Quick Hits: Superman/Batman #87, Captain America Corps #3, X-Factor #224 & Thunderbolts #162

As I'm short for time, but really want to get these reviews done before tomorrow, I'm going to pull out yet another old chestnut from the past... Reviews in three sentences or less! So here we go, 4 comics, 12 sentences to review all four of them. Get ready, get set, go!

Superman/Batman #87:

What Happened: Joker tries to attack Clark Kent, but Kent is able to avoid Mistah J's attacks until Batman shows up to help. Ultimately Joker hops out the window with Clark, but Clark gets saved by Bats before making the quick switch to Superman and capturing Joker in Joker's parachute. This one ends with Clark complaining to the crooked Gotham newspaper editor before firing him on behalf of Bruce Wayne(which is kind of bizarre...).

Thoughts: Meh. This was an okay story, nothing special or great or anything. It was kind of fun seeing Clark try to save his secret identity from Joker, since all it would have taken was one good hit from Joker for Clark's identity to have been blown. This is one of those perfectly mediocre comic books I mention from time to time. It wasn't horrible or anything, but I sure won't remember it in a week's time.

Score: 7 out of 10.Um, shouldn't Clark have moved his head out of the way of that bullet?


Captain America Corps #3(of 5):

What Happened: The Cap Corps decide to figure out why the Avengers never came to be in this new timeline by talking to Wasp, checking on Pym in the crazyhouse(HA!) and checking out Tony Stark's corpse. We learn that Wasp is working with the fascist Captain America wannabes, Pym gets kidnapped from the nuthouse by Bucky and 1940's Steve Rogers, and US Agent learns that Stark's brain had been removed from his body. This one ends with us learning that old Cap villain Superia seems to be behind the fascist regime, and that she was keeping Tony's talking brain in a tube while she tried to control the Cosmic Cube.

Thoughts: Again, meh. Pym in the crazyhouse made me laugh, because it seems whatever dimension you go to, poor Pym is nuts, Wasp being a traitor didn't surprise me, because I can't stand her, and the Superia reveal didn't do anything for me since I'm pretty sure we'll learn that Red Skull is actually the mastermind behind all of the Cap troubles. I mean really, who else would try to erase Steve Rogers from history and turn America into a police state ruled by people wearing variations of Cap's costume?

Score: 6 out of 10.Poor Pym... Crazy in any dimension...


X-Factor #224:

What Happened: Rahne gives birth to a little were-creature by vomiting it up. The were-baby attacks Agamemnon(who captured Rahne last issue) and mauls him, which freaks Rahne out when she wakes up, leading her to scaring the poor were-baby away. X-Factor run across the were-baby and accidentally blast it away, at which time Hela tries to take it as her own. Hela is attacked by several demons and gods that also want the were-baby as their own, leading to a massive explosion. In the end, Jack Russell finds the were-baby and decides to raise it in the wilderness, while Rahne acts crazy and swears that having a were-baby was God's punishment for the whole murderous X-Force thing.

Thoughts: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I actually broke my own rule and used 5 sentences instead of 3 to review this comic. What can I say, since I make the rules, I can break 'em! Seriously though, I REALLY enjoyed this issue, thus explaining why I needed the extra sentences to review it. Peter David was on the ball here, as the dialogue was great, the story was pretty good, and I had no complaints about the art. Hell, this was one of the funnier comic books I've read in a while. As a matter of fact, Rahne's were-baby was downright adorable, and I don't use that word a lot! Now that the whole saga of Rahne's baby is over, I'm expecting X-Factor to get back to normal as we SHOULD get away from the magic stuff and head back to the more down to earth stuff that made this comic so great... At least until Rahne's were-baby shows up again, almost undoubtedly raised at an accelerated rate.

Score: 9 out of 10.Rahne's baby is probably the cutest were-baby I've EVER seen!


Thunderbolts #162(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: While the T-Bolts are trying to defend Chicago from a horde of little demon-looking creatures, Fixer and the Beta-Bolts are betraying the T-Bolts. Man-Thing winds up ending the threat of the little demon-creatures by absorbing them and growing to an enormous size, at which point Satana removes a “bulb” from Man-Thing, which will grow into his next, um, incarnation. Without his bulb, giant Man-Thing bursts into flames, threatening all of Chicago, while Fixer manages to convince/coerce Moonstone and Satana to join himself and the Betas, leaving the rest of the T-Bolts to deal with a giant, flaming Man-Thing.

Thoughts: Eh, no real complaints here. Fixer betraying the T-Bolts and helping the treacherous Betas doesn't really shock me since Fixer has been secretly working with the suddenly evil Baron Zemo. What does surprise me is Fixer taking Moonstone with him, since we ALL know Moonstone will stab Fixer and the Betas in the back the first chance she gets... I mean really, Fixer has been working with Moonstone for YEARS now, doesn't he know how she operates yet? As for Satana, I'm hoping that she regains her senses and returns to the T-Bolts, because she's too good a character to throw in with the loser Betas. I'm not exactly sure why this comic got a “Fear Itself” banner on it, but it does... Good old Marvel...

Score: 7 out of 10.Man-Thing is SUCH a playa!!

Quick Hits: Invincible Iron Man #507, Venom #6, Avengers #16 & Fear Itself: The Home Front #5

Hey there X-Maniacs. I bizarrely decided to pick up Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 the other day, and I'll be damned if I'm not enjoying the hell out of it! When it first came out a few years back I was put off by the whole Civil War storyline(being an unrepentant Captain America mark and all), but after playing it I have to say, even with the Civil War junk surrounding it, it's not bad! I just finished the first playthrough today(I was anti-registration, naturally), and figure I'll start the second go-round tomorrow... Which is kinda/sorta a problem for the blog... See, if I spend my free time playing comic book based video games, I don't have that much time to read and review actual comic books... And that's why I'm going back to the old, lazy X standby, Quick Hits! I'll do 4 Marvel reviews tonight, 4 DC reviews tomorrow, and... something on Monday. I don't really know. Meh, I'll know when I get there. So there you have it. Now, on to the shoddy, half-assed “reviews”!

The Invincible Iron Man #507(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: We're following two stories here, one dealing with Pepper Parks(as Rescue) running afoul one of the Hammer girls in Paris. I don't know which one. Hammer tells her armor-clad goons to attack Pepper, which causes the Serpent possessed Grey Gargoyle to wander over, squash one of Hammer's goons(causing the others to run away... HA!), and snatch Pepper and the Hammer girl. The other story deals with Tony Stark and those damned, drunken, treacherous dwarfs. One of the dwarfs betrays his fellow dwarfs(as well as Tony and Odin) by making a deal with one of the Serpent's henchmen. The dwarf gives the Serpent's henchman a piece of Tony's hair, and the Serpent's goon(after killing the dwarf), creates an evil, magical Tony golem, which promptly attacks half-drunk Tony.

Thoughts: Well, I've definitely read better issues of this series. This was the first Invincible Iron Man/Fear Itself tie-in that just didn't do it for me. The pacing seemed off, and Tony spent the whole issue hanging out with dwarfs... Seeing as that I've always hated dwarfs, that's a bit of a problem. Oh well, hopefully things will pick back up again next issue as we race towards the conclusion of Fear Itself.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Yeah, that's not gonna work...


Venom #6(Spider-Island tie-in):

What Happened: The Jackal sends one of his mutated spider-creatures to break through the quarantine Mayor Jameson had put Manhattan under. Venom arrives on the scene and helps Gravity and Firestar take the creature down(glad to see those two are still hanging out after the cancellation of the Young Allies series). Venom brings the creature back to base, which is exactly what it wanted. It proceeds to break out of the tube it was placed in and runs amok, at least until Flash is able to re-bond with the Venom symbiote and take the creature down. The army now locks the creature in something more secure than a tube, and discover that the creature was actually Steve Rogers?!

Thoughts: This issue definitely deserved better than a Quick Hits review. It was really good! As usual. It seems that the Spider-books are really bringing the awesome these past couple of months. The story was really good, the art matched the strong story, the dialogue was solid, and the tie-in to Spider-Island wasn't huge, but was enough to justify the “Spider-Island” logo on this issue... Unlike about 70% of the Fear Itself tie-ins that have NOTHING to do with the main Fear story. The Steve Rogers reveal at the end was kind of strange, but I figure the Jackal managed to get a hold of Steve's DNA and made a creepy spider-clone, since that's what he does.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.And Steve thought losing Bucky again was bad!


Avengers #16(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: Steve Rogers(with Bucky's shield but not in Captain America garb), Sharon Carter, Maria Hill(who I hate) and Victoria Hand(who I simply dislike) head to a castle in Sweden on some intelligence stating that Sin was there... Even though we know Sin is either in Washington DC, New York City, or Dayton, Ohio... That last location still puzzles me, but whatever, the point is that Steve is apparently an idiot. Needless to say, Steve and the ladies walk into a trap and run afoul Master Man and the Exiles(the Red Skull version, not the reality hopping version). Before Steve and his women can fully defeat the Nazis, Daisy Johnson(really?!?) arrives on the scene and topples the castle. Steve is pissed that Sin hadn't been there, but come on, he should have known better!

