Uncanny X-Men #6

Hey comic fans, JT here with my second review of the week, Uncanny X-Men. After the last issue where Dormammu pulled Magik and the rest of the Uncanny team and students to Limbo, let's see how they deal with mounting an escape...  And that's about as far as JT got with this review...  Hey all, X here to finish this review off.  Mi amigo wound up hurting his hand, and as such wasn't able to finish this review off.  Poor JT also won't be joining in on tomorrow's Best of the Rest post, nor will he be able to get a Throwback Tuesday post up.  That means it'll be all X, all the time, at least until JT's hand heals up.  Hopefully for Wednesday and New Comic Day.  So hey, I get to review an issue of Uncanny X-Men.  Huzzah...  Or something.  I wasn't a fan of the prior issue, and the way Bendis decided to make Dormammu into Magik's bitch.  Here's hoping the Dread Lord Bendis does a better job writing the Dread Lord Dormammu here.

Uncanny X-Men #6

Summary: Dormammu properly treats Magik like HIS bitch in Limbo this time around.  Lord Summers tries a full scale optic blast on the Dread One, but it does no real damage.  All the while, Dormammu taunts Magik, telling her he was going to kill her friends, because Dormammu is awesome!  Dormammu finally has enough of Lord Summers' band of X-Men, and unleashes the Mindless Ones on the group.  The Evil X-Men put up a valiant effort, but end up overwhelmed by the endless hordes of the Dark Dimension.  Also, Dazzler joins SHIELD as their mutant adviser.

Thoughts: Way, way better than the last issue.  Dormammu was treated properly here(as a God!!), and shrugged the Evil X-Men off.  Let's face facts, Dormammu doesn't rule a country, he doesn't rule a planet, he doesn't rule a galaxy, he commands an entire DIMENSION!  Magicians invoke his name and use his power when crafting spells!  Sorry, there's NO WAY Magik should be able to spank a being with a resume like the Dread One has.  So I was really happy to see Bendis rectify last issue's follies.  Of course, this IS Bendis we're talking about, so there were naturally parts where I could only scratch my head in confusion...  Dazzler as the mutant adviser to SHIELD?  For real?  I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Dazzler and all, but why would SHIELD hire an ex-disco singer to advise them on all things mutant?  That would be like the US hiring Lady Gaga as their British ambassador!  It just doesn't fit!  So yeah, while there was some good here, it was still a Bendis comic, meaning it was far from perfect.

Score: 7 out of 10.

Uncanny X-Men #5

Hey comic fans, JT here with my second single review of the week, Uncanny X-Men. Cyclops' team has been one of my favorite things to come out of Marvel Now, so let's see what the Mutant Martyr and his team are dealing with this month.

Uncanny X-Men #5

Summary: This issue focuses on Magik, as we see what happened in the last issue when she broke down screaming. It turns out she'd been pulled to Limbo by none other than Dormammu, who planned on killing Magik and ruling Limbo. He said she was a broken little girl and he'd end her now that she was broken by the Phoenix Force. His attack is put on hold when Illyana becomes Darkchilde and makes quick work of Dormammu's demons and sends him running. Back in the present, we see her explaining this to Scott, who says they'll go o Doctor Strange for help, but Illyana doesn't think that'll work since he's an Avenger. They decide to go anyway and inform the team when suddenly the whole team is pulled to Limbo, but Magik says she's not the one doing it. The issue ends with Scott asking Illyana who did this, as she says it's not her and turns around to show she's now Darkchilde.

Thoughts: This issue was pretty much all about Magik, and while I've never cared for the character much before, since joining Scott and giving a mysterious bad girl vibe, I've come to enjoy her. The stuff with Dormammu was interesting, and I'm wondering what the team will do to help Magik deal with her powers, since they seem to be even more messed up than the rest of her teammates. We also saw some other character development in this issue with Triage trying and failing to hit on the Triplets, Angel and Magneto talking which seems like it should be weird by itself, and Eva apparently having a crush on Cyclops, which seemed to rub Emma the wrong way. All in all, this was a fine issue, and I'm looking forward to how Team Cyclops will fare in Limbo.

Score: 7/10

Uncanny X-Men #4

Hey X-Maniacs, JT here with my final review of the comic week, and this time it's the Uncanny X-Men. In the last issue, Cyclops and Friends visited the Jean Grey School in hopes of recruiting some news students, let's see how they fared. Also... WOO INJUSTICE RELEASE DAY!!! Ahem...sorry.

 Uncanny X-Men #4

Summary: This issue actually takes place at the same time as All New X-Men #10. While Scott is talking to Wolverine and the Jean Grey Staff/Students, we see Emma is having a psychic conversation with the Stepford Sisters. The Sisters quickly realize that Emma doesn't have her psychic powers, so the more malicious of the three invades Emma's mind, seeing what happened.They see when Scott ripped the Phoenix Power from her, which caused her to lose her psychic powers as well, and they apologize although Emma says she expected it from them because they're basically younger versions of her. She asks them to join the school because she needs this, to teach and help someone. From there we jump back to the New Xavier School and see the new students pick their dorms, as well as seeing Triage the healer start to hit on Tempus. While walking around looking for a phone, the kids accidentally trigger the Danger Room and end up in over their heads until Cyclops and the rest return and shit it down. This soon leads to Cyclops introducing the newest members of the team, The Stepford Sisters and Angel from the Original Five X-Men. (Saw that coming!) The issue ends soon after with Magik suddenly being hit with an immense pain, something that's gotta be related to her having the Phoenix Force during AVX.

Thoughts: I have mixed feeling about this issue. On one hand, I'm an avid Emma fan, but I could care less about the Stepford Sisters and considering most of this issue was her talking to them in her mind, I was pretty bored. That aside, I did like Triage, who finally has a codename now, talking to Tempus and being a bit flirty to give him somewhat of a character, as well as Angel joining the team. I'm interested to see how that plays out in All New X-Men, considering Angel wanted to go home and was forced to stay thanks to the rest of the team. All in all, this wasn't a bad issue, but I just couldn't get into the Emma/Stepford parts.

Score: 6/10

Cyclops: Allow me to introduce you to Warren Worthington The Third.

Uncanny X-Men #3

Hey X-Maniacs, JT here with my final review of the week, Uncanny X-Men! We left off with The Avengers raining down on the Cyclops and his X-Men, now let's see how the new students and my favorite X-Team deal with Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

Uncanny X-Men #3

Summary: This issue starts things off with a flashback to Eva as a child, giving a report on her favorite hero, Captain America. So you can imagine her surprise when he and the Avengers rain down outside of her home as Eva, her mother and the rest of the Uncanny X-Men watch on. The Avengers tell Emma and Scott to come with them, but of course that's not happening. The two teams debate about who's to blame, with Emma saying Iron Man is the one that split the Phoenix Force and it took them, something they didn't want, then they did good with the powers like trying to end world hunger and wars, but the Avengers are quick to say that Cyclops killed Xavier and the Phoenix Five basically enslaved the Earth. Ms. Marvel recounts how the X-Men took her in and helped her when she was down on her lucky, and Cyclops asks Carol to join them, and surprisingly she doesn't say no, but she doesn't say yes either. The students stick up for the X-Men, saying how they were beiong persecuted and Scott and the team saved them, but The Avengers don't want to listen, they want Cyclops behind bars for killing Xavier. Eventually the two groups decide talking won't work, so the Avengers attack, but Eva manages to freeze them all in one of her chronal blasts. The heads back to their base and Cyclops quickly deduces that they were betrayed, which leads to Magneto saying it was him. Before Cyclops can get angry enough to attack, he gives Erik a chance to explain himself, and he reveals he's basically been a double agent, much like I would say when I was a kid playing secret agent. He says he's playing their stooge so he can keep up with what their doing, so that he and the X-Men know what to expect. Scott still doesn't seem to fully trust Erik now, and says he wishes Emma could still read minds. The issue comes to a close with Cyclops and the team realizing the Avengers were still stuck in time, so they decide to pay a visit to the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning.

Thoughts: I really enjoyed this issue. I liked the bit with Eva at the beginning, as we got a bit more development for her, plus seeing her stand across from her hero seemed like a bigger moment because of it. I also really loved the big argument between the Avengers and the X-Men, both teams made excellent points, and while I side with Scott and Emma, I couldn't help but notice how many good points Captain America, Iron Man and Hawkeye made. This is one of those comics with hardly any action but such great dialogue that I'd highly recommend it. Plus with Scott and his team going to the Jean Grey school in the next issue, only awesome things can come from this.

