Really Quick Hits! 3/19/11 edition

Over the course of the past two days I have managed to... instead of review, let's say summarize 14 comic books. After looking back at the books I wrote about, I'm pretty disappointed... The highest score any of these books got from me was a 7 1/2, which is a score I give to a comic that was only SLIGHTLY above average. As a matter of fact, many, if not most, of these books were below a 6, which means they were below average reads. That's really pretty bad... Interestingly, 9 out of the 14 books were DC titles, which I guess explains why the scores were so lackluster... On a positive note, this is my 100th post of the year! That's about the only good thing about this post...

Wonder Woman #608:

What Happened: Cheetah, Artemis and Giganta(who are Amazons now) beat Wonder Woman: The Teenage Amazon down for a while because they want to kill her as revenge for Wonder Woman abandoning them, or maybe they wanted to capture her for the mysterious Morrigan... I really don't know, or quite frankly care. The Morrigan themselves seem like they now suddenly DON'T want WW to join their ranks, and we end this one with Dr. Psycho saving WW from the trio of phony Amazons.

Thoughts: What can I say here that I haven't hit on before? I just can't get into this story at all. I think we're 8 or 9 issues into J. Michael Staczynski's WW story, and I honestly have NO idea what's going on. I mean after nearly TEN issues of this story, shouldn't we have SOME idea of what the hell is going on, why WW is now a Teenage Amazon, and who/what the Morrigan are all about? Every issue it's just more and more confusion... I don't get it.

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.Look out, Wonder Woman: The Teenage Amazon! It's Cheetah: The Sudden Amazon!!!


Titans #33:

What Happened: Deathstroke, Cinder, Cheshire and That Worthless Junkie, sneak onto an island to kill some guy named Drago. Unfortunately for Deathstroke, Drago knew Deathstroke was coming. How'd he know? Because That Worthless Junkie and Cheshire have finally turned on Deathstroke. After an extended fight scene, Cinder is knocked out and Deathstroke is captured and brought before Drago, who pulls out Deathstroke's eye... With his bare hand... Really.........

Thoughts: I... I don't even know what to say anymore. I mean after that last page, what more is there TO say?! What's the purpose of having some feeb LITERALLY pull Deathstroke's eye out? What's the endgame here? Is Slade gonna go all Daredevil and do his thing blind? Is he going to simply... I don't know, stick his eye back in his head and carry on like nothing happened? I thought this series was on the upswing, I recall enjoying the past few issues, but that sure came to a screeching halt with this issue. Ah DC... You find new ways to depress me every single month...

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.Yoink!


Superboy #5:

What Happened: This is the second ever, or as DC is calling it, The FIRST EVER Race Between Kid Flash and Superboy!!!!!!! issue. The two agree to race with the proceeds going to benefit Smallville. So the two teenage heroes run around the globe, inexplicably staying neck and neck the entire time, and then Krypto wins the race.........

Thoughts: What the hell did I do to deserve this?!?!?! Is it because I said Dan Didio sucks?! Is it the way I've been insulting Chairman Johns lately?!? I mean seriously, why is this happening to me?!?! *sigh* Okay X, take a deep breath and calm down... This is one of the few times I finished a comic book and literally cursed aloud after reading it. It was that incredibly bad. Not only that, it was insulting. I literally felt insulted after reading this comic. First off, Bart Allen has already proven that he is light years faster than Superboy. Don't believe me? Then CLICK HERE. But as I was reading this I was thinking, “Maybe Bart doesn't want to embarrass SB too badly in his hometown.” Sure, it SEEMED like Bart was giving the race his all, but like I said, maybe he was holding back. So as the issue rolled along, I figured we'd get a tie or something. And then Krypto, who wasn't even a part of the race won... I don't even want to talk about this anymore. Needless to say, this series just lost a reader.

Score: 0 out of 10.Go to hell, Krypto.


Batman and Robin #21:

What Happened: Some new villain named the White Knight is running around killing off the families of anybody who has ever been incarcerated in Arkham Asylum. By the end of this issue he's managed to kill Victor Zsasz's brother and the Mad Hatter's family, stymie the Gotham Police Department(big shock there!) as well as leave Batman(Dick Grayson) and Robin in his dust.

Thoughts: Hey, somebody sound the alarms, this was actually a GOOD comic book! After the past three DC comics I read/posted about, I REALLY needed something like this. The story is really strong, with Dick and Damian managing to figure out what the White Knight's game was(killing off the family members of Arkham's infamous), but not knowing who the Knight was going to strike against next, since it could be almost anyone. The fight scenes were good, the story was good, the art was good, the dialogue was good, and Commissioner Gordon didn't rough Damian up this issue. I have no complaints here.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.My current Windows background!


