the Fallen, an uber-powerful demon, and asks the First to allow his sister to leave Hell. The First demands a trade, so Constantine offers up his own soul, which the First scoffs at, since it was Constantine's soul, and it was already tarnished. Instead, the First asks Constantine to agree to the Devil's Wager, which Constantine reluctantly agrees to... What is the Devil's Wager you ask? If Constantine can't convince his sister to leave Hell, then the First gets the soul of Constantine's wife, Epiphany. Back on Earth, Epiphany warns her drunken father to leave Gemma alone, which just serves to piss Terry off even more. After leaving her father, Epiphany is met by the First, who tells her that Constantine had wagered her soul in Hell. The First tells Epiphany that he really didn't want her soul, but wanted the soul of her father instead. That scene ends with the First telling Epiphany that if she promised the soul of her own father to him, her soul would be safe regardless of how Constantine faired in Hell... Back in Hell, Constantine manages to reach his sister and convince her to leave Hell(since she was only there voluntarily)... But with a catch... It turns out Constantine's sister had a child when she was a teenager, and left the baby boy in front of a hospital. Constantine's sister forces Constantine to swear that he would search for this mystery child and see that he was okay. Constantine makes that pledge to his sister, and she agrees to leave Hell, thereby allowing Constantine to defeat the First and win the Devil's Wager. The First congratulates Constantine on his victory, and tells Constantine that he knew Constantine's fingers were crossed when he made the promise to his sister... HA!! Regardless of how he did it, Constantine tells the First that his sister agreed to leave Hell, and as such Epiphany's soul was safe. The First leaves, but not before telling Constantine that there were consequences to making false promises in Hell... This issue ends with the drunken Terry breaking into Gemma's home and brutalizing her.

Thoughts: This was a really, really good comic! Seriously, the story, the art, the pacing of the story, the way Milligan switched scenes, it all made for a great read. Plus, we now know that Constantine has a nephew out there somewhere. And with how messed up the rest of his family is, who knows how screwed up this nephew is! There were a few things I didn't touch on in the review because they really didn't add anything to the story, such as Constantine meeting up with his evil double again, and seeing the bedroom where he was born, but those little touches REALLY helped set the scene of just how fucked up Hell was. Needless to say, I am REALLY looking forward to seeing what happens next between Constantine and Epiphany, Terry and Gemma(and eventually Constantine), as well as Constantine and this nephew of his.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.

Good old Constantine...

A Quick Look At... Hellblazer #287

Before I get to the next review, I just wanted to let it be known that this will be the only post I do tonight on account of me celebrating the Giants heading to the Super Bowl! What an awesome game tonight... Anyway, I won't be able to comment on anything today, but I do plan on posting a whopping four reviews tomorrow and two more on Tuesday to FINALLY get myself caught up. Oh, and it should go without saying that come February 5th? Super Bowl Sunday? I most definitely won't be online! With all of that out of the way, it's time to head to Vertigo and see what John Constantine is up to this month... If nothing else it should be insane... And have a lot of profanity!

Hellblazer #287:

What Happened: Having been blackmailed by his scummy niece, Gemma, Constantine heads to Hell in order to talk to his sister(Gemma's mother) to find out... something. I'm not sure, but bottom line, Constantine has to go to Hell in order to stop Gemma from sleeping with his father-in-law by chatting with his sis. While in Hell, Constantine bumps into a duplicitous demon and ends up being transported to a room holding all of the people whose lives he'd ruined. When he turns around, he's confronted by... The devil? Maybe? Another demon? I'm not really sure...

Thoughts: Besides my confusion over WHY Constantine is in Hell, and who that demon on the last page was, this was a good read. I know in the pre-reboot DCU, Blaze was inexplicably made into the devil over the FAR superior Neron, but post-reboot, and especially in the Vertigo books, I have NO idea what “their” devil looks like. So this could have been the devil, or some powerful demon Constantine pissed off during his last foray into Hell. Regardless, I'm definitely looking forward to the next issue.

Score: 7 out of 10.

Ah Constantine...