Score: 8/10

Magneto: You keep referring to yourself as our leader but I don't remember voting.

Uncanny X-Men #2

What's up everyone? JT here with my last review of the comic week, and it's the second issue of Uncanny X-Men. In the last issue, we saw that Magneto is the traitor of the team, giving information  to SHIELD's Maria Hill, now let's check in the the rest of the Uncanny X-Men.

Uncanny X-Men #2

Summary: This issue starts with Emma Frost explaining, in great detail how upset she is that she can no longer read minds thanks to the Phoenix Force, as well betraying Scott, the man that loves her. Scott interrupts Emma and asks her to join him in welcoming the New Mutants, but it turns out she was projecting her thoughts by mistake, on and off, and he heard some of them, which only makes her more angry since she can't even control who hears her thoughts and when. The two then discuss whether of not they hate each other, which they don't, but they can't get back together. Scott asks Emma to stay because she's an amazing teacher and the new mutants need her, and she agrees to stay to help them. Their interrupted by Magik, as she says everyone is ready, then asks if Scott and Emma are back together. They say no and Illyana says "Thank the Dark Lords." and she leaves, as Emma proclaims that she scares the hell out of her. Scott and Emma then head inside and start what's basically a mutant Orientation and give the kids the info on Sentinel's and whatnot. They then ask Fabio to show them his power manifestation, and suddenly gold orbs start popping up all over the place. One of the students ask where they are, and Magneto tells them it's the new Charles Xavier School for Mutants, as we see the layout includes a dorm, a cafeteria, classroom and even a Danger Room, but also a room marked "Off Limits". Some of the new mutants are excited to stay there, and the others, not so much. Illyana says that she remembers how afraid she was when she found out she was a mutant, and she's sure the same happened with Scott, about how they couldn't have a normal life but there is no such thing as normal, as Illyana's sentence is finished by one of the new mutants, and Emma calls her the smart one. After some deliberation, the kids decide (with the exception of the Healer) that they wanna go back and check on their families first, as well as grab some essentials since their moving, and Magik says she'll take them, so Emma says they'll all go. Magik makes portals for everyone, and Magneto decides to stay behind. Once they leave, he wastes no time in updating SHIELD of their whereabouts and states again that none of their powers work. When they arrive at Eva's house, one of the new mutants is checking out Magik, and she tells him "No, Boy... I would break you." She sounds like X's kind of woman. Anyway, Eva's reunion with her mother is cut short as none other than THE FREAKING AVENGERS arrive, Captain America, Captain Marvel, Iron Man, The Hulk, Hawkeye, Spider-Woman and Black Widow, as this issue comes to a close.

Thoughts: Holy crap, wordy Bendis is back ladies and gentlemen. He had Emma reciting a novel at the beginning of this comic. As for this issue, it was pretty average, we basically got to see inside the relationship of Scott and Emma as they decide not to date but to continue to work together, as well as see how Emma dealt with not having her powers. We also got a bit more character development on the new mutants, although this book could use one of those things on the opening page with everyone's picture and name so I remember who is who. I'd say the best parts of this issue were being freaked the eff out by Magik and seeing how quickly Magneto betrayed his team. I'm excited to see the Avengers confront Scott and his team in the next issue though. as for this issue, it was fine, nothing bad, nothing amazing, as X would say, a perfectly acceptable comic.

Score: 7/10

Emma Frost: I think you hate yourself so much that you can't imagine anyone not hating you.

Uncanny X-Men #1

Hey X-Maniacs, Happy TGIF, It's Friday which means this is JT, your resident "Cyclops was right" fan, as well as the half of the blogging team that believes that Emma > Jean, so of course any book with both Scott and Emma is going to be going through me. So, that's my convoluted way of saying, let's check out the first issue (again) of Uncanny X-Men.

Uncanny X-Men #1

Summary: This issue kicks things off with Maria Hill being told by Coulson that they have a visitor that's requested to meet with her personally. She's wary and agrees to meet with him after being told he was thoroughly checked and they're meeting with a bunch of reinforcements outside the room, including Nick Fury Jr. and Coulson. When Hill meets with the Mystery Man, he tells her that he's come to her because she has no dog in the fight, she's neutral in the Mutant Revolution. The man explains by showing her how many new mutants have popped up already, and explains that the only person Hill needs to worry about is Cyclops, the self-appointed face of the Mutant Revolution. He tells Hill that Cyclops' powers aren't working anymore and that he's trying to retrain himself before anyone can find out. He explains that Cyclops has already put together a team including Emma Frost, Magneto, Magik, and two new mutants, an Australian girl that can stop time named Tempus, and a healer that hasn't picked his code name yet. When saving another new mutant by the name of Fabio Medina, the group is attacked by a group of Sentinels, and Scott manages to take them all down after telling having the team stand behind him. According to the mystery man, Scott unleashed a blast that was basically a lucky shot and destroyed the Sentinel's, but since he can't control he powers he could've easily hit a civilian or a teammate. The mystery man tells Hill that she's trying to kill Summers, but she says she isn't, he doesn't believe her but says if she does she'll make him a Martyr, what they need to do is expose him as a broken man, both spiritually and physically. He says Scott should be in jail, he should be healing but instead he thinks he'll be forgiven of his sins by saving every mutant he can find. Hill asks the mystery man why he's there then, revealing the group's traitor to be none other than Magneto. He says he and Xavier rarely agreed, but they shared a dream, and Scott killed Xavier in front of him and destroyed his powers, making him a shell of what he was. He says Scott isn't the face of the future, he's a murderer and he needs to be revealed by self-destructing in public, and Magneto is there to make that happen.

Thoughts: This was an interesting way to start the series in my opinion, I figured they'd tease the traitor for a while, kind of like they did in Runaways, and then reveal who it was. So to start things off with Magneto being the traitor was a bit of a surprise, but I'd already figured it would be him or Emma every since they started showing teasers saying there was a traitor. That aside, I guess the big thing of this issue was they showed Magneto talking to Hill and he was seated for most of the issue and also bald, so some people (like a writer at Bleeding Cool) thought the reveal was a great twist because they made it seem like Xavier.... which is weird because at no point did I ever think this was Xavier.When Hill enters the room he takes a piece of metal out of his mouth and she gets afraid. Why would she be afraid of Xavier in the first place? Also, the fact he referred to Magneto as the "Former Master of Magnetism" when the only people who know his power is screwy at the moment are his teammates made it obvious, and of course anyone who reads Uncanny Avengers knows that Xavier isn't in much condition to do a damn thing now... so yeah, the "twist" never really lured me in, so I was surprised it did for some people. Anyway, that aside, this was a pretty average issue, it was kind of just part two to seeing Scott's team a few issues back in All New X-Men, and outside of Erik's betrayal, nothing memorable happened here. Don't get me wrong, this issue wasn't bad, I guess I just expected more.

Score: 7/10

Magneto: Scott Summer is not the face of the mutant race. He is not the face of the future. He is a murdering monster.

Ect... Week of April 25th.

And now for a new feature! We'll see how long this feature actually sticks around, as I have a tendency to get bored with new features rather quickly... Just look through the annals of this blog for proof of THAT fact! First, a bit of a backstory... Recently, due to my abject awesomeness and all, my job offered me more hours AND much higher pay, but for some genuinely sucky hours... I naturally took the promotion, but that's going to lead to less time spent on the blog as well as me possibly altering my blog posting/commenting schedule... It also means that there's NO way I'm going to be able to do more than 14 reviews a week(2 a night)... Hell, I may have to cut back to 7 reviews(a review a night) depending on how things go. Luckily, JT told me if that were to happen, he'd pick up the slack, 'cause he's such a swell guy and all. But we haven't reached that point yet. Anyway, there are some weeks(such as this week) where I pick up MORE than 14 books... For those weeks? There's this new feature. Basically I'll tell you guys what I read, what I thought about it, give the score, post a scan, and move on to the next book. That way if you read the book and want to chime in with something, you can. As with any new feature, I'm more than willing to change the format and listen to any suggestions on how to make this post better. But for now, this is what we have. Now, on with the show!

