Best of the Rest! April 3rd edition.

Hey X-Maniacs, X here to start another Best of the Rest post.  As always, I'll toss a few reviews out there, and then my erstwhile lackey, JT, will add a few reviews.  JT's reviews will have blue text.  And yeah, enough talk, let's knock these reviews out.

Indestructible Hulk #6: Bruce and his science crew use some uru Thor lent SHIELD(that's weird...) to find some mysterious element in Jotunheim(where the Frost Giants lurk).  Thor from the past shows up(wha?!) as do Frost Giants.  Bruce hulks up, and all of this leads to Hulk lifting Thor's hammer...  Yeah, under no circumstances should Hulk ever lift Thor's hammer.  So I'm guessing either a) the hammer rose because it was heading back to Thor, or b) this is a wacky alternate dimension where anybody can lift the hammer.  Regardless, this issue seemed kind of average-ish to me.  With Mark Waid and Walter Simonson, I was expecting more than this.  Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.

Stormwatch #19: What the HELL happened to this comic?!  Ugh...  This issue was horrible, and nearly impossible to figure out...  Some aliens kill Adam One at the beginning of time(?), which alters reality(you'd think DC would shy away from doing THAT...), leading to Stormwatch being called Skywatch. with (some) different members.  It was a mess and it ended with a Lobo appearance.  So yeah, I hated it and hope that Jim Starlin rights this ship really fast.  This used to be my favorite DC comic...  Score: 3 out of 10.

Hypernaturals #10: We seem to be inching ever closer to finding out that Sublime was right and that the Quantinuum AI may just be up to no good.  Or maybe it's just trying to protect humanity...  Regardless, Sublime has had more than enough of working with the Hypernaturals and takes off.  As for Evil Sublime, he's attacking Thinkwell's homeworld.  So yeah, I finally managed to read this series, from issue #1-10, and I liked it.  DnA doing a space tale is always a good thing, and this series is no different.  Sublime is rapidly becoming a favorite of mine too.  Score: 7 out of 10.

Venom #33: This issue revolves around Toxin(Eddie Brock) battling against the mysterious(still unnamed!) cannibal from last issue.  The cannibal escapes from Toxin and ends up running into Venom.  This one ends with Venom knocking the cannibal out and coming face-to-face with Toxin.  Which is what I've been waiting for!!  This issue proved something important to me...  If Cullen Bunn stays away from all the demonic and supernatural junk, he CAN write a good Venom series!  He proved it with the U-Foes and he proved it again here.  Eddie vs a cannibal?  Flash vs the cannibal?  Flash vs Eddie?  Yes, please!  Here's hoping Bunn stays away from demons and lets Flash face the types of threats you'd expect a spider-family member to face.  Score: 8 out of 10.

Winter Soldier #17: So yeah, some stuff happens and this issue ended...  *sigh* Fine, I'll try a bit harder than that...  Nick Fury's disembodied head tells Bucky to go after the Electric Ghost, who went all Super-Joker and committed like 57 terrorist acts in one day.  Bucky ends up going to the Ghost's satellite(wait, what?!) and is defeated by her.  Oh yeah, and Bucky's elderly sidekick, Robards, defeats a mini-MODOK off panel because why not.  Yep, I'm done with this series.  This comic was as bad as anything I've read all year, and I'm not gonna waste my money anymore.  Bucky, you deserve so much better than this...  Hopefully this book gets cancelled and a better writer gets a new series down the road.  Score: 0 out of 10.  The first imperfect score in quite some time...

Ultimate X-Men #25: Jean heads to Utopia because Kitty is an arrogant bitch in Jean's mind and shouldn't be leading the mutant people.  Amen, Jean!!!  Besides that, Jimmy is plotting with Warpath from Mach 2's crew and Psylocke is plotting against Mach 2.  So basically, we have a 4 way power struggle brewing between Kitty, Mach 2, Jean and Psylocke...  Um, couldn't there be ONE male character trying to take leadership of Utopia?!  I mean, FOUR women are vying for the throne!?  Very, very weird...  Needless to say, I'm in Jean's corner, because Evil Jean is awesome.  Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.