Captain America: The Korvac Saga #4(of 4):

What Happened: Captain America(Steve Rogers) manages to convince future Galactus to give him the Ultimate Nullifier to put an end to the threat of Korvac. Cap confronts Korvac with the Nullifier but is unable to convince himself that nullifying Korvac was the right thing to do. Korvac takes advantage of Cap's hesitation and snatches the Nullifier, but since his mind wasn't properly focuses, it nullifies Korvac, ending his threat. With that, Galactus sends Cap back to the 21st century and we can call this mini-series a wrap.

Thoughts: Eh, no complaints here. I mean I doubt I'll remember this mini-series a week from now, but as it was, it was an okay way to spend a few minutes. This issue, like most of this mini-series was good. And hey, good is better than bad!

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.That Galactus is such a class act!


Batman Incorporated #3:

What Happened: Batman(Bruce Wayne) heads to Argentina to dance the Tango of Death and try to convince Gaucho to join his Batman Inc. initiative. Gaucho turns Bats down, even after Bats assists Gaucho defeat a few of his Argentinian enemies. In the end, Bats and Gaucho are trapped by the thought-to-be-dead villain, El Sombrero, which literally translates to “The Hat”...

Thoughts: I literally have no earthly idea what I just read here. None. There were blue scorpions, a hot air balloon, Batman pretending to be Bruce Wayne in order to dance, and a villain whose name is literally The Hat. The Hat! If ever you need proof that Grant Morrison is insane, then read this comic book.

Score: 3 out of 10.Yup, Batman returned in order to dance.


Batman: Streets of Gotham #20:

What Happened: Dr. Death thinks back to his origin while he's working on some drugs for his new boss, Hush. However, Hush figures out that Dr. Death was going to double-cross him, so he knocks Death out and steals Death's drugs.

Thoughts: I honestly had no problem with this comic. I can imagine that some people would, since this storyline was supposed to be about Hush, and he only appeared on maybe three or four pages, but I actually enjoyed Dr. Death's origin enough to overlook the lack of Hush. I think there are only two more issues left before this series is being canceled, so I'd have to hope that Hush(finally!) takes center stage next issue and reveals exactly what he's up to here.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Man are they OLD!!!

Quick Hits: 2/10/11

Another day, another batch of Quick Hits. This time I'll be checking out two Marvel comics and two DC books. Most of these comics were a little bit worse than I would have hoped, except for one which was WAY better. Well, let's get started.

Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #7:

Summary: Guy Gardner gets pummeled a bit by the mind controlled Sodam Yat until Zardor(who had taken control of Sodam's mind)halts the onslaught. Zardor reveals that Krona had been manipulating Sodam for a while, and that Sodam had been unwittingly absorbing the powers of other Green Lanterns. With that revelation out of the way, Zardor puts Guy inside of a giant snake... Yes really, a giant snake. With Guy out of the way(I guess...), Zardor heads into his rest chambers to absorb some more telepathic powers. Guy manages to escape the giant snake by kissing Bleez(!?!?!?!), and then runs around freeing all of the telepaths Zardor had captured. Needless to say this pisses Zardor off and he decides to finish Guy off. Before he can strike the deathblow, Kilowog and Arisia arrive on the scene, rescue Guy and beat up Zardor. Now defeated, Zardor grabs Bleez and has the still mind-controlled Sodam fly him off-world. Guy follows and aims at Sodam to kill him, but he is stopped by Arisia, which allows the villains to escape.

Thoughts: Gah, this was really pretty bad... Right off the bat, Zardor reveals that Sodam had been manipulated by Krona to Guy, basically for NO reason! Then Guy gets put in a giant snake, which he manages to free himself from by kissing Bleez! First off, if Guy could emerge from the snake to kiss Bleez, why couldn't he simply free himself without the gory kiss? Besides that, what the hell was the point of Kilowog and Arisia leaving Guy last issue only to return THIS issue, with NO explanation as to why they came back? This was yet another depressingly bad comic written by Peter Tomasi... What happened to him? I mean I used to really enjoy his Nightwing and Green Lantern Corps work. But ever since he hooked up with Chairman Johns for Brightest Day it seems his talent has taken a holiday.

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.You know, if Guy would have died here I probably would have been happy... How times have changed...