Uncanny X-Men #11(AvX tie-in):

Thoughts: I have to say, I enjoyed this issue way more than I expected to. Well, allow me to rephrase that... I enjoyed the Jugger-Colossus vs Red Hulk portions of this issue and wasn't all that fond of the rest. I thought the way the Jugger-Colo/Rulk battle ended was smart, and didn't really hurt either character's standing. Jugger-Colo had the upper-hand for most of the battle, especially while he was in full on Juggernaut mode. When he switched to Colossus mode, he was defeated. Plus he WANTED to lose, so again, no gripes about the way that fight went down. I felt Jugger-Colo could beat Rulk, but that Rulk could beat Colossus. The rest of it, especially Cyclops's ridiculous letter? I hated it. What a weird way to end this one... In the end though, this issue did give me some hope(gah, I hate even using that word now!) that these issues of Uncanny won't be all that bad.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.

Huh, I'd forgotten that Hope told Wolvie to kill her!


New Avengers #25:

Thoughts: This comic wasn't THAT BAD! That's probably the biggest compliment I can give to an Avengers title, written by Bendis, with this team... Yeah sure, the only member of the Avengers in this book to show up was Iron Fist, and he only popped up on one page, but hey, it didn't suck! I'm not really sure where we're going with the revelation here though... Iron Fist turns on the Avengers to join with the X-Men? But what of Luke Cage??? The Bromance EXPLODES!!! Actually, that could be epic if we get Luke acting like a jilted lover when/if Iron Fist's duplicity is revealed... Eh, regardless of the outcome, at least I can always point to this issue and say, “See that, an issue of New Avengers DID score higher than a 6!”.

Score: 7 out of 10.

???


Avenging Spider-Man #6:

Thoughts: I can't say this issue really got me all hyped up for this Omega Effect storyline... I honestly feel that Punisher should stay FAR AWAY from real heroes such as DD and Spidey due to him being, you know, a criminal and all... Now don't get me wrong, I like Punisher, I just don't like him interacting with a character like Daredevil, who should be trying to take him in on sight. Methinks I chose the wrong issue of Avenging Spider-Man to start collecting the series...

Score: 5 out of 10.

Frank has definitely seen better days... Although in fairness, he's seen worse too...


Daredevil #11:

Thoughts: Ugh, this was pretty bad... So basically, the bottom line here was that we returned to the status quo? DD still has the Omega Drive, Punisher is still on his own, and Spidey is still Spidey... I just don't get the point of it all... On the plus side, at least I didn't waste my money picking up the Punisher issue of this x-over!

Score: 4 out of 10.

Don't worry, this is the nice Punisher, he's not aiming for kill shots!

Uncanny X-Men #334 (July 1996)

We'll finish off the comic week with a final Retro-Review, this time a review for Uncanny X-Men #334. I can't say the cover of this one is ringing any bells for me, so let's crack it open and see what's inside!

Uncanny X-Men #334:

Summary: Lots of stuff going on here as this was the issue RIGHT before Onslaught was revealed, so needless to say, all of the pieces were being moved around the chessboard. We start with Juggernaut sneaking onto the grounds of X-Mansion in order to see Cyclops and Jean Grey, who were living in the Mansion's lake house at the time. Juggy ducks underwater, but spots a security camera, which he destroys before it can get a good look at him. Meanwhile, Archangel and Psylocke(who were living in Colorado at the time) are disturbed that they couldn't contact X-Mansion and decide to fly out to make sure everything was on the up and up. From there we head to Cannonball and Professor Xavier. Cannonball tells the Prof that he felt like he wasn't pulling his weight with the X-Men and was considering heading back to X-Force. Instead of reassuring Sam, the Prof tears into him, telling him to go whine elsewhere, and that if he didn't think he was X-Men material then he should get lost... Damn! Jean Grey, who had been confronted by Onslaught just prior to this issue, tells Cyclops that very fact. Cyclops recommends Jean see the Prof about Onslaught, but Jean is reluctant to do so... Gambit and Bishop see that one of the cameras under the water had been wrecked, and head off to see if there was any trouble, and are taken by surprise by Juggy, who defeats the two with ease. From there, the Prof continues to act out of character, and berates Cyclops upon bumping into him before vanishing, much to Cyclops's surprise... I have to say, crazy Prof. X was awesome... Juggy heads to the lake house, finds Jean, and asks her for help, since Juggy felt he knew who Onslaught was, but couldn't remember due to mental tampering. Jean doesn't trust Juggy, so he removes his helmet as a way to prove he wasn't there looking for trouble. Jean decides to take Juggy to a psi-shielded room under the school grounds where she could read his mind without anybody interfering, while Cyclops discovers that Prof. X was in his study, and had been for the past 48 hours, leaving him puzzled by the meeting he had just had.

Thoughts: This comic was a fantastic lead-in to the Onslaught event! Besides all of the stuff I listed above? We also had Dark Beast masquerading as regular Beast among the X-Men, and Graydon Creed and Bastion meeting. Seriously, this was a PACKED comic book! Naturally the increasingly insane Professor X stole the show here, as he should have, considering what was coming. The two main X-books around this time period(Uncanny X-Men and X-Men) were slowly setting up the Onslaught-as-Xavier reveal, but this may have been the first issue it became clear that Onslaught was indeed the Prof. Now, I don't know what it was like to read these books when they first came out, since the first time I read these X-books was probably around 8 years ago, and as such I knew who Onslaught was, but I'd think that after reading this issue the Onslaught/Prof link would have been pretty much confirmed. Make no mistake, this was a set-up issue. But as far as set-up issues go, this was one of the better ones I've ever read, and clearly laid the groundwork for what was about to happen to the X-Men, and why.

Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.

I love crazy, snarky Professor X!

(Uncanny) X-Men #9 (January 1965)

One final Retro-Review to close out the week, and it's actually a pretty interesting one. In my biased opinion at least. Tonight's lone Retro-Review brings us the very first meeting between the Avengers and the X-Men... Ever! With the whole X-Men vs the Avengers event on the horizon, it makes a lot of sense to give this comic a reread. Now, let's see how Marvel's two most popular teams(sorry FF, you guys are a distant third now) first got together.

(Uncanny)X-Men #9 (January 1965):

What Happened: The X-Men(that would be the original five) are taking a cruise to Europe due to Professor Xavier and a vague mission Xavier went off on. Prof X contacts the team telepathically and tells them that he had tracked down Lucifer(the guy who first cost Prof. X the use of his legs) and wants to handle the villain on his own. BUT, if Prof. X were to lose/get captured/die at the hands of Lucifer, he wanted the X-Men to go after Lucifer to end his vile threat. Cyclops tries to convince Prof. X not to take on the mysterious Lucifer on his own, but Xavier won't hear of it and stops communicating with the X-Men. Xavier sneaks into Lucifer's hidden mountain base and is promptly captured... Good going there, Chuck... Lucifer has Xavier placed in a strange glass structure so he could taunt Xavier, but Xavier shuts Lucifer up by pulling a handgun and shooting at Lucifer(!!!!!)! Lucifer narrowly avoids the bullet and warns Xavier not to do that again since Lucifer had rigged a massive thermal bomb to his heart. The thermal bomb was set to destroy Antarctica if Lucifer's heart was to stop, which would in turn obliterate the world's coastal cities. So that's what's going on with Xavier. Back on the surface, Thor and the Avengers have tracked down “strange impulses” that they felt were emanating from some great hidden evil. A passing tourist spots the colorful Avengers and freaks out, speeding away and nearly running over the just arrived X-Men. Upon hearing the tourist's wild story, the X-Men wonder if the colorful figures the tourist described could be allies of Lucifer and go to check the situation out... Can you see where this is going yet? Thor's hammer informs him that the evil in the area as so great that there was no other choice but to destroy it completely, and Xavier, upon hearing this while eavesdropping on the Avengers mentally, warns the X-Men that they mustn't allow the Avengers to locate and harm Lucifer. The X-Men confront the Avengers and tell them that this was an X-Men mission and that the Avengers needed to get lost. The Avengers refuse and we get our first official Avengers/X-Men fight! Back in Lucifer's mountain base, Prof. X strikes Lucifer with a mind blast strong enough to knock the villain out, but not so strong as to cause his heart to beat abnormally. With Lucifer out of the way, Prof. X contacts Thor telepathically and tells him why the X-Men had stood in the way of the Avengers. Satisfied that Xavier was on the up and up, Thor tells the rest of the Avengers to stop fighting, and Thor decides that since Lucifer was a foe of the X-Men, the Avengers would cease interfering and would leave... Um, why not join forces to defeat Lucifer together? Anyway, Prof. X leads the X-Men to his location with his telepathy and with some help from Cyclops, manages to destroy the fuse of the thermal bomb, ending it's threat. By this time Lucifer wakes up and is angry that the X-Men had destroyed his thermal bomb, since it had taken him 10 years(!?!) to build. Lucifer storms off, and Xavier tells his X-Men to let Lucifer leave since Lucifer now knew that he couldn't defeat the X-Men and that the X-Men had pledged to never cause injury to human life, no matter what.