Green Lantern #19: We pick things up with Hal Jordan who now inexplicably looks exactly like Geoff Johns for some stupid ass reason still in Black Hand's ring as he contemplates his next move. Sinestro's returned to Korugar to get help from his people to take on the First Lantern, but he shows up and feeds off of their emotions. When Sinestro manages to save his people, the First Lantern changes it so he didn't, cause he can change time or something. Anyway, The First Lantern destroys Korugar, leaving Sinestro floating through space and his planet's debris when he finds himself in front of his Yellow Lantern. Also, Hal decides to kill himself while in the ring so he can wield the Black Hand's Black Lantern powers, so he flings himself off a cliff. Well, I hated this. I don't know much about the lantern because I refuse to follow GL Corps, New Guardians and Red Lanterns to keep up with this storyline. The way he changed it so Sinestro lost after winning was a giant screw you to the readers, and it looks like Sinestro will be wielding fear again. Plus, Geoff Jordan annoys me... how do you just randomly change Hal to a pudgy faced Geoff Johns? Ugh. Score: 2/10 only because Geoff Jordan killed himself.

Green Arrow #19: After the odd cliffhanger of Ollie falling to his death in the last issue, we see Ollie survives (SHOCKING!!!) and engages Komodo in battle. Surprisingly, Oliver manages to get the drop on Komodo, but Oliver is suddenly shot with an arrow by Komodo's daughter. Komodo's unhappy about her showing up and Ollie uses the distraction of her and the police to get away. The issue ends with Oliver being picked up by his newest tech guy and pulling an arrow out of his leg before blacking out in pain. This issue fell flat for me, the first two issues started out promising but Komodo and his daughter and the mystery of Oliver's longtime dead dad is not keeping me interested. I'll probably give this series one more issue and if things don't turn around I'll end up dropping it. Score: 4/10

And that's it for this week's Best of the Rest post! I had a few books I wanted to include but I haven't gotten around to reading them yet, so ah well. Due to my busy schedule, X is going to post a scan or something tomorrow since the only two books I've read and planned on reviewing were better as blurbs than full reviews. Anyway, til next time, this is JT and his erstwhile lackey X, signing off!

Red Hood and the Outlaws #7

Alright, two reviews tonight, both from DC. First off, it's the comic book that stars two of my absolute favorite DC characters(at least pre-reboot...). Unfortunately, that fact hasn't exactly led to really good stories... Here's hoping THIS is the issue that Scott Lobdell gets it all together and the awesomeness finally ensues.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #7:

Summary: Good god, I actually have to review this... *sigh* Well, let's make it quick... Red Hood breaks the sedated Crux out of Arkham Asylum since he felt Crux wouldn't be properly punished for what he did to Starfire(which was what exactly? Because she seems fine here...). Hood, Arsenal and Starfire fly around in Crux's spaceship(yes, really, his spaceship), until Jason starts talking to Essence(remember her from the first issue? Yeah, I hardly do either), who Arsenal and Star can't see. Jason reveals that Essence betrayed the All-Caste, and we get some horrible story about Essence being Ducra's daughter(which means nothing since we barely know anything about Essence or Ducra as it is). Hood makes his magic sword appear(I can't believe this is happening in a Bat-book) and attacks Essence, who appears before Arsenal and Star. Essence beats everybody up, at least until Jason... um, teleports(?) or disintegrates(?) Essence with a gun not “made by man”... Essence is gone, and this issue ends with the fat woman from a few issues ago waking up in Gotham swearing revenge on Red Hood...

