Sunday, February 27, 2011

Brightest Day #20 and Green Lantern #62.

Well, I've put it off for over a week now. I think it's high time I finally got this over with. Yes X-Maniacs, it's time for... *shudder* my Brightest Day review... As most of you know, I hate everything about Brightest Day. Everything! But although I hate Brightest Day, I do enjoy doing reviews for it... It's always fun to tear something you can't stand to pieces and my Brightest Day reviews have become cathartic to me. Go figure. Besides the Brightest Day review, I'm also going to review the most recent issue of Green Lantern, or as it's better known as; Chairman Johns' love letter to... well himself. Since I now passionately hate everything written by our beloved Chairman, I'll be scoring BOTH of these comics using Brightest Day Rules. For the uninitiated, When I score something using Brightest Day Rules I figure whatever I'll be reading will be the WORST thing I have EVER read, and as such start the comic out at a 0. If things I enjoy happen(say Saint Barry Allen getting beheaded), I add points to the score. If bad/dumb/nonsensical things happen(like Aquaman crying over his lopped off hand), I deduct points. Makes sense to me! One more thing, if you're a DC fanboy, a fan of Chairman Johns or Geoff Johns himself, you should stop reading now. Seriously, you won't like this review! Then again, if you ARE Chairman Johns keep reading... Okay, enough with the intro, let's commence the mental torture!!!

Brightest Day #20(of ∞):

Summary: It's an all-Aquaman BONANZA!!! Aqualad prevents Black Manta from killing Sad Aquaman, so Manta decides to kill Aqualad for his transgression. Unfortunately for Manta(but fortunately for DC's animation department), Mera and Aquagirl... um, 3? 4? 8? Oh I don't know... Let's just say the current Aquagirl arrive on the scene to deal with Manta and his EVIL Atlantian allies. Aqualad cauterizes Sad Aquaman's boo-boo and Sad Aquaman takes the battle to the EVIL Atlantians. Mera realizes that since there were only 4 good guys and 100 bad guys they PROBABLY wouldn't be able to win the battle(now that's good, logical thinking!), so she creates a giant wave to drag the EVIL Atlantians back into the ocean. The Aqua-family follows suit and somehow Aqualad opens a portal back to the Bermuda Triangle and sends the EVIL Atlantians, as well as that cad Black Manta back to their prison. The Aquas are happy at this sudden, and completely out of the blue turn of events and celebrate. Or at least they do until Aliveman shows up and That Damned White Ring kills Sad Aquaman. Kills him good!

Thoughts: Okay, what do we have here... First off, +3 for DC actually dedicating the ENTIRE issue to one story! I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather read one linear story as opposed to 31 different stories in the same comic. +2 for Manta trying to kill Aqualad, because that's what a good arch-enemy SHOULD do! -1 for the all too obvious eventual Aqualad/Aquagirl relationship... If you wanted a Aqualad/Aquagirl relationship, DC, then you shouldn't have killed off the Garth and Tula!!! -1 for Black Manta claiming he “gutted” Aquababy... That's not even CLOSE to the truth! -2 for Sad Aquaman crying AGAIN! What the hell is up with him?!? +3 for Sad Aquaman sending a horde of dead sea life after the EVIL Atlantians, because let's face it, NOBODY wants to be eaten by a dead shark. +1 for Sad Aquaman kissing Mera, because that's another pic for my other blog! And -1 for Sad Aquaman not getting a chance to cry at the end of when That Damned White Ring killed him... I mean crying is his gimmick now! How does he die and not get to unleash a torrent of waterworks?! So after some addition and subtraction we get a final score of...

Score: 4 out of 10. Hey, that's a HUGE improvement over last issue's -356! Good job!Look! He's crying again!!!

Green Lantern #62: It's written by our Lord and Savior, Chairman Johns, so it MUST be good!!!

Summary: Krona attacks Hal Jordan The Great or as he's better known as, “He Who Has Never Done Anything Wrong Because He Was Possessed, Dammit!!!” to start this train wreck out. During Hal The Great and Krona's battle we get some snippets of who Krona is and what his major malfunction is. Eventually Krona gets the better of Hal The Great, but not before Hal The Great gets a good shot in on Krona because he's, you know, Great. The other members of the Lite-Brite Brigade(ROLL CALL!!! Saint Walker! Larfleeze! Indigo-1! Atrocitus!) attack Krona but get their asses handed to them, which makes sense since Krona controls the entities that power the members of the Lite-Brite Brigade... Gee, maybe they should have realized that... Anyway, Krona manages to steal the Rage entity away from Atrocitus, which gives him the full collection of Lite-Brite entities. Krona blasts the Lite-Briters into unconsciousness and leaves, at which time we get a glimpse into the future(um, why?) where it appears one of the Green Lanterns of the Earth sector dies... Grr... Anyway, Hal wakes up, blows off Saint Barry, Batman and Superman and decides to leave Earth with his Lite-Brite Brigade buddies to hunt down Krona and... um, let's say give Krona a severe scolding when they find him.