The Good: This comic was written by Stan Lee and penciled by Jack Kirby. You can't get any better than that duo. The battle between the X-Men and Avengers was a blast to read, and was drawn magnificently. The banter between the two teams was top-notch. Professor Xavier tried to murder Lucifer with a handgun!!

The Bad: While I had a HUGE laugh at Xavier trying to blow Lucifer away(seriously, where did THAT come from?!), that act caused the ending to make little sense... How does Xavier go from attempted murder to letting Lucifer simply walk away over the course of a few pages? The fact that Lucifer was allowed to leave also bugged me a bit. The same with the Avengers simply leaving. Thor senses an evil so great that he feels it has to be destroyed completely, but since the X-Men called dibs the Avengers just leave?! If the threat was so grave shouldn't the Avengers have stuck around to pitch in?

The Verdict: This wasn't one of the better Lee/Kirby comic books I've ever read, but even a mediocre Lee/Kirby tale is better than like 85% of the comic books that I am currently reading. There were just too many little things that happened here for me to truly enjoy this one. Yeah, the scenes between the X-Men and Avengers were all great, but the rest of the story was kind of meh. And Xavier's weird mood swings really bugged me. But, as I said, it's Lee and Kirby, and it's the first ever meeting between the Avengers and X-Men. For that reason alone this is a must read.

Score: 7 out of 10.Stan Lee's dialogue + Jack Kirby's artwork = Comic book perfection.

Uncanny X-Men #412 (November 2002)

Let's do one more of these Retro-Reviews tonight since I'm already digging through my back issues. This time we'll head over to Marvel and take a look at an early issue from one of the most polarizing X-scribes ever, Chuck Austen! This should be interesting...

Uncanny X-Men #412:

What Happened: Black Tom has had himself a secondary mutation and had captured and begun to feed off of several X-Men, as well as his perpetual partner in crime, Juggernaut. The only member of the X-Men not captured is Nightcrawler, and try as he might, Crawler is unable to convince Tom to stop leeching the strength of the X-Men(and Juggy). Since words have failed, Nightcrawler frees Stacy X from Tom's vines to attempt a plan. Meanwhile, Nurse Annie hits on Havok, who was catatonic at the time. Cyclops(before he became the Dread Lord Summers) arrives and sees Nurse Annie crying into Havok's lap(yes, really!) and decides to take Havok back to X-Mansion to be cared for. Nurse Annie asks a disturbed Cyclops if she could go along... The best part of this whole situation? Cyclops takes her with him!!! Back with the X-Men, Nightcrawler tells Stacy X to work her phenomenal magic on Black Tom, which she does. Now distracted by Stacy, Tom let's the X-Men(and Juggy!) get free, at which time Iceman freezes all of Tom's vines. That pisses Tom off so he decides to destroy his castle headquarters in an effort to kill the X-Men(and Juggy!). The team gets outside and Juggy confronts Tom, allowing the X-Men the opportunity to board the just-arrived Blackbird(Prof. X and Beast were picking up Squid Boy prior to getting the distress signal from the X-Men). Tom berates Juggy as a failure before tearing the ground apart under Juggy's feet, causing Juggy to fall into the murky waters below. While the X-Men are trying to figure out which one of them had the strength to save Juggy, Squid Boy hops outside and finds Juggy floating towards the bottom of the sea. Squid Boy tells Juggy not to give up, so Juggy takes Squid Boy's hand and the two head back into the Blackbird. With that, Prof. X thanks Juggy for saving the X-Men and offers Juggy a spot at X-Mansion. After temporarily scoffing, Juggy reconsiders and takes Prof. X up on his offer.

The Good: There was good here?! Um, the art was good. I did like the idea of Juggernaut attempting to reform. I've always been a sucker for reformation tales. I forgot how formidable Nightcrawler could be. He was used really well in this issue.

The Bad: Juggernaut was saved, from DROWNING(!!), by Squid Boy!!! Need I say more?! No, but I will. The scene with Nurse Annie begging the catatonic Havok to sweep her off her feet was just horrible in every imaginable way! She's supposed to be his nurse and she's professing her undying love for him! And to make matters worse, Cyclops actually takes her up on her offer to care for Havok! If MY brother was catatonic and I found his nurse crying into his lap because she wanted him to wake up and sweep her off her feet(literally! She literally said that!!), you can bet your ass I wouldn't be taking her with me to care for him!! Prof. X catches Wolverine, who was tossed from the ground to the Blackbird by Juggy, and pulls Wolvie inside... By himself!! Think about that! This is Wolverine, adamantium-laced skeleton and all, being caught in mid-air and pulled into the Blackbird by Prof. X!! Yeah, this was one of THOSE comics!

The Verdict: You know what's interesting? I have lukewarm memories of Austen's Uncanny run. When I first got back into comic collecting after my hiatus, Austen was the writer of Uncanny, and I recall hating some of his run, but thoroughly enjoying other parts... After reading this, I get the feeling that if I read Austen's entire run again, we'd be WAY closer to the “hate” side of things now... This comic was SO much worse than I remember! I mean I was stunned by some of the stuff I read here! The Nurse Annie stuff was particularly terrible. I remember the Squid Boy/Juggernaut scene as being dumb back when I first read this issue, but upon this reread, it wasn't just dumb, it was downright embarrassing... Before I end this post, I just want to point out how fitting it was that this issue ended with some fart jokes... Because it stunk!!

Score: 3 1/2 out of 10.*Angrily shakes fist* Damn you Black Tom Cassidy!!! Goddamn you to hell!!!!!

Uncanny X-Men #4

And now we have reached the bottom of my new comic pile(already?!) and this week's Runt of the Litter, Uncanny X-Men. First things first, the cover of this issue indicates that this team will be facing off against the Phalanx, which means the my most hated X-team ever will be facing off against one of my most hated X-concepts ever... Yeah, this should be horrible... Besides that, this will almost definitely be the final issue of this series I'll be picking up until the X-Men/Avengers event. I just can't rationalize spending $4(oftentimes TWICE a month!) rooting AGAINST the “heroes” in this series anymore. So for the first time since I started collecting comic books, oh so long ago, Uncanny X-Men will NOT be on my monthly pull list. Congrats on that one, Marvel.

Uncanny X-Men #4:

What Happened: Back during a Phalanx incursion attempt on Earth, Mr. Sinister(the awesome, original version) managed to capture an individual Phalanx. Sinister spends years experimenting on the Phalanx (which would actually explain how Sinister gave himself/his annoying clones that hive mind they now share) before he ultimately tires of the Phalanx and locks it in a cage where it remains forgotten. After the battle against Lord Summers and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants last issue, current, annoying Mr. Sinister strolls into the lab containing the Phalanx and blows the lab up since he had no further use for it. A small piece of the Phalanx survives and manages to pull itself together through worms and such, managing to form a head. A little girl finds the Phalanx and takes it home with her to play with, and needless to say, the Phalanx tries to take over/add the girl's mind to it's own, and is shocked and horrified to discover that upon touching the girl, it added her mass, but her mind died. Wanting to contact it's race, the Phalanx goes on an absorbing spree, destroying an entire town in order to give itself enough mass to form a Babel Spire. This act doesn't go unnoticed by SWORD, who in turn contact the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants to deal with the situation. Lord Summers and his Brotherhood attack the Phalanx, but it manages to hold them off and forms a Babel Spire. Upon transmitting into space, the Phalanx discovers no signal, meaning that there were no other Phalanx out there. Overcome by grief, and not wanting to be alone, the Phalanx puts down it's defenses, allowing Lord Summers and the Brotherhood to destroy it completely. Lord Summers and Storm are kind of perplexed as to what just happened, and realize that they'll probably never know why the Phalanx simply gave up as it did.