Hellblazer #286

Huh, this isn't exactly what I'd call a very Christmas-y sort of comic... Oh well, that's the way the new comic pile shook out, so here comes a very Constantine Christmas!

Hellblazer #286:

What Happened: We get started with Constantine destroying Tamsin's book of demons as a way of telling her to stay the hell away from his niece. From there Constantine learns from his father-in-law(and all around scumbag), Terry Greaves, that some mobster was sent over from New Jersey to murder Constantine as a result of Constantine accidentally killing two other mobsters from NJ. As for the mobster sent to whack Constantine? He is Toni Gisulfo, who is currently in possession of Constantine's possessed coat. Toni murders the coat's former owner(a girl named Georgie), and Constantine hears from his cabbie friend about a girl(Georgie) who was ranting about a possessed coat. Constantine heads to Georgie's place and is confronted by Toni and his angry coat. Constantine manages to sweet talk the coat, telling it he never intended to be separated from it, so it murders Toni and Constantine takes the coat back... Huh... Anyway, with the mob and coat business taken care of, Constantine and his wife return home and are horrified(disgusted?) to find Constantine's niece and his father-in-law having sex on their couch. Terry leaves and Constantine's niece tells him she only did it to hurt Constantine. Constantine's niece continues, telling him that if he went to Hell to see if her mother really belonged there she'd stop seeing Terry. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Constantine readies himself for a trip to Hell.

The Good: The parts with the coat were, as usual, great. Everybody around Constantine were portrayed perfectly scuzzy... His father-in-law, his niece, they were all just wonderfully horrible to Constantine. The end of this story and the promise of the next one has me excited for what's to come.

The Bad: I really hate Constantine's niece... If ANYBODY should end up in Hell, it's HER! The reconciliation between Constantine and his wayward coat seemed kind of anti-climatic. All of this build-up for Constantine to sweet talk the thing?!

The Verdict: Eh, this was a perfectly acceptable comic. Nothing more, nothing less. Oddly enough, even though it concluded a storyline, it seemed to spend more time setting up the next storyline. I was expecting major fireworks when Constantine met his coat again(there's a line I never thought I'd be typing...), but instead of fireworks we got sparklers. Oh well, maybe we'll get those fireworks come the next storyline.

Score: 7 out of 10.♫Reunited and it feels so good!♫

Hellblazer Annual 2011... Or is it Hellblazer Annual #1?

Hey all, as promised, two reviews on tap for tonight, Hellblazer and the Fearless. Instead of yapping about it, hows about I just get to the reviews?

Hellblazer Annual 2011:

What Happened: Alright, this is an annual, so obviously I'm not going to cover this one in great detail, because, you know, that would lead to me taking forever to type this one up. So I'll just be hitting on the broad strokes. Back when John Constantine was 16 he had a friend by the name of Tim McCabe. It seems young Constantine received a magical picture of a bridge in the mail and Tim became enamored by the picture, eventually asking for and getting the picture from Constantine. Three days later little Timmy disappeared, never to be seen again... Fast forward to today, where Tim's mother is dying and asks if Constantine could look for her son since they were such close friends. Constantine does as asked, and discovers the picture in Tim's room, sensing there was more to it than meets the eye. After some research, he learns the bridge didn't exist anymore(it was torn down in the 1920's or thereabout after a mess of suicides) and heads to the site. Some magic reveals the name of a recently missing boy, and after lying to the missing boy's mother, he discovers that the boy had a picture of the bridge on his Facebook page. Constantine rushes back to the site of the bridge, but is too late to stop the boy from hurling himself into the abyss and vanishing. After that, Constantine does some more research and finds a list of names of teenagers who vanished, probably due to the Suicide Bridge. Constantine heads back to the site of the bridge again and recites the names, causing the Suicide Bridge to appear before him. While walking on the bridge, Tim appears before Constantine and blames him for the fate he wound up suffering. Constantine tells Tim that he could help him move on to the afterlife and out of the limbo the bridge had placed him in if Tim stopped hating Constantine, but Tim refuses, and the bridge begins to vanish under Constantine. Constantine ends up reaching the end of the bridge and safety, finding a teenage girl who was about to take a walk on the Suicide Bridge due to her father. Constantine manages to convince the girl not to jump, and then puts a spell on her father, changing him into a nicer guy. From there, Constantine returns to Tim's mother, who mistakes Constantine for Tim. Constantine plays along, giving the old woman her heart's desire, a final talk with Tim, before using a spell to have her peacefully die, which basically ends this one.