Thoughts: God help me I HATE this series! I mean hate it with every fiber of my being! If I were to run out of toilet paper THIS would be the first thing I bring into the bathroom with me! Thankfully I only have one or two more issues of this garbage left on my subscription before I can turn my back on this series forever. Forever!!! Well, let's get the scoring done so I can burn this comic book... Right off the bat a -1 because Hal Jordan was in this comic. Continuing along those lines we'll give a -25 because of Saint Barry was here. I will give a +5 for Hal telling Saint Barry not to run because it was so funny... I mean Hal, I don't know if you realize this, but running(and screwing over Wally West) is all Saint Barry can do! -2 for Hal actually injuring Krona because it made NO SENSE! How the hell can you harm a Guardian of the Universe with a GL ring?! Not only that, but how can you harm Krona with willpower when he controls the Ion entity?!? Dumb. -5 for Larfleeze appearing, but a +2 for Hector Hammond tearing into the minds of Hal and the Lite-Brite Brigade, just because it caused Hal pain. +10 for Krona knocking all of the useless members of the Lite-Brite Brigade out. -10 for Larfleeze talking, but +20 for Batman calling Hal out for being an asshole. And finally, -50 for Hal stating the he was possessed by Parallax... No Chairman Johns, Hal WASN'T possessed by Parallax. He went insane and became a villain NAMED Parallax. Retcon it all you want, I'll NEVER accept it. Jesus, what an ass Geoff Johns must be to crap all over the work of other writers just to push his(and Dan Didio's) personal favorite characters at the expense of everything that had been done. I hope like HELL that 20 years from now some writer just retcons EVERYTHING Johns has done these past 10 years because that would be SO fitting. Let's get the math work done so I can end this post and read a comic that is actually good...

Score: -56 out of 10. The second lowest score I've ever given a comic book. And you know what? It sure as hell deserved it.I had to pick some page from this comic, I might as well pick this one.


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  2. Lmmfao, I didn't even notice him crying there until you pointed it out, damn... Arthur stays crying.

    I know it's not a term of endearment, but can I be JT The Great? Cause that name is awesome. Anyway, I'm betting Guy takes the dirt nap. John can't die cause he's black, which saves him since DC doesn't want bad minority press, Kyle was "killed" in BN and Hal will never die again. Unless they do a cop out and kill Ganthet.

    Lmao @ The TP line, since when did Hal turn into Barry Allen? Hell you hate him just as much now. And speaking of gimmicks, my new gimmick is to use your blog to make you look like a flip flopper. Exhibits below:

    "Although I really like Larfleeze(mine, mine, mine!!!)the story was a little bit all over the place for my taste." - Green Lantern 39 review

    "Geoff Johns wrote this comic book. For those of you not in the know, that means this issue was spectacular! From cover to cover, Geoff did an awesome job, told a great story and continues to put the Blackest Night into motion, leaving me nearly drooling in anticipation of this summer's mega-event." - Green Lantern 38 review

    My work here is done. :P

  3. Okay, you can be JT the Great. In many ways you're JUST like Hal to me! :P I figured it would be either Kyle or Guy. I forgot that Kyle already went(in a way), but Guy DOES have his own book right now... I'd give the SLIGHT edge to Kyle dying, at which point I stop reading pretty much every DC comic in protest.

    All this means is that I GROW. You remain stagnant! I guess you still watch Sesame Street! :P Sure Larfleeze was funny as a joke character originally, but the joke grew stale over a year ago! And yes, I WAS psyched for Blackest Night, and then it actually happened... Did I really say "drooling in anticipation"?! *shakes head*

  4. That's why Guy is the most likely to die, cause he's the least obvious due to him having a series now.

    Lol just admit you flip flop more than John Kerry at a tanning salon, X. Come on.... Come on.... Come on.....

  5. Marvel actually did something pretty similar a few years back. Hawkeye had an ongoing series that was canceled and he ended up dying in the Avengers comic soon thereafter. I mean I guess Kilowog, Arisia and either John or Kyle could take Guy's spot, or they could just axe the title. Well, if I had to choose one of the Earth-born GL's I'm sorry to say I'd go with Guy. My first choice would def be Hal, but that's obviously not happening.

    No, I WON'T admit it! It's not like I promised to always like Chairman Johns' writing no matter what! Now if you can find an instance of me stating that I'd NEVER complain about The Chairman no matter what, then you've got me. But until then, I won't admit to anything! Hell, if Brubaker, Miller, David, Vaughn, Winick or anybody else wrote their company into the ground you KNOW I'd complain about it! Just look at the way I used to go on and on about Bendis and Marvel!