Superboy #4:

Summary: Superboy decides to help the futuristic Psionic Lad fend off the attackers that had followed Psionic Lad back in time. Unfortunately, PL's attackers are prepared to deal with a Kryptonian, and manage to knock SB around as well. The villains move in for the kill when SB's annoying friend Simon Valentine: Boy Genius arrives on the scene, which causes the future villains to freak out and teleport back to their time period. From there, Psionic Lad gives SB his origin story(the future sucks, an evil despot killed all of his allies and he needs SB's assistance in training him), and SB decides that PL can move in with him, and that he'd help PL train to be a better hero... Yeah, because if I wanted to be a better hero, I'd definitely head to Superboy... Psionic Lad tries to help SB figure out what the deal with the “broken silo” was, but is unable to, and this issue ends with PL getting in touch with one of his supposedly dead allies from the future, and reporting that he had located the target and when the time was right, PL would kill “him”.

Thoughts: Meh. I was pretty bored by this comic for the most part, as it's yet another character from the future arriving to mess around with a member of the Superman family's lives. I'm also a bit surprised by how predictable Jeff Lemire is being with this story... It's obvious that he wants the reader to believe that Psionic Lad was sent into the past to kill Superboy, but after reading this issue, I have almost NO doubt that the true target of Psionic Lad is Simon. The fact that the leader of the forces that came after Psionic Lad rabbited when they saw Simon, the fact that PL tells SB and Simon that the leader of the future villains was VERY long lived and based in Smallville, as well as PL never saying he was going to kill Superboy, only “him” really points to Simon as PL's target. Maybe I'm wrong, and quite frankly I hope I'm wrong, because if I'm not when PL reveals his plot, I'm going to be REALLY disappointed.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Thank god, it's Simon Valentine: Boy Genius!


Captain America: The Korvac Sage #3(of 4):

Summary: This issue begins with a flashback of Korvac acquiring his cosmic abilities by interfacing with Galactus's massive spacecraft. Moving forward, Captain America, Firelord and Nikki head towards Galactus's ship to gain access to the Ultimate Nullifier, the only thing that could stop the power-crazed Korvac. Unfortunately, Korvac realizes what the heroes are up to and attacks. Firelord remains behind to try to slow Korvac, while Cap and Nikki head onto the ship in search of the Nullifier. After wandering around the world-sized ship and encountering several threats, Firelord is sent careening to the ground in front of Cap and Nikki, and Korvac lands, announcing that he was going to force Cap to help him obliterate humanity.

Thoughts: Wow, what a difference an issue makes!!! I didn't like the last issue of this mini-series all that much, mainly due to the awful way Cap was being dialogued. He was speaking more like Ben Grimm than Steve Rogers. That TOTALLY changed this issue as Cap actually spoke the way you'd expect somebody of Captain America's stature to speak. Cap finished all of his “-ing” words with the letter “g” and he actually spoke like a leader, not some weird piece of street trash. On top of that, I REALLY enjoyed the story of this issue. Firelord, as the most powerful of the remaining Guardians of the Galaxy, took on Korvac himself, even though he knew Korvac seemed to be more powerful, while Cap and Nikki explored the cavernous ship of Galactus. Cap and Nikki faced several bizarre threats, and were slowly making progress on their search for the Ultimate Nullifier when Korvac arrived. Boy was it a HUGE mistake on my part choosing this comic as this week's Runt of the Litter... Whoops!

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.No, this didn't actually happen in this issue, it was a part of the splash page for the next issue, but it was so funny I couldn't help but post it.


Uncanny X-Men #532:

Summary: While Emma Frost, Fantomex and Shadowcat try to recapture a very angry Sebastien Shaw in China, several random X-Men led by Archangel manage to defeat the Collective Man, who was trying to gain control of the gangs of San Fransisco's Chinatown. Angel's group also manage to apprehend the fake X-Men who have been running around the past few issues and send them to Crazy Mutie Island. Speaking of Crazy Mutie Island, Lobe of the Sublime Corporation calls Lord Summers and tells him he'd hand the X-Men a cure to the mysterious flu that was plaguing the mutants on Crazy Mutie Island provided Lord Summers signed over the rights of the mutant genome... What the hell?! Lord Summers says no, and sends Wolverine to talk to the fake X-Men, figuring they would know where the Sublime Corporation was located since they were obviously given their powers by Lobe's scientists.

Thoughts: Ugh. This was no better and no worse than any other Uncanny X-Men comic I've read during the past 3+ years now. I mean seriously, isn't it time for the X-Men to head back to their roots, abandon Crazy Mutie Island, go back to following Prof. X and deal with threats like Magneto, Apocalypse and their ilk? Lord Summers battling a corporation over the legal rights to the mutant genome?! Are you serious?! What the hell has happened here?! The only saving grace in this comic was the Sebastian Shaw parts, because even though I hate Emma Frost and Shadowcat, at least we actually got an old school MUTANT enemy of the X-Men battling some of their number, something this series has been missing for WAY too long now...

