American Vampire: Survival of the Fittest #1 (August 2011)

Okay, here's a “Retro-Review” that's not all that “retro”... I've been reading through the American Vampire trades and singles in an attempt to catch up to the current issues, so I figured since I'm already reading through the third American Vampire hardcover, I might as well do a review from it. It's actually not from the American Vampire series itself, but a mini-series that sprung from the main series... Go figure.

American Vampire: Survival of the Fittest #1(of 5):

Summary: First things first... This mini-series takes place during WWII... This issue kicks off by showing us who Felicia Book is and what she does... Who she is? The daughter of James Book, who was killed by American Vampire, Skinner Sweet. As for what Felicia does? She kills vampires for the Vassals of the Morning Star(the HUGE Castlevania mark in me LOVES the Morning Star reference fyi). Felicia was going to take a leave of absence from the Vassals after having killed dozens of vampires to track down wild rumors of somebody finding a cure for vampirism... Oh yeah, that's another thing you need to know about Felicia... When she was in her mother's womb, Skinner injected some of his blood into Felicia's mother's abdominal region, corrupting Felicia with some of the vampire taint. Felicia's boss at the Vassals tells her that he had a more promising lead on a vampirism cure, but that the scientist who had been working on it had fallen into the hands of the Nazis. As such, Felicia's boss asks her to go to German-occupied Romania to find the scientist with another Vassal agent by her side, a Cash McCogan. McCogan also wants to find a cure to vampirism due to the fact that his son was born a vampire... I'm blanking on how or why, but I'm sure Skinner Sweet was somehow to blame... This issue ends with Felicia and McCogan deciding to head into Nazi dominated Europe hoping to find the missing scientist and his potential cure.

Thoughts: Ah, this was a VERY promising start to this mini-series! The portrayals of the major characters here(Felicia Book and Cash McCogan) were VERY well done, as is par for the course when it comes to Scott Snyder. On top of that, the story itself looks really strong, although there's really no doubt in my mind as to how this one will end(you KNOW there's either no cure or the two will come tantalizingly close to getting the cure before something tragic occurs)... Still, I AM interested in seeing where this mini goes, and will probably happily polish the next four issues off by the end of the night.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.

Yep, that's gonna leave a mark...

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #31 (July 2001)

Hey everybody, it's X here with a new(old) review! Well, it's a new review of an old comic... In other words, it's a retro-review!! I have a few days here with no new books to review due to the small amount of new books I brought home this week, so I have to do something to fill this blog out... We'll see how many retro-reviews I can manage to pump out before my sleep-deprived mind shuts down...

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #31:

Summary: Some villain with a grudge against Spider-Man named Fusion managed to beat up on Spidey last issue and then blow up a building, killing 300 people. The next day Fusion demands to face Spidey again via a video to the media, leaving some cryptic hints, hints that tell Spidey who Fusion was and why he hated Spidey so... After some research, Spidey discovers that Fusion's 9 year old son died trying to emulate Spidey's web-swinging, so Spidey heads to the warehouse where the boy died, and sure enough finds Fusion waiting. It seems Fusion has just about every super-power under the sun(seriously!), AND can manage to fool Spidey's spider-sense. Spidey makes a gallant stand against Fusion, but is ultimately caught with a massive punch from Fusion which breaks Spidey's neck, ending this issue.

Thoughts: Huh, you know, I remember NOTHING about this comic! I mean I KNOW I read it because it's filed away in my comic collection and all, but I can't recall a thing about the way the story ends... Anyway, it's always kind of hard to have a lot of thoughts on a comic that's in the middle of a three part story... I didn't remember the events of PP:SM #30, nor do I remember the events of PP:SM#32, so I can only base my score on this one issue and not the storyline as a whole(which actually seems pretty good...). As a single issue, this comic wasn't that bad. It wasn't great, but it was a good, satisfying read. It was good enough to make me pull out the issues before and after this comic just to see how it ends, so you can't get much better than that I'd say!

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.

What do you do? If you're me you curl into a ball and cry probably... I'd be a terrible hero...

Uncanny X-Men #334 (July 1996)

We'll finish off the comic week with a final Retro-Review, this time a review for Uncanny X-Men #334. I can't say the cover of this one is ringing any bells for me, so let's crack it open and see what's inside!

Uncanny X-Men #334:

Summary: Lots of stuff going on here as this was the issue RIGHT before Onslaught was revealed, so needless to say, all of the pieces were being moved around the chessboard. We start with Juggernaut sneaking onto the grounds of X-Mansion in order to see Cyclops and Jean Grey, who were living in the Mansion's lake house at the time. Juggy ducks underwater, but spots a security camera, which he destroys before it can get a good look at him. Meanwhile, Archangel and Psylocke(who were living in Colorado at the time) are disturbed that they couldn't contact X-Mansion and decide to fly out to make sure everything was on the up and up. From there we head to Cannonball and Professor Xavier. Cannonball tells the Prof that he felt like he wasn't pulling his weight with the X-Men and was considering heading back to X-Force. Instead of reassuring Sam, the Prof tears into him, telling him to go whine elsewhere, and that if he didn't think he was X-Men material then he should get lost... Damn! Jean Grey, who had been confronted by Onslaught just prior to this issue, tells Cyclops that very fact. Cyclops recommends Jean see the Prof about Onslaught, but Jean is reluctant to do so... Gambit and Bishop see that one of the cameras under the water had been wrecked, and head off to see if there was any trouble, and are taken by surprise by Juggy, who defeats the two with ease. From there, the Prof continues to act out of character, and berates Cyclops upon bumping into him before vanishing, much to Cyclops's surprise... I have to say, crazy Prof. X was awesome... Juggy heads to the lake house, finds Jean, and asks her for help, since Juggy felt he knew who Onslaught was, but couldn't remember due to mental tampering. Jean doesn't trust Juggy, so he removes his helmet as a way to prove he wasn't there looking for trouble. Jean decides to take Juggy to a psi-shielded room under the school grounds where she could read his mind without anybody interfering, while Cyclops discovers that Prof. X was in his study, and had been for the past 48 hours, leaving him puzzled by the meeting he had just had.

Thoughts: This comic was a fantastic lead-in to the Onslaught event! Besides all of the stuff I listed above? We also had Dark Beast masquerading as regular Beast among the X-Men, and Graydon Creed and Bastion meeting. Seriously, this was a PACKED comic book! Naturally the increasingly insane Professor X stole the show here, as he should have, considering what was coming. The two main X-books around this time period(Uncanny X-Men and X-Men) were slowly setting up the Onslaught-as-Xavier reveal, but this may have been the first issue it became clear that Onslaught was indeed the Prof. Now, I don't know what it was like to read these books when they first came out, since the first time I read these X-books was probably around 8 years ago, and as such I knew who Onslaught was, but I'd think that after reading this issue the Onslaught/Prof link would have been pretty much confirmed. Make no mistake, this was a set-up issue. But as far as set-up issues go, this was one of the better ones I've ever read, and clearly laid the groundwork for what was about to happen to the X-Men, and why.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.

I love crazy, snarky Professor X!

Flash #102 (June 1995)

Hey there X-Maniacs! With my new comic pile dry until tomorrow, I have no new material to post... So you know what that means... It's time for a pair of Retro-Reviews!!! As usual, I'll do a DC book, followed by a Marvel comic. First up we'll hit DC and take a look at an issue of Flash from the mid-90's.

Flash #102:

Summary: This issue takes place after the big Flash storyline that ended in Flash #100(I'm totally blanking on the name... Terminal Velocity perhaps?), meaning Wally has his Flash powers amped up and is having some marital trouble. We open with Linda asking Wally to stick around for a few minutes to assist her with a case she was researching. Wally agrees, but upon hearing that some alien was wreaking havoc in Keystone, he takes off,leaving Linda behind. While Wally is gone, Linda gets a call and leaves herself. As for Wally, he discovers Mongul running amok and immediately attacks, since Mongul's appearance gives Wally the opportunity to forget about the troubles in his personal life. The two battle, with Wally using his speed to confound and enrage Mongul, at least until Mongul manages to collapse the street under both himself and Wally. Upon landing, Wally discovers a spacecraft(?!) in the sewers, and Mongul explains that was his true reasons for being in Keystone, to get the ship and leave the Earth. Knowing he couldn't let Mongul go free to devastate other planets. Wally attacks Mongul anew, and eventually manages to defeat him by using his speed to send some debris back at Mongul at hyper-speed, before speeding up the molecules in the alien ship, making the metal malleable enough to trap Mongul. With Mongul's threat finished, Wally heads home and is dismayed to find Linda gone... He's more dismayed to discover a picture on Linda's desk showing her and another man in a rather cozy situation.