Thoughts: Sweet Christmas, this was absolutely horrendous! I don't have the slightest idea what the hell Lobdell is going for in this series anymore, and quite frankly, and it pains me to say this, I don't think I care anymore... After this absolute catastrophe of a comic, I am seriously considering dropping this series... And THIS is a series I NEVER thought I'd drop, no matter how bad it got, due to the characters in it. But this? I mean, words can't even describe how bad it was. This All-Caste garbage has gone on long enough... Please, end it now! There was just so much wrong with this issue, starting with the cover, which claimed in bold letters, “At Last! The return of Essence!” at which point I honestly wondered, “Who the hell is Essence and why should I care?” We quickly learn she was the woman from the first issue who informed Jason that the All-Caste had been slaughtered, and then NEVER APPEARED AGAIN! She was on like 3 pages tops, and we get an “At Last!” on the cover of this issue? And then we learn that apparently she betrayed the All-Caste to the Untitled? So? Seriously, we have NO reason to care about Essence(she was on like THREE pages in six issues!!!), and little reason to care about the All-Caste since they were all dead by the end of the first issue. Again, so? I don't get why I'm supposed to care in the least about Essence at all. And then there's Starfire... Wasn't she mortally wounded, depowered, hurt, something by Crux? This issue she seemed fine... She was fighting Essence, blasting her, the whole nine yards. Didn't Crux say something to the effect that he had made Starfire “human”? Well she sure as hell didn't seem like it here, what with her blasts and flaming hair and all. I don't even have anything positive to say to end this post... Um, at least there won't be another issue of this series for another month? That's about the most positive thing I can say...

Score: 0 out of 10. Yep, the imperfect score. Congrats, Red Hood, you earned it.

Mayhap this was the worst comic I've read thus far this year.

Uncanny X-Force #21

I really hate the storyline going on in this comic book right now... And it's not a good kind of hate, like when you hate a random super-villain because you're supposed to hate that random super-villain. It's that bad kind of hate where you see the cover of a comic and don't even want to open it up because you know it's gonna suck... Well, all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best here...

Uncanny X-Force #21:

Summary: Psylocke rescues Fantomex from the machine that was to execute him, but not before he was injected by a chemical that caused him to begin forgetting his entire life. Meanwhile, a villain with a goat's head fights X-Force outside of Capt. Britain's castle. Eventually goat head guy retreats because his orb was destroyed or something... Psylocke takes Fantomex to some magical forest and asks the leader of the forest to help fix Fantomex's mind. The master of the forest doesn't want to assist Psylocke because he hates her father or some such nonsense, but after Psylocke begs for his help, he reconsiders. And then zombiefied members of the Capt. Britain Corps attacks Capt. Britain's castle.

Thoughts: This was absolutely terrible. There's literally not a single nice thing I can say about this comic book... I could care LESS about EVERYTHING happening here. I hate the Capt. Britain Corps concept, I hate Otherworld, I hate Merlin. I hate it all. So if you liked this comic, awesome. But me? I couldn't have hated it more. What a waste of money...

Score: 0 out of 10.

Yes Rick Remender, this is indeed your worst...

Nightwing #4

Next comic on the agenda is the first DC book in my new comic pile, Nightwing... I was thisclose to reviewing this comic with Brightest Day Rules, mainly because of that damned Barbara Gordon appearing in this one... I hate her with a passion that is bordering on scary, so expect A LOT of hate for a character who was, at one time, amongst my favorite female DC characters...

Nightwing #4:

What Happened: Alright, I'm going to be straight with you guys here... I didn't read this comic. Like at all. I basically looked at the pictures. Seriously, that goddamn Batgirl was on nearly EVERY PAGE!!! So to save myself from a massive brain hemorrhage, I skipped this one. All I can tell you is that in the end, after that usurpering hag finally left this issue, Dick found a hidden book with his name in it. Do I know why he went looking for the book? Nope. Do I care? Right now? Nope.

The Good: Um, Dick is still having sex with Raya... I guess that's good for him, right?

The Bad: This was basically an issue of Batgirl, which stars a character I refuse to read about...

The Verdict: Um, yeah, sorry about the lack of a review, but as I said, I refuse to read anything with this version of Batgirl in it, and this issue was no exception. Maybe if she wasn't on practically every page, I could have given this issue at least a semi-read. But as it is, I couldn't read a damn thing. If Kyle Higgins wants to write Barbara Gordon so bad, maybe he shouldn't be writing Nightwing. 'nuff said.

Score: 0 out of 10. Here's hoping this is the final imperfect score of the year...Hey look, it's one of the ONLY pages WITHOUT Batgirl on it!

Avengers #19

Wow, I really put this issue of Avengers low in my new comic pile! I mean it was #19 out of 20!! Considering how much I hated the last issue, I guess that's not a huge shock, but still, you'd think as a huge fan of the Avengers I'd have wanted to read this sooner...