Thoughts: My thoughts on this comic can be summed up in one word... Meh. This comic wasn't actively horrible or anything, it just wasn't necessary. Seriously, how could Steve POSSIBLY think Sin was in Sweden? Did he think that she attacked DC, headed to NYC(after a quick pit stop in Dayton), and then figured, “What the hey, I'm gonna cool my heels in my castle in Sweden for a bit, and then I'll head back to NYC to continue with the whole, 'spreading fear!!' thing.” The logic here was a bit wonky, which I can forgive if the story was a) really good, or b) furthered something. This comic didn't accomplish either of those. The story was mediocre, and Steve is sad over Bucky's death. We get that. The sooner Bendis gets away from the Fear Itself tie-ins the better, because this series was WAY better before the crossovers began.

Score: 6 out of 10.This is the best dialogued page Bendis has EVER done!!


Fear Itself: The Home Front #5(of 7):

What Happened: Great. THIS comic... Last issue St. John's, Newfoundland was buried under waves of water by Attuma after Attuma defeated Speedball. This issue the people of St. John's help each other out, which is inspiring to Speedball. He decides to take a video of the people to show the world that even after being drowned, those hearty Canadians weren't afraid(yes, really!). Speedball sends the video back to Miriam Sharpe in Stanford, Connecticut, who posts it online to show that there were people who WEREN'T scared of the Serpent. The Sisters of Sin see the video and decide to teach Miriam fear or something. The second story included Amadeus Cho, who I hate more than any other comic book character NOT named Barry Allen, which says a lot! As such, I didn't read it. The third story dealt with Mr. Fear who seemed bummed that he wasn't the one spreading fear, while the last story starred some guy named American Eagle...

Thoughts: This was about as bad a comic as I've read all month. Usually the first story, the Speedball one, carries this comic for me, while the other three stories range from lackluster to god-awful. The problem here was that the Speedball story was really bad. Since the first story started me off on the wrong foot, and the second story had Amadeus Cho in it, this comic was sunk for me. I just couldn't get into the Speedball story at all. What the hell was the point of Robbie staying in St. John's to play cameraman? If the people were taking care of themselves(plus Jocasta was there helping too), shouldn't he be elsewhere, doing something useful?! Robbie bravely standing up to Juggernaut or battling Attuma was what I enjoyed about the first four issues of this mini. This issue? I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it was only a one issue aberration, but I don't think it's going to get any better with the next issue probably giving us the epic showdown the world has been clamoring to see, the Sisters of Sin vs Miriam Sharpe...

Score: 1 1/2 out of 10.Help the drowning people or videotape them... Hmm, if I was a hero, I know which move I'D make...

Quick Hits: Fear Itself: Deadpool #2, Iron Man 2.0 #7, Uncanny X-Men #541, Fear Itself: Fearsome Four #2

Another day, another Quick Hits post. The four comics I'll be taking a look at today are all Fear Itself tie-ins, and to be completely honest, they ranged from not that good to out-and-out terrible... I mean reading these books took some real willpower from yours truly! Well, let's get this cavalcade of comic crap out of the way... As always with these Quick Hits posts, I'm only spending 5 sentences or less on the actual review before heading to my “Thoughts” the score and the scan. If you want to know more about one of these comics, feel free to inquire about them in the comments section, although after reading these comics I can't imagine ANYBODY would want to talk about them...

Fear Itself: Deadpool #2(of 3):

What Happened: Deadpool's plan of having the Walrus terrorize a small town(in disguise), moves along smoothly, so Pool readies the second phase of his plan, defeating the Walrus and reaping the rewards from the town. Pool basically has his way with the Walrus until nightfall, when we find out that the hammer Pool gave to the Walrus to attack the town actually had some sort of bizarre werewolf/healing factor negating powers, which helps the Walrus take Pool down and out.

Thoughts: You know what the sad thing is? Out of the four comics I read for this post, THIS was the best one of the bunch! Things only go downhill from here! Honestly, the best thing about this issue was the cover, which was hilarious. I mean this issue had it's moments, I did enjoy Pool in a VERY lame disguise directing the idiotic Walrus's attack on the town, but the story has practically nothing to do with Fear Itself, except that Pool got the idea to give Walrus that hammer because of the Serpent and his Worthy. If you're following the whole FI event, this is a very easily skipped mini-series.

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.Deadpool's Serpent disguise = Awesome!


Iron Man 2.0 #7(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: The Immortal Weapons try to close the gate to Hell which opened in Beijing thanks to the Serpent's hammer tearing reality asunder. Before they can shut the portal, Iron Fist winds up getting possessed and attacking the rest of the Weapons. Luckily, War Machine is also there, and he takes on the possessed Iron Fist. The battle rages for WAY longer than it should(I mean War Machine is a frigging tank!), but War Machine manages to defeat Iron Fist with some mystical help from Dr. Strange from afar, who was spying on events. The Weapons then close the portal, nobody seems to know what the problem with Iron Fist was, and War Machine's part in Fear Itself thankfully comes to an end.

Thoughts: I am so glad this issue ended this series involvement in Fear Itself. I barely care about Iron Fist and hate the Immortal Weapons. I mean I like War Machine a lot, but he was almost a second thought these past few issues... Instead we get those damned Immortal Weapons and their completely asinine names(The Handsome Monkey King, The Bride of Nine Spiders, The Prince of Orphans... Are you kidding me?!), nothing really happening involving Fear Itself, and War Machine, who happens to be wearing a state of the art suit of armor, having difficulty defeating Iron Fist, a guy who kicks things... Yeah, this was pretty brutal.

Score: 4 out of 10.Apparently, you should always bet on the guy who kicks things instead of the guy in the multi-million dollar suit of armor.


Uncanny X-Men #541(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: Lord Summers sends out a few waves of X-Men to probe the Serpent possessed Juggernaut for weaknesses, which only leads to his most powerful X-Men making a tiny crack in Juggy's helmet. So naturally, Lord Summers sends out Our Lord and Savior Hope, who manages to pull the Juggernaut's helmet off... Typing that line leaves me SO pissed I can barely finish typing this up... Anyway, Emma Frost tries to enter Juggy's mind to shut him down, but can't, and this issue ends with the X-Men unsure what to do next.

Thoughts: You know, this issue started off well enough. Lord Summers actually enacted a plan that made great sense all things considered, since he was dealing with an old foe with vastly improved abilities... And then Our Lord and Savior Hope showed up... Seriously, Kieron Gillen HAS to get away from the X-books, because his obsession with Our Lord and Savior Hope is bordering on the unintentionally hilarious! I mean every goddamn issue of this goddamn comic book lately has revolved around goddamn Hope!! And do you know what that's doing to me? It's making me hate her with a passion I usually reserve for Barry Allen... THAT'S how much I'm starting to hate Hope! I'm comparing her to the character who singlehandedly destroyed most of my interest in DC comics! Hope has got to go, and Gillen has got to go with her, because once again, he ruined what could have been a very good comic book.

Score: 5 out of 10.Next up for Our Savior Hope, defeating every super-villain in the Marvel Universe simultaneously while explaining the finer points of the Negative Zone to Mr. Fantastic...


Fear Itself: Fearsome Four #2(of 4):

What Happened: The Man-Thing defeats Frankenstein, She-Hulk, Howard the Duck and Nighthawk(collectively known as The Worst Team Ever) before moving deeper into NYC. When the ragtag group regain their senses, Frankenstein gives his origin story(REALLY!?! Was that necessary?!) before the team continues after Man-Thing. It turns out the Psycho Man is also after Man-Thing, since he sees Man-Thing as a weapon he could use to further enhance his emotion control abilities. With the Psycho Man on one side, and a crazed Man-Thing on the other, who should show up but the infamous New Fantastic Four(Wolverine, Spider-Man, the gray Hulk and Ghost Rider) from the past. Sure, why not.

Thoughts: What can I say? The story was barely coherent, the artwork was done by two or three different artists, giving this comic no sense of cohesiveness, and Howard the Duck was here. What did my poor, darling She-Hulk do to deserve inclusion in THIS awful mini-series? And to make matters worse, there wasn't a single appearance by the Serpent or his Worthy, thus breaking my first rule with calling something a Fear Itself tie-in. Sure, Man-Thing going crazy is a direct result of the Fear Itself events, but that's not the same as an appearance by one of the main Fear Itself threats. This is another FI “tie-in” that should definitely be avoided...

Score: 3 out of 10.Ever wanted to see a duck talk to Frankenstein? Then you're in luck!!