  6. Based on recent events it'll probably become Sodam's title since their already kinda grooming him for that role.

    Haha, very adamant about this one eh? I think the best part is how I used your blog against you, I feel like Calculator. :P

  7. I wouldn't mind Sodam taking Guy's role in Emerald Warriors at all, actually. I've always liked him, and I'd be more than happy to read about him, Arisia and Kilowog. I'm still VERY weary though...

    Yes, yes I am. I'm still a bit fuzzy on how you used my blog against me here though... So a year/a year and a half ago I was REALLY into Chairman Johns' writing. Six years ago I was really into Bendis's work. Two years ago Bendis was my least favorite writers. Today I can tolerate and occasionally thoroughly enjoy Bendis's work. I mean just because I like something today doesn't mean I'll like it forever. I'm gonna go over to your blog and find something uncomplimentary you said about Judd Winick and use it against you now. You know that, right? :P

  8. Yeah that's probably the best choice, I mean it could be a back up GLC's since that's basically all about the Honor Guard now.

    Excuses excuses X. And go ahead, you'll NEVER find me bad mouthing Judd, cause he's not Landry, Yostm Morrison or Tony Daniel

  9. Like I said, I'd be fine with that. I won't breathe easy until it happens though. I still SWEAR Chairman Johns is gonna use this as his chance to kill off Kyle. Maybe even as a trial run to see what kind of backlash he gets. Who knows, once Kyle goes, Wally could very well be next.

    We'll see, JT. We'll see... I still say I'll be able to find some little snippet somewhere where you say Winick didn't write a certain issue all that well. And when I do... Anyway, poor Landry!

  10. I won't say anything bad about Johns until he kills off someone I like, he may have made Wally irrelevant but Kyle still shines now and then so maybe Wally can find his niche.

    Haha, look who's talking, giving out negative 56's and stuff, all I gave was a few N/A's, you're the real monster here! :P

  11. So what would do it exactly? Would it take him killing off Jason Todd? Because that would be going overboard even for The Chairman! "Dammit! Todd was created AFTER 1969!!! He MUST be destroyed!!!"

    HA!!! You calling me a "monster" nearly had me do a spit take at my laptop! That is beyond awesome!!! If I ever do a "What People Are Saying..." type thing like you and Kello have I'll be SURE to use that! Right as the first line!

  12. Lol not just Todd, reverting important Batman mythos, killing Kyle or Wally, stuff of that nature.

    Lmao you definitely should, imagine being someone new finding this blog and seeing that as you proudly display it. That'd be SO awesome.

  13. See, you're more of a Bat-fan... That's the problem here. Well not that you're a Bat-fan, but the difference in opinion we're having. I own and have read the ENTIRE Kyle Rayner GL run. I have dozens(hundreds?) of Wally West Flash comics. I'd actually consider myself more of a GL and Flash fan than a Batman or Supes fan. That's why you have nothing to fear from The Chairman and why I loathe him so much. The Chairman isn't going to mess with the Bat-books for as long as Morrison is there. If Chairman Johns is still in power when Morrison steps aside then look out. But for now he's content with destroying the parts of the DCU that I enjoy the most. After having read so many adventures starring Kyle and Wally the way they've been shunted to second-string(or in Wally's case, forth-string)status is ALMOST as bad as death... Almost.

    I'd have to find a few other insulting things said about me though... Sadly that probably won't be that hard...

  14. I kinds disagree, because with this Flashpoint crap he can change whatever he wants in the Bat books and Morrison would have to go along with it, if he made it so Catwoman never turned face, uh oh, retcon time, better call Grant and tell him to break up Bats and Cat.

    Haha, you know we love ya, ya jerk. There, now there's less hatred :P

  15. Yeah, but don't you think Morrison would nix that before it saw print? I mean whatever happens in Morrison's neck of the woods would have to be okayed by whoever the Bat-books editor is, I'm sure Morrison and possibly other Bat-writers. On the other hand, if Chairman Johns wanted to kill off Wally in Flashpoint, who's going to stop him? He controls the main(and only) Flash title, meaning that he'd simply have to get it past his editor(which I'm sure would be no biggie) and bam, done. It's REALLY close, but I'm pretty sure Morrison's books sell as well if not better than Johns', so I can't imagine DC would want any trouble between the two of them.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you say now. I'm sure in no time flat I'll be "horrible" and a "monster" again!

  16. I agree, and I'm saying if Johns kills off Wally or Kyle I'd be done with him as well because although I haven't read as much of their stuff as you I still like those characters more than any of their other name-sharing characters (except Bart) so I'd be just as upset if Geoff did that, But I'd rather Wally disappear and come back like Jason Todd recently than die and we have to wait for someone to bring him back ten years from now...