Avengers #19:

What Happened: Captain America puts the Avengers together. Vision is magically repaired(I don't know what that means for the OTHER Vision). Bendis put random people on the team to prove, once again, that he doesn't care WHO'S on this team. I sped through this comic as quickly as possible because it was horrible. Oh, and Norman Osborn in street clothes crashed the Avengers big unveiling.

The Good: Um......... I don't think Wolverine or Spider-Man are on this team anymore... That's a good thing. Other than that? I got nothin'.

The Bad: This comic was so boring I literally skipped huge chunks of dialogue. The Avengers now consist of Storm(who's only there because Black Panther doesn't want to be there...), a Red Hulk, Protector(who a short time ago was an alien terrorist) and Daisy Johnson(who was added to the team seemingly on a whim by Cap!)!!! Ponder THAT for a moment.

The Verdict: Yeah, I know the Daisy Johnson marks are going to come out swinging, but at this point, I could care less. I just won't comment back to them. There is NO way Daisy Fucking Johnson should be an Avenger. None. The Avengers: The Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and THIS is the team line-up!? For real?! And I love Bendis's explanation for Vision being there. Tony Stark hit “the reset button or lever or something”... and THAT'S how Vision came back! I mean is he even trying anymore at this point?!? Maybe it's time for Bendis to drop a few titles, because his work as of late has been absolutely horrendous. This series is an absolute mess. Horrible.

Score: 0 out of 10.Blah, blah, blah, blah. I think it's time to dust off the Brightest Day scoring system for this series.

Legion of Super-Heroes #1

Here's review #25, which turned out not to be a review at all... What am I going on about now? Read on and find out...

The Legion of Super-Heroes #1:

What Happened: Stuff happens, that's what happened. See, I picked up this issue thinking this was going to be a reboot of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Had that happened, this would have been the FORTH reboot of the series, which is a lot of reboots. However, DC BIZARRELY decided to instead continue the prior Legion series(the one that was ongoing BEFORE Flashpoint), but renumbered it as if it HAD been rebooted/changed up after Flashpoint... It took me a few pages, but as soon as I caught on to DC's dirty trick, I stopped reading this issue and will be taking it off of my pull list as soon as I walk into the comic shop on Wednesday. You may have tricked $3 out of me this time, powers-that-be behind DC comics, but I'll be WAY more careful with what I pick up next time...

The Good: Nothing.

The Bad: As far as I'm concerned, everything!

The Verdict: I think I summed up my feelings about this issue pretty well in the “What Happened” section of this post. I will add one more thing before I cut out though... The stuff that I DID read in this comic was boring, so even if I finished this issue, I'd probably have decided to drop it anyway.

Score: 0 out of 10.Wait a minute, this is the OLD Legion and not some rebooted version!? Man, sometimes DC makes it really easy to hate them...

Batman Incorporated #8

Before I even get to this comic, a warning... I didn't like this comic at all. To clarify that, I HATED this comic book. Here's the review, but good luck deciphering it, my Morrison-to-English dictionary failed me miserably here...

Batman Incorporated #8:

Summary: Bruce Wayne has brought some investors into his newest creation, Internet 3.0 to show it off. Naturally, techno-terrorists attack Bruce's little meet and greet, shouting slogans such as “The city of numbers is on fire!” and “Kneel to the Worm Captain!”... Oh man. It's gonna be one of THOSE comics... To combat these wacky terrorists, Bruce takes control of a Batman avatar in Internet 3.0, and gets an assist from Oracle(who's here for some reason). After a whole mess of stuff I just don't want to get into because it makes my brain hurt, Bats and Oracle figure out that one of the investors, Mr. Tanaka, had smugged malware into Internet 3.0 on behalf of the Leviathan... Probably. Oracle puts Tanaka under quarantine(?) which ends his threat, and frees the other investors... I guess... I have NO idea what became of Tanaka though. After all of that, Bats meets up with Oracle and tells her that Jezebel Jet had returned from the dead... How the... What?!?