The Good: I enjoyed the story here. It was a strong one-and-done type deal, and I really like reading those types of stories every now and then. The art and coloring matched the mood of this one, dark and gloomy. I like Constantine, and this comic gave me Constantine... That's definitely a good thing.

The Bad: $5 is kind of a steep price to pay for an annual, especially a Vertigo one... I'd think it would be way more palatable at around $4. Um... That's all I can think up...

The Verdict: Obviously, just by looking at the Good and Bad sections of this post, you can see that I was pleased with this comic book. Was it perfect? No, it wasn't, but it was a very good story that I'm glad I read.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.Good old John Constantine...

Hellblazer #285

Okay, with #284 taken care of, here's this week's issue of Hellblazer.

Hellblazer #285:

What Happened: Constantine discovers that it was indeed his old trench coat that was messing with his magical mojo, while Georgie is surprised to see that the trench coat wouldn't burn. After the coat attacks her, Georgie leaves it at a bar(because that's EXACTLY what I'd do if I had a possessed coat!), where it's picked up by a low-level American mobster named Jerzy. Jerzy heads back to the States and while having dinner at his favorite restaurant, is possessed by the coat, at which time Jerzy goes crazy and starts stabbing a waiter repeatedly. Another mobster, a higher ranking one, shoots Jerzy to stop his rampage before spotting the coat and takes it for his own, which pleases the coat since this mobster was more evil and what it was looking for. This issue ends with the leader of the mob the mobster with the coat was working for deciding to kill Constantine for his role in the deaths of two of her men last issue.

The Good: Again, all of the parts with the trench coat were gold. That coat rules! The ending here was well done, as it sets up the Constantine/evil trench coat meeting.

The Bad: While I enjoyed the coat's parts, I can't say the same for Constantine... His story has crossed over with Gemma's, and as I stated last issue, I really don't care all that much about Gemma and the witches.

The Verdict: Overall, this was an okay comic book. It took a bit of a backwards step for me, what with Constantine getting pulled into the Gemma and the witches nonsense, but the awesome trench coat's parts balanced things out. On the positive side, I'm greatly looking forward to the next issue to see how the story of Constantine and his evil coat is resolved.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.It IS a nice coat!!

Hellblazer #284

Whoops, it seems that I somehow forgot to review this comic last month, so before I get to issue #285, here's a quick look at issue #284...

Hellblazer #284:

What Happened: Three basic story-points to hit on quickly with this one... The first has Gemma(Constantine's niece) disobeying the crazy witches she was working with, leading to her gaining the ire of said crazy witches. Next up we have Constantine, who's magic has been, for lack of a better term, fucked up, due to his missing trench coat. As such, when he casts a spell to help his father-in-law scare some mobsters from New Jersey, the spell goes awry and kills the mobsters. Realizing that his coat was the key to his magic, Constantine decides to try to find it. As for his coat, it's found a new host, a woman named Georgie. The coat figures Georgie wanted her mother dead since that would get Georgie's mother out of her hair, and as such, the coat attacks and hangs(!!) Georgie's mother while Georgie was away. Upon getting home, Georgie finds her mother's corpse and decides to burn all of her occult items, figuring they were to blame for what looked like her mother's suicide. Georgie tosses the coat in the fire which causes Constantine's arm to burst into flames.

The Good: I absolutely loved the parts with the killer coat. Who knew that a trench coat would make for such an awesome enemy? I also liked the parts with Constantine and his messed up magic. The cliffhanger was pretty good, with Constantine taking the same damage that his possessed former coat was taking. Gemma's parts were okay, although I'm not exactly that high on her yet.

