An ANGRY Rant about Flash: Rebirth #6!

Rejoice comic book fans, the final issue of our Lord and Savior, The SAINT Barry Allen's comeback comic is reviewed here! Just so we're all on the same page, SAINT Barry(yep, he's officially getting the BENDIS treatment now)is the most important, smartest, coolest, and dare I say, the most handsome of all of the Flash characters, and possibly the greatest character in the HISTORY of comic books. When I read a DC comic and SAINT Barry isn't inside, I die just a little bit inside... Enough talk, all hail the magnificent one, our savior, the great SAINT Barry Allen!!!

Flash: Rebirth #6(of 6): Writer: Geoff Johns. Pencils: Ethan Van Sciver.

SAINT Barry tries to catch up to the Reverse Flash, who is racing back in time to kill the SAINT'S wife prior to them getting married. The SAINT can't quite catch Reverse Flash, but is assisted by the timely arrival of that loser, Wally West. The SAINT allows Wally to think that he assisted him(we all know the truth though, the SAINT needs no help!), and the Flash and the lesser Flash manage to catch up to the Reverse Flash right before he manages to kill Iris. The SAINT grabs a hold of Reverse Flash and drives him back to the present day, where the JSA, the JLA and the lesser Flashes have gathered together to create a containment unit to hold the Reverse Flash immobile, stopping his rampage. You know, it's all good and dandy that the other heroes wanted to help, but we all know the SAINT could have easily taken care of the Reverse Flash on his own... And Doomsday. And the Mad Hatter! With the threat of the Reverse Flash finally over, the idiots in Central City decide to throw a parade for the SAINT(as well as the lesser Flashes, but who really cares about them?). From there we get a couple of epilogues... In epilogue one, Zoom, whose cell is located near the Reverse Flash tries to plot against the SAINT, in the second one, some damned talking monkeys complain about the Reverse Flash doing something unnatural in their jungle. “Doing something unnatural in their jungle”?!? I don't even want to GUESS what THAT means! In epilogue three, the mystery figure(Abra Kadabra maybe?)the Reverse Flash tried to kill in Rebirth #1(I think... It's been so long since I've read that I can't remember)swears revenge against the Reverse Flash. Epilogue four deals with the Rogues deciding to come up with their emergency SAINT Barry contingency plan... Why bother with a contingency plan? It's SAINT Barry we're talking about, I've already established that he could beat the deadly menace that is the Mad Hatter, what hope do they have? While epilogue five deals with SAINT Barry and his surprisingly young wife, Iris, making out. This issue(thankfully)ends with the SAINT arriving late to a party thrown by the JLA to welcome him back to life. AHA-HAHAHAH! How hilarious! See, he's the World's Fastest(and most egotistical)Man, but he's STILL late to his own party!!! How funny...... Ugh...

Do I even need to say what I thought about this comic? I think you should have a pretty good feel for my thoughts after reading the review... Needless to say, every page of this comic was torture. And I'm not talking slowly pulling off a band-aid torture, I'm talking being burnt at the stake while rabid dogs eat your innards torture! I don't like when a writer takes a character he's obviously enamored by(see: Christopher Yost and X-23 or BENDIS and Luke Cage)and decides to shove said character down the throats of the fans, other characters be damned. What this mini-series pretty much told us was that SAINT Barry is the most important speedster in the DCU, and that all of the other speedsters owe him their very existences. You know what part of this comic pissed me off the most(and there were A LOT of things I could have chosen from!)? The epilogue where the Rogues decide that with SAINT Barry back, they have to pull out their contingency plan... THAT was what pretty much pushed me right off the cliff. The Rogues have been battling Wally West EVEN longer then they've been battling the SAINT, but the moment the SAINT returns, they have to resort to some kind of top secret contingency plan... Why didn't they ever have to use this plan against Wally? Oh wait, I know why, because compared to the SAINT, Wally is a nobody. Never mind the fact that Wally has proudly held the mantle of the Flash for the past 25 years, and has always been able to defeat the Rogues. In the eyes of Geoff Johns and the DC editorial staff, Wally has always been some lucky kid holding the SAINT'S place, while we all waited breathlessly for the SAINT to return... With the exception of the Final Crisis debacle, I've never been more disappointed in DC.