Thoughts: I'm at a complete loss here. If you understood this comic, and realized that Jezebel was somehow behind this, then I tip my hat to you, you're a much smarter person than I am. This comic book read like Grant Morrison slammed his head into his keyboard a bunch of times and sent the results of that to DC... It was... I... I honestly don't even have words for it. I mean it didn't offend me or anything, it just made NO sense! Why the hell was a dog saying, and I quote, “5H898EH23346!”!!! I'm not going to spend any more time on this comic. Like I said, if you enjoyed this issue, more power to you. Me? I just want to forget I ever made the mistake of reading this mess.

Score: 0 out of 10.Grant Morrison must have been taking the REALLY good stuff before he wrote THIS page!

Quick Hits: Fear Itself: The Home Front #4, Avengers #15, Daredevil #1 & Captain America Corps #2

Hey there X-Maniacs, X here with a cheap excuse of a post... You see, after last week's monstrous pull list, ol' X needed a bit of a breather... I mean reviewing about 20 books every week can be tough for one guy to do! So I'm going to dust off one of my great old ideas that everybody used to love... And by “great old ideas” I actually mean “lazy ass ideas” and by “love” I actually mean “hate”. Yes, it's time for a tired blogger's best friend, the Quick Hits post!! Here's how this'll work. Basically I'll take four comics, give a synopsis of each comic(in five sentences or less), give my thoughts on them, add a score and a scan, and that's it. I very well might do another one of these posts tomorrow, before getting my lazy self back to the full reviews. But hey, a half-assed review is better than no review at all, right? Right?!?

Fear Itself: The Home Front #4(of 7):

What Happened: Speedball tries to prevent Attuma from destroying St. John's, Newfoundland(that's in Canada for those of you who suck at Geography), and succeeds... For a moment. Basically all Speedball does is MASSIVELY piss off Attuma, who floods the entire city, presumably killing thousands, as well as possibly Speedball himself. There were three other stories in this one too, but they all sucked, so I'm going to exercise my blogging right to pretend they never happened!

Thoughts: Well, it sucks that I had to pay $4 for what was basically a 14 page comic. Sure, the Speedball story was written by Christos Gage, who'd I'd easily put in my top five list of favorite current writers, but considering I didn't even read the second story(starring Jimmy Woo and the terrible Agents of Atlas), the third story was a one-pager written AND illustrated by Howard Chaykin, whose art I don't like(to put it nicely!), and the last story was about the Blue Marvel, whoever the hell THAT is, I definitely didn't have a lot to enjoy here... So while I DID enjoy the Speedball story, I have to take the other stories into account as well, thus bringing this issue's score down to a...

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.When in doubt, post a splash page!


Avengers #15(Fear Itself tie-in):

What Happened: The Serpent possessed Hulk is wreaking havoc in Brazil, leaving Spider-Woman, Protector(can't we PLEASE just call him Marvel Boy again?), Ms. Marvel and Hawkeye to deal with him... Yeah, that'll happen. Everybody talks for hours, and the battle ends with the Avengers LITERALLY hiding from the Hulk... Yeah...

Thoughts: I don't think I'll ever understand Bendis. I mean does Avengers editor Tom Brevoort actually read the Fear Itself Avengers tie-in issues Bendis is writing, or does he just shrug his shoulders and figure, “Ah that Bendis... I know he'll do good work, no need to check to see what HE'S doing!” Because Bendis has been pumping out some of his worst work since Secret Invasion in Avengers and New Avengers since Fear Itself started, which leads me to draw a single conclusion. Bendis should be kept FAR, FAR away from crossovers. Either that or take him off of one of the Avengers titles, because this was literally unreadable. And yes, I know what the word “literally” means. I literally could NOT read this comic. I skipped several pages of useless dialogue, because it served NO purpose. Can we please get the Bendis who wrote Ultimate Fallout #1 back, because Fear Itself Bendis is frightfully terrible...

Score: 0 out of 10. Yup, for the second straight week, a comic gets the dreaded imperfect score. You know, there was a time when I went MONTHS without giving an imperfect score. How I long for those days...It's official. Bendis is out of control again...


Daredevil #1:

What Happened: Matt Murdoch has returned to Hell's Kitchen and has restarted his law firm with Foggy Nelson for the 1,987,345th time. This time though, any lawyer he goes against in court throws the fact that he is Daredevil in his face, ruining many of his cases. Besides that, he gets a tip from the new Assistant DA that one of his clients was in bigger trouble than Matt realized, and that maybe Daredevil could help the guy out. While sleuthing, DD is disoriented by a gun that specifically messes with his senses, and this issue ends with Captain America's shield hurtling towards him(!?).