Thoughts: This issue was heavy on the action, with just a little bit of story advancement taking place. While I enjoyed the battle for the most part, I was a bit... surprised, I guess, by how easily Wally took Mongul down. Wally himself stated that Mongul had recently menaced Superman AND Green Lantern, and took THEM to the limit! In this comic though, Wally basically gets hit once, and then defeats Mongul handily. I mean I'm as big a fan of Wally as you'll find, and I get that Mark Waid was trying to establish that Wally had kicked his powers up to the next level, but I kind of felt that Waid should have used a lower-level baddie to establish Wally's newfound toughness... Not a guy who regularly gave Superman fits! Other than that, this was a good, action-packed comic book that was easy to pick up, read and then put down again.

Score: 7 out of 10.

Come on Mongul, like one punch turned Wally into DUST?! What an idiot...

(Uncanny) X-Men #9 (January 1965)

One final Retro-Review to close out the week, and it's actually a pretty interesting one. In my biased opinion at least. Tonight's lone Retro-Review brings us the very first meeting between the Avengers and the X-Men... Ever! With the whole X-Men vs the Avengers event on the horizon, it makes a lot of sense to give this comic a reread. Now, let's see how Marvel's two most popular teams(sorry FF, you guys are a distant third now) first got together.

(Uncanny)X-Men #9 (January 1965):

What Happened: The X-Men(that would be the original five) are taking a cruise to Europe due to Professor Xavier and a vague mission Xavier went off on. Prof X contacts the team telepathically and tells them that he had tracked down Lucifer(the guy who first cost Prof. X the use of his legs) and wants to handle the villain on his own. BUT, if Prof. X were to lose/get captured/die at the hands of Lucifer, he wanted the X-Men to go after Lucifer to end his vile threat. Cyclops tries to convince Prof. X not to take on the mysterious Lucifer on his own, but Xavier won't hear of it and stops communicating with the X-Men. Xavier sneaks into Lucifer's hidden mountain base and is promptly captured... Good going there, Chuck... Lucifer has Xavier placed in a strange glass structure so he could taunt Xavier, but Xavier shuts Lucifer up by pulling a handgun and shooting at Lucifer(!!!!!)! Lucifer narrowly avoids the bullet and warns Xavier not to do that again since Lucifer had rigged a massive thermal bomb to his heart. The thermal bomb was set to destroy Antarctica if Lucifer's heart was to stop, which would in turn obliterate the world's coastal cities. So that's what's going on with Xavier. Back on the surface, Thor and the Avengers have tracked down “strange impulses” that they felt were emanating from some great hidden evil. A passing tourist spots the colorful Avengers and freaks out, speeding away and nearly running over the just arrived X-Men. Upon hearing the tourist's wild story, the X-Men wonder if the colorful figures the tourist described could be allies of Lucifer and go to check the situation out... Can you see where this is going yet? Thor's hammer informs him that the evil in the area as so great that there was no other choice but to destroy it completely, and Xavier, upon hearing this while eavesdropping on the Avengers mentally, warns the X-Men that they mustn't allow the Avengers to locate and harm Lucifer. The X-Men confront the Avengers and tell them that this was an X-Men mission and that the Avengers needed to get lost. The Avengers refuse and we get our first official Avengers/X-Men fight! Back in Lucifer's mountain base, Prof. X strikes Lucifer with a mind blast strong enough to knock the villain out, but not so strong as to cause his heart to beat abnormally. With Lucifer out of the way, Prof. X contacts Thor telepathically and tells him why the X-Men had stood in the way of the Avengers. Satisfied that Xavier was on the up and up, Thor tells the rest of the Avengers to stop fighting, and Thor decides that since Lucifer was a foe of the X-Men, the Avengers would cease interfering and would leave... Um, why not join forces to defeat Lucifer together? Anyway, Prof. X leads the X-Men to his location with his telepathy and with some help from Cyclops, manages to destroy the fuse of the thermal bomb, ending it's threat. By this time Lucifer wakes up and is angry that the X-Men had destroyed his thermal bomb, since it had taken him 10 years(!?!) to build. Lucifer storms off, and Xavier tells his X-Men to let Lucifer leave since Lucifer now knew that he couldn't defeat the X-Men and that the X-Men had pledged to never cause injury to human life, no matter what.

The Good: This comic was written by Stan Lee and penciled by Jack Kirby. You can't get any better than that duo. The battle between the X-Men and Avengers was a blast to read, and was drawn magnificently. The banter between the two teams was top-notch. Professor Xavier tried to murder Lucifer with a handgun!!

The Bad: While I had a HUGE laugh at Xavier trying to blow Lucifer away(seriously, where did THAT come from?!), that act caused the ending to make little sense... How does Xavier go from attempted murder to letting Lucifer simply walk away over the course of a few pages? The fact that Lucifer was allowed to leave also bugged me a bit. The same with the Avengers simply leaving. Thor senses an evil so great that he feels it has to be destroyed completely, but since the X-Men called dibs the Avengers just leave?! If the threat was so grave shouldn't the Avengers have stuck around to pitch in?

The Verdict: This wasn't one of the better Lee/Kirby comic books I've ever read, but even a mediocre Lee/Kirby tale is better than like 85% of the comic books that I am currently reading. There were just too many little things that happened here for me to truly enjoy this one. Yeah, the scenes between the X-Men and Avengers were all great, but the rest of the story was kind of meh. And Xavier's weird mood swings really bugged me. But, as I said, it's Lee and Kirby, and it's the first ever meeting between the Avengers and X-Men. For that reason alone this is a must read.

Score: 7 out of 10.Stan Lee's dialogue + Jack Kirby's artwork = Comic book perfection.

Uncanny X-Men #412 (November 2002)

Let's do one more of these Retro-Reviews tonight since I'm already digging through my back issues. This time we'll head over to Marvel and take a look at an early issue from one of the most polarizing X-scribes ever, Chuck Austen! This should be interesting...

Uncanny X-Men #412:

What Happened: Black Tom has had himself a secondary mutation and had captured and begun to feed off of several X-Men, as well as his perpetual partner in crime, Juggernaut. The only member of the X-Men not captured is Nightcrawler, and try as he might, Crawler is unable to convince Tom to stop leeching the strength of the X-Men(and Juggy). Since words have failed, Nightcrawler frees Stacy X from Tom's vines to attempt a plan. Meanwhile, Nurse Annie hits on Havok, who was catatonic at the time. Cyclops(before he became the Dread Lord Summers) arrives and sees Nurse Annie crying into Havok's lap(yes, really!) and decides to take Havok back to X-Mansion to be cared for. Nurse Annie asks a disturbed Cyclops if she could go along... The best part of this whole situation? Cyclops takes her with him!!! Back with the X-Men, Nightcrawler tells Stacy X to work her phenomenal magic on Black Tom, which she does. Now distracted by Stacy, Tom let's the X-Men(and Juggy!) get free, at which time Iceman freezes all of Tom's vines. That pisses Tom off so he decides to destroy his castle headquarters in an effort to kill the X-Men(and Juggy!). The team gets outside and Juggy confronts Tom, allowing the X-Men the opportunity to board the just-arrived Blackbird(Prof. X and Beast were picking up Squid Boy prior to getting the distress signal from the X-Men). Tom berates Juggy as a failure before tearing the ground apart under Juggy's feet, causing Juggy to fall into the murky waters below. While the X-Men are trying to figure out which one of them had the strength to save Juggy, Squid Boy hops outside and finds Juggy floating towards the bottom of the sea. Squid Boy tells Juggy not to give up, so Juggy takes Squid Boy's hand and the two head back into the Blackbird. With that, Prof. X thanks Juggy for saving the X-Men and offers Juggy a spot at X-Mansion. After temporarily scoffing, Juggy reconsiders and takes Prof. X up on his offer.