    It's horrible that you would even think of yourself as a monster... poor poor X-Man.

  17. So it takes death for you to turn on a writer... You're a bloodthirsty one my friend. :P You'd really peg Kyle as your favorite GL? I don't think we've ever really had a "Which GL is your favorite" conversation. That and "Favorite Flash" would be interesting for polls... My ONLY real problem with Wally being gone is that the longer he's gone the easier it is to kill him off. But yeah, being in limbo is definitely preferential to death. No doubt.

    Well it could be worse, I could have been a horrible monster...

  18. Haha yeah yeah. But yeah Kyle is my favorite, he's more relatable to me and everything. To be honest in order I'd probably have Kyle, Guy, John and Hal, not that I dislike Hal, I just like those three more for various reasons. Oh definitely, I agree that Wally being in Limbo makes him easier to kill but hey, DC kills people all the time that are being used like Bart and SB, so that doesn't necessarily mean he's safe even if he was in the spotlight or on a team comic. BTW that Flash poll will happen next week, so thanks.

    Oh X, don't say such things. You're a fine, upstanding citizen of the bustling metropolis that is this world.

  19. "Hal WASN'T possessed by Parallax. He went insane and became a villain NAMED Parallax. Retcon it all you want, I'll NEVER accept it. Jesus, what an ass Geoff Johns must be to crap all over the work of other writers just to push his(and Dan Didio's) personal favorite characters at the expense of everything that had been done."

    The way Johns plays with continuity drives me crazy too sometimes. It's weird, because sometimes he follows continuity to a tee, while other times, he just throws out parts of history entirely (see Black Hand).

    That said... I think the "evil entity" thing had to happen. Not just because it eventually it became a key part of the GL mythology he was building, but also because it'd be hard for fans and heroes alike to take him seriously as a hero again. If he'd been solely responsible for his actions as Parallax, Hal would probably be in a Sciencell right now.

  20. Haha, a round of applause for these reviews, X! These were some of the most entertaining I think I've ever read on your site. I think I was laughing out loud throughout the entire GL review. And I have the feeling that "Lite-Brite Brigade" is a name you made up...but this book sounds so dumb that if you told me that's what they're actually called, I'd probably believe you!

  21. There. Now you can never accuse me of not giving you a poll idea, JT. I have OFFICIALLY done my civic duty! :P

    I couldn't agree more about the bizarre way Johns picks and choses what parts of continuity he feels like obeying, Gokitalo. On one hand you have the JSA, which he seemed to stay pretty true to the original team, while on the other hand he demolished years of Green Lantern, and especially Flash mythos recently. I do have to disagree with Parallax having to become its own entity, thereby absolving Hal of his sins. Hal went evil. It happened. Then he heroically gave his life to save the galaxy. Imo, that should have been the end of Hal. He had a nice run, but it was over. I really don't see any reason he couldn't still be functioning as the Spectre, working with the JSA, etc. There's really nothing Hal's doing now that Kyle(or Guy or John) couldn't be doing in the same role.

    Thank you, Marc! I'm glad I was able to bring some off-the-wall idiocy to your life! :D I actually have to take credit for the Lite-Brite Brigade name... Or at least I think I came up with it... Meh, let's say I came up with it until I'm presented with evidence to the contrary!

  22. "There's really nothing Hal's doing now that Kyle(or Guy or John) couldn't be doing in the same role."

    Yeah, but the one thing Hal brings to the table that's really unique is his relationship with Sinestro. Not just because they were former friends, teacher and pupil, (although that's a pretty big part of it), but also because the two mirror each other. They were both considered the greatest Green Lantern at one point and they both betrayed the Corps for what they thought were the right reasons. Hal's cocky and impulsive, Sinestro's arrogant and calculating. There's a lot to explore with those two. Heck, they both even died.

    John, Kyle and Guy's relationship with their archenemies (Fatality, Major Force, Alex Nero), on the other hand, aren't quite as interesting. I do miss Kyle as Earth's GL, though. Heck, I would've loved to see John Stewart as the primary GL, especially since he was used so well in Justice League and JLU.

  23. True, but Sinestro was killed by Hal back around Green Lantern #50. I could have easily lived without the both of them, but that's just me! :P I do want to say that I'm impressed by your knowledge of Kyle's GL enemies, Gokitalo. As you can probably tell, I am and probably always will be a bigger fan of Kyle than Hal, so that shades a lot of my opinions. I do actually think that Nero COULD have become Kyle's Sinestro if DC would have played their cards right. Major Force was more or less a one trick pony, and Fatality was okay, but not really arch-enemy material. Nero, especially with his yellow ring and TOTAL insanity could/should have become Kyle's Sinestro. Oh, and I TOTALLY second you on John Stewart. He is a tragically underutilized character with such a rich history...