The Good: This was easily the best Phalanx story I've ever read. Hands down. I hated the Phalanx Covenant, I hated that LONG storyline back when the Phalanx attacked the Shi'ar, and I hated every other time I've seen the Phalanx. So a HUGE kudos to Kieron Gillen(whose name was embarrassingly spelled “Keiron Gillen” in this issue...) for actually writing a Phalanx story I was able to get into. The Phalanx itself was an oddly sympathetic figure, which isn't something you'd expect. Getting to see the original Mr. Sinister again was a treat. I liked the artwork here. The Phalanx's decision to commit suicide as opposed to live it's life alone made perfect sense for it.

The Bad: That Phalanx talked A LOT!!! It just kept blabbing and blabbing and blabbing! The Brotherhood won and weren't absorbed away by the Phalanx. Why the hell did that little girl bring that hideous Phalanx head to her home?!? That thing was awful looking! Why did SWORD contact Lord Summers instead of Beast and/or the Avengers?

The Verdict: You know, every time I write a negative introductory paragraph I end up enjoying the comic book I read... I can't explain that, but apparently if I get myself good and angry prior to reading something I almost always tend to enjoy it. Go figure! This is probably the perfect issue to drop this series, because it was a one-and-done issue, and it wasn't horrible. That way I can look back on this series and remember it as being not that bad. Oh well, at least for now, adiós, Uncanny X-Men. It's been... something...

Score: 7 out of 10.Sweet, it's the real Mr. Sinister!

Uncanny X-Men #3

Hey, it's time to take a look at my least favorite team of mutants(possibly EVER), the current version of the Uncanny X-Men! Here's the score for those of you who don't know. I hate this team of X-Men. They're more the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants than a legitimate X-team(seriously, except for Storm, tell me I'm exaggerating!). As such, I'll be hoping they get smacked around some more by Mr. Sinister, who is, for me at least, the hero of this piece... Go Team Sinister!

Uncanny X-Men #3:

What Happened: The Brotherhood battle against the army of Sinister clones, but have little luck defeating the Sinisters since they just keep coming. Danger arrives on the scene to lend a hand, but even she can't tip the battle back in favor of the Brotherhood, as the Sinisters just keep on respawning. Eventually Emma Frost realizes that Sinister had based much of his mind on Lord Summers, and since she knew the mind of Lord Summers better than anybody, she manages to shut down Sinister and his army, but not before forcing Sinister to send the Dreaming Celestial's head back to it's body. Defeated, the Sinisters melt away, at which time ANOTHER Sinister strolls out of the museum Sinister had taken over. Sinister tells the team that he had learned from the past mistakes of the Sinister who had just lost, and as such ridded himself of his over-reliance on Lord Summers brain patterns. Sinister tells the Brotherhood that he'd be back someday before teleporting the museum away and shooting himself in the head. With Sinister gone(for now), Lord Summers and the Brotherhood head out to the Golden Gate Park just in time to watch the Celestials touch down to see who had tampered with the Dreaming Celestial. Lord Summers decides to tell the Celestials that the Earth was under his protection(REALLY??!?!?!?), at which time the Dreaming Celestial gives the rest of the Celestials the sign to leave since it was no longer in any jeopardy. The Brotherhood seems to think that THEY chased off the Celestials(for real?!) and the Brotherhood seem pleased by this turn of events.

The Good: Um... I guess Sinister will be back again sometime down the road. Granted, he's still bizarro Sinister, but maybe by the time he returns he'll be more like his normal self... That's all I've got...

The Bad: The Lord Summers/Celestials scene was one of the most cringe-inducing, horrible things I've read in some time... Has Lord Summers become so delusional that he thought he could take THE CELESTIALS?!? The Celestials are a cosmic force, Lord Summers is a deluded madman... If the Brotherhood were to fight the Celestials it would be akin to a platoon of tanks battling a pack of dogs... Our Lord and Savior Hope was in this comic. The Brotherhood won.

The Verdict: If you're a fan of this version of the X-Men, then I KNOW you liked this issue way more than I did. However, if you're like me and despise this version of the X-Men Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, this was a very unsatisfying ending to the first storyarc. I guess I'll have to take solace in the fact that Emma lost an arm. See, I DO try to look on the bright side of things!

Score: 4 out of 10.So speaketh Our Lord and Savior Hope!!!

Uncanny X-Men #2

So we're at issue #2 of the Uncanny X-Men, which means it's time for the Vanisher to show up! Oh wait, that was the 1963 version of Uncanny #2... This issue has Mr. Sinister, thus upping the awesomeness quotient by 75. Let's get to it.

Uncanny X-Man #2:

Summary: The X-Men Extinction team is combating the multitude of Mr. Sinisters that Sinister has created in San Fransisco. While the brunt of the team deal with all of the Sinisters, Hope hangs back to snipe any Sinisters who stray from Sinister central. While the X-Men are battling the... um, Sinister-Men, Lord Summers gets a transmission from Agent Brand of SWORD, who tells Lord Summers that the Celestials were rapidly approaching the Earth, probably pissed off that Sinister had decapitated the Dreaming Celestial to create his Sinister wonderland. One of the Sinisters tells Lord Summers that the main Sinister wanted a temporary truce to speak with Summers and his team. Figuring this was a trap, but not having much of a choice, Lord Summers and company head inside. Sinister acts uncharacteristically crazy and tells Summers that he had created perfection from his own body, thus the Sinister clones that were running rampant. Lord Summers implores Sinister to return the Dreaming Celestial's head back onto it's body before the angry Celestials arrive, but Sinister scoffs at that, since a) he needed the head to power his cloning machines, and b) he figured the Celestial attack would do away with some of the lesser beings on this planet. Sinister than reveals that this was indeed a trap(HA!) and takes mental control of all of the X-Men with the exception of Emma Frost, who was immune to telepathy in her diamond form. Emma manages to give a danger word to Hope, who rushes over and takes Emma's diamond form power, thus making her immune to Sinister's mental control as well. Hope gets away from Castle Sinister, and after some more babbling, Sinister strolls outside to be shot, at which time he IS shot, by Hope. Sinister's death frees the X-Men from his control, but Sinister reveals that he could take control of any of his multitude of clone bodies, making him practically immortal. This issue ends with Sinister explaining to the X-Men that he was now a species unto himself, and anyone who wasn't a part of his Sinister species was unnecessary.

Thoughts: This was basically a good read. However, I had a huge problem with the way Kieron Gillen is writing Mr. Sinister here. Basically he's writing Sinister as a completely different character than the Sinister we've established for the past 20 years or so. While that's a bit galling, it's not THAT annoying, as Sinister has changed a lot from his initial appearances. So it's with great difficulty that I'm(trying!) to overlook this new change to Sinister. That's basically all I have to say about this one... It could have been better with the introduction of a new character obsessed with genetics, but instead I guess we're getting Sinister Version 3.0.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Oh Sinister... What have they done to you now?

Uncanny X-Men #1

Well, I enjoyed the first issue of Wolverine and the X-Men a ton, here's hoping I enjoy the first issue of Lord Summers and the EVIL X-Men too. To be honest with you all, if not for Mr. Sinister appearing in the first storyarc of this series, I doubt I'd have even bothered to keep this on my pull list. As it is, I really don't like the team line-up(as I said, it's basically the evil X-Men), so I'll be rooting for Mr. Sinister to kill everybody here... Go Sinister!

Uncanny X-Men #1:

Summary: This issue kicks off the right way, with Mr. Sinister strolling through San Fransisco until he reaches the Dreaming Celestial. After killing two stupid tourists, Sinister enters the Celestial... Meanwhile, Lord Summers calls together the most powerful mutants left on Crazy Mutie Island(that would be Utopia to the uninformed) and decides that they were going to basically be the Crazy Mutie version of the Avengers, which Lord Summers would be using to both save and intimidate the world. The Extinction Team(as Lord Summers oh so dramatically calls it) consists of himself, Emma Frost, Namor, Our Lord and Savior Hope, Danger, Jugger-Colossus, Magik, Magneto and Storm... In other words, 8 crazy and/or evil mutants and Storm... For two weeks things are relatively silent until one day the Dreaming Celestial suddenly begins shooting all sorts of energy out. Lord Summers and the Extinction Team respond, at which time the head of the Celestial floats off of the body and takes on the visage of Mr. Sinister. Sinister tells the band of crazy/evil mutants(and Storm) that he wanted to play along with Lord Summers' plans of making the X-Men a force to be reckoned with, and as such was going to assault San Fran... Ah that Sinister is such a swell guy! The Extinction Team attacks, but Sinister responds by having the Celestial split into smaller pieces to assault the X-Men while he himself left in the Celestial's head. The Celestial pieces batter the X-Men(and break one of Emma's arms off) until Magneto is able to use his powers to force the Celestial back together, halting the assault. From there Lord Summers demands to know where Sinister went, at which time we discover that Sinister went to the San Fran Palace of Fine Arts where he proceeds to transform every living creature there into replicas of himself.