Quick Hits: Fear Itself: The Home Front #4, Avengers #15, Daredevil #1 & Captain America Corps #2

Hey there X-Maniacs, X here with a cheap excuse of a post... You see, after last week's monstrous pull list, ol' X needed a bit of a breather... I mean reviewing about 20 books every week can be tough for one guy to do! So I'm going to dust off one of my great old ideas that everybody used to love... And by “great old ideas” I actually mean “lazy ass ideas” and by “love” I actually mean “hate”. Yes, it's time for a tired blogger's best friend, the Quick Hits post!! Here's how this'll work. Basically I'll take four comics, give a synopsis of each comic(in five sentences or less), give my thoughts on them, add a score and a scan, and that's it. I very well might do another one of these posts tomorrow, before getting my lazy self back to the full reviews. But hey, a half-assed review is better than no review at all, right? Right?!?

Fear Itself: The Home Front #4(of 7):

What Happened: Speedball tries to prevent Attuma from destroying St. John's, Newfoundland(that's in Canada for those of you who suck at Geography), and succeeds... For a moment. Basically all Speedball does is MASSIVELY piss off Attuma, who floods the entire city, presumably killing thousands, as well as possibly Speedball himself. There were three other stories in this one too, but they all sucked, so I'm going to exercise my blogging right to pretend they never happened!

Thoughts: Well, it sucks that I had to pay $4 for what was basically a 14 page comic. Sure, the Speedball story was written by Christos Gage, who'd I'd easily put in my top five list of favorite current writers, but considering I didn't even read the second story(starring Jimmy Woo and the terrible Agents of Atlas), the third story was a one-pager written AND illustrated by Howard Chaykin, whose art I don't like(to put it nicely!), and the last story was about the Blue Marvel, whoever the hell THAT is, I definitely didn't have a lot to enjoy here... So while I DID enjoy the Speedball story, I have to take the other stories into account as well, thus bringing this issue's score down to a...

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.When in doubt, post a splash page!


Avengers #15(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: The Serpent possessed Hulk is wreaking havoc in Brazil, leaving Spider-Woman, Protector(can't we PLEASE just call him Marvel Boy again?), Ms. Marvel and Hawkeye to deal with him... Yeah, that'll happen. Everybody talks for hours, and the battle ends with the Avengers LITERALLY hiding from the Hulk... Yeah...

Thoughts: I don't think I'll ever understand Bendis. I mean does Avengers editor Tom Brevoort actually read the Fear Itself Avengers tie-in issues Bendis is writing, or does he just shrug his shoulders and figure, “Ah that Bendis... I know he'll do good work, no need to check to see what HE'S doing!” Because Bendis has been pumping out some of his worst work since Secret Invasion in Avengers and New Avengers since Fear Itself started, which leads me to draw a single conclusion. Bendis should be kept FAR, FAR away from crossovers. Either that or take him off of one of the Avengers titles, because this was literally unreadable. And yes, I know what the word “literally” means. I literally could NOT read this comic. I skipped several pages of useless dialogue, because it served NO purpose. Can we please get the Bendis who wrote Ultimate Fallout #1 back, because Fear Itself Bendis is frightfully terrible...

Score: 0 out of 10. Yup, for the second straight week, a comic gets the dreaded imperfect score. You know, there was a time when I went MONTHS without giving an imperfect score. How I long for those days...It's official. Bendis is out of control again...


Daredevil #1:

What Happened: Matt Murdoch has returned to Hell's Kitchen and has restarted his law firm with Foggy Nelson for the 1,987,345th time. This time though, any lawyer he goes against in court throws the fact that he is Daredevil in his face, ruining many of his cases. Besides that, he gets a tip from the new Assistant DA that one of his clients was in bigger trouble than Matt realized, and that maybe Daredevil could help the guy out. While sleuthing, DD is disoriented by a gun that specifically messes with his senses, and this issue ends with Captain America's shield hurtling towards him(!?).

Thoughts: Eh. I really have no complaints here. I trust Mark Waid as a writer implicitly, so I'm going to hold off judgment until I've read a few issues. There were a few things here that bugged me, Matt's super-chipper attitude, the fact that ONCE Matt returned to New York so did Daredevil(and Matt wonders why everybody knows he's DD...), but like I said, I'll wait a few issues before I decide to really praise or bash this series.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Real classy... Throw a pencil at a blind man...


Captain America Corps #2(of 5):

What Happened: After being defeated by the Ameridroid, the Captain America Corps are captured(ROLL CALL! Steve Rogers from 1941, Bucky from before Fear Itself, American Dream from the M2 Universe, US Agent from the beginning of his days as the Agent, and Commander A from the future) and tortured by the nefarious Americommand. The Cap Corps manage to escape, free a few other “undesirables” such as Peter Parker, Luke Cage and Sam Wilson from prison, before they are taken out of that reality by the cosmic Contemplator. While the Contemplator is explaining to the Corps that the world was messed up because there was no Steve Rogers to hold the Avengers together, there seems to be some dissension in the Americommand, as two agents seemed tired of Major America's barbaric rule.

Thoughts: I know I said it before, but it bears saying again... Eh. Nothing really special here. The story was okay, although there's still a mess of things we need to find out including how the Americommand managed to take over the country, who Major America is, and how the Contemplator was going to have the Cap Corps fix things. Since it's a Captain America mini-series, and my poor, poor Bucky is in it, I'll continue reading, but here's hoping things pick up a bit next issue.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Best team EVER!!!

Quick Hits: 3/31/11

Four more reviews tonight, two from last week, two from this week. Let's get to it!

Supergirl #62:

Summary: Supergirl has managed to discover that a) the fake villains that had been hounding her and the other DC heroes were being powered by Kryptonian sunstones, and b) whoever was behind the fake villains was holed up at Harvard University. SG decides to go the stealth route to deal with this problem and asks the Fake Beetle, Robin and Miss Martin to help her. Miss Martian sneaks onto the Harvard campus and is immediately taken out by the guy behind the fake villains, who I don't think has been named yet... He's some sort of a telepath though. After losing Martian's signal, SG, Robin and Fake Beetle realize the time for subterfuge was over and crash into the mystery villain's base, being met by an angry mind-controlled Miss Martian and several androids. The androids attack Robin and Fake Beetle, while SG manages to put down Martian. After she defeats Martian though, she is attacked and dropped by the mystery villain's telepathy. By this point Robin has managed to figure out how to teleport the androids and their master away and does so, saving SG, but losing the villains in the process. However, SG somehow gets caught up in the teleportation beam and is sent unconscious to parts unknown.

Thoughts: Meh. That was basically the only thing that went through my head upon finishing this comic. I literally thought, “Meh.” I think this story has potential, but with this being the third part, we should probably know more about the main villain besides the fact that he's a telepath, and may or may not be from Project Cadmus. I mean hell, a name would be nice! What more is there to say?

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.Good night, Miss Martian. Thanks for showing up.


Silver Surfer #2(of 4):

Summary: The Silver Surfer is no longer silver(or a surfer anymore I guess), but is regular Norrin Radd, since the High Evolutionary had managed to steal his Power Cosmic. Suzi Endo(I know her from Iron Man 2.0!), who was working with the army of whatever Spanish country captured Radd after his depowering, decides to break Radd free, since he couldn't deal with being trapped in a confined space. The two manage to sneak out of the army base and drive away in search of the High Evolutionary. They finally find him, but by this point the Evolutionary has managed to use the Power Cosmic to bring Galactus's world ship to the Earth, where he was using it to create strange new forms of plant life.

Thoughts: Well, this was definitely not what I was expecting when I decided to buy this mini-series... I was expecting to see Silver Surfer in all his cosmic, space-spanning glory. Instead I'm reading about Norrin Radd talking about how awesome water tastes... I mean all of the pieces are here, I like the Surfer a lot, and the High Evolutionary is a fantastic, under appreciated character, so this mini-series SHOULD be getting scores of at least 7 or higher. Instead it's getting scores like this:

Score: 5 out of 10.If you ever wanted to read about the Silver Surfer drinking water, then THIS is the comic book for you!!!


Captain America and the Secret Avengers #1:

Summary: Black Widow receives a letter from a girl named Tatiana, who she saved a while back, threatening some art center in NYC. Steve Rogers sends Widow and Sharon Carter to investigate, and the two wind up getting locked in a room with a mess of criminals, pirates and terrorists from all over the world. It seems the party was dedicated to these lowlifes by a woman named Lady Alicia who ran a school training girls to be remorseless killers. It turns out Tatiana used to attend this school and was caught by Alicia's cronies and forced to lure Widow to the party so she could be killed in front of the other criminals. Before Lady Alicia has Tatiana kill Widow, she has all of the criminals raise their glasses to a toast to the death of the Black Widow. After the criminals gulp down their champagne, Lady Alicia reveals she poisoned them all, and wanted them to wire money into her bank account for an antidote. From there she tells Tatiana to kill Widow, but instead Tatiana shoots and kills Lady Alicia(with an assist from Sharon). With Lady Alicia out of the way, Sharon and Widow hand out the antidote to the scumbags, and take Tatiana back to her adopted family, which ends this one.