The Good: There was good here?! Um, the art was good. I did like the idea of Juggernaut attempting to reform. I've always been a sucker for reformation tales. I forgot how formidable Nightcrawler could be. He was used really well in this issue.

The Bad: Juggernaut was saved, from DROWNING(!!), by Squid Boy!!! Need I say more?! No, but I will. The scene with Nurse Annie begging the catatonic Havok to sweep her off her feet was just horrible in every imaginable way! She's supposed to be his nurse and she's professing her undying love for him! And to make matters worse, Cyclops actually takes her up on her offer to care for Havok! If MY brother was catatonic and I found his nurse crying into his lap because she wanted him to wake up and sweep her off her feet(literally! She literally said that!!), you can bet your ass I wouldn't be taking her with me to care for him!! Prof. X catches Wolverine, who was tossed from the ground to the Blackbird by Juggy, and pulls Wolvie inside... By himself!! Think about that! This is Wolverine, adamantium-laced skeleton and all, being caught in mid-air and pulled into the Blackbird by Prof. X!! Yeah, this was one of THOSE comics!

The Verdict: You know what's interesting? I have lukewarm memories of Austen's Uncanny run. When I first got back into comic collecting after my hiatus, Austen was the writer of Uncanny, and I recall hating some of his run, but thoroughly enjoying other parts... After reading this, I get the feeling that if I read Austen's entire run again, we'd be WAY closer to the “hate” side of things now... This comic was SO much worse than I remember! I mean I was stunned by some of the stuff I read here! The Nurse Annie stuff was particularly terrible. I remember the Squid Boy/Juggernaut scene as being dumb back when I first read this issue, but upon this reread, it wasn't just dumb, it was downright embarrassing... Before I end this post, I just want to point out how fitting it was that this issue ended with some fart jokes... Because it stunk!!

Score: 3 1/2 out of 10.*Angrily shakes fist* Damn you Black Tom Cassidy!!! Goddamn you to hell!!!!!

Green Lantern #74 (June 1996)

With my new comic pile empty until Wednesday, I am now allowed to delve into my vast back issue collection and bring you guys a Retro-Review! Huzzah! Tonight's Retro-Review will be a random Kyle Rayner Green Lantern issue. Why? Why not!

Green Lantern #74:

What Happened: Donna Troy comes to Gateway City hoping to find Wonder Woman, but finds her ex-boyfriend, Green Lantern(the great Kyle Rayner) instead. Donna explains that several planets had been destroyed and many of her fellow Darkstars(think a lousier version of the Green Lantern Corps) had been murdered by an unknown force. Donna continues, telling Kyle that the Darkstars(somehow...) knew Rann was next in line for the mystery attackers, at which time she prepares to leave since she couldn't delay heading to Rann any longer. Kyle offers to assist Donna, because even though they broke up(over something completely idiotic if memory serves me correctly), he's not about to let her go off to face some malevolent galactic force alone. Meanwhile, John Stewart(yep, he was a Darkstar too!) and about a dozen Darkstars reach Rann and are met by Adam Strange to discuss strategy against the upcoming threat. Kyle and Donna fly through space together and end up admitting that they still had feelings for each other, but are attacked by a hostile alien ship before they can act upon said feelings. At the same time, the majority of the hostile alien ships teleport directly to Rann and launch their attack. It turns out the leader of the aliens is Grayven, who was destroying the planets to show his father(Darkseid) that he was a worthy successor to him. Grayven's forces annihilate the Rann/Darkstar defenses and Grayven himself attacks John. Kyle and Donna on the other hand have managed to destroy the alien ship in space and rush to Rann realizing that the foul aliens must have already attacked the planet. Upon arriving on Rann, Donna and Kyle are met by destruction and John Stewart's lifeless body being held high by Grayven.

The Good: This was a good, fast-paced story. It was nice to see Kyle actually doing something in space, seeing as that he spent practically all of his early GL career on Earth. This issue managed to seamlessly work in the Kyle/Donna relationship troubles without making it feel tacked on. Grayven always seemed like somebody who should have been a big deal.

The Bad: Donna landing in Gateway City and discovering Kyle but not Wonder Woman was a bit too coincidental for my tastes. We never did learn how the Darkstars knew Grayven's forces were heading to Rann... Kyle and Donna destroying one of Grayven's ships while the Darkstars and the defenses of Rann are routed seemed kind of out of whack. The cover of this issue asks “Who will die?” while showing pictures of Donna, Kyle and John. None of them died...

The Verdict: As usual, I enjoyed an issue of this series. Ron Marz did a fantastic job building up Kyle and making him into my favorite Green Lantern. This era in particular was fun, as Kyle had stepped out of Hal Jordan's shadow(at least to everybody not named Geoff Johns or Dan Didio) and was trying to learn what kind of hero he should be. Sure there were some parts of the story that really stretched things for me, but overall it was a good, fast read that advanced the main story(the stuff with Grayven), as well as the back story(Kyle and Donna's relationship troubles.). I'm glad I gave this one a reread.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Spoiler alert from 15 years ago! Grayven's daddy was Darkseid!!

Wolverine #60 (Early September 1992)

Let's return to Marvel for the last review of the week before tomorrow and New Comic Day(Huzzah!). After that really craptacular LotDCU comic I just reviewed, the bar is set really low for the night. Let's see if this comic can pull me out of the comic book doldrums.

Wolverine #60:

Summary: It seems that Wolverine's love, Mariko, has recently died at the hands of Matsuo, and as such Wolverine has been sitting in front of Mariko's grave pondering his life while Gambit and Jubilee stand nearby helplessly. Eventually Sunfire comes by as a representative of the Japanese government to ask Wolvie to leave the country and not attempt to take revenge on Matsuo. To that end, Sunfire gets the trio of mutants a limo and they head inside and begin their trek towards the airport. Riveting stuff, no? Don't worry, it picks up right now. Back in New York, Sabretooth is enjoying a wrestling show at Madison Square Garden when he is attacked by a Shiva robot. After a bit of a battle(in the ring, which delights the crowd), Sabretooth manages to tear the robot's head off. While Tooth is standing triumphant in the ring, the robot's head zaps him with a mental blast that forces him to relive a Weapon X implanted memory where he was Wolverine's father. John Wraith arrives on the scene and manages to snap Tooth out of his trance, just as a second Shiva robot arrives on the scene. Wraith blows Shiva #2 up and rapidly exits the Garden with a very confused Sabretooth. Back in Japan, Wolverine catches Matsuo's scent while in the limo and leaps out of the sunroof, scaling a building and confronting Matsuo. Matsuo sics a bunch of Hand ninjas on Wolvie, but Wolvie dispatches them with ease. Wolvie the proceeds to chop off the artificial hand Matsuo had received and tells Matsuo that he wasn't there to kill him, instead he was going to take a piece of Matsuo every time the two met, and as such rips off Matsuo's nostril(?!?) with a claw before leaving, ending this issue.

Thoughts: Okay, a few confessions first... I've never been a fan of Wolverine's exploits in Japan. The Wolvie in Japan stuff just never really grabbed my interest. On top of that, the Weapon X program, as it was back in the 90's, was INSANELY confusing stuff! You had killer robots, secret programs, multiple fake memory implants, it was a frigging mess! So that's two strikes this issue had going for it right off the bat. With that said, I DID enjoy this issue for the most part, mainly thanks to the ultra fun Sabretooth/Shiva battle. I've always been a sucker for villain vs villain fights and this one was pretty well done. Sure, it was a bit strange that two Shiva units were destroyed here after Marvel/Larry Hama had shown Shiva to be incredibly tough and able to take Wolvie to the brink, but overlooking that, I did enjoy the Shiva/Sabretooth parts. The rest? Not so much... I mean really, who tears somebody's NOSTRIL off as revenge for the murder of their beloved? Weird...