Thoughts: Eh. I really have no complaints here. I trust Mark Waid as a writer implicitly, so I'm going to hold off judgment until I've read a few issues. There were a few things here that bugged me, Matt's super-chipper attitude, the fact that ONCE Matt returned to New York so did Daredevil(and Matt wonders why everybody knows he's DD...), but like I said, I'll wait a few issues before I decide to really praise or bash this series.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Real classy... Throw a pencil at a blind man...


Captain America Corps #2(of 5):

What Happened: After being defeated by the Ameridroid, the Captain America Corps are captured(ROLL CALL! Steve Rogers from 1941, Bucky from before Fear Itself, American Dream from the M2 Universe, US Agent from the beginning of his days as the Agent, and Commander A from the future) and tortured by the nefarious Americommand. The Cap Corps manage to escape, free a few other “undesirables” such as Peter Parker, Luke Cage and Sam Wilson from prison, before they are taken out of that reality by the cosmic Contemplator. While the Contemplator is explaining to the Corps that the world was messed up because there was no Steve Rogers to hold the Avengers together, there seems to be some dissension in the Americommand, as two agents seemed tired of Major America's barbaric rule.

Thoughts: I know I said it before, but it bears saying again... Eh. Nothing really special here. The story was okay, although there's still a mess of things we need to find out including how the Americommand managed to take over the country, who Major America is, and how the Contemplator was going to have the Cap Corps fix things. Since it's a Captain America mini-series, and my poor, poor Bucky is in it, I'll continue reading, but here's hoping things pick up a bit next issue.

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Best team EVER!!!

Birds of Prey #14 & FF #6

And we've made it to the end of the comic book week(which runs from Wednesday to Tuesday in case you were wondering)! Miraculously, I managed to keep my word and delivered every review on the day I had promised I would! How about a round of applause for YOUR Comic Book Malefactor?? No? Meh, whatever. Here are the final two new comics from last week's pile, before I bring home what I'm sure will be an obscene amount of comics tomorrow to start this mess all over again.

Birds of Prey #14:

Summary: This is one of those comic books that mixes the past with the present, making for a tough review... First I'll deal with the stuff from the past, 1950 Argentina to be precise. The Phantom Lady, Black Canary(that would be the first one, Dinah's mother) and Lady Blackhawk are escorted to a small village in Argentina by a US army officer with orders to hunt down a Nazi war criminal who was hiding in the village. Upon arriving, the foursome are met by a mess of kids with guns, dressed up like little soldiers. The army officer winds up getting shot in the head saving Phantom Lady, ending the flashback. The story in the present details Phantom Lady, Lady Blackhawk and Black Canary(the current one) visiting a VA hospital, meeting up with the old soldiers. Eventually Phantom Lady meets up with an old soldier with advanced Alzheimer's, and as she was passing by, he grabs her arm and stares menacingly at her. Eventually Phantom Lady gets free and continues making the rounds. Once Phantom Lady is out of sight, the Alzheimer's patient gets up and sends a message in Morse Code to somebody... Later on, Barbara Gordon invites Blackhawk, Phantom Lady, Canary, Huntress and Manhunter out to dinner. Phantom Lady excuses herself and heads to the bathroom, getting jumped by a mess of guys with electrical powers. Wondering what was taking Phantom Lady so long, Blackhawk heads into the bathroom, and it's second verse, same as the first. Before being knocked out though, Blackhawk manages to scream, alerting the other women that there was danger. By the time they reach the bathroom though, there's no sign of the attackers, Phantom Lady or Blackhawk. This issue ends with Phantom Lady and Blackhawk waking up in some sort of wacky laboratory, with Blackhawk realizing that the men who captured her had something to do with the mission from 1950.

Thoughts: Yeah, this comic was a bit confusing, especially since we never actually find out what happened in Argentina in 1950, but I found myself enjoying the pacing of the story. It moved along briskly, and I'm sure everything will come together next issue. Plus there was no Hawk or Dove, making this the best issue of BoP since the series relaunched! Huzzah!! The bottom line here is that this was a slightly confusing, but otherwise perfectly acceptable comic book.