Thoughts: This story never got off the ground for me. I just couldn't get into the storyline here. I can't see how Widow and Sharon, being backed by Steve Rogers, could get themselves trapped in a room full of international crooks, surrounded by girl assassins... I thought Widow and Sharon were better than that. I don't get what Lady Alicia poisoning the party guests added to things, because, quite frankly, I could have cared less if those scumbags lived or died. And then in the end, Sharon and Widow drive Tatiana back to the home of her adopted family, let her out of the car, and then open the trunk of the car to reveal a puppy... I mean what the hell is that?!? Who puts a puppy in the trunk of a car?! Yeah, so far out of all the Cap one-shots I've read, this one has been the worst.

Score: 4 out of 10.Those are some strong kicks...


Cyclops #1:

Summary: This issue is a flashback to back when Cyclops was still bearable, and not the dictatorial prick he's become today. Scott enters the coffee chop near X-Mansion and is bummed out that all of the original X-Men(including his ladylove, Jean Grey) see him as stiff and like an older brother. While he's telling the waitress this, Batroc and Circus of Crime go driving through the shop for some reason. Scott pursues them, and ends up getting smacked in the face by Batroc's walkie-talkie. While on the ground, Scott blasts one of Batroc's tires, which leads to Batroc and his band of losers jumping Scott and leaving him laying. Batroc drives his stricken car a few blocks to a repair shop(in full costume mind you), which gives Scott the chance to catch up to the goons. Scott steals a bike and follows Batroc and his band of losers as they smash through a pet store, see a show and then head to a diner to have dinner, all while in full costume! After eavesdropping, Scott learns that the crooks were planning on stealing some equipment, and he follows them to a Hydra base, arriving just after they've escaped. Scott asks one of the Hydra agents what Batroc and company were after, and the Hydra agent helpfully tells Scott that Batroc stole some antiquated technology that Hydra was planning on scrapping anyway. The Hydra agent gives Scott a device to track the tech before passing out. Scott follows the signal to a quaint little home, and walks into the garage where he finds an old bomb shelter. Upon arriving at the bottom, Scott spies Batroc and his henchmen handing all of the old junk over to Baron Zemo(the one from WWII). This time around, Scott makes quick work of Batroc and his cronies, but is unable to defeat Zemo. Scott threatens to destroy Zemo's junk, which frightens Zemo long enough for Scott to blast him, thus ending his threat and this issue.

Thoughts: This was a decent, funny little story. It was written like an old school Silver Age Marvel book, and the artwork matched the style of storytelling. There was literally nothing wrong with this story, I got a few chuckles out of it, but that was it. Will I remember it in a few hours time? No, probably not, but it was a fun way to spend a few minutes.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Well this makes it official. Batroc is awesome!

Quick Hits: 3/30/11

Four more reviews up for tonight, as I've managed to read nearly ALL of the comics in my new comic pile! Of course I'll be picking up a whole mess of new comics tomorrow, so my new comic pile will be replenished, but it was nice to almost see my nightstand again... Besides that, I just got the Avengers: The Korvac Saga hardcover from Amazon earlier today, and plan on beginning it later on tonight. That's all from me, let's get to those reviews.

X-Men #9:

Summary: The Whore, Wolverine, Storm, Gambit and Spidey are still searching the sewers of New York hoping to locate the Lizard, who they believe is transforming disgruntled teenage outcasts into lizard creatures like himself. However, we learn early on in this one that Lizard had been captured and his work was being corrupted by Dark Beast(I was right!!!). Being a mad scientist, Dark Beast was intrigued by Dr. Connors work, and as such wanted to perfect it even more. While the X-Men(and Spidey) are making their way through the sewers, Dark Beast is sending lizard teenagers out to stop them. Eventually the X-Men and Spidey make their way into Dark Beast's inner sanctum, where he pushes his lizard button and transforms all of the heroes, except for The Whore(who was safe in her diamond form) into bloodthirsty lizard creatures.

Thoughts: Dark Beast was in this comic, so it was automatically a good read in my book! Whenever one of the Age of Apocalypse characters shows up in a comic, I am one happy camper, especially since Dark Beast, besides Nate Grey of course, is my favorite AOA refuge. Besides my Dark Beast lust, the story here was actually quite good. It makes perfect sense that a mind as depraved as Dark Beast's would be enamored by Curt Connors work, and would want to perfect it. Dark Beast using a bunch of kids who were outcasted by society also made perfect sense, since they would be the most likely types of kids who would run away from home, thus raising no alarms in most people's heads. I also liked the ending, with Dark Beast turning the X-Men(and Spidey) into Lizard creatures. The only bad thing about that is that it means The Whore is going to wind up saving the day, and that is going to piss me of royally... But until that happens, this comic was all good.

Score: 8 out of 10.Awesomeness, thy name is Dark Beast!


Wolverine and Jubilee #3(of 4):

Summary: We begin this issue with Wolverine trying to catch the vampire woman who had Jubilee under her spell. Unfortunately for Wolvie, the vampire is too fast for him, and can easily avoid his attack. Eventually the vampire does something to Jubilee that makes Jubilee suddenly vanish. The vampire tells Wolvie that if he ever wanted to see Jubes again he'd assist her on some sort of errand. With no real choice, Wolvie agrees to go. Wolvie heads to Chernobyl, while Jubes awakens in some strange empty world. Rockslide's hands also begin to glow, which he believes is from when he crushed some sort of mystical amulet a few issues back. To figure out what was up, Rockslide heads to the place where he found the amulet and is attacked by a dragon. Back with Wolvie, he heads under Chernobyl and discovers a strange, handless man, who tells Wolvie that he won't part with whatever the vampire woman wanted. Rapidly tiring of the weird man, Wolvie kills him and tears open the box the man was trying to protect, finding a mess of magical amulets, one of which seemed to be holding Jubilee.

Thoughts: First things first, the Rockslide scene's were ABSOLUTELY pointless. I don't get why Rockslide is still alive while so many better young mutants are dead(Wallflower, Icarus, Wolf Cub, Tag, etc.)... No, we get Rockslide, Armor and Dust... Anyway, the story here was okay, as it has slowly gotten better as this mini-series has moved forward. Sure, it's nothing great, but it is an okay way to spend a few minutes.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Usage #265 for Wolverine's claws, opening stubborn packages.


Uncanny X-Force #6:

Summary: Fantomex is dealing with those blasted Deathlok cyborgs who have killed his mother and managed to steal the World. While that is going on, the members of X-Force are actually undecided as to whether they should bother helping Fantomex or not, since some members(Psylocke and Deadpool) are still miffed about Fantomex murdering Kid Apocalypse. Fantomex gets an assist from the main Deathlok(you know, the one from the 90's), and manages to get the World away from Captain America-Deathlok. By this point X-Force finally does arrive on the scene and help Fantomex and Deathlok get away, as well as capturing Captain America-Deathlok. The team forces Cap-Deathlok to interface with EVA and we learn that these Deathlok's are from a future where most of the super-heroes had been turned into Deathloks, which ushers in a utopia for mankind. However, the Deathlok's are sent back in time because Apocalypse has begun to bring their Utopian society crashing down. Archangel can't understand why the Deathloks were trying to kill Fantomex, since he was the one who killed Kid Apocalypse. Before the team can get any more answers from Cap-Deathlok, he kills himself after realizing all the evil he had done. Realizing that they had to halt the Father, who was controlling the Deathloks, Fantomex decides that the team had to enter the World to find and kill the Father.

Thoughts: I was finally getting into this story towards the end. The last issue left me a bit confused(okay, A LOT confused!), but Cap-Deathlok did a great job of filling in a lot of the blanks for me this issue. I did find it interesting that the Deathloks seemed interested in preventing Apocalypse from messing up their future society and have decided to go after Fantomex... Could that mean that the big A was somehow able to hop from Kid Apocalypse to Fantomex before the fateful shot was fired? I also liked that some members of X-Force(notably Psylocke) were still holding a grudge against Fantomex for his murdering of Kid Apocalypse. That's the type of wound that's not going to heal anytime soon, so I'm glad that Rick Remender keeps referencing back to that moment. I'm still not enjoying this story as much as the prior one, but we're definitely getting better.

Score: 7 out of 10.Well there's a conversation stopper for you!


Superman/Batman #82:

Summary: With some help from Dr. Occult and *sigh* Detective Chimp, Batman breaks into some wannabe magical villains base in an effort to figure out who they were working for. The punks don't know much, only that their mysterious benefactors were trying to preform the Final Spell on the Witch's Highway. Bats takes this info back to Occult and Chimp, which leads to Occult realizing that they were going to need the assistance of a witch. Meanwhile, Superman learns that he was pulled into the future by an older Batman. Old Bats tells Supes that the magicians DID manage to preform the Final Spell, which sacrificed the sun to some dark gods. All of the good sorcerers on Earth then banded together and recreated the sun, but it was a magical sun, and the Earth was now overrun with demons. Needless to say, Supes wants to know why Old Bats simply didn't go back in time to warn the Justice League or somebody as to what the evil magicians were planning on doing. Before he can get an answer though, they are attacked by the Creeper and an army of Solomon Grundys. After a bit of a battle, Old Bats tells Supes that since he was under a magic sun he had different powers, and Supes manages to banish the villains away. Back in the present, Bats, Chimp and Occult manage to track down a witch, more specifically, Klarion Bum... Bum... Bum... The Witch Boy!