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Wow, for a robot Shiva was REALLY bringing the smack talk!

Legends of the DC Universe #19 (August 1999)

It's been a couple of nights since I reviewed a DC comic, so how about we take care of that right now? This is the total definition of a random review, as I literally reached into one of my comic crates and pulled out the first thing I felt. So I have NO idea how this is going to turn out...

Legends of the DC Universe #19:

What Happened: Somebody has stolen various monkeys and has given them helmets which tapped into the speed force, granting them super-speed... Yes, really. Who does the world turn to when such a calamity occurs? Why Max Mercury and Impulse of course! While Max rounds up the errant monkeys, Impulse stumbled across the mastermind behind the speed force helmets, Gorilla Grodd's son, Gorbul Mammit. Gorbul has kidnapped Bart's friend Carol, and intends on putting her brain into the body of a gorilla, boosting the monkey's intelligence and making the Carol/gorilla his bride... Yes, really. Long story short, Bart manages to defeat Gorbul since Gorbul grew up in an underground bunker and as such didn't know how to fight. However, Gorbul manages to escape, with his monkey bride, by setting off an explosive. With Gorbul gone(and hopefully erased from history) and Carol safe, this one is a warp.

The Good: Awesome, I randomly pull out a DC comic and it happens to be one starring Impulse! That's definitely good! Plus Max Mercury was here. Once again, good!

The Bad: Unfortunately, that was pretty much all of the good in this issue... The story revolved around talking monkeys, and was the prelude to a story that featured annuals starring talking monkeys... If I die and end up in Comic Book Hell, THIS comic would be waiting there for me... I just know it. So we have a talking monkey with a TERRIBLE name, a so-so story and art that just didn't do it for me. I mean I grew to really like Pop Mhan's artwork from SpyBoy, but it just seemed off in this issue. I think the writer of this one was going for funny, but it fell way short.

The Verdict: I think my thoughts in “The Bad” section sums up the verdict for this one. Whenever I use the term “Comic Book Hell” in a review, that's a pretty good indicator of how I felt about something. The ONLY thing this comic had going for it was Impulse. So unless you are a die-hard Impulse fan/completest(like me!), stay away from this one... Stay FAR away from it!

Score: 3 out of 10.Kill that damn talking monkey, Bart!! Kill it!!!

X-Men: Apocalypse/Dracula #3 & 4 (June & July 2006)

And now it's time to finish out the Apocalypse/Dracula mini-series... This post'll be looking at the final two issues of that mini-series.

X-Men: Apocalypse/Dracula #3 & 4(June & July 2006):

Summary: Apocalypse, Ozymandias, Van Helsing and Starsmore return to Clan Akkaba's home base and find nobody there except for the corpse of one of the clan's stronger members and the brain-addled brother(Frederick Slade) of Akkaba's former leader and current vampire. While Apocalypse is scoping out the house, he is jumped by his former Akkaba followers, who have all been turned into vampires by Dracula and Akkaba's former leader, Hamilton Slade. Hamilton taunts Apocalypse and attacks him, but discovers that his mutant/vampire powers are no match for Apocalypse. Apocalypse goes to finish Hamilton off, but is jumped by a few dozen of his former followers. The mutant/vampires are too much for Apocalypse so Van Helsing and Starsmore lend a hand and manage to get Apocalypse away from the angry vampire mob. Before the vampire mob can pull together a second attack, Fredrick surprisingly teleports Apocalypse's group away from the battle, back to his abandoned childhood home. While at the house, the group prepares their defenses for the inevitable vampire attack, and manage to defeat the vampires when they do strike, relying on the sunrise to help them stem the tide of angry mutant/vampires. From there, Apocalypse and company head back to Akkaba's headquarters and stake all of the now sleeping vampires present, with the notable exception of Hamilton, who had his coffin moved to Transylvania. Apocalypse reveals to his shocked allies that he had been bitten by a vampire, most likely Dracula himself, during the earlier battle, and as such knew that Dracula had retreated back to Transylvania. Van Helsing warns Apocalypse against facing Dracula since Apocalypse could very well fall under Dracula's sway, but Apocalypse doesn't want to hear that bunk and has Fredrick teleport himself and his allies directly to Transylvania. Dracula sends a mess of lesser vampires and loyal humans at Apocalypse and company, but Apocalypse angrily tears through this nuisance, demanding to face Dracula. Dracula arrives and taunts Apocalypse by sending rats, bats and wolves after him, telling Apocalypse that he wasn't worth Dracula's attention, much like how Apocalypse dismissed Dracula 400 years earlier. Apocalypse literally blows the vermin away and Dracula invites Apocalypse to face him one-on-one at his castle. Apocalypse and his forces advance on the castle, and while Apocalypse heads to the courtyard to deal with Dracula, Van Helsing, Starsmore and Ozymandias are teleported into Dracula's castle where they begin to burn it down. They are met by Hamilton, who easily bests them and prepares to bite Starsmore, at least until Fredrick reaches over, grabs Hamilton's head and teleports it away. As for the main event, Dracula manages to force Apocalypse to kneel to him(!) due to the earlier bite Apocalypse suffered, and tells Apocalypse that he planned on keeping Apocalypse around for all of eternity to serve as his slave since Apocalypse's blood was granting Dracula extra strength. Before Dracula can snack on Apocalypse again, Van Helsing arrives on the scene and splashes Dracula in the face with some holy water, allowing Apocalypse the opportunity to impale and then behead Dracula, ending their battle. With that taken care of, Apocalypse heads off to hibernate for a few years, Van Helsing heads to Canada to look into Wendigo sightings, Starsmore kicks his opium addiction and Ozymandias sets a hooker up to get knocked up by Fredrick Slade, since Ozymandias could see the potential in Fredrick's bloodline. Oh, and the last name of the hooker? Ferguson... And that my friends, is a wrap.

Thoughts: For what was basically a throwaway mini-series starring Apocalypse and Dracula, back before vampires became the pop culture sensation they are today, this was a solid mini-series. Sure, some parts dragged a bit(especially the third issue), but the set-up and ending issues were quite satisfying. I mean we all knew that Apocalypse was going to come out the victor here, but seeing Dracula get the upper-hand on him, and then watching Apocalypse get saved by a mere human was pretty cool. On top of that, we learn from this mini that Chamber and Blink both have some of Apocalypse's blood in them, since Clan Akkaba's membership consisted of people from Apocalypse's bloodline. That's something that SHOULD be looked into someday, but probably won't be seeing as that Blink and Chamber really aren't doing anything of notice lately(although that may be changing with Blink). What more can I say? Would I go out of my way to recommend this mini-series? No, probably not, but if the recent X-Men vs Vampires event didn't satisfy your craving for mutant on vampire action, this mini may be just the thing for you!

Score: 7 out of 10.Yep, for a few moments, Apocalypse was Dracula's bitch!

X-Men: Apocalypse/Dracula #1 & 2 (Apr & May 2006)

Moving on, I'm going to tackle a four issue mini-series in two posts tonight. The first and second issue will be reviewed here, while issues three and four will be in the next post, which I should have up in about a half an hour or so. With that taken care of, let's get on with the show!

