A Quick Look at Dark Avengers Annual #1

Writer: BENDIS! Pencils: Chris Bachalo.

What Happened: We discover that after Marvel Boy(Noh-Varr)abandoned the Dark Avengers after learning they were all either criminals or insane(or is some cases both!)he began trying to contact the Kree Supreme Intelligence for orders. Having no success, Noh-Varr decides to try to figure out what humans want and why they act the way they do. While sitting in a park eating raw eggs, Noh-Varr witnesses a break up between a woman and her boyfriend. Noh-Varr approaches the woman to try to understand what was going on when the Sentry appears in the air above Noh-Varr demanding that he returns to the Dark Avengers with him. Noh-Varr attacks Sentry with some of his fancy, futuristic Kree weaponry, but that only serves to annoy Sentry, who ultimately gets a hold of Noh-Varr. Before Sentry can do any real damage to Noh-Varr, the woman Noh-Varr was conversing with earlier blasts Sentry out of the sky with a discarded weapon of Noh-Varr's(more on that later...). Sentry is forced to abandon the battle in order to avoid the blast, and Noh-Varr grabs his bag of weapons and escapes. Noh-Varr then heads to one of his safe houses and successfully contacts the Supreme Intelligence(more on that later...). The Supreme Intelligence decides that it will be Noh-Varr's job to watch over humanity, and to help him accomplish that duty the Supreme Intelligence fits Noh-Varr with a brand new set of Nega-Bands. Osborn and his Dark Avengers discover they can no longer track Noh-Varr(because of the Bands), and Noh-Varr tracks down the woman from earlier and says good-bye for now. This issue ends with Captain America and a blond guy named "Steve"(more on that later...)watching Noh-Varr from a distance, trying to decide if they should attempt to contact him and make him a member of their Norman Osborn resistance group.

What I Thought: Well, on the bright side Noh-Varr was in this comic, and he wasn't killed off. That's a good thing, right? However there were A LOT of little things in this comic that were WAY off. First off, I respect that the Dread Lord BENDIS at least tried to keep Noh-Varr close to the way Grant Morrison created him. BENDIS did get a number of things about Noh-Varr correct, however he managed to butcher a lot about Noh-Varr as well. First off, why was Noh-Varr carrying his weapons around in a bag? Noh-Varr has access to any weapon he requires due to his futuristic gauntlets. In other words, Noh-Varr doesn't need to carry any weapons around in a bag, his gauntlets can create any weapons he needs! Next up, and most galling, is the appearance of the Supreme Intelligence... Um, BENDIS, the Supreme Intelligence isn't the leader of the Kree anymore, the Inhumans are. Not only that, but he's kind of dead.... So Noh-Varr contacting, and receiving Nega-Bands from the dead Supreme Intellegence is definitely pretty impressive. Finally, the end of this comic pretty much spoiled Captain America Reborn BIG TIME! Unless I'm TOTALLY wrong, Bucky(dressed as Captain America)and Steve Rogers are watching Noh-Varr from a distance... That's a REALLY big problem considering the fact that Steve hasn't officially come back yet!!! Not only that, but this issue pretty much tells us who will be wearing the Captain America outfit(Bucky)and who won't be(Steve). Besides all that, I was glad that it seems Noh-Varr does still have a place in the Marvel Universe, hopefully though, where ever he does end up will be far away from BENDIS!

Score: 6 out of 10.So that's Noh-Varr's new costume. I don't think I like it...

Dark Reign The List: Wolverine #1

Writer: Jason Aaron. Pencils: Esad Ribic.

What Happened: We begin the festivities with Norman Osborn deciding that he wants to take over "The World", which was the place mad scientists created the various Weapons, including Weapon X(Wolverine). Noh-Varr(formerly of the Dark Avengers)finds Wolverine and alerts him to the fact that Osborn has set his sights on conquering The World. After alerting Wolvie, Noh-Varr plans on leaving, but Wolvie convinces Noh-Varr to team-up with him(which ups the awesomeness quotient of this comic a thousandfold). Wolvie and Noh-Varr reach The World, and immediately upon entering, Wolvie is brainwashed, and a horde of genetic freaks(and Wolvie)try to attack Noh-Varr. Noh-Varr manages to escape into the ventilation system where he meets with Fantomex(!!!!!!)! I'll tell you right now, there's NO way this comic can possibly score lower then a 8 out of 10! After an initial misunderstanding, Fantomex explains to Noh-Varr that with all of the scientists who formerly ran The World dead, The World has gained sentience and is defending itself from what it perceives as intruders. By this point, Osborn has unleashed an army of zombie-soldiers into The World, so besides the genetic freaks and Wolvie, Noh-Varr and Fantomex have to deal with them as well. After fighting through the hordes of freaks, Fantomex and Noh-Varr reach the brain of The World, where Fantomex instructs Noh-Varr to kiss it(!!!)in order to prove that he is no threat to it. Noh-Varr does, and in response, The World halts the attack from the freaks and frees Wolvie from its mind control. From there, Wolvie, Noh-Varr and Fantomex clean up the rest of Osborn's zombie-soldiers. This issue concludes with Fantomex using a shrink-ray from Dr. Doom to shrink The World down to pocket size to better keep an eye on it. After pocketing The World, Fantomex, Wolvie and Noh-Varr say their good-byes and head their own separate ways.