Thoughts: This story is starting to grow on me... I guess that's no surprise, seeing as that I AM a sucker for futuristic, dystopian society stories... There's still lots that needs to be explained(why Old Bats needed Supes, what the Witch's Highway was, why Old Bats didn't warn anybody in the present as to what was going to happen, etc), but so far I'm enjoying this one. Plus, and I'm a bit embarrasses to admit this, I am a bit of a fan of Klarion as well...

Score: 7 out of 10.Bum... Bum... Bum...

Quick Hits: 3/29/11

Four more comic reviews on tap for tonight, as well as a rare perfect score! Let's get to 'em!

Captain America Comics #1:

Summary: This comic was a full reprint(with new coloring!) of the very first Captain America comic book from WAAAAAY back in Nineteen Hundred and Forty-One. You get four Captain America mini-stories(as well as one non-illustrated story), a Hurricane story and a Tuk the Caveboy tale.

Thoughts: First things first, it must have been AWESOME to be a comic fan back in the 40's, because they REALLY put a whole MESS of content in these old books! I mean this comic was chock full of goodness! This comic was, in a word, perfect. I mean it literally took me a good 20 minutes to read it from cover to cover, as opposed to the 5 minutes of so it takes me to read a modern comic. Besides that, we get the first appearance of Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, the Red Skull(kind of...) and yes, Tuk the Caveboy!!! I'd only ever read the Red Skull story out of this comic, so almost all of this was new to me. Granted, I've KNOWN Captain America's origin since I was like 10, but I think this was the first time I actually read it. So that was really cool. Joe Simon could write some fantastic comic stories, the dialogue was magnificently done, and Jack Kirby IS The King, so you KNOW I was loving the artwork here. I mean, this WAS perfection. If you're a comic book fan, you should read this reprint. If you're a Marvel fan, you owe it to yourself to read this reprint. And if you're a Captain America fan, you HAVE to read this reprint!

Score: 10 out of 10. This was one of the easiest perfect scores I've ever given.Here it is, the FIRST Captain America/Red Skull meeting!


Venom #1:

Summary: Venom(Flash Thompson) gets deployed to some Eastern European country to capture a mad scientist who had managed to weaponize Vibranium. Unfortunately for Venom, Jack O' Lantern is also there for the scientist, since Jack O' Lantern's mysterious benefactor wanted to get his hands on the scientist as well. Venom runs around acting heroically(at the expense of the mission at times), while Jack runs amok, killing people indiscriminately. Eventually Jack reaches the scientist, and is ready to leave town with him, but is halted by the timely arrival of Venom. The two battle, and Jack manages to hurt Flash, which allows the Venom symbiote to gain some control. Before Venom could go into full, “We're going to eat your brains!!!” mode, Flash manages to regain control, and shove a grenade into Jack O' Lantern's mask, blowing up the lower part of his jaw(OUCH!). Something as inconsequential as a detached jaw can't stop Jack, as he grabs the scientist and tries to get away on his flying broomstick, but Venom manages to snag the scientist's head with some webbing and pulls back, breaking the scientist's neck, leaving Jack with a useless corpse. With that Venom heads home, where he is scolded by his superior officer for failing the mission(since the US wanted the scientist alive), as well as almost losing control on the field. Bummed out, Flash heads to the apartment of his girlfriend Betty Brant, who is pissed with him since he was six hours late for their date. With that, Flash leaves her place and that's basically it.

Thoughts: Well, that was a rather inauspicious start... I didn't like the main story with the scientist since, for whatever reason, it just never clicked for me. I did really like Jack O' Lantern though... He was the one real bright spot in this comic, although him not only surviving, but trying to get away after having his FACE blown up was a bit over the top... I mean how the hell does he remain alive, let alone conscious after THAT?! As for Venom, I still like the concept of Flash Thompson's as our new Venom, although everything that happened here basically happened in the recent Amazing Spider-Man point-one issue. Not the best start, but I'll definitely give this series at least two full storylines before I make a final judgment.

Score: 5 out of 10.Say what you will, but Jack O' Lantern is one dedicated villain!


X-23 #7:

Summary: X-23 and Gambit are on their way to Madripoor to look for Malcolm Colcord, but first stop off to help an old friend of Gambit's in Singapore. It seems Gambit's friend is a police officer in Singapore and one of his undercover agents went missing. The cop suspects pirates captured the agent, which is where Gambit and X-23 step in. The two track the pirates back to their base where they find the pirate boss torturing the agent. X-23 leaps into the fray(against Gambit's advice) and takes on the head pirate, while Gambit is stuck battling the rest of the pirates. The pirate boss stabs X-23 with his sword as X-23 stabs him, and the two go tumbling into the waters, where the pirate boss dies, and X-23 is attacked by sharks. Gambit also falls into the water after getting conked on the head by the pirates, and is saved from the sharks by X-23. Upon resurfacing, the duo realize that the agent had bled out and was dead. With that, Gambit's cop friend lends them a boat and they continue their journey to Madripoor.

Thoughts: In a word, this comic was very “meh”. It was the very definition of a space-holder issue. We just ended the Sinister storyline, and we're about to start the Daken/X-23 x-over, so this comic really meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. If you like Gambit, pirates and sharks, then this was the comic for you! If not, well then you can safely skip this one.

Score: 5 out of 10.Gambit: Damsel in Distress.


Zatanna #10:

Summary: Zatanna takes Oscar Hampel to her magical mansion to see if there was any way she could undo the spell her father put on Oscar which transformed him into a puppet. Before she goes through with any attempt at reversing the spell though, Zatanna wants to know if Oscar was truly unfairly punished by her old man, so she forces the puppet to touch a crystal which compels him to tell the truth. It turns out Oscar was a terrible person, killing several innocents, as well as nearly killing Zatanna as a child before her father stepped in and turned him into a puppet. Zatanna is incensed by Oscar's duplicity, and tells him she'd never reverse the spell now. Upon hearing that, Oscar freaks out and throws the crystal at Zatanna's head, dazing her. Oscar runs around the room and grabs a few magical artifacts and begins wishing that he wasn't a puppet anymore. Before Zatanna can stop him, everything fades to black, and when Zatanna comes to, it appears Oscar has been returned to his human self, while Zatanna has been transformed into a puppet.

Thoughts: Man, puppets freak me out... Seriously... Besides that though, this was a very solid comic. It wasn't great, it didn't suck, it was, as they say, a perfectly acceptable comic book. The reveal that Oscar was always a scumbag really didn't surprise me, because I doubt Zatanna's father would have turned him into a puppet unless he was sure Oscar deserved it. The ending was a bit confusing, as I didn't get how Zatanna and Oscar traded places, or how(or why!) Oscar managed to become a famous puppeteer again. I guess the answer would be, “It's magic! It doesn't need to make sense, stupid!”

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Damned, creepy puppet...

Quick Hits: 3/28/11

All right, we have an all-Marvel Quick Hits to get through tonight. With how lackluster just about EVERYTHING coming out of DC has been these past several months, I'm definitely glad to get a few Marvel books in a row, which I know should at least be mediocre. But I'm expecting better than mediocre out of this batch of comics. We have Daken, THREE Captain America comics and this year's Uncanny X-Men annual. Basically this SHOULD be good... Let's find out though...

Daken: Dark Wolverine #7:

Summary: We get started by learning that Malcolm Colcord(of the Weapon X Program) has set up in Madripoor. Who else is in Madripoor? Why that would be Daken, who has managed to force Tiger Tyger into serving as the lieutenant in his burgeoning crime empire. Tyger isn't pleased with having to serve Daken, but she realizes that the only shot she'll ever have at throwing Daken out of Madripoor is to stay close to him. Daken realizes that's the only reason Tyger is sticking with him as well, but since he does need a public face for his criminal empire, he knows he's stuck with her... For now. With Tyger under his thumb, Daken manages to take control of the Madripoor police force by kidnapping the daughter of its commissioner, while taking over the few remaining gang leaders. In other words, Daken's well orchestrated conquest of Madripoor is complete. This issue ends with us learning that Daken was working WITH Colcord(Wha?!) as X-23 and Gambit arrive in Madripoor for some reason.

Thoughts: Um, what? When the hell did Daken hook up with Colcord? And for what reason? Weird... I can appreciate what Daken accomplished over the course of this storyline(consolidating all of the crime in Madripoor), but I still can't say I care much about Madripoor... Anyway, the end events of this issue are setting up the upcoming Daken/X-23 crossover, which should be interesting, to say the least.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.I don't! Or at least not yet...