X-Men: Apocalypse/Dracula #1 & #2:

Summary: Back in the 1400's, Dracula was a menace to battlefields everywhere, impaling his way to victory... At least until he ran into the Apocalypse's Riders of the Dark. You see, Apocalypse had heard of Dracula's exploits and wanted to test his forces against the soon-to-be Lord of the Vampires. Apocalypse's army ends up decimating Dracula's forces, and while Dracula puts up a fight, he also ends up vanquished by Apocalypse. Fast forward to 1890's London, where several members of Apocalypse's secret clan, Clan Akkaba, are being attacked and drained of their blood. The leader of Clan Akkaba, Hamilton Slade, decides to track down whoever was killing the members of the clan. And ends up vanishing himself. Not knowing what else to do, Clan Akkaba awakens Apocalypse and tell him what's been going down. One of the clan members, Jack Starsmore, invites noted vampire hunter, Abraham Van Helsing to see Apocalypse, much to the rage of the other clan members. Van Helsing tells Apocalypse that his clan had been targeted by vampires, and not just any vampires, but Dracula himself. The name Dracula means nothing to Apocalypse, and Apocalypse isn't exactly keen on believing there even WERE vampires, but agrees to go with Van Helsing and Starsmore to the morgue to check out the corpses of the dead clan members. Upon arriving, they find the bodies were gone, or so they think. The clan members have indeed become vampires, and leap down from the roof attacking Apocalypse, Van Helsing and Starsmore. Apocalypse figures he could tell the vampires what to do, and is shocked when they attack his person. Van Helsing manages to down the vampires with some holy water, and Apocalypse, recovering from his momentary surprise, finishes the job by staking the vampires himself. From there we head back to Clan Akkaba headquarters, where Hamilton Slade returns with his new lord and master, Dracula.

Thoughts: These two comics were way better than you'd expect. We learn early on why the two villains have heat with each other(the battle in the 1400's), and the pace of the story was quick. I never became bored while reading either of these two issues. The cliffhanger at the end of the second issue was really well done and has me looking forward to digging into the third issue. So it all sounds good and dandy, right? Not quite... You see, I just don't see vampires as a match for Apocalypse(even a prematurely awakened Apocalypse). I mean even Dracula himself shouldn't be able to defeat Apocalypse, who has him beat in every major statistical category I can think of. I guess a small army of vampires led by Dracula may have a shot at downing Apocalypse, but even then I find it hard to believe that Apocalypse wouldn't be able to simply shrug off the vampire horde and decapitate the lot of them. Sure, Dracula is turning Apocalypse's mutant clan members, thus giving himself an army of mutant vampires, but I STILL don't see how Apocalypse doesn't walk through anything thrown in his path... I guess we'll find out with the next two issues.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.I get the feeling that's gonna come back to bite Apocalypse in the ass.

Mighty Thor #412 (Mid-December 1989)

Well, I might as well wrap up the Thor vs Juggernaut battle since I reviewed the first part. This is also the first full appearance of the New Warriors, so yeah, this SHOULD be great.

Mighty Thor #412 (Mid-December 1989):

Summary: With Thor down, the newly formed New Warriors attack the Juggernaut... And that goes about as well as you'd expect. Juggy basically walks through the New Warriors with relative ease, but the distraction does buy Thor the time to revive. Joining with the New Warriors, Thor brings down the most devastating bolt of lightning he can summon from the heavens and strikes Juggy, doing NO damage(awesome!). Finally realizing that Juggy was indeed unstoppable(hell, Juggy's only been saying it every other sentence for the past two issues!), Thor uses “the most terrifying Asgardian power of all”(yes he really said that), in which he channels all of the god-force in his body into his hammer and pretty much hits Juggy with enough power to stop a cosmic being. This actually sends Juggy staggering backwards(!!!) and weakens the ground under Juggy's feet, causing him to fall into a hole in the ground. The New Warriors rapidly fill the hole with metal and melt the metal, at which time Thor uses his elemental powers to freeze the molten metal, trapping Juggy inside. From there, Thor draws the big hunk of metal from the ground and tosses it into a dimensional portal, banishing Juggy from the Earth and ending his threat(for now). With the battle won, Thor thanks the New Warriors for their assistance before heading off.

Thoughts: Much like the last issue, this issue was a blast to read. Juggernaut issues are usually pretty fun to read though. You can basically put your brain on autopilot and sit back and enjoy the carnage that Juggy almost always brings. This comic did a lot of things right, it didn't diminish Juggy's uber-tough reputation, it showed that when push came to shove, Thor COULD hurt Juggy, and it also had the New Warriors assist in Juggy's final defeat, giving them some momentum as they were headed towards a comic series of their own. As far as action comic books go, this one was top-notch.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.Ooooo, it's ON now!!!

Mighty Thor #411 (December 1989)

And I'm back with another pair of Retro-Reviews. See, I've been going through my comic collection(which is a chore and a half) and entering every single comic book and trade I own into a database... Needless to say, it's DAMN time consuming! On the plus side, I keep finding back issues that I've only read once, in many case several years ago, and as such I remember NOTHING about them. That naturally leads to me pulling said comics out to give them a reread, and since I'm in need of back issues to review, it all works out perfectly! So until Wednesday, I'll be reviewing two back issues a night... Probably. Who knows with me...

Mighty Thor #411:

Summary: Hey, it's an Acts of Vengeance x-over issue! Eric Masterson(Thor) is grimly thinking back to the early events of the Acts of Vengeance, namely the sinking of Avengers Island(yes the Avengers once had an island. And it sunk.) and pondering who orchestrated the attack(spoiler alert, it was Loki!). While Eric is thinking, Loki(in the guise of a toady to the other super-villains... It's kind of complicated) wants to draw Thor out and as such teleports the Juggernaut out of prison and sends him to Queens, New York. Masterson hears about Juggy's appearance on the news and bangs his cane, transforming into Thor. Thor rushes to the scene and can't really lay into Juggy due to all of the innocent bystanders around. Basically Thor is stuck on the defensive while Juggy tosses cars and buses full of people at Thor. Ultimately the two make their way to an abandoned train yard, but Thor's sudden weakness(I haven't the slightest what that's all about) and Juggy's unstoppability proves to be too much for the God of Thunder as Juggy downs Thor(!). Juggy moves in for the kill, but is confronted by the New Warriors, ending this issue.

Thoughts: Now I know why I brought this issue! It's the first appearance of the New Warriors! I love that team! I honestly had no major complaints here. This comic was what you'd expect, Thor vs Juggy, with TONS of property damage. There were a few things that bugged me(Juggy was constantly called a mutant, which he's not, I don't know what was up with Thor's spells of weakness), but there was definitely more good than bad in this one. A kick-ass fight and the first appearance of one of my favorite young super-hero teams equals a good comic in my book.

Score: 8 out of 10.HA! The look on Thor's face says it all!

X-Man #36 (March 1998)

As for the last X-centric Retro-Review on tap for tonight? Come on, you MUST know what I'd pick, right? For better or worse, I'll be finishing off the night with an issue of X-Man!

X-Man #36:

Summary: Some background information first... Nate Grey ended up preventing some terrorists from detonating bombs during a Knicks game at MSG(that would be Madison Square Garden to those of you with ZERO sports knowledge). Unfortunately though, the terrorists had bombs implanted into their skin and ended up detonating themselves at the police station, killing a mess of people. The people of New York figure Nate must have been in cahoots with the terrorists(for some reason...) and now hate and fear him. Now onto THIS issue. Nate finds himself wandering around Manhattan trying to avoid detection from the angry New Yorkers all around him, and trust me, we New Yorkers can get MIGHTY angry! Nate heads back to his loft but finds an angry crowd chanting anti-Nate Grey slogans(REALLY! They were!). Nate telepathically scans the building and finds that his band of misfits were hanging out there, waiting for word from either Nate or another one of their missing friends. Nate decides to search for his missing friend and locates her at the mercy of the Purple Man!!! Well, not really “at the mercy of”, she was just kind of hanging out with him, but the way I put it sounded way more threatening. Anyway, Nate angrily confronts the Purple Man and demands that he lets his friend go, but soon finds himself under the Purple Man's control. The Purple Man reveals that he had orchestrated Nate's public failure with the terrorists(although I still don't get what Nate did wrong... How was he supposed to know the terrorists had bombs UNDER their skin?!), all so he could get Nate to help him get back together with his family and... I don't know, conquer a country or something... The Purple Man is really rambling here. While the Purple Man tells Nate his life story, Nate manages to erect a telekinetic shield that prevents the Purple Man's pheromones from effecting him, at which time he prepares to batter the Purple Man for all of the trouble he put Nate through. Before he can paste the Purple Man, Nate realizes that his earlier failed attempts to attack the Purple Man caused him to destroy an abandoned building, at which time the Purple Man escapes while Nate is distracted. Instead of telepathically picking up the Purple Man's trail, Nate heads to the top of a bridge and contemplates erasing himself from everybody's mind.