What I Thought: Hot damn, that was frigging AWESOME!!! Just Noh-Varr being in this comic would have been enough to leave me very happy, but the addition of Fantomex was like a pleasure overload! Although I have to admit that I haven't really enjoyed any of Grant Morrison's DC work, his Marvel work is mind-blowingly good, so for this comic to feature two of Grant's Marvel creations(Fantomex and Noh-Varr), and for Jason Aaron to have done a splendid job with said characters, I couldn't be happier. This is one of those cases where I was expecting nothing before I read this one, and I turned out being VERY pleasantly surprised.

Score: 9 out of 10.Noh-Varr and Fantomex in the same comic acting completely in character?!? Has someone over at Marvel been reading my mind?

Happy President's Day?

Don't ask me why I posted this picture... I just really get a kick out of Noh-Varr's last line in the third panel. What can I say, I have a warped sense of humor.

Dark Avengers #1, plus a profile on Noh-Varr(Marvel Boy/Captain Marvel)

Overall- Well, I didn't HATE this comic book like I thought I was going to, which is pretty damn impressive, if I do say so myself. Basically in this issue, we meet the Dark Avengers and learn how Norman Osborn convinces them to join his team of Avengers. Ares joins just because he likes to fight, while Sentry is on-board because of some cryptic agreement Norman has given Sentry about helping him. After Ms. Marvel decides she'll have no part of an Avengers led by Osborn, Norman replaces her with Moonstone, who becomes the new Ms. Marvel. From there, Norman promotes Bullseye and Venom from the Thunderbolts, renaming them Hawkeye(grrr...)and Spider-Man, respectively. Rounding out the roster is Wolverine's son, Daken, whom Norman dresses up as Wolverine(further proving my point that every team in the Marvel Universe needs a Wolverine on it), Marvel Boy(Noh-Varr), who Norman renames Captain Marvel, and finally the Iron Patriot, who is actually Norman Osborn himself, dressed in a suit of Tony Stark's Iron Man armor. To borrow my favorite line of "coach speak", this comic book was what it was. It didn't really advance any storylines, it was just a set-up issue for future events.

Now, that was the review. Personally, I still don't like the idea of Brian Michael Bendis using one of my all-time favorite characters, Noh-Varr in this comic book. Noh-Varr is one of those obscure characters that really grew on me to the point of becoming one of my favorites. However, to Brian's credit, SO FAR, he hasn't ruined Noh-Varr's character.

For those of you not in the know, Noh-Varr is a young Kree soldier from a futuristic, alternate dimension, who winds up trapped on our Earth after his spacecraft was shot down by a maniacal villain named Midas. All of his crew-mates are killed and dissected by Midas, including his girlfriend, a fellow soldier. Noh-Varr decides that the people of Earth are a stupid, backwater lot(I can't disagree there!)and comes to the conclusion that he will single handily conquer the planet in order to fix all of the wrongs he sees on our planet. His grandiose scheme's fail, and he winds up locked up in a high security prison known as the Cube.

While there, the cruel warden of the Cube uses drugs and other treatments to force Noh-Varr to covertly do his bidding. Noh-Varr is snapped out of the warden's drugging thanks to the combined efforts of the Young Avengers and the Runaways. Noh-Varr then takes control of the Cube, acting as the warden while planning his next move.

When the Skrull's invade Earth during the Secret Invasion, Noh-Varr leaves the Cube and joins with Earth's heroes in order to help kill his people's ancient enemies, the Skrulls(for those of you who don't know, the Kree's and the Skrull's have been at war for centuries).

If I was doing a character profile on Noh-Varr, I'd say he trusts no terrains(earthlings), is very volatile and has a tendency to be somewhat aloof, since he considers himself to be a far more evolved lifeform than the people of Earth. Besides all of this, he still carries some simmering anger at the people of Earth for the death of his crewmates when he first became stranded in this dimension, on our planet. Like I said, Noh-Varr is from the future, and as a result has access to highly advanced Kree weaponry. Besides his arsenal of advanced Kree weaponry, Noh-Varr also has enhanced strength, speed, durability, agility, is triple-jointed, can walk on walls, has saliva that can cause hallucinations, can control the length and strength of his hair and nails, is a skilled fighter, and can enter a state known as a "white run", where his brain shuts down all outside stimuli, except for whatever mission he is attempting to accomplish. Whew...

Obviously, I am quite fond of Noh-Varr, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Brian won't destroy this character, as he has done to so many others. But with that said, so far so good. Although I'm a little dubious that Noh-Varr would be willing to join a group of terrains, I'm still giving Brian the benefit of a doubt. Needless to say, I'd recommend picking up and reading the "Marvel Boy" miniseries written by Grant Morrison a few years back. All six issues of this series are collected in a tpb as well, so if you can find it at a reasonable price, I'd definitely say give it a try. That series was Grant Morrison at his insane best.

As for this issue, I'll give it a very hopeful score of 7 1/2 out of 10. I'm still optimistic here Brian, keep up the good work! As long as Brian can keep from f###ing up Noh-Varr too much, I think I might really enjoy this series.

"The carpeting will digest it."?!?!

There really isn't any explanation I can give for this picture. All I can say is that Grant Morrison's writing can be VERY strange at times...