Captain America: Man Out of Time #5(of 5):

Summary: Having been sent back to his proper time period by Kang, Captain America(Steve Rogers) decides to try to settle back down in the mid-1940's, but soon realizes that the “good old days” weren't exactly as idyllic as he remembered. After seeing just how ugly the 40's were(for everybody who wasn't a middle class white male), Cap decides he has to get back to the present to save his Avengers teammates from Kang. To this end, Cap places his Avengers card in a picture that he knows he'll find in the future, writes a note and sets off the emergency alert. Back in the present, Rick Jones hears the alert coming from Cap's room in Avengers mansion, finds the picture and discovers the card and the letter telling Rick to have Reed Richards pick him up. Reed does just that, and Cap returns to the present, breaks his teammates out of captivity and helps them topple Kang. The Avengers are appreciative, and Cap finally realizes that his place is with them, not in the 1940's.

Thoughts: This was one fantastic mini-series. Mark Waid did a wonderful job of capturing the inner turmoil of somebody like Steve Rogers, who was trying to decide where he belonged. Over the course of this mini, Cap went from being impressed by the future/present, being disgusted by it, longing to get back to his proper time period/the past, getting back to the past and then realizing that things weren't as great as he remembered back in the day. The only gripe I had with this issue is that the Kang battle was basically a foregone conclusion, and was pretty much treated as such. We all KNEW that Kang was going to lose, and this story never bothered to give us the illusion that MAYBE Kang would pull it off. So yeah, the battle was inconsequential, but the psychological stuff with Cap was top notch.

Score: 9 1/2 out of 10.Poor, poor Kang... Will he ever learn?


Captain America #615.1:

Summary: With Bucky no longer serving as Captain America(there's a reason to read this series!), and Steve Rogers being the commander of SHIELD(and the Avengers), there isn't a Captain America anymore. To rectify that, a former US soldier meets up with Dr. Malus and the Power Broker, and is given enhanced strength and speed so he could become the new Captain America. Fake Cap manages to publicly halt a crime, and gives an interview stating that America needs a Captain America, and he was going to take up the mantle. Needless to say, this angers Steve, who doesn't want to see another untrained person die while wearing his former uniform. Steve begins to track Fake Cap and discovers some AIM goons kidnapping Fake Cap and loading him onto a airplane. Steve sneaks onto the ship and learns that the AIM agents were trying to turn Fake Cap into a new MODOK. Steve manages to halt the process and brings down the AIM ship. SHIELD swings by to mop up the mess, and Steve tells Fake Cap that his short career as Captain America was finished. Fake Cap tells Steve that he'll stop, but that America needed a Captain America to look up to, and that somebody had to take up the mantle... From there we head to one of Nick Fury's hideouts where we find Sharon Carter waiting for him. Sharon reveals that she knew Nick was posing as the Power Broker(!), and that she knew that Nick tipped off the AIM agents to kidnap Fake Cap. Needless to say, Sharon wants to know why Nick did these things, at which point Nick tells Sharon that he was trying to manipulate Steve into taking up the Captain America mantle again. Sharon asks Nick what makes him think that she wouldn't tell Steve what Nick was up to, and Nick plainly states that Sharon wants Steve back as Captain America as much as he does. This issue ends with Steve standing in Avengers Tower staring at the shield of Captain America, pondering the future.

Thoughts: You know, this was a strange comic. The main story, with the Fake Cap was alright, but not great. However, the last few pages, especially the reveal that Nick Fury was trying to manipulate events, and Steve's actions in the Tower, pushed this comic from an okay issue to a really good/great issue. I've always been a sucker for Nick Fury's cloak and dagger dealings, so yeah, this issue definitely pleased me. Then again, whenever you have Ed Brubaker writing a Captain America comic, what's not to like?

Score: 9 out of 10.Damn that Nick Fury and his mind games!


Captain America and Batroc the Leaper #1:

Summary: Some mercenaries have hired Batroc to keep Captain America(in this case, Bucky) off their backs while they steal something. While meeting with the mercs, one of them taunts Batroc for having never beat Cap, to which Batroc tells the merc that nobody has ever beaten Cap, because if they did, there'd be no Cap(good point there...). Anyway, the mercs commit their crime, and Cap attempts to stop them, at which point Batroc... um, leaps into the fray. Batroc fights with Cap, and actually manages to trick Cap into a trap, which would have allowed Batroc the opportunity to escape. However, Batroc can't pass up the opportunity and instead of escaping, goes back after Cap, moving in for the kill. By this point Cap is back up, and slaps Batroc around, causing Batroc to go back into retreat mode. Batroc endangers some bystanders, which draws Cap's attention, allowing Batroc to make good his escape. Back in his hotel, Batroc learns that the mercs ended up being captured by Cap(which doesn't surprise him), while he revels in the fact that he escaped Cap, which he considers a draw.

Thoughts: I actually REALLY enjoyed this comic... I mean, I expected nothing going into it(it was about Batroc!!!), but Kieron Gillen turned this into a fun little romp. Batroc has always had a bit of a respectability streak, and Gillen really showcased that here. Yes, Batroc is a scuzzy mercenary, but he's a respectable scuzzy mercenary, which is what this one-shot hammered home. On top of that, there was also a reprint of a Stan Lee/Jack Kirby Tales of Suspense issue featuring an early Cap/Batroc battle. As a fan of Captain America, what more could I ask for?

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.That middle panel REALLY needed a comical sound effect.


Uncanny X-Men Annual #3(2011):

Summary: Tired of being invaded by the denizens of Limbo, Lord Summers the First tells Madison Jeffries and Dr. Nemesis to build a gateway to Limbo. Somehow Jeffries miscalculates and the gateway explodes, sucking Nemesis, Lord Summers, Hope “Worship Me” Summers and Namor into the portal before it closes. Lord Summers immediately realizes that the four mutants weren't in Limbo, so he decides to split into two teams to try to figure out where they were/how to get out, with himself and Hope one one team and Namor and Nemesis on the other. Namor rapidly grows tired of Nemesis and ditches him, while Lord Summers and Hope get attacked and knocked out by strange aliens. Back on Crazy Mutie Island(Utopia), Emma Frost decides to head to New York to ask for assistance in finding the missing muties. This issue ends with Lord Summers and Hope waking up before Blastarr, who wants to know how the two mutants made it into the Negative Zone so he could use it to get out.

Thoughts: Hey, you know what? I really enjoyed this comic! Sure it had Lord Summers, his whore and Messiah Hope in it, but the story was really strong, strong enough to help me forget all about my blinding hatred of all things mutant. So kudos to writer James Asmus for that. The second part of this story takes place in the Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier Annual #1, which is sort of weird since there isn't a Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier ongoing series... I mean why would a mini-series that ended months ago need an annual? Marvel's odd title choices aside, this was a really good comic, that should only get better with the inclusion of Steve Rogers... Who knew?!

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.You see, this is what we need more of, Cyclops laying bloodied on the ground.

Quick Hits: 3/26/11

Justice League of America #55:

Summary: This comic was actually telling two stories, the regular storyline that had been going on with Eclipso, and the Reign of Doomsday stuff. First let's cover the Eclipso portions. Eclipso and his army of possessed shadow characters attack the Emerald City on the Moon in an effort to possess Jade. The JLA's forces are split(we'll get to that later with the Doomsday stuff), which basically leaves Donna Troy and Jade alone against Eclipso's forces, since Jesse Quick was forced to rush the paralyzed Alan Scott to safety. Eclipso's forces are too much, and in the end he manages to possess Jade, just as he planned. The other half of this story starts in the remains of New Krypton. Supergirl had asked Batman(Dick Grayson) to remove the shattered planet from the Earth's orbit so she could try to forget about her loss, when Green Lantern Boodikka arrives to survey the damage for the Guardians. Doomsday chooses this moment to attack, tearing into Boodikka and destroying Batman's spaceship. Luckily for Bats, he's still safe in his spacesuit, but is pretty much helpless. Supergirl moves in to attack Doomsday, but Doomsday seems WAY more interested in Boodikka than SG. Bats figures Doomsday was going to kill Boodikka and then SG, so he tells Starman to get to the location to spirit the two women away. Instead, like an idiot, Starman decides to attack Doomsday, which does little more than slightly distract Doomsday. Doomsday knocks Starman away, and Bats takes that opportunity to teleport SG and Boodikka to the JLA Watchtower. Doomsday quickly follows, and this issue concludes with Cyborg Superman rising from Boodikka, which is apparently where he chose to hide after his most recent defeat.

Thoughts: Hey, this was yet another good issue of this series! I mean two months ago I was primed and ready to cut my ties with this series and drop it, but last issue helped change my mind, and this issue proved that I made the right choice. The Doomsday stuff was very well done, and it leads in to the Superman/Batman annual where Doomsday will be facing Cyborg Supes. The Eclipso stuff was also very good, even though the Doomsday story took center stage. Since I enjoyed both stories, there's really not much to complain about... Well except for the fact that Saint Walker showed up in this issue for absolutely NO reason... Let's PLEASE keep Chairman Johns' garbage in Chairman Johns' comics.

Score: 8 out of 10.Yeah, my money's on Doomsday in a battle between the Big D and Starman.