Thoughts: You know what? This was probably one of Terry Kavanagh's better issues of X-Man. Now, that's not exactly saying all that much, but still, this comic WAS readable! Granted, I have NO idea what was up with Nate's supporting cast here(why the hell was he living with a kid who looked and acted like a chimney sweep from 1850's New York?!?), and don't get why Nate didn't bother tracking down and reaping a righteous vengeance on the Purple Man, but I learned long ago not to try to think too deeply about these old X-Man comic books because doing so WILL cause utter madness. Instead, I'll simply say that the art was quite good(I've always liked Chriscross's art), and the story pretty much made sense. The dialogue was pretty bad, but what can ya do? Trust me, I could have picked out WAY worse X-Man comics than this one, so I'll take this issue as a win.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.If you listen closely you can hear the people chanting his name...

Generation X #32 (November 1997)

Next up on our tour of second tier mutant titles from the 90's, Generation X! Ah yes, Gen X... This was such a great teenage mutant book. This issue is written by Tom DeFalco, who I didn't know wrote for this series... Eh, let's give it a read and see what we've got here.

Generation X #32:

Summary: The story here is two part, the first(and easiest to review) deals mainly with Banshee, so I'll get that out of the way first. Banshee has headed to Muir Island to meet with Moria MacTaggert since M had split into two little girls... Ugh... I remember that... Anyway, Banshee was hoping that Moria could figure out why that happened to M, but upon seeing how hard Moria was pushing herself in her attempts to try to cure the Legacy Virus, Banshee instead asks Moria to go to a picnic(?!) with him. After some prodding, Moria agrees to go and the two share a kiss. Back at Gen X's headquarters, Husk feels the kids could use some time having fun what with the recent Operation: Zero Tolerance junk(trust me, it's not worth talking about...), as well as M splitting into two little girls. As such, Husk asks Emma Frost if the team could go to visit the circus(which was in town) and Emma reluctantly agrees to let them go. The rest of the Gen X kids aren't exactly keen on going to the circus, but Husk manages to convince them and before you know it the kids are visiting the circus. And since this is a comic book, it's not a regular circus, it's the Circus of Crime!!! The Ringmaster kind of/sort of wants to go straight and just run a normal circus show, but his underlings convince him to pull his regular con where he hypnotizes the audience with his hat(yes, his hat) while the rest of the Circus crew robs the customers. Naturally three Gen Xers(Husk, Chamber and Skin) are in the circus tent when the Ringmaster does his hypnotizing routine, but Husk is able to resist long enough to pull down Chamber's scarf, which leads to the Circus of Crime members moving to attack the three Gen Xers fearing the light that came from Chamber was a camera flash. Before long, Jubilee and Synch arrive at the tent and lend their three teammates a hand. After a short battle which results in the two trapezes artists accidentally crashing into each other, the Circus surrender, fully expecting the kids to turn them in to the authorities. Jubilee, seeing some of the Gen Xers in the Circus of Crime(Wha-huh?!), decides to let the off the hook provided the Ringmaster hands over his hypnotic hat and donates the proceeds of the show to a local charity. With that taken care of the kids head back home.

Thoughts: Well the main story was all kinds of weird... But as anybody who has visited this blog with any regularity probably knows, I am a HUGE sucker for b and c-list Marvel heroes and villains, and the frigging Circus of Crime most definitely fall in the c-list villains department. Sure, the ending with Jubes letting the Circus off the hook was a bit odd, but what the hey. While the story was a bit odd, I must say, the Emma Frost here? 700 times better than that terrible, bitchy Emma that we have skanking her way through the X-books nowadays... As opposed to the petty, self-caring pain in the ass she is now, she was actually a likable character here, one who obviously cared about her students... I sure wish THIS Emma would come back and send the current Emma back in time or something...

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.It's not just a circus, it's The Circus of Crime!!!!

Cable #22 (August 1995)

Hey there X-Maniacs, a quick word from your magnanimous friend, the amazing X! Since this was a small week comic book-wise for yours truly, I've already finished up my new comic pile... So that means no new reviews until Wednesday and New Comic Day... But fear not, I may not have any new reviews, but I DO I have plenty of back issues laying around! And you know what that means... It's time for some Retro-Reviews!!! So for tonight and tomorrow I'll review a trio of loosely related comics... Tonight it's three Marvel books, all from the 90's, all second tier X-Men titles. Tomorrow it's three DC comics, and yes, like tonight's books, they'll be themed as well. That's tomorrow though, let's get back to tonight. Since I really have no preference on how to post these reviews, I'm going to post them in alphabetical order just for the hell of it. Oh yeah, for the record, I pulled all of the comic books that I'm reviewing tonight at random, the only thing I knew was what series I wanted to read... So without further ado, our first X-book of the night is......

Cable #22:

Summary: Cable, Domino and Shatterstar head to an airport to see Rictor(who was heading home to Mexico to spend some time with his family) off. Star is naturally upset that his BFF is leaving and tries to get him to reconsider, but Rictor feels some time away from X-Force and spent with his familia would be a good thing. As for Cable, he wants to make sure there are no hard feelings between him and Rictor since it was Cable's evil clone Stryfe who murdered Rictor's father. Rictor promises Cable that he'd return to the team before heading off. A short distance away, a plane from Genosha is landing, bringing many people who wanted to get away from that civil war-torn nation. One of these people, a bio-geneticist named Renee Majcomb, is headed to the US to talk to Prof. Xavier, and is being tracked by two high-level Genoshian agents who don't want to allow Renee to escape to the US. The two Genoshian agents create a riot between the pro and anti-Genoshian protesters at the airport and try to kidnap Renee, but luckily for her, Cable telepathically senses what they were up to and points the agents out to Domino and Shatterstar. Shatterstar, who was acting more reckless than usual with Rictor gone, launches himself at the agents and gets shot in the stomach for his troubles. That distraction gives Cable and Domino the chance to take down the agents, as well as save a security guard and give Renee the chance to escape. And that's basically it.

Thoughts: First off, knowing now how Rictor and Shatterstar's relationship turned out this was kind of a fun issue to read. I mean Jeph Loeb wasn't exactly hiding the fact that Shatterstar had an obvious attraction to Rictor here. It couldn't have been more glaring! Yeah, I guess it COULD have been that Star was upset that his bestest friend in the world was leaving, but it's fun to read between the lines sometimes, and after reading this issue, it makes it even clearer that Peter David made the most sensible move concerning Star and Rictor's relationship. As for the main story this issue, my response is a resounding meh. I've never been a fan of Genosha(I guess it was kind of interesting when Magneto took it over), and as such didn't really care for this story. I mean it was good, fun, “Cable from the 90's” action, but it's definitely not something I'd go out of my way to read again.

Score: 7 out of 10.Damn that Cable with his crumby timing!

X-Men #25 (Oct. 1993)

Here's the final Retro-Review for the week, and boy have I saved the best for last! This is my favorite comic book of all-time, and is probably the most historically significant X-Men comic book of the 90's. It's been quite some time since I've last read this comic(at least 6 years), but I can't imagine my feelings towards it have changed that radically these past few years. That's enough of an introduction... This is the X-Men vs Magneto to close out the X-Men's 30th anniversary... This is the climatic final battle of the classic Fatal Attractions storyline... What more needs to be said?