Thoughts: Well, I have to admit, I did enjoy this comic book(for the most part). Before I get to the little things that bugged me, first let me say, I can NOT wait for this Extinction Team to explode in the face of Lord Summers, because seriously, how the hell CAN'T it!? It's Storm and a mess of lunatics! If anything I feel horrible for poor Storm, since she didn't even want to stay on Crazy Mutie Island in the first place! So yeah, I am eagerly anticipating the utter implosion that HAS to be coming sometime soon. Besides that, the X-Men's Extinction Team were as you'd expect them to be, a bunch of arrogant, crazy pompous douchebags for the most part. Now, as I readily admitted in the intro to this post, I am just about as big a fan of Mr. Sinister as you'll ever find... With that said, his portrayal here was a bit... off. By the end of this one he was more “kooky Batman villain from the 1970's” than manipulative super-genius. But I'm willing to overlook that for now since a) he's Mr. Sinister and b) he was a complete force to be reckoned with in this issue. So yes, I'm still firmly in the camp of Team Wolverine, and yes, I'm basically only reading this comic to see Lord Summers and company fail miserably, but overall I'm glad I decided to stick with this series because this issue was a strong read.

Score: 8 out of 10.HA! Storm is easily my favorite character out of this mess.

Uncanny X-Men #544... Plus some bonus thoughts on Nate Grey!

Hey look, it's the FINAL issue of Uncanny X-Men!! I mean wow, can you believe that Marvel would actually cancel UNCANNY X-MEN! I never thought I'd see the day! Wait, what do you mean Marvel isn't actually canceling the book they're only renumbering it?! Wait, why am I surprised by this? We ARE talking about Marvel Comics here...

Uncanny X-Men #544: The(not so) Final Issue!:

Summary: The story here is twofold, with half the comic featuring Lord Summers on Crazy Mutie Island(Utopia) watching the last of Wolverine's mutants heading off(Iceman), while the other half of this comic features the return of... MR. Sinister(!!!!!!). First off we'll deal with the Sinister story. It seems that Sinister is trying to recreate himself by using the story of the Uncanny X-Men as his guide. Sinister has thus far been able to recite the story of the X-Men up until the most recent event... Schism. Sinister figures that Schism ended with Lord Summers and Wolverine putting aside their differences for the sake of mutantkind... Which is NOT true, and leads to a red light going off in Sinister's laboratory. Having predicted wrong, Sinister enters an oven filled with skeletal remains and burns himself to death(!). Sometime later, a new Sinister emerges from a cloning tank and reads through the story of the X-Men, crossing out the wrong information the prior Sinister had added and perfectly predicting the way Schism ended, right down to the name Wolvie chose for the new school. Having successfully completed his predictions, and having the proper temperament, personality and attitude, this Sinister heads off to begin his plans anew. As for the mutants? Lord Summers is bitchy towards Iceman for leaving, Beast makes sure to pick up the last few leaving mutants just to put the screws to Lord Summers one final time(because Beast IS awesome) and Lord Summers responds to all of this by taking down all of the photos of the older X-Men teams and sealing them away, since they were a reminder of the past, and looking to the past is defeatist behavior to Lord Summers.

Thoughts: What the hell do you think I thought of this issue!? It returned the real, true, legitimate MR. SINISTER!!! Possibly my favorite X-Men villain, and one of my favorite villains in ALL of comic books. Whenever I think back on this issue I find myself adding an extra 1/2 to the score over and over again because the stuff with Sinister was THAT awesome. I loved that Sinister kept recreating himself until he had become the character he used to be, one who knew the X-Men inside and out, possibly better than they knew themselves! And upon finally becoming complete again? Naturally he sets out to get back to work making the X-Men's lives a living hell. And why does he do that? Because he's awesome. That's why. But it's not only the stuff with Mr. Sinister that was great, the parts of this comic that dealt with Iceman leaving Crazy Mutie Island, as well as Beast's GREAT cameo appearance made this the best issue of Uncanny X-Men I've read in YEARS! All I can hope for is that Kieron Gillen keeps THIS sort of work up and doesn't slide back to his pre-Fear Itself stories. Regardless, with a Mr. Sinister storyline on the horizon, I have a pretty good feeling Uncanny X-Men #1 will be one hell of a good comic.

Score: 9 1/2 out of 10.It looks like I have a new Windows desktop picture already!


What's in a name? Everything!

As a totally nerdy aside, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that this issue gave us one of the FEW times I've seen somebody put Nate Grey's name properly... You see, in an issue of X-Man(X-Man #-1 I believe) Mr. Sinister gave Nate his name. His last name, Grey, came from his mother, but his first name? Sinister named Nate after the one who did the most work in actually creating Nate, and that would be Sinister himself. And what is Sinister's real name? Nathaniel Essex. However, in the comic I'm referencing, Sinister called Nate “Nathan” as opposed to “Nathaniel”... To me though, if Nate WAS named after Mr. Sinister(as Sinister himself said), then his proper name would be Nathaniel Grey, NOT Nathan Grey. Now, why the hell did I just go off on a spiel about Nate's name? Because in this issue of Uncanny X-Men, Mr. Sinister was looking at a chart of the Summers and Grey family trees and Nate was named “Nathaniel” on the board, FINALLY correcting something that's bothered me for a good 6/7 years now, back when I first read that X-Man #-1 back issue. So thank you Kieron Gillen and Greg Land for righting that wrong when it comes to my favorite fictional character.Yes, it IS Nathaniel Grey! Finally! Thank you!

Uncanny X-Men #183 (July 1984)

Alright, here's a confession... I am NOT a fan of Chris Claremont's almost universally lauded Uncanny X-Men run... His dialogue never managed to grab me and he always seemed to need a plucky female(usually a teenager) to lean on in pretty much anything he wrote. Since I wanted to do a Retro Review on an issue of Uncanny X-Men, and I didn't want ALL of my Retro Reviews to be from the 90's or 2000's, I pretty much HAD to take on an issue from Claremont's Uncanny run. And as luck would have it? It was ALLLL about Kitty Pryde, my least favorite X-Men member, and Claremont's favorite crutch.

Uncanny X-Men #183:

Summary: This issue opens with Colossus telling Kitty Pryde that he had fallen in love with somebody else during the X-Men's time in Marvel's Secret Wars. Colossus is sad and gloomy, while Kitty realizes that it was finally over between her and Colossus since she couldn't compete with the memory of a dead woman. Kitty goes to her room and cries about things, while Wolverine(in the role of Chris Claremont himself I'd assume) decides he was going to take Colossus out to a bar to straighten him out for being insensitive to Kitty's feelings... Yes, really. Nightcrawler tags along since he doesn't want to see Wolvie do anything he may regret later. Back at X-Mansion, Storm goes to Kitty's room to speak to her about her troubles with Colossus, and discovers that Kitty was leaving the X-Men for a while, since she needed to get away from Colossus to clear her head. Good riddance, says I! Meanwhile, Wolvie gets Colossus good and drunk before he realizes that Juggernaut was also hanging out at the bar. Not wanting to make a scene, Wolvie tries to get Colossus to head outside with him, but Colossus is a nasty drunk and shoves Wolvie, which ultimately leads to Colossus's drink being spilled on Juggy's head. Juggy responds by shoving Colossus through a wall and that's all it takes for the two to tear into each other. Wolvie holds Nightcrawler back because he wants Colossus to get his ass kicked as retribution for hurting Kitty's feelings. Eventually, Juggy drops the entire building on Colossus, taking the fight out of him. Juggy climbs out of the wreckage and spots Wolvie and Nightcrawler, threatening to beat them up as well. Wolvie tells Juggy that he didn't want any trouble, which leads to Juggy tossing Wolvie a roll of money(?) to give to the owner of the bar so it could be repaired(?!?) before heading off. Colossus climbs out of the rubble and asks why Wolvie didn't lend a hand in the fight, which leads to Wolvie telling Colossus that since Colossus didn't care about Kitty's feelings, Wolvie didn't care about Colossus's feelings... Or something equally idiotic. With that, Wolvie and Nightcrawler leave Colossus sitting in the rubble, ending this issue.