Score: 6 out of 10.Look out, it's a bunch of creepy kids with guns!!!


FF #6:

Summary: We begin by recapping how Black Bolt died after the War of Kings. Yes, died. From there we flashback to a few weeks ago and wander aimlessly around the capital of the Kree empire, Hala, seeing what the Inhumans were up to. Then we flashback AGAIN, this time a few thousand years back to Hala, where some Kree scientists are telling the Supreme Intelligence about how well their genetic experiments on other alien races were going. The Supreme Intelligence begins to look over the information being fed to him, with most of the scientists within him applauding the info they were seeing. However, a religious leader steps forward and warns the Supreme Intelligence that he was noticing something the scientists hadn't realized, that one of the genetically modified beings would be capable of destroying the Supreme Intelligence several thousand years into the future. After conferring with the voices in his head, the Supreme Intelligence orders the genetic programs stopped and the scientists behind them killed. Before the last scientist is killed, he manages to destroy the data of where all of these experiments were taking place, leaving the Supreme Intelligence with only 94% of the worlds. From there, the Supreme Intelligence orders all of the genetically modified beings killed lest they trouble him someday. We then go somewhere else where we see Black Bolt floating around in space with his eyes suddenly lit up.

Thoughts: Well, I think this'll be the issue where Hickman's Fantastic Four run jumped the shark for me. This was easily the worst comic book I've read in quite some time actually... And that's really saying something, because I read A LOT of comic books in a month! First off, I hate Black Bolt. So that should help some of you understand where I'm coming from here. On top of that, I REALLY like Vulcan... So yeah, you should be able to put one plus one together on where my anger is coming from... Black Bolt and Vulcan died together in the War of Kings mini-series. Now Black Bolt is suddenly alive again? I call bullshit. And there didn't even seem to be any reason for Black Bolt coming back to life! He just sort of wakes up! What the hell is that?! I'm going to have to think hard about whether or not to pick up the next issue of this, thus far, terrible series. I don't know, maybe I'll just wait until the Human Torch comes back before I start collecting the FF's adventures again. If Hickman is still writing it, at least we know how Johnny will come back. He'll inexplicably return to life in the Negative Zone one day, floating peacefully in the sky...

Score: 0 out of 10. Yup, the dreaded imperfect score... Take a bow, FF #6, you've earned it!Yeah, because Black Bolt will somehow make this series suck less.

Brightest Day #24! The FINAL Rant!

Well, this is it... The end has finally arrived. With this issue, Brightest Day has finally come to an end, having thoroughly destroyed all of my faith in DC Comics. This has undoubtedly been the worst year DC has ever been through creatively since I've been reading their books, hands down. And you know what the really sad thing is? That it's going to continue... Here's hoping the Green Lantern movie bombs at the theaters and DC finally smartens up and hands somebody besides Chairman Johns the keys to the kingdom. But sadly, I know that's not going to happen... No, Chairman Johns will continue telling stories that amuse him and his boy, Dan Didio, while burying everything that's happened in the DCU between 1985 and 2004. *sigh* Well on that cheerful note, let's get this roving show of HORROR moving! As always, I'll be scoring this comic using Brightest Day Rules, which basically means that I'm expecting this to be the WORST comic I've ever read. As good events/things I like happen, I add points. As dumb events/things I don't like happen, I deduct points... Expect to see A LOT of points deducted...

Brightest Day #24(of 24!!!!! It's finally over!):