X-Men #25:

Summary: With Magneto lording over the Earth in his space station, Avalon, the United Nations enacts the Magneto Protocol... The Protocol activates an array of satellites above the planet that effectively negates Magneto's abilities were he to ever step foot on the Earth again. Seeing this defensive maneuver as an attack upon him, as well as something that would hinder his abilities at recruiting more Acolytes to his cause, Magneto plans a swift retribution... To that end he leaves Avalon and flies to the outer reaches of the Earth's atmosphere where he unleashes a massive electro-magnetic pulse wave that destroys all of the satellites, as well as shorts out every piece of technology on the planet, temporarily pushing the planet back to the Dark Ages and causing the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of people. Thanks to the Shi'ar technology that powered X-Mansion, the X-Men are able to regain power long before anywhere else on Earth. Grasping the enormity of this latest attack on humanity, Prof. X realizes that it was time to finally put an end to his long relationship with Magneto and puts together a small strike force of mutants to head up to Avalon. Prof. X's team? Wolverine and Gambit for their stealth capabilities, himself and Jean Grey for their telepathic force, and Rogue and Quicksilver for their strength and speed, as well as their unresolved emotional issues with Mags. In order to lead the attack personally, Prof. X reveals an exoskeleton that was fueled by his telepathy, granting him the ability to walk, but at the expense of his telepathy. Cyclops and Storm, the X-Men's co-leaders, try to convince Prof. X not to head to Avalon with such a small strike force, but Prof. X is steadfast in his plan and proceeds to teleport up to Avalon thanks to the Shi'ar's advanced technology. As the X-Men arrive on Avalon, former X-Man Colossus deactivates the space station's security systems since he himself was still conflicted as to whether following Mags was the right move. Free to move about undetected, Prof. X hands Quicksilver a disc and tells him to place it in a terminal near the heart of Avalon's life support system. Quicksilver does as told and the disc grants Prof. X access to Avalon's life support and teleportational systems, at which time he teleports all of the Acolytes(with the exception of Colossus) into life support pods and has the station jettison them. Now realizing he was under attack, Magneto storms down the halls of his silent haven and attacks the intruding X-Men. Prof. X informs his team to distract Mags while he linked powers with Jean to force Magneto to relive his more painful moments, from the deaths of his parents in the Nazi concentration camps, to the death of Doug Ramsay, to his wife abandoning him after she witnessed his powers for the first time. Needless to say, Mags is caught off-balance by the uncharacteristically brutal attack inflicted upon his mind by Prof. X and Jean, and is brought to his knees by the physical assault from the other X-Men. As the intensity of the psionic attack increases, Mags begins to lose his tenuous grip on his sanity and decides that he had to murder Quicksilver for the good of mutantkind. Wolverine interrupts this act of filicide and tears Mags chest open with his adamantium claws. The sight of Wolvie moving in for the kill with the approval of Prof. X is too much for Jean, who breaks contact with Prof. X, allowing Mags a moment of clarity... And a moment is all he needs... In that instant, Magneto halts Wolverine in his tracks and tears the adamantium off of his bones(!!!!!), leaving Wolverine laying near dead at his feet. The rest of the X-Men are too stunned to move as Magneto, weakened by both the earlier mental assault from Prof. X and Jean, as well as Wolvie's gory physical assault, looks to Prof. X to see what his next move would be. Prof. X walks over to the battered Magneto and unleashes the full effect of his mental powers, taking away Magneto's most potent weapon, his mind, effectively leaving Magneto comatose. With that, the two longtime foes fall to the ground, Magneto a mindless shell and Prof. X completely expended from his massive power usage. With Jean telekinetically holding Wolverine's body together and telepathically preventing Wolvie from comprehending the magnitude of the damage done to him, the rest of the X-Men fall into disarray, unsure of what to do. It's at that moment Colossus enters the room and tells the X-Men that their battle had knocked out most of Avalon's systems, meaning they wouldn't be able to teleport back home. Colossus continues, telling his former teammates that he had contacted X-Mansion and that Bishop was heading to the space station in a modified Blackbird jet to collect them and bring them home. Jean asks Colossus to return to the Mansion with the rest of the team, but Colossus refuses, telling Jean that since he had allowed the X-Men free rein in Avalon he felt responsible for much of the day's events, and as such would spend the rest of his days caring for the shattered Magneto. Realizing that Colossus wasn't going to budge from his stance, and not having the time to argue with him, Jean collects her fallen comrades and leaves Colossus and Magneto alone on Avalon.

Thoughts: Yep, I think it's safe to say that this is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the best comic book I have ever read. I've been lucky enough to amass quite the collection of comic books and have read thousands upon thousands of stories, but whenever anybody asks me what my favorite comic is? I invariably come back to this issue... Sure, there have been comics that have moved me more(the Death of Captain Marvel graphic novel always tears me apart whenever I read it), but for the total package? This is the greatest comic in my collection. You don't even really have to be a huge fan of the X-Men to understand this comic book, which is always a sure sign the writer, in this case, Fabian Nicieza, has done his job. This comic expertly combines Nicieza's absolute top of the line storytelling with magnificent dialogue that perfectly tells us the feelings and thoughts of all of the major players in this issue. Throw Andy Kubert's fantastic pencils into the mix and you have a comic book experience that STILL manages to give me goosebumps, YEARS after the first time I read it! I mean seriously, when Mags gives his speech as he's tearing Wolverine apart, I literally got goosebumps... And then the scene where Prof. X just unleashes all of his rage and disappointment at Magneto in one massive telepathic fireball? Goosebumps again! I'd be remiss not to mention Kubert's art during that climatic scene between Magneto and Prof. X... You could almost FEEL the heat coming off the pages as Xavier laid into Magneto! That's how powerful Kubert's pencils are here! As you can probably tell, I could go on and on talking about this comic book. It's probably the reason I'm as big a fan of the medium as I turned out to be. If I had never read this comic, I can honestly say that I'm not sure I'd be AS into comic books as I am... This single issue is also the reason I'll always hold the X-books to such high standards, be that unreasonable or not. If I were to compile a list of my favorite comic books, #2-#10 would probably give me great difficulty putting together, but #1? Piece of cake. If you've never read this comic book, I'd implore you to hunt it down and give it a read. Even if it doesn't connect with you as strongly as it does me, I can promise you you'd still enjoy it. This issue gets the highest recommendation I could possibly give to any comic book... 'Nuff said.

Score: 10 out of 10.My words can't possibly do this scene justice.

Batman #500 (Oct. 1993)

Ah. Here's a comic I haven't read in quite some time... This is the issue where Jean Paul Valley officially takes over for Bruce Wayne and becomes Batman. Yes, he'd been running around dressed as Batman prior to this issue, but this was the issue when Jean Paul BECAME Batman. In retrospect, I can sit back and say that Jean Paul's Bat run was interesting, as it showed him continue to fall deeper and deeper into madness due to his inability to fill Bruce's impossibly large shoes. With that said though, I can only imagine how outraged the Batman fanboys must have been at the time this comic first saw print. Anyway, enough talking about it, let's give it a read!

Batman #500:

Summary: Having failed to apprehend Bane during their initial encounter, Jean Paul heads to the Batcave to upgrade Batman's outfit since he found it lacking. Disturbed by Jean Paul's harsh treatment of criminals, Robin(Tim Drake at the time) heads to the Cave to confront Jean Paul. JP(yeah, I'm not typing “Jean Paul” out anymore...) pretty much tells Tim to take a hike, stating that he wouldn't be playing patty-cake with villains like Bruce did. With that Timmy storms off and JP continues redesigning the Bat-costume. Bane, annoyed that a new Batman popped up to replace the one he infamously broke, heads to downtown Gotham and puts a message on an electronic billboard demanding Batman's appearance so they could end things one way or the other. Having finished his “improvements” on the Bat-costume, JP dons his new outfit and heads out, meeting Bane in the streets of Gotham. The police cordon off the area and the two adversaries go at it. JP's improvements to the Bat-costume pay off as he's able to inflict more damage on Bane, while taking less damage in return. Bane pumps more Venom into his system to deal with JP, so JP slices the tubes that fed the Venom directly into Bane's system. Cut off from his source of power, Bane panics and runs off, managing to get aboard an elevated train. Bane tells the passengers to head to the next car, which they do, at which time Bane heads to the front car where he kills the train's conductor and speeds the train up as fast as it could go. By now JP has arrived on the scene and engages Bane in battle again, beating him around the empty train car. Robin also arrives and disconnects the other train cars from the lead car(where Bane and JP were battling), saving the passengers, but causing the lead train to careen out of control and off the tracks, where it wedges into a building. JP kicks the beaten, battered and bloody Bane out of the train car and hops outside to the street below. The Gotham police, Commissioner Gordon and Robin all wait and watch anxiously to see what JP does next as the broken Bane pleads with JP to kill him. JP cocks a fist back but ultimately lowers it, handing the defeated Bane over to the GCPD. With that Robin commends JP for his non-lethal actions towards Bane and JP heads off into the night as the new Batman... At least for a little while!