FF #1:

Summary: We get started with Reed listening to a video recording from the now deceased Human Torch. In the video, Johnny tells Reed to keep fighting the good fight, and to have Spidey replace him on the team. Spidey arrives at the Baxter Building and is greeted by Sue, who takes him around, showing him the sights. Spidey meets some of the freaky kids Reed has there, and bumps into the Thing, who completely blows Spidey off. Sue presents Spidey with his FF uniform, and the foursome are immediately called to go to the PAVLOV facility, which was under attack by AIM agents. The FF arrive on the scene and attack the AIM agents, but AIM has managed to free the Wizard from captivity, teleporting away with him while he spewed threats at Reed... Oh, and as a total aside that has NOTHING to do with the story, I had to laugh at the fact that the Wizard was nude in his prison cell when the AIM agents broke him out, and all they gave him was that dumb-ass helmet he wears, which Wizard went and put on his head! You'd think he'd have placed the helmet in a more... strategic area, but no, he stood there with his helmet on his head, wearing nothing else while he yelled at Reed... Back to the story, Reed heads back to the Baxter Building and is met by his daughter Valeria and his father, Nathaniel. Valeria tells Reed that she made a deal with Dr. Doom which infuriates Reed, but Reed's father, being the resident time traveler, tells Reed that Valeria did exactly what she was supposed to do. This issue ends with Reed, Valeria and Nathaniel meeting up with Doom in the bowels of the Baxter Building to welcome him into the Future Foundation.

Thoughts: This was NOT what I was expecting here... I mean, I don't really know what I was expecting, but this most certainly wasn't it. Everything in this comic seemed slightly off... Spidey joining the team was done with absolutely NO fanfare, Thing's mood swings were just all over the place(one minute he's moping in his room, the next he's eating dinner with everybody else), the stuff with Wizard made me laugh, and Doom joining the FF? Um yeah, like that doesn't have dumb idea written ALL over it! I honestly expected this issue to take the FF in a drastically new direction, and all it did was change their costumes. I can honestly say this issue left me pretty disappointed.

Score: 6 out of 10.It's mopin' time!!!


Deadpool #34:

Summary: Deadpool is still on a mission to kill the rogue moon, Id. You see, Ol' Pool was hired by some aliens to kill Id since Id snorted their homeworld... Hey, what do you want, it's a Deadpool comic! The angry aliens want to sacrifice a small farming world to distract Id, but Pool nixes that idea. Instead, Pool rescues the aliens on the farming world, taunts Id, and leads Id on a chase through the galaxy while promising the wary aliens that he had a great plan. This issue ends with Pool landing on a third alien planet to begin enacting his undoubtedly ingenious plan.

Thoughts: Yes, I know that was a very brief summary, but I have like a bazillion other comic books to get through this weekend, so a few are going to get the short end of the stick, this comic being one of them. I actually liked this comic a lot, it had that trademark Deadpool humor that all of us Poolaholics love. The only problem I had with it was Deadpool's “plan”... I haven't the foggiest notion WHAT DP was up to for most of this issue, but then again, it was Deadpool coming up with the plan, so maybe it was for the best that I had no clue what he was planning. Anyway, good, fun stuff here, so no real complaints!

Score: 8 out of 10.It's always a good idea to go with the plan from your brain.

Quick Hits: 3/25/11

Batman: The Dark Knight #2:

Summary: Still searching for missing socialite Dawn Golden, Batman's(Bruce Wayne this time around) search brings him to the Penguin's headquarters, where he finds an amulet that belonged to Dawn. Penguin sics his goons on Bats, but we all know how well that's going to work out. Needless to say, Bats easily dispatches of the goons and chases after Penguin, who decides to run away... Um yeah, I don't see Penguin winning THAT race... While that epic race is going on, Killer Croc breaks out of police custody and begins to make his way to the Penguin's base. Bats catches up to Penguin and demands to know what he did with Dawn, while Penguin claims he knows nothing. Not believing the fowl villain(heh heh), Bats breaks Penguin's arm and leg(!!), while Alfred listens in shock from the Batcave. By this point Croc arrives on the scene and knocks the feral Batman unconscious before he can do any more damage to Penguin. The two villains take Bats to a warehouse, tie him to a chair and wire him to some explosives, because villains can't resist a good deathtrap... Eventually Bats wakes up and sees a TV sitting in front of him, with Penguin on it(from the hospital). Penguin taunts Bats a bit before he switches the video feed to Dawn, who is being tortured elsewhere. Bats becomes infuriated and Penguin tells him that the explosives were wired to Batman's heart rate, meaning if he became too upset, he'd explode. Besides that, some girl steals the Batmobile, Ragman eats a hobo and it appears the reason Bats flipped out on Penguin was because he was under the influence of Dawn's amulet. Oh, and Etrigan was there too.

Thoughts: Man did a lot happen in this issue... First off, I was hard pressed to remember what the hell happened in the last issue since it came out MONTHS ago! Once I started reading though, I found myself enjoying the story, even though it did contain my second most hated villain of all time, Penguin. So Penguin did have Dawn all along, even though we have no idea why. We also don't know why Dawn's amulet drove Bats loco, although I'm guessing that's why Jason Blood summoned Etrigan... Either that or because Ragman was on a hobo-eating rampage... To be honest, after reading this comic, if I was forced to read only one Batman book a month, this would EASILY be the one I choose. It wasn't perfect, but it was quite engaging, something all of the other Batman books currently are not.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.If Bats would have broken Penguin's neck, I would have given this comic a perfect score!


Batman Incorporated #4:

Summary: A lot of this issue dealt in flashbacks to the early crimefighting days of Batman(Bruce Wayne). Basically, Kathy Kane was a bored woman with a lot of time and money on her hands, and she decided to become the first Batwoman. She eventually hooks up with Batman, which annoys Robin(Dick Grayson) to no end. The two get quite serious before Kathy breaks it off and leaves a heartbroken Bruce behind. We learn that Kathy was apparently the daughter of “an unrepentant Nazi master criminal”(according to Grant Morrison at least), and that her evil Nazi father wanted her to marry Bruce, and then reveal that she was the daughter of “an unrepentant Nazi master criminal”. Kathy didn't want Bruce to learn this bizarre fact, which is why she breaks it off with him. Back in the present, Batman and Gaucho are being forced to fight to the death or else El Sombrero(that's right, the dreaded Hat!!!) drowns a few orphans. Bats and Gaucho do indeed fight, until Bats is able to bypass Sombrero's machinery and shut down his deathtrap. Gaucho's assistant Scorpiana ditches Sombrero, leaving him to the tender mercies of Bats and Gaucho. The current version of Batwoman is also in this issue, battling a woman who was pretending to be Kathy Kane. Oh, and for some reason there's a guy with smoke for a cape hanging out around penguins...

Thoughts: Grant Morrison literally makes my head hurt sometimes... What the HELL was the deal with the guy with the smoky cape?!? It just made no sense!!! Anyway, I actually enjoyed the flashback stuff(probably because most of it didn't come from the mind of Crazy Grant), while the stuff set in the present was as insane and incomprehensible as you'd expect a comic written by Morrison to be...

Score: 5 out of 10.Too bad this entire issue didn't just stick with flashbacks...


Namor #8:

Summary: Namor, Dr. Doom, Loa and some Atlantian woman are trying to find a way out of Hell. Doom discovers the way out, and tells Namor that if he survives the coming battle, Namor would owe Doom. With that Doom leaves and a mess of dead Atlantian kings and misfits attack Namor and the two women. Namor tells Loa to watch the Atlantian woman(who was messed up last issue by some angry Atlantian kings), while he deals with the demons. The demons beat the hell out of Namor, while the Atlantian woman has a conversation with some Atlantian kings who weren't that angry with Namor... Man, how many Atlantian kings inhabit Hell?! The good(ish) Atlantian kings restore the Atlantian woman's mind, which leads to her blasting the evil Atlantian demons with magic, buying Namor the time to get the three of them out of Hell. Now free from Hell, Namor yells at Cyclops and then sleeps with the Atlantian woman... In a bed of leaves... Under the sea......... And yeah, that's about it...

Thoughts: Umm... How am I even supposed to respond to that?! All I'm going to say is that I'll be dropping this series right after the Namor annual. By this point I don't think there's ANYTHING that can change that. This series is simply a car wreck.

Score: 3 1/2 out of 10.I don't blame Doom for walking out of this comic...

Quick Hits: 3/24/11

I said I'd have to get a move on with these reviews, especially in light of earlier today's rather... enthusiastic trip to the comic book shop. I mean those 20 something comics I picked up aren't gonna review themselves, so here are the last couple of comics that I needed to review from last week. Next on the agenda, THIS week's books!