The Bad: Georgie blaming the coat for her mother's death was a bit of a stretch... As I said, while Gemma's portions of this story weren't awful, they were definitely the weaker parts of this issue. I really don't care about her or her witch troubles, especially now that she knows Constantine wasn't the one who attacked her a few issues back.

The Verdict: I honestly liked this comic! Yes, it's all setting up for a Constantine vs his evil coat showdown, but, in the vernacular of Constantine himself, fuck me, I'm really looking forward to that! There really weren't any glaring things here that annoyed me, so let's get to the next issue.

Score: 8 out of 10.Blimey is putting it mildly!

Hellblazer #283

With my new comics reviewed and taken care of this week, I can start playing catch up on certain series that I either never started reading, or that I had been neglecting due to my insane weekly pull list. This is one of the former, as I had always planned on reading Hellblazer eventually, but never got around to it. So after reading about 25 straight Hellblazer comics, I can happily say I am fully caught up and can review the most recent issue! Huzzah!!

Hellblazer #283:

What Happened: After John Constantine's niece sells his signature trench coat on eBay, Constantine begins having all sorts of odd troubles, such as waking up in the River Thames, having wicked nightmares and blood dripping from his bedroom ceiling... You know, all around bad shit. As for the guy who brought the coat, the coat ends up bringing him great luck as he scores with a woman WAY out of his league. Unfortunately, the woman hates the coat and the way it smells, so she tells him to lose it. Since he didn't want to lose his new girlfriend, the man heads outside to do as much and winds up getting run down, losing the coat in the process. This issue ends with the coat thinking to itself that like Constantine, the dead guy wasn't worthy to wear it, but it would keep looking until it found that worthy person.

The Good: How can't you like a story about a possessed trench coat? Constantine is always a great character to read about, even when he isn't really doing much.

The Bad: There wasn't enough Constantine in this comic for my liking... I honestly don't care all that much about Constantine's niece and her troubles with the crazy women. I still haven't warmed up to Constantine's wife.

The Verdict: Well, this storyline has some promise, I mean it DOES make sense that Constantine's coat would be possessed due to all of the crazy stuff it's been around... Huh, do you believe I just typed that it makes sense that a coat would be possessed?! Anyway, I'd have preferred it had this issue mainly dealt with Constantine and his wayward coat, and avoided the stuff with his niece, but what can ya do. So while this wasn't the best issue of this series I've read recently, it was pretty good.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.I can tell you from experience, THAT is a bad sign...

New Comic Day! September 28th edition.

Since I'm a bit worn down from last week's marathon reviewing session that saw me bust out 26 reviews in 7 days, I'm going to get right into the stuff I just got back from the comic shop with... Batman: The Dark Knight #1, Green Lantern: The New Guardians #1, I, Vampire #1, Justice League Dark #1, Superman #1, Teen Titans #1, Voodoo #1, Amazing Spider-Man #670, Annihilators: Earthfall #1, Avengers Academy #19, Captain America and Bucky #622, Fear Itself: Hulk vs Dracula #2, Fear Itself: The Deep #4, Iron Man 2.0 #9, Journey Into Mystery #628, Kick-Ass 2 #4, Mighty Thor #6, New Mutants #31, Secret Avengers #17, Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #2, Ultimate Comics Ultimates #2, Venom #7, Wolverine #16... 23 comics? DAMMIT!! And it's not like there were any I could shave off to save myself some money either... Most of these comics SHOULD be pretty good. So much for a nice, easy week.

Let's see, I'm going to choose New Mutants #31 as my Pick of the Litter. Kick Ass, Wolverine and Cap and Bucky were also given consideration, but New Mutants has Nate Grey in it, which trumps most anything else. As for this week's Runt of the Litter, I'm going to go with Fear Itself: The Deep #4... If I hadn't picked up the first three issues of this mini I almost definitely wouldn't have picked this issue up. And that my friends, is that. I have a massive amount of reviewing to do again this week, so I should probably get to that. Here's this week's random scan, and I shall leave you all with my customary cry of X out!

The Random Scan of the Week!Cool. Now I know.