Thoughts: There you go. This issue in a nutshell details my problems with Chris Claremont's run. It completely revolved around Kitty. Even when she wasn't on panel, it was understood that everything was about her. She was to the X-Men what Poochie was to Itchy and Scratchy! When she wasn't on the page everybody was wondering, where's Kitty? How's Kitty doing? What's going to happen to Kitty?? When Kitty wasn't around, Claremont would simply substitute Rachel Summers into the Kitty role. Or Magik. Or Sage. Or to a lesser extent, Rogue. It definitely got tiresome... But enough about that. There was one saving grace in this issue and that would be the bar fight between Colossus and Juggernaut. This comic was drawn by John Romita Jr and he did a great job with the battle of the behemoths here. Watching Juggy tear the bar from the ground and drop it on Colossus is an awesome sight! And to give some credit to Claremont, he wrote a very good Juggernaut. So there was definitely some good in this issue, unfortunately you had to dig through the soap opera that is Kitty Pryde to get to it.

Score: 6 out of 10.Poor Juggy just can't catch a break when it comes to Colossus...

Uncanny X-Men #543

By the end of tonight, I will have managed to review 26(!) of the 28(!!) comic books I picked up last Wednesday. If I was caught up with Fables or Hellblazer(which I started reading tonight), I would have reviewed THEM too! Why? Because that's how I roll. Yeah. Anyway, here's the 24th review I've posted this week... God am I tired...

Uncanny X-Men #543(Fear Itself tie-in):

Summary: Being good and pissed off due to the Serpent stealing his avatar, Cyttorak takes away Serpent-possessed Juggernaut's Juggernaut powers and gives them to Colossus, making Colossus into Jugger-Colossus and Juggernaut into... um, Serpent-possessed Cain Marko. Jugger-Colossus is teleported to the location of the now suddenly bald Serpent-possessed Cain Marko and the two powerhouses battle each other... Seriously, why is Serpent-possessed Cain Marko bald here? I know it probably shouldn't be a big deal and all, but it's weird little things like that that bug me... While the two big guys are fighting each other, Emma Frost wakes up and decides to smother Our Savior Hope with a pillow... You know, had Emma succeeded and killed Our Savior Hope here she'd have automatically become my 5th favorite comic book character. Unfortunately for me, Namor wanders into the hospital room, makes out with Emma and leaves, telling her that if she was HIS woman she'd be getting a whole lot more of his fish-lovin'. Well okay then. Meanwhile, the Serpent teleports Serpent-possessed Cain Marko away from the battle with Jugger-Colossus and Jugger-Colossus acts all intense and slightly evil due to Cyttorak's influence on him. Shadowcat breaks up with Jugger-Colossus because he didn't let his sister(that would be Magik), who has already been through hell, died and returned to life, become Cyttorak's new Juggernaut, because I guess in Shadowcat's mind Magik's life didn't suck enough... And people wonder why I hate Shadowcat so much... Shadowcat leaves and Jugger-Colossus takes off his helmet revealing that much like Serpent-possessed Cain Marko, he was suddenly and inexplicably bald too(!?!)... So I guess Cyttorak hates hair then? That is just so damn weird... From there, Lord Summers heads to the mayor of San Fransisco's office and threatens to kill her in several different ways since she considered letting Crazy Mutie Island(Utopia) get destroyed in order to save San Fran during Serpent-possessed Juggernaut's earlier rampage. HA! I can't even add anything to that... He threatened to MURDER a duly-elected government official for THINKING about(not ordering), destroying Crazy Mutie Island. What a hero! Lord Summers' posturing(mercifully) ends this issue.

Thoughts: You know, I didn't like this comic much, but it did give me a few laughs. Between the sudden and inexplicable baldness of several characters, to Emma Frost trying to kill somebody WITH A PILLOW, to me being completely validated in my hatred of certain characters(I'm looking at YOU, Lord Summers and Shadowcat), this comic made me laugh. Now I don't know if Kieron Gillen intended this to be a comedy issue, but regardless, it WAS funny(to me at least). I don't think there's much more for me to say that I didn't say in the summary, so I think I'll move on to the next review.

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.I don't understand... Why is everybody mysteriously losing their hair in this series?!?

Uncanny X-Men #542

I've been avoiding this comic for at least a week now, but with my new comic pile empty, now is the perfect opportunity for me to finally read this issue... It should go without saying that I expect nothing from this comic and that I'm dreading opening it. With that cheerful introduction out of the way, let's crack this one open!

Uncanny X-Men #542(Fear Itself tie-in):

Summary: Lord Summers sends out waves of mutants to try to stop the Serpent possessed Juggernaut from marching through San Fransisco, but plan after plan after plan(at least 42 by my count) fail. Getting desperate, Lord Summers heads to the most knowledgeable mutant in the area of magic, Magik(makes sense, no?). Lord Summers allows Magik out of the cell she was locked in on Crazy Mutie Island(Utopia) and tells her to do whatever she could to deal with Juggy. Along with Shadowcat(BOOO!!!) and Colossus(Meh...), Magik teleports to the realm of Juggy's original master, Cyttorak. Cyttorak seems pleased that Juggy was FINALLY acting the way he was supposed to be(destroying stuff), but Magik reveals that Juggy wasn't serving Cyttorak anymore, but the Serpent. This news enrages Cyttorak, and he abandons Juggy and offers the power of the Juggernaut to Magik instead. Before Magik can accept, Colossus steps in front of her, grabs the Ruby of Cyttorak and becomes a human Juggernaut!

Thoughts: This comic was SO much better than the last... um, like 40 issues or so of Uncanny X-Men that it was almost unbelievable! First off, every single character who had a major role in this comic? I hate. I hate Shadowcat. I hate this version of Cyclops(the annoying dictatorial one). I hate that both Colossus and Magik are alive because their deaths were EXTREMELY well-written. In short, I should have HATED this issue! And yet I didn't... I know Kieron Gillen can write good comic books, because I've enjoyed his Journey Into Mystery run, but I've hated every single X-comic he's ever written, with the exception of this one. I'm still not planning on picking up Uncanny X-Men after it resets back to #1, but for the first time in years, I actually enjoyed an issue of this series. Awesome.

Score: 9 out of 10.Cyttorak is one handsome devil!

Quick Hits: Fear Itself: Deadpool #2, Iron Man 2.0 #7, Uncanny X-Men #541, Fear Itself: Fearsome Four #2

Another day, another Quick Hits post. The four comics I'll be taking a look at today are all Fear Itself tie-ins, and to be completely honest, they ranged from not that good to out-and-out terrible... I mean reading these books took some real willpower from yours truly! Well, let's get this cavalcade of comic crap out of the way... As always with these Quick Hits posts, I'm only spending 5 sentences or less on the actual review before heading to my “Thoughts” the score and the scan. If you want to know more about one of these comics, feel free to inquire about them in the comments section, although after reading these comics I can't imagine ANYBODY would want to talk about them...

Fear Itself: Deadpool #2(of 3):

What Happened: Deadpool's plan of having the Walrus terrorize a small town(in disguise), moves along smoothly, so Pool readies the second phase of his plan, defeating the Walrus and reaping the rewards from the town. Pool basically has his way with the Walrus until nightfall, when we find out that the hammer Pool gave to the Walrus to attack the town actually had some sort of bizarre werewolf/healing factor negating powers, which helps the Walrus take Pool down and out.

Thoughts: You know what the sad thing is? Out of the four comics I read for this post, THIS was the best one of the bunch! Things only go downhill from here! Honestly, the best thing about this issue was the cover, which was hilarious. I mean this issue had it's moments, I did enjoy Pool in a VERY lame disguise directing the idiotic Walrus's attack on the town, but the story has practically nothing to do with Fear Itself, except that Pool got the idea to give Walrus that hammer because of the Serpent and his Worthy. If you're following the whole FI event, this is a very easily skipped mini-series.

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.Deadpool's Serpent disguise = Awesome!