Score: 4 out of 10.Bow down before SAINT Barry Allen!!!

Flash: Rebirth #5(of 6)

Writer: The comic book GOD himself, Geoff Johns. Artist: Ethan Van Sciver.

What Happened: This issue begins in earnest with the full Flash family(Barry, Wally, Bart, Max and Jay)taking it to the insane Reverse Flash, Eobard Thawne. While the Flashes are battling Thawne, Wally's daughter, Irey(which is what she seems to be going by now)apparently gives her life to save her twin brother. Luckily for Irey, Liberty Belle(another DC speedster)arrives on the scene to save the girl. Meanwhile, Thawne is more then a match for all of the Flash family members present, since he can pick his shots at them while menacing the public, which distracts the Flash family members. Liberty Belle and Irey West(Wally's aforementioned daughter)arrive on the scene to lend a hand in the battle against Thawne. Now outnumbered 7-1, Thawne grabs Barry and the two arch-foes speed away from the rest of the Flash family. While running, Thawne tells Barry that he's been behind every bad thing that has ever happened in his life. From falling down the stairs when he was 11 yrs old, to the death of his mother, Thawne tells Barry that he was responsible for everything. This issue ends with Thawne telling Barry that he is now going to head into the past and kill Barry's wife Iris before the two of them even have their first date.

What I Thought: Bwa-Hahahahaha!!! Oh man... Really? I've never made a secret of how much I like Geoff's writing, but this was kind of ridiculous... Am I really to believe that Thawne has been haunting Barry his entire life like some sort of super-fast boogeyman? That was a pretty weak reveal. I get that Geoff wanted to make the fight between Thawne and Barry EVEN more personal then it was, which is why he made Thawne responsible for the murder of Barry's mother, but all of the other little things Thawne is claiming responsibility for is just overkill. So Thawne pushed little Barry down the stairs, he started a fire in Barry's home, he allowed Barry's dog to run away(really???)AND he killed Barry's mother! Um, if Thawne hates Barry so much, why not just, I don't know, kill Barry!?! Thawne has already showed he could go back in time and kill people, so why not murder a newborn Barry Allen in his crib? I guess Thawne needed Barry alive for some reason(why else wouldn't he kill him?), so instead of killing Barry, why not paralyze him, or cause him some other type of egregious bodily harm? Before Thawne's over-the-top villain act, this issue was pretty good. Wally finally got a new costume(which I liked), Wally's daughter became the new Impulse(which I'm undecided on)and all of the Flash family members were given a chance to shine(which was a good thing). I enjoyed the banter between Bart and Max Mercury, as well as Jay using his hat as an offensive weapon. I really like Jay's hat! To be honest, I'm eagerly anticipating the end of this mini-series and the beginning of the new Flash comic book, which I'm hoping will be a little bit better then this mini has been.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Forget Barry Allen, I want a new series for Jay Garrick! Jay+his hat=sales!

The Flash: Rebirth #4

As my regular readers know, I've been pretty hard on this series since the initial issue. I was angry about Wally West getting tossed to the curb, and I just didn't like Barry Allen's bad attitude upon his return to the land of the living. However, since the last issue of this series, I've read the "Crisis on Infinite Earths" TPB, and you know what? That trade gave me a new appreciation for old Barry. If I was Barry, I'd be pissy too! He was shafted terribly in "Crisis", so as far as I'm concerned, he has every right to be mad at the world. I'll be reading this issue with a new set of pro-Barry eyes. This story is written by comic book GOD, Geoff Johns with art by Ethan Van Sciver.

-This comic starts out with Prof. Eobard Thawne, the Reverse Flash, explaining to Barry Allen and Max Mercury the ins and outs of the Speed Force. Apparently, Barry Allen created the Speed Force the day he was doused with those chemicals and struck by lightning all those years ago. It seems that when Barry runs, he expands the Speed Force, allowing it to transcend time and space(or so I think...). When the Reverse Flash replicated the experiment that created Barry, he created an evil, Negative Speed Force. When Thawne runs, his Negative Speed Force gains power and begins to diminish the influence of Barry's Positive Speed Force(maybe?).