Score: 6 out of 10.Yes that's right, they're fighting over the legal rights of the mutant genome. And then people wonder why I hate the X-books nowadays!

Captain America: The Korvac Saga #2(of 4)

Review: We pick up here with Captain America(this was back when Steve Rogers was still our shield-slinger)standing between the recently arrived Guardians of the Galaxy and Korvac, who Cap had locked up last issue. The Guardians want to take Korvac with them, but since Cap has no clue as to who the Guardians are, he moves to stop them. That move doesn't pan out well for Cap, as the Guardians push Cap to the side and open Korvac's cell. The Guardians open a portal, at which time Korvac lights up with power and releases all of the other super-villains that were also being held in the prison with him. With this distraction, Korvac walks into the portal opened by the Guardians, followed by Cap and a pair of Guardians, while the rest of the team remained behind to deal with the escaped villains. After crossing over, the two Guardians tell Cap that a)Korvac is an insane cyborg, b)they weren't on Earth anymore, and c)they were in the future. Needless to say, Cap is taken aback by this news, which leads to Korvac, now standing about 50 feet tall, attacking. One of the Guardians engages Korvac, and we learn that this Guardian(Firelord)had been empowered by Galactus, and as such should be able to easily take care of Korvac. Instead, Korvac bats Firelord around, taunts Cap and takes off into space. With Korvac apparently now wielding cosmic scale powers, Firelord decides that the only way to stop him was with the Ultimate Nullifier, so this issue ends with Cap and the two Guardians heading to Galactus's spaceship to acquire the device.

Thoughts: Storywise, there was absolutely nothing wrong with this comic. I've personally never read the original Avengers vs Korvac story(I know, shocking!), so I'm enjoying this blast from the Avengers past. So yes, the story is good... My main problem with this comic is the dialogue. Or more specifically, Captain America's dialogue. There were times when Cap was talking like the Thing of Fantastic Four fame! I know it's a small thing, but I've never read Cap speaking in such an uneducated fashion. I'm sure most people wouldn't even notice it, nor care, but being as big a Cap fan as I am, Cap's dialogue definitely bugged me. I don't know, maybe it was just me. This was probably the first time dialogue took away from my enjoyment of a comic book, as weird as that may sound...

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Is Cap incapable of finishing a word with the letter "g"???

Captain America: The Korvac Saga #1(of 4)

Overall: This issue gets started with a bunch of low level super-villains(Quasimodo, Living Laser, etc)pretty much having their way with the Avengers(and Spider-Man). No matter what strategy Captain America(Steve Rogers)comes up with, the villains seem able to adapt to it. Vision notices that the villains seem to be having their powers boosted, so Cap tells the Avengers to try to handle the villains, while he goes with Vision to the location of the power boosting device. Cap and Vision arrive at a simple looking house, and upon entering it they find a normal looking guy surrounded by some fancy computers. Cap tells the man to stay away from the computers, but the man taunts Cap and continues typing, which leads to Cap laying out the villain. Once the man is away from the computers, all of the villain's enhanced powers leave them and the Avengers(and Spider-Man)make quick work of the bad guys. From there the strange man is arrested and sent to prison, while the Avengers head back to the mansion. Cap winds up having nightmares from his WWII past and feels the need to visit the man in prison, who gave his name as Michael Korvac. Cap visits Korvac in his cell, and Korvac gives tantalizing hints to Cap that he was aware of Cap's past and the dream he had just had. Before Cap can get any kind of answers from Korvac, the police department is attacked, and this issue ends with Cap coming face-to-face with the Guardians of the Galaxy from the 31st century, who tell Cap they'll be taking Korvac with them, whether he likes it or not.

Well, first off all, a confession... I don't think I've ever read anything with Korvac in it... I might have, but I know I didn't read his initial appearances. So this is, for all intents and purposes, my first introduction to Korvac. This issue was a good introductory issue. It gave us the villain(Korvac), it set up that something fishy was going on(Cap's dreams), and it established Korvac as a mysterious menace(his ability to amplify the powers of the other villains, his words to Cap, etc). Plus it brought the Guardians of the Galaxy in at the end as wild cards. I'll definitely be looking forward to seeing where this story goes from here.

Score: 7 out of 10.What's better than Cap laying out some smart-mouth punk?