Iron Man 2.0 #7(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: The Immortal Weapons try to close the gate to Hell which opened in Beijing thanks to the Serpent's hammer tearing reality asunder. Before they can shut the portal, Iron Fist winds up getting possessed and attacking the rest of the Weapons. Luckily, War Machine is also there, and he takes on the possessed Iron Fist. The battle rages for WAY longer than it should(I mean War Machine is a frigging tank!), but War Machine manages to defeat Iron Fist with some mystical help from Dr. Strange from afar, who was spying on events. The Weapons then close the portal, nobody seems to know what the problem with Iron Fist was, and War Machine's part in Fear Itself thankfully comes to an end.

Thoughts: I am so glad this issue ended this series involvement in Fear Itself. I barely care about Iron Fist and hate the Immortal Weapons. I mean I like War Machine a lot, but he was almost a second thought these past few issues... Instead we get those damned Immortal Weapons and their completely asinine names(The Handsome Monkey King, The Bride of Nine Spiders, The Prince of Orphans... Are you kidding me?!), nothing really happening involving Fear Itself, and War Machine, who happens to be wearing a state of the art suit of armor, having difficulty defeating Iron Fist, a guy who kicks things... Yeah, this was pretty brutal.

Score: 4 out of 10.Apparently, you should always bet on the guy who kicks things instead of the guy in the multi-million dollar suit of armor.


Uncanny X-Men #541(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: Lord Summers sends out a few waves of X-Men to probe the Serpent possessed Juggernaut for weaknesses, which only leads to his most powerful X-Men making a tiny crack in Juggy's helmet. So naturally, Lord Summers sends out Our Lord and Savior Hope, who manages to pull the Juggernaut's helmet off... Typing that line leaves me SO pissed I can barely finish typing this up... Anyway, Emma Frost tries to enter Juggy's mind to shut him down, but can't, and this issue ends with the X-Men unsure what to do next.

Thoughts: You know, this issue started off well enough. Lord Summers actually enacted a plan that made great sense all things considered, since he was dealing with an old foe with vastly improved abilities... And then Our Lord and Savior Hope showed up... Seriously, Kieron Gillen HAS to get away from the X-books, because his obsession with Our Lord and Savior Hope is bordering on the unintentionally hilarious! I mean every goddamn issue of this goddamn comic book lately has revolved around goddamn Hope!! And do you know what that's doing to me? It's making me hate her with a passion I usually reserve for Barry Allen... THAT'S how much I'm starting to hate Hope! I'm comparing her to the character who singlehandedly destroyed most of my interest in DC comics! Hope has got to go, and Gillen has got to go with her, because once again, he ruined what could have been a very good comic book.

Score: 5 out of 10.Next up for Our Savior Hope, defeating every super-villain in the Marvel Universe simultaneously while explaining the finer points of the Negative Zone to Mr. Fantastic...


Fear Itself: Fearsome Four #2(of 4):

What Happened: The Man-Thing defeats Frankenstein, She-Hulk, Howard the Duck and Nighthawk(collectively known as The Worst Team Ever) before moving deeper into NYC. When the ragtag group regain their senses, Frankenstein gives his origin story(REALLY!?! Was that necessary?!) before the team continues after Man-Thing. It turns out the Psycho Man is also after Man-Thing, since he sees Man-Thing as a weapon he could use to further enhance his emotion control abilities. With the Psycho Man on one side, and a crazed Man-Thing on the other, who should show up but the infamous New Fantastic Four(Wolverine, Spider-Man, the gray Hulk and Ghost Rider) from the past. Sure, why not.

Thoughts: What can I say? The story was barely coherent, the artwork was done by two or three different artists, giving this comic no sense of cohesiveness, and Howard the Duck was here. What did my poor, darling She-Hulk do to deserve inclusion in THIS awful mini-series? And to make matters worse, there wasn't a single appearance by the Serpent or his Worthy, thus breaking my first rule with calling something a Fear Itself tie-in. Sure, Man-Thing going crazy is a direct result of the Fear Itself events, but that's not the same as an appearance by one of the main Fear Itself threats. This is another FI “tie-in” that should definitely be avoided...

Score: 3 out of 10.Ever wanted to see a duck talk to Frankenstein? Then you're in luck!!

Uncanny X-Men #540 & X-23 #12

Two X-books, one yet ANOTHER Fear Itself tie-in, the other the latest issue of X-23. I didn't really enjoy the last issue of both series, but I'm at least cautiously optimistic that both series pick up here...

Uncanny X-Men #540(Fear Itself tie-in):

Summary: This issue begins with the Serpent possessed Juggernaut landing just outside San Fransisco. He bumps into some guy and proceeds to possess him... What?! From there we learn that Lord Summers is meeting with the mayor of San Francisco, discussing why none of the Fear Itself related carnage has come to San Fran, while Colossus meets with his sister Magik, who had been locked up under Crazy Mutie Island for being too crazy... You know, it's really bad if you're too crazy for a place named CRAZY Mutie Island! Namor stops by the bedroom of She Who Shall Not Be Named's bedroom and wants to sleep with Her... UGH! Have the events of Fear Itself driven Namor completely insane!? Think about the diseases, Namor!! Anyway, Her turns Namor down and he leaves to deal with the Fear Itself stuff happening in Atlantis. By this time Juggernaut has arrived in San Fran and has amassed a bunch followers. Lord Summers, who sees this on the TV in the mayor's office, realizes that it'll be up to the X-Men to stop an opponent who has become more powerful than ever before.

Thoughts: Okay, I'm just going to say it... When the hell did Juggy gain the ability to possess people?! I mean I've read like 98% of the Fear Itself comics, and I'm confident I've read every single Fear Itself comic Juggy has appeared in. I've seen him march across the country, from New York to Chicago, from Missouri to Las Vegas, finally ending up in San Fransisco. Never once in those travels has Juggernaut shown the ability to possess somebody! Never!! I don't even know what else to say here... This issue featured characters I either don't like(Her, Shadowcat), characters I'm indifferent towards(Colossus, Lord Summers), or characters who should have remained dead(Magik)... So yeah, once again, as usual with something written by Kieron Gillen, I didn't enjoy this issue. The art was quite good, but it was done by Greg Land, so no surprise there. The story though? Meh.

Score: 5 1/2 out of 10.Man is that armor disturbingly tight...


X-23 #12:

Summary: Wolverine and Gambit arrive in the French subway system to stop X-23 from killing Vampire Jubilee. It seems X-23 has gotten a whiff of that trigger scent that makes her go crazy, explaining her rash actions. Anyway, Wolvie keeps hold of X-23 until the trigger scent wears off, at which time the mutants realize that somebody was pumping an experimental version of the trigger scent into the subway, a version of the scent that would send anybody into a homicidal rampage. X-23, Gambit and Wolvie don gas masks(where they got them, I have NO idea!), while Vampire Jubes doesn't need a mask because of her vampire physiology. The people in the subway go crazy, and begin attacking everything in sight, and X-23 rapidly realizes that they couldn't allow the crazed mob to reach the the streets above. To that end, X-23 dashes out of the subway to corral the few people who escaped the subway already, while Jubes positions herself at the top of the stairs and presumably shoves people down them to keep them from getting out. Outside the subway, X-23 tackles a crazed woman and her baby, and is relieved to see that the trigger scent was rapidly leaving their system. A strange cloaked woman approaches X-23 and speaks cryptically to her before running off. X-23 pursues the woman, but loses her up an alley, instead finding an envelope with a note and some money. By this point, Gambit, Jubes and Wolvie emerge from the subway since the threat was over, meeting up with a perplexed X-23. Upon arriving at their apartment, X-23 shows the rest of the group the note, which tells her to track down somebody she had been ordered to kill a while back, but had managed to disobey her conditioning and leave this person alive. From there, we get some bonding between Wolvie and Gambit as well as Vampire Jubes and X-23, and this one ends.

Thoughts: Meh. I can't say I enjoyed this issue at all. Maybe I was setting my hopes too high, but with Wolvie and Vampire Jubes guest starring these past few issues, I was hoping for something a bit more exciting. Instead we got a shopping trip, some crazies in a French subway, and that's about it. I like the mystery with the woman in the cloak, the dialogue and art was good, but the story just didn't do it for me. Oh well, here's hoping things pick back up again next month.

Score: 5 out of 10.That is definitely not a good sight!