Throwback Tuesday: Featuring Action Comics #436.

Hey X-Maniacs, X here with a new feature here at the blog.  JT and I were talking the other day, and the topic of the Tuesday review happened to come up.  Since Monday has the Best of the Rest post, which usually has like a gazillion comics in it, a standalone review for Tuesday seemed kind of unnecessary...  I mean, instead of doing a post for something on Tuesday, why not just drop that review into the BotR post.  But that leaves us without a post for Tuesday...  We could have put a scan up, but that would mean I have to scan something, and that tends to be a bit of a pain in the ass at times...  We could just not do anything on Tuesday, but JT was oddly against that idea.  So in the end we've decided to review some random comic from the past.  Something from before this blog was started, and preferably something idiotic, and therefore, fun to rip to pieces.  We plan on alternating weeks, so I'll tackle this week, while JT takes over for next Tuesday.  For the record, JT chose this comic for me to review after I sent him a list of books I have.  So, as usual, if this review sucks?  It's all JT's fault!  One more thing, this post is very changeable, and we'll keep experimenting until we hit on a format that feels right.  Okay, now we can go!

Action Comics #436 (June 1974)

Summary: This issue gets underway with some alien hippies levitating a box of magic cigars up to Perry White's office at the Daily Planet.  Once their job is done, the alien hippies teleport back to their planet.  I think I'll call their planet... Um, let's go with Alieppie.  'Cause I combined "Alien" and "Hippy" you see.  Anyway, Perry learns he had won the Pulitzer Prize for a third time, and WGBS-TV wants to do a big piece on him...  Slow news day in Metropolis, I see.  To that end, WGBS-TV sends Clark Kent to get them the story, because he's working as WGBS-TV's anchorman on their six o'clock news...  Wait, so SUPERMAN is the anchorman on the six o'clock news!?  And NOBODY in Metropolis is able to put one plus one together!?  Clark and Perry get together catch a plane to New York, which is where Perry's ceremony is being held.  Unfortunately for the duo, the pilot of the plane passes out, and the plane goes into a tailspin.  Clark gets up to change to his Superman guise and save the day, while Perry sits there and wishes he had the power to do something.  After that wish, Perry leans against the wall of the plane and falls out, at which time he proceeds to fly over to the plane and manages to carry it down for a landing.  It should go without saying that Supes is rather surprised to witness THAT, as is Perry.  However, Perry White suddenly being able to fly and having super-strength isn't important enough for the two to, oh, I don't know, head to STAR Labs to get Perry checked out or something...  Instead, Perry and Clark head to the ceremony where Clark is bullied by a former college classmate.  Perry angrily wishes he could turn the tables on Clark's bully, which causes him to blow a massive gust of wind, knocking the surprised bully over.  The building then begins to shake and a pillar comes loose(Really?!), so Perry flies over and catches it before it can fall on anybody.  The people at the ceremony decide that Perry HAS to be Superman, because they're a blind gaggle of idiots or something. Perry spots something happening outside, and heads out, as does Clark, who by this time has switched to being Supes.  The two spot a massive tank with a drill in front emerging from the ground, and neither man can stop the dread drill-tank...  Really Supes?  THAT'S what you can't beat?!  Supes uses his X-Ray vision on the drill-tank and realizes that it was being powered by a nuclear energy.  Luckily for all of New York, Supes somehow knows that there was a secret nuclear generator underneath the building where Perry was accepting his award(WHY???), and Supes absorbs the nuclear energy from the generator WHAT???), which depowers the drill-tank.  Without his drill-tank, the driver meekly surrenders.  The press surrounds Perry and asks how long he had been Superman, so Perry tells them that he wasn't Superman, but for the past few hours, anytime he asked for a super-power he got it.  And the press seems to accept that as a valid answer!!!  "Oh, that makes perfect sense, Perry!  Sorry to bother you."  Perry decides to ask how he got his powers and is mentally shown the alien hippies delivering him their far-out cigars.  Perry realizes that he had smoked the entire box of cigars except for one(a whole box of cigars in like half a day?  Damn!).  This issue ends with Perry storing the last magic cigar in a wall safe in his office in the event he ever needed super-powers again.

Thoughts: So yeah, this comic really happened...  Back in the mid-70's, somebody at DC actually asked, "What would happen if Perry White smoked magic cigars that gave him super-powers?"  And an editor actually signed off on such a story!  Methinks Perry wasn't the only one smoking magic cigars...  This issue really went a long way in showing how incredibly stupid the press is though...  There are pictures of Superman.  He had been interviewed by the Daily Planet repeatedly.  We know what he looks like.  And yet, the press immediately figured Perry was Superman!  I mean, how the hell does THAT work?!  "He can fly!  He MUST be Superman!"  I mean, if they saw Wonder Woman fly by, would they automatically assume SHE was Superman too?  What a bunch of idiots!  And don't even get me started on Clark Kent: 6 o'clock anchorman...  The 70's must have been SO damn weird...  Anyway, if you're a fan of Perry White, or magic cigars, then THIS is the comic book for YOU!

Pages in this story: 13.
Times Supes exclaims "Great Krypton!": 1.
Times Perry exclaims "Great Caesar's Ghost!": 4!