Iron Man 2.0 #2:

Summary: The mystery of Palmer Addley continues here with the(thought to be) dead Palmer possessing a US soldier and making him don a suicide bomber's vest to kill several other US soldiers in Iraq. War Machine(who has been tasked with solving the riddle of how Palmer is striking from beyond the grave) heads to Suzi Endo, a world class computer expert(and possible ex of Rhodey's). Suzi manages to track the signal that set off the bomber's vest to a location in Russia, which is where Rhodey flies to. Rhodey finds an abandoned warehouse and upon further inspection discovers a whole mess of dead Russian soldiers pinned to a wall. Rhodey catches a glimpse of somebody out of the corner of his eye and pursues them, but winds up getting hit with a monster virus, which completely shuts down his armor. While laying face down, somebody walks up to the helpless War Machine and tells him to go back to the States and tell his bosses that Palmer Addley is dead. Suzi, who was keeping an eye on Rhodey after he left, manages to reboot Rhodey's hydraulic system, which gets him up off the ground, before telling him to get out of the warehouse as soon as he could. Rhodey tries to drag himself out the door, but is caught in a huge explosion before he could get clear. This issue ends with War Machine laying wrecked in a massive crater.

Thoughts: First things first, I do enjoy a good mystery. And this story is giving us a good mystery. I'm as lost as Rhodey when it comes to Palmer Addley, and how he's doing what he's doing. So yes, the story here is very good. BUT(you had to see that coming!), I don't know who many of the characters are in this series... I have NO clue who Suzi Endo is, and what her relationship to Rhodey is. I'm guessing they were an item once, but I'm not sure. That's more on me than Nick Spencer though, because I really never followed Iron Man(or War Machine) until very recently. The bottom line though is that I'm enjoying this comic, and look forward to learning more about the mystery of Palmer Addley.

Score: 8 out of 10.I hope the speech is at least interesting...


REBELS #26:

Summary: Last issue ended with Lobo killing one of Starro's lieutenants, Storm-Daughter. While Starro is more concerned with hiding the Lobo clones he had under the Psion homeworld, his other lieutenant, Smite, wants Lobo to pay for the murder. Starro decides to take the starfish off of Dox's face to find out how to beat Lobo, but Dox simply taunts Starro because he's AWESOME. Starro gets tired of hearing Dox, so he sticks th starfish back on Dox's face(HA!). Back on the planet Rann, Starro's forces are slowly beginning to overrun the planet, with Starro's mind controlling starfish attaching themselves to Adam Strange's daughter, as well as his father-in-law. Smite decides to program all of the Lobo clones the Psion's had created with the memory of how Lobo destroyed their homeworld of Czarnia, figuring the best way to beat Lobo was with an army of Lobos. Starro nixes this idea, since he didn't want to risk losing control of the Lobo clones. Smite gets sick of Starro and decides to face Lobo himself, so he could avenge Storm-Daughter's death. With Smite occupying Lobo, Starro tells all of his mind controlled Psion's to move the Lobo clones to a safer place, while he takes the mind controlled Dox to Rann to finish conquering that world. Back on Rann, Dox's son, Brainiac 3(Lyrl Dox) learns that most of Rann has been conquered by Starro's forces, meaning it was up to him to revive the near dead Tribulus to mount some kind of offensive against Starro before it was too late.

Thoughts: *sigh* I honestly can't believe this series is going to be canceled in a few short months... I say this as somebody who reads a LOT of comic books monthly(if you don't believe me, just check out any of my New Comic Day posts!), both DC and Marvel, so I'm not saying this lightly, REBELS is THE best comic coming out of DC, and probably one of the top 5 comics I read every month. As always, Tony Bedard's story was fantastic and the art was great as usual. I don't know what more to say. I'd implore people to read this comic book, but by this point it's too little too late. Before I go on a wicked rant against my fellow comic fans, and the DC hierarchy, I think it would be best to just end this review right now...

Score: 9 out of 10.That top panel made me literally laugh out loud!


Red Robin #21:

Summary: Okay, let me just say right now that there is NO earthly way I can even begin to review this comic book. It was THAT bad... All I'm going to say is that Red Robin seems to FINALLY have managed to shut down the Unternet by dooming the Madmen to live out their lives as lunatics... Oh, and in the end it appears that Anarky(Lonnie Machin) somehow manages to keep a sliver of the Unternet alive...

Thoughts: All I have to say about this comic book is this: THANK GOD this storyline is FINALLY over!!!!! This Unternet business was just a massive headache where I understood every third page. Now hopefully Fabian Nicieza can get off this Unternet kick he's apparently on so we can get some good Red Robin stories, like we used to before the Unternet junk came to the forefront.

Score: 1 1/2 out of 10.Something happened here. The end.


Birds of Prey #10:

Summary: After Calculator “killed” Oracle last issue by blowing up her helicopter, he decides to kill Huntress, Dove(good!) and Lady Blackhawk. Before he can get the job done though, Black Canary arrives on the scene, apparently not selling the mental abuse Mortis delivered to her last issue. This gives Huntress, Dove and Blackhawk the chance to break out of their bonds, while Hawk also shows up to lend a hand. Calculator tries to get away, but is caught by Huntress, who lets him go, but not before telling him that by killing Oracle he'd be facing the full wrath of the entire super-hero community. After all the Calculator stuff is taken care of, we head to the Batcave, where we learn Oracle is still alive(duh). She tells Batman(Bruce Wayne), Batman(Dick Grayson), Red Robin, Batgirl, and that worthless pain in the ass Misfit that she was still alive, but that she would only be working with them from this point forward, since too many bad guys had learned of her existence. And that's pretty much that.

Thoughts: Eh. It's not like this comic was bad or anything, it just didn't do anything to impress me. I like that Oracle faked her death, since that does take her off the radar of the villains, thus making the villains a bit more sloppy, but the rest of this issue was meh. I still hate that Hawk and Dove are on this team, it was never really explained how Black Canary managed to escape Mortis's mental torture, and Huntress letting Calculator go bothered me(even though I get why she did it). Plus I had to see Misfit, which always puts me in a bad mood. So yeah, this wasn't a bad comic, but it definitely wasn't something I'd want to spend a whole mess of time talking/thinking about.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Now THAT is a big gun!


X-Factor #217:

Summary: Rictor, Madrox, Shatterstar and Longshot head to the graveyard where Jameson's general friend was killed a few issues back to see if Longshot could use his powers to “see” who shot the general. Meanwhile, Monet and Strong Guy come across some people protesting mutants and Muslims and begin to debate them. Mayor Jameson soon arrives on the scene and ALSO begins to debate... Ugh. Longshot manages to see who shot the general, and Rictor uses a facial recognition program to create a picture of the woman. Madrox sends the woman's picture to the other members of X-Factor, and Monet and Strong Guy spot the woman in the crowd of protesters heading towards Jameson. Strong Guy gets in front of her, and she shoots him through the chest with her finger(which fires some sort of energy bullets). With the crowd now panicked, a secondary sniper from above sets her sights on Jameson.

Thoughts: I didn't like this issue AT ALL! It was WAAAAY too preachy for my tastes. I like my politics on my TV(so I don't have to watch it!) and my entertainment in my comic books. Sure, some comics can get across a political message in a clever, non-browbeating sort of way, but this comic just irked me. And I say that as somebody who AGREES with the message Peter David was delivering through Monet and Mayor Jameson! Even still, I didn't think the protest scenes had any place in this comic, and it REALLY hurt my enjoyment of this usually good series.

Score: 2 1/2 out of 10.Please, let's not get into the Longshot/Shatterstar relationship again...


Batman #708:

Summary: Batman(Dick Grayson) is still suffering the aftereffects of being stabbed by Azrael and his magical sword. Don't ask me when that happened, because I have no clue. After a restless night sleep in which Dick was plagued by dreams of a circus performer from Haley's Circus being beaten to death(which he has NO memory of), Dick heads out after hearing about some lunatic running rampant in Gotham. Dick arrives on the scene and sights a floating man throwing fire and swords at all of the “sinners” he sees around him. Red Robin and Catwoman arrive on the scene to help, but the madman is too much for them, as he batters them with his myriad of powers. Azrael arrives on the scene and tells the madman to stop, revealing that the guy was named the Crusader. Azrael tells the Bat-members not to worry about Crusader, since he always listened to Azrael, but Dick wants Crusader taken to prison for all the damage/death he caused. Azrael says no, and vanishes with Crusader in a puff of smoke and fire. From there we head just outside of Gotham where we learn Ra's Al Ghul was enhancing the powers of some guy named Fireball so he'd be able to destroy all of Gotham. It appears that Azrael, Crusader and Fireball are working for Al Ghul, and are testing the heroes of Gotham. If the heroes fail the test, then Al Ghul intends on destroying the entire city.

Thoughts: This is actually the beginning of a crossover with at least Red Robin, and possibly Gotham City Sirens(even though that's just a guess on my part). I have to admit, I've never cared for this new Azrael, plus I don't know who Crusader and Fireball are... I have no idea when Dick was stabbed by Azrael, or what the deal with Dick's weird dreams were. So there were a lot of things I just couldn't enjoy here, because I had no clue what was going on! I did like seeing Ra's towards the end of this issue, because he is one of my favorite Bat-villains. But besides that, there were just too many times I sat back and had no idea what I was reading.

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.What's a Batman review without the obligatory shirtless Dick Grayson pic?