Thoughts: What can I say, I liked this issue. I enjoyed the entire Knightfall storyline though, so there's that too. I have no idea what DC's plans were for Bruce Wayne, Jean Paul, Batman or anything else back when this story first took place, but from sifting through the letter page of this issue you could already see the anger of the DC fanboys at Bruce's “retirement”. I tend to think that replacing Bruce wasn't going to be a permanent move, but who knows, they did pull the trigger and replace Barry Allen with Wally West as the Flash about a decade earlier than this comic... Of course the Flash isn't close to Batman in popularity, so I'd have to think Bruce's retirement was temporary, but who knows what the powers-that-be of DC at the time were thinking... Looking past all of the storyline possibilities and questions, this was a good, satisfying comic book. I found it kind of overly wordy at points, as JP REALLY liked thinking to himself, but overall this comic closed the circle that began when Bane broke Bruce. I did find it weird that it was Robin who ended up giving JP the seal of approval at the end of this issue considering the fact that Tim was still new to the role of Robin, but I guess somebody had to tell JP “good job!” and Robin was the only Bat-character on the scene to do it...

Score: 9 out of 10.Now THAT is an ass-kicking!

Captain America #317 (May 1986)

Well if I'm going to post some Retro Reviews, I HAVE to post a Captain America comic from Mark Gruenwald's run! With the exception of Ed Brubaker's recent run, Gruenwald's Cap run had been my favorite. Many of these issues still hold a special place in my heart, and when I was flipping through my Cap collection, I HAD to give this issue a read since it had Cap AND Hawkeye on the cover!

Captain America #317:

Summary: This issue gets started with the Death Throws(Evil villainous jugglers!!!) helping Crossfire escape from police custody. Hawkeye and Mockingbird, who were in New York to testify against Crossfire, arrive at the scene of Crossfire's escape scant minutes too late to prevent his rescue. With Crossfire free, the Death Throws leader, the appropriately named Ringleader, asks how Crossfire wanted to pay for the Death Throws services. Crossfire tells Ringleader that he currently didn't have enough money to pay the Death Throws, but that he'd get the money soon. That doesn't sit well with Ringleader so he gets together with the rest of the Death Throws and they all decide to see if they could get money out of Hawkeye for the return of Crossfire. Meanwhile, Captain America, in his civilian guise of Steve Rogers, is attending a going away party for his one-time girlfriend, Bernie Rosenthal. While Cap is busting a move on the dance floor(really!), Hawkeye and Mockingbird arrive at the apartment(in their civvies naturally) to tell Cap about Crossfire's getaway. Since he wouldn't be able to make it back to the West Coast Avengers right away, Hawkeye asks to use Cap's Avengers phone in Cap's apartment. The two head over to Cap's place and discover a message sent to Cap's Stars and Stripes hot-line telling Hawkeye to head to an abandoned train station, alone, where he could buy Crossfire back. The two Avengers know the whole set-up had to be a trap, so Cap offers to have Hawkeye's back, something Hawkeye readily accepts. Cap excuses himself from the party and Hawkeye tells Mockingbird that he was going to go after Crossfire with Cap since Hawkeye's sky-cycle only seated two. Hawkeye enters the train station and is nearly ambushed by the Death Throws, but is saved by Cap. The two heroes and the Death Throws duke it out, with Cap and Hawkeye eventually whittling down the Death Throws numbers, only leaving a single Death Throw, Knick-Knack, standing. During the battle Knick-Knack had managed to get his hands on Cap's shield and runs for the exit, meeting with Mockingbird's fist. Mockingbird gives Cap his shield back and Hawkeye discovers that the Death Throws were planning on capturing him and selling him back to the Avengers for one million dollars. Hawkeye is surprised that the Death Throws thought he was worth that much money(HA!!) and the heroes take all of the criminals to prison. With that taken care of Cap heads back to Bernie's apartment, only to find it empty with the exception of a note from Bernie saying good-bye.

Thoughts: How couldn't I love this issue?!? It had Hawkeye and Captain America teaming up to face down the deadly menace of costumed jugglers! Seriously, this entire comic was great. I especially loved the way the Death Throws tried intimidating Crossfire after he told them he couldn't pay for their services, juggling menacingly around him... It was all just perfect! The story made sense and gave us a reason for Hawkeye and Mockingbird to show up, as well as giving us a reason for Hawkeye and Cap to do the whole team-up thing. Add some great character work between Cap and Hawkeye, showing how much the two longtime Avengers respected each other, the fact that Mockingbird delivered the coup de grace, along with some furthering of the storyline going on in Cap's personal life and you have a recipe for a highly enjoyable comic book. Who would have thought jugglers could be so damn menacing?!

Score: 9 out of 10."Look out, they're gonna juggle at you!!!"

Nightwing #1 (Oct. 1996)

Seeing that I just reviewed the latest Nightwing #1 from DC a few weeks back, now is as good a time as any to review the first issue of Nightwing's first ongoing series. Nightwing is one of my favorite DC characters, so this SHOULD be good... Hopefully...

Nightwing #1:

Summary: This issue gets started with Batman bringing Nightwing into a morgue in Gotham City. Bats tells Nightwing that over 20 mobster's bodies had floated up the river from Bludhaven and that somebody had to take a look into it. Able to take the hint, Nightwing heads to Bludhaven and tries to figure out who had the most to gain by killing off rival mobsters. To that end he heads to the home of reputed mob boss Freddy Minh where he finds Minh's men shooting it out with members of Black Mask's gang. Black Mask's goons steal a refrigerator and load it up on a truck, which leaves Freddy's wife sobbing about her babies. Mask's men take off and Nightwing follows after them since he wasn't about to let Mask kidnap Freddy's wife's babies. Anyway, Nightwing makes it onto the truck and manages to beat up most of Mask's men, at least until the refrigerator begins to slide off of the truck. Nightwing grabs the refrigerator and pulls it back onto the truck, opening it to reveal a suitcase(?!). Distracted by that turn of events, Nightwing is knocked out by Mask's men. A bit later Nightwing wakes up and finds himself handcuffed to the refrigerator with Mask's men surrounding him. The leader of Mask's goons opens the suitcase and reveals that it contained eggs from Freddy's wife... Yes, THOSE kind of eggs! It seems that Freddy's wife intended to create children from the eggs with in vitro fertilization some day... Man, that's kind of weird... Anyway, Dick manages to kick the suitcase out of the goon's hands, at which time it falls into the river. The goons angrily toss Dick and the refrigerator into the water as well, figuring he'd drown. Dick manages to use a magnesium flare to cut through the cuffs, at which time he grabs the suitcase and swims to the surface, discovering that Mask's men had left. From there we head to the headquarters of the Bludhaven police department and meet Chief Redhorn, who was complaining about the prospects of a masked vigilante(Nightwing) operating in Bludhaven to one of his inspectors. While the two men were discussing ways to rid themselves of Nightwing, Nightwing walks into Redhorn's office to hand over the Minh eggs. Redhorn takes the suitcase and grabs Nightwing's hand, cuffing him, while the inspector draws his gun and aims for Nightwing's head.

Thoughts: I'm just going to come right out and say it... It was odd that this entire issue revolved around Nightwing saving Freddy Minh's wife's eggs... Granted, this was still a good comic with a great cliffhanger, but yeah, that was weird... Chuck Dixon did a really good job of setting the scene here, with Nightwing describing Bludhaven as a place even worse than Gotham, which is kind of tough for any Bat-fan to buy, but whatever. On top of that, you could see that Nightwing wouldn't be leaving Bludhaven anytime soon, seeing as that he still has to deal with the mob troubles, and as the cliffhanger here showed us, a dirty police department. So all in all this was a really good first issue set-up wise, it was just the main part of the story weirded me out a bit...

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.The best thing about this issue? Dick finally loses that horrible ponytail...