-Barry and Max try to fight the crazed Thawne, but since they are trapped on the Negative side of the Speed Force, Thawne is practically all powerful. After toying with Barry and Max for a while, Thawne decides to leave the Speed Force and literally run amok.

-Hal Jordan travels to Iowa and tells the collection of heroes gathered there that Barry Allen returned to the Speed Force so he wouldn't put any friends or loved ones in jeopardy with his misfiring powers(thanks to Thawne). Wally West refuses to accept that Barry is gone(again)and decides he will enter the Speed Force and bring Barry back out, reasoning that he is one of the few beings who has entered the Speed Force and come out again. With that, Wally begins his trek into the Speed Force.

-With Wally gone, Thawne heads to Wally's family home and grabs his children, and does what every good villain should do in such a situation, he threatens the kids. That's the easiest way to get bad guy cred, threaten innocent children!

-Linda calls Wally for help with her ring(?), and with Wally unavailable, Jay and Bart respond, beating Thawne out of Wally's home and into the street. Unfortunately for the two speedsters, Thawne is more than a match for them and he manages to take Jay out of the fight and decides to kill Bart for corrupting the Thawne bloodline.

-Back in the Negative Speed Force, Wally finally locates Barry and prepares to ferry him back to Earth. Barry wants Max to leave with him, but Max explains that while Barry has Iris and Wally has Linda to draw them out of the Speed Force, Max has nobody. Barry reputes that by saying that Max is practically Bart's father, and that Bart is Max's anchor. Max grabs Barry's hand, and Barry manages to grab ahold of Wally and all three speedsters run out of the Speed Force, appearing in front of a surprised Thawne, ending this issue.

YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! Max Mercury is back!!! Ehem, with that out of my system, I can begin looking into this comic. This was a fantastic comic book! Although I will admit to being a bit confused by the Negative/Positive aspect of the Speed Force, everything else was flawless. The story, the dialogue, Geoff's awesome knowledge of the past and the artwork. It was all just so perfect!

Let's get this Speed Force stuff out of the way first. The way I understand it(and I could be WAY off)is that whenever Thawne runs he is corrupting the Speed Force with his Negative(Reverse)energies, and when Barry runs he is expanding the Speed Force... I guess. If I'm wrong on this(which is a strong possibility)please correct me!

OK, with that out of the way, we can get to the rest of this comic. Initially, I was annoyed that Zoom was de-powered and tossed aside so Reverse Flash could return to don the yellow and red. After reading this issue though, I think I could definitely get into Thawne's character. Geoff did a good job at establishing Thawne as a huge threat to the entire Flash family as well as making him seem multi-faceted. All of the prior things I'd read about Thawne made him seem like the quintessential boring/insane villain. Yes, Thawne is still obviously insane, but Geoff also establishes the Professor side of his personality as well. Thawne is obsessed with Barry Allen, but he is also obsessed with learning all of the secrets of the Speed Force.

All of the relationships amongst the various members of the Flash family were written to perfection here. Bart and Jay's concern for Wally, Bart's anger after Jay(his one-time guardian)was hurt by the maniacal Thawne, the joy on Bart's face when his "father" Max Mercury returned from the Speed Force, Thawne's disgust that Bart shared both his blood and Allen blood, as well as Wally's love for Barry. Geoff hit every note perfectly, and Ethan's art accentuated Geoff's words wonderfully. Nobody was out of character(a major pet-peeve of mine), all of the dialogue was spot on, and Geoff's slight tweaks in the Flash mythos were worked into the story seamlessly. So yeah, obviously I really liked this comic book alot! For a score, I'm going to have to give this issue a 10 out of 10, a perfect score. I couldn't find any fault with this comic. To me, this was comic book nirvana.Yeah baby, Max Mercury is BACK!