Monday, June 8, 2009

NEW Avengers #53!

(sigh)It's time to stop avoiding this comic... OK, my mind is clear, and I'm ready(but not really willing)to give this a read. The DREAD LORD BENDIS has decided for some inexplicable reason to "disassemble"(that's codeword for DESTROY)Dr. Strange. May God have mercy on you Stephen Strange, for the DREAD LORD will have none... With the niceties out of the way, on with the review!

-Where do I even begin? I know, I'll start with the beginning! The Avengers(the NEW Avengers that is)are flying in a Quinjet over New Orleans in search of Daimon Hellstrom, who Dr. Strange(AKA that dude the DREAD LORD neutered)figures might be next in line to become the next Sorcerer Supreme.

-While the Avengers are bickering(it's a BENDIS written comic book, OF COURSE there's bickering!)in the plane, the Eye of Agamotto decides its had enough of the annoying dialogue and leaves. Dr. Strange(being neutered)sits there and weakly says he doesn't know why the Eye took off like that. Cause it hates you Doc. THAT'S why it left!

-From a nearby rooftop Madame Masque strikes the Quinjet with a rocket from a rocket launcher, doing hardly any damage. Wow, that Quinjet is tough! Wolvie and Spidey leap from the plane to get her, but MM whips out a machine gun and proceeds to turn Wolvie into Swiss cheese. Spidey takes Wolvie to safety and MM fires another rocket at the Quinjet. Dr. Strange manages to disassemble the rocket with magic before it hits the jet... Well if he can do that, why the hell can't he just capture Masque?

-As Spider-Woman jumps out of the jet, MM tosses a couple of smoke bombs around in order to obscure SW's vision. SW and MM fight hand-to-hand in the smoke until MM pulls out handgun and prepares to shoot SW in the head. Cap tosses his shield and knocks the gun out of MM's hand(through the smoke?!?)and SW knocks MM off the roof. Of course when the NEW Avengers look off the roof for MM, she's gone. Come on Spider-Woman you NEVER knock the villain off of a roof! They ALWAYS vanish when you do!

-While all this is going on Daimon and the Hood are having a meeting of the minds. Over a span of 2 pages, Daimon calls Hood a "jerk off", a "bitch", and tells Hood to "####" off... What the hell??? Has the DREAD LORD ever read a comic book with Daimon in it? Wait, don't answer that, I already know the answer... Daimon has always been a cool, intellectual character, one who is almost scornful towards common mortals. Not the screaming, adolescent punk that appears in this comic.

-Eventually, after Daimon is done hurling childish insults, the two battle, and before you know it they wind up on the street.

-Meanwhile, MM has grabbed a woman on the street and is holding her at gunpoint. Ms. Marvel and Spidey approach the situation and the three of them posture for a bit. Cap finally has enough and shoots MM in the head. Well, thank you Cap! Don't worry though, MM was just knocked out by the shot. By the way, where the hell was MM hiding all of those weapons?

-By this point, Luke Cage and Dr. Strange have joined with Daimon to battle the Hood. They fight for a while and Strange begins to wonder where the Eye of Agamotto has gone. On que, Brother Voodoo shows up sporting the Eye.

Oh god... Please don't tell me the DREAD LORD is going to make Brother Voodoo the new Sorcerer Supreme. Brother Voodoo, the quintessential d-lister, a character who has NEVER even had his own series, even though he's been around FOREVER, is the Sorcerer Supreme now??? Guess what, Brother Voodoo is just not a very interesting character. Never was, never will be.

There are SO many other ways BENDIS could have gone here. Jennifer Kale, Wiccan, Doom or Loki, or of course Wanda Maximoff would have all been much better choices. Personally, I'd have gone with Wiccan. He's a somewhat established character, and being as young as he is, Dr. Strange could have become his mentor. From there, you could have Wiccan(along with Doc Strange)dealing with all of the magical threats in the Marvel U such as Doom and Dormammu. Plus there's his connection with Wanda which would have been fun to investigate. But no, we get Brother Voodoo... Hurrah...

What more is there to say? Once again, the DREAD LORD has proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he shouldn't be allowed within 100 yards of any type of writing apparatus. Brother Voodoo... The Sorcerer Supreme... HaHaHa!!! If it wasn't so absurd, it would be hilarious. For a score, I'll give this comic a 3 out of 10 before I put it away deep in my comic book collection, where it will never see the light of day again.

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