Friday, August 7, 2009

My rant against New Avengers #55

Well, this is it. I've been putting off reading this comic all day, but the time has finally come. Now, let's face facts, this is going to be bad. You know it and I know it. The real question is, just how bad is it going to get? Are we talking pounding headache bad or gouging your own eyes out and then drinking hydrochloric acid bad? The only way to find out is to crack this comic open and give it a read. This issue is written by the DREAD LORD BENDIS, with Stuart Immonen providing the pencils.

-We begin by recapping the battle between the Hood and his cronies and the Avengers from issue #50(I think). After the battle the Wrecking Crew bitches at the Hood because... Well, I'm not sure why. Does it really matter? After several pages of the Wrecker and Hood arguing, we move on... Can you believe the first 5 pages of this comic gave us a recap and then the Wrecker and Hood talking about nothing?!?

-From there we find Captain America returning to his apartment and finding it in total disarray. It seems that the New Avengers are pigs... OOOOK...

-Chemistro(an old c-list villain of Luke Cage's)meets with Dr. Harrow(an old c-list villain of Spider-Man)and the two decide to rebuild an old broken down Stark tech power drainer.

-Next up Spidey whines about revealing his secret identity to Jessica Jones.

-The Hood's gang meets up to get paid, but the Hood doesn't show. Dr. Harrow uses this opportunity to tell the villains that he has created a device that Norman Osborn himself would pay dearly to get his hands on.

-The Avengers meet and everyone talks over each other(because this is a BENDIS book!). Cap repeatedly tries to make a point, but the team just ignores him. Then to piss me off some more, Clint Barton tells the team he is all for murdering Norman Osborn. Spidey is shocked and Luke Cage tells Clint there will be no killing on the Avengers... This conversation goes on for 4 pages before Cap gets word of a super-villain running amok in Times Square.

-The team arrives in Times Square and watch as Chemistro destroys stuff. They talk about it for a while, and decide to jump in with no semblance of a plan... Of course they did... Chemistro then shoots some kind of smoke and the entire team becomes ill and falls at the feet of Chemistro, ending this issue. Wait, did I just type the entire team fell at the feet of Chemistro??? Yes, sadly it seems I did...

This issue managed to piss me off about as badly as any comic book I've read in quite some time. As a longtime fan of the Avengers, reading this crap actually hurts. Jeez, where do I even begin? I guess first off I have to question why Cap is even in this comic. If I was Ed Brubaker I would do EVERYTHING in my power to get him out of this comic. I've never made a secret of the fact that the original Captain America is one of my all-time favorite comic book characters, or that Ed Brubaker's current run on Captain America is one of my all-time favorite runs on Cap ever. With that said, it's a travesty how BENDIS is treating Cap here. Is he respected or revered? No, of course not. He's universally disrespected by everyone! I loved the way the ENTIRE team completely ignored Cap when he tried making a point at the meeting. "Oh, Captain America wants to say something? Too bad!".

Then there is Clint Barton. The man formerly known as Hawkeye. Clint Barton, Mr. Avenger, the guy who has been a member of the team longer than any other current Avenger, has to be told by Spider-Man and Luke Cage that Avengers don't kill?!?!? Are you frigging kidding me??? Yeah, sure Clint has always been a bit hot-headed, but can somebody tell me when he began to advocate murder? Spider-Man explaining how to act heroically to Clint has got to be one of the all-time low-lights in an Avengers comic book ever. As a big-time fan of Hawkeye, his mischaracterization in this comic book is really unforgivable. I mean, come on, Clint once separated from his wife after she allowed the Phantom Rider(a man who raped her)to fall to his death. Clint couldn't forgive Mockingbird for not saving her rapist, but he would happily murder Osborn? Get the hell out of here.

Then, the cherry on top of this pile of crap is the fact that Chemistro, a third-rate loser from the old Luke Cage comics, manages to defeat the ENTIRE team! For real? If I don't end this review now, I'll probably go stark raving mad. For a score, this abortion earns a 1 1/2 out of 10, easily one of my lowest scores ever. The story was garbage, and the dialogue consisted of everybody arguing and talking over each other(as usual). Ugh... I need a drink.Spider-Man lecturing longtime Avenger Clint Barton(Hawkeye)on being a super-hero... Are you kidding me BENDIS?

1 comment:

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