Summary: Good thing DC is still holding the line at $2.99, right! Oh wait... Never mind... God, I really don't want to do this... Well, much like pulling off a band-aid, let's do it nice and fast! That Damned White Lantern tells us the story of Swamp Thing(or at least the Chairman Johns version of the story), and explains that Swamp Thing ISN'T Alec Hollard, it just THOUGHT it was... Oh, well then everything makes sense now! Or not... Now Swamp Thing thinks it's Nekron, because it has a REAL bad personality disorder or something. That Damned White Lantern wants to make Swamp Thing and Alec Hollard one and the same(But that was retconned ages ago...) and purge Nekron's influence from Swamp Thing. However, poor old Alec is dead, and in order for him to come back to life, somebody else has to die... Wait, wait, wait... That Damned White Lantern brought back like twelve people at the end of Blackest Night. NOW it can't even bring back ONE?! To that end, it tells Not Old, Not Bald, Not Fat Captain Boomerang to FINALLY throw his boomerang at Dove just as EVIL Swamp Thing invades Starwood Forest. Comically, Not Old, Not Bald, Not Fat Captain Boomerang doesn't want to! HA!!! All he he's had to do is throw that goddamn boomerang and he STILL doesn't want to! This is just insanely bad! After some cajoling from That Damned White Lantern, Not Old, Not Bald, Not Fat Captain Boomerang finally does throw the boomerang at Dove, which is enough to get him his life back... Yeah, THAT was sure worth it. Hawk can't catch the boomerang(SERIOUSLY?! He's had a frigging year to learn how to catch a boomerang!!!) but luckily for Dove, Deadman kind of wanders into the path of the boomerang and dies... Again. Well sure, why not. With Deadman dead again, That Damned White Lantern is able to return Alec to life. For some reason, the trees all wrap around him and he becomes Swamp Thing... Wait, according to this, he was NEVER Swamp Thing before, so why would the trees immediately cling to him as if he was? Anyway, Swamp Thing grows enormous and then, like a scene out of a bad Godzilla movie, Swamp Thing and EVIL Swamp Thing duke it out giant style... I can't believe what I'm reading... Chairman Johns MUST be completely insane by this point... The Swamp Things battle, but Swamp Thing is able to use the powers of the elements to blast EVIL Swamp Thing, weakening it. Swamp Thing then stabs EVIL Swamp Thing, which kills it... Really? That's all it took?!? Back on the ground, Dove is mourning Deadman's death(she shouldn't have been surprised, his name IS Deadman!), while That Damned White Lantern, just to be a jerk I guess, turns Deadman back into a spirit again, thus rendering EVERYTHING that's happened to him this past year completely and utterly pointless. With EVIL Swamp Thing dead, Swamp Thing releases the four elements from... um, inside of him, bringing Aquaman, Firestorm(s), the Martian Manhunter(or Earth Manhunter if you prefer) and Hawkman back to life... But wait! Where's Hawkgirl?! Well, according to Swamp Thing, she's not there, but is a part of the air now... That's almost dumb beyond belief. So she basically DOES what she was supposed to, helps defeat EVIL Swamp Thing and gets the royal shaft?! Yup. And to make matters even worse, That Damned White Lantern tells us that everybody did what they were supposed to do, and as such had earned their second chance at life... Except for Hawk, who didn't catch that boomerang. Instead of, you know, KILLING Hawk since he didn't earn his life, That Damned White Lantern says good-bye to everybody and teleports away... So wait. Hawkgirl DID accomplish her mission and was rewarded by becoming the air(basically dying), while Hawk didn't do squat and is punished by That Damned White Lantern mildly scolding him?!?!?!? With all of that stupidity done with, we move to the epilogue portion of things. Aquaman and Mera have Atlantian problems(surprise, surprise...), the Martian/Earth Manhunter is a swell guy, Hawkman is pissed(and really, why shouldn't he be?!), the Firestorms believe they're going to detonate, and Swamp Thing is attacking and killing business men who polluted the waters... Take THAT big oil! This issue ends with John Constantine looking over the scene of carnage Swamp Thing left behind and succinctly summing up this entire series in one word, “bollocks”

Thoughts: Okay, first things first, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let that be the ONLY time Chairman Johns writes John Constantine. Because I don't think my mind could stand it if Chairman Johns went and destroyed Constantine like he does everything else he touches. Let's get started with a -1 for wasting space with a Swamp Thing origin. That's what Wikipedia is for! -2 for the stupid Captain Universe rip-off with the elementals attacking EVIL Swamp Thing. And a -1 just because there IS an EVIL Swamp Thing! -10 for Captain Boomerang not wanting to throw that boomerang at Dove... I mean the whole POINT of him is that he throws boomerangs!!! +2 for Hawk screwing up and not catching the boomerang, just because it made me laugh. -100 for That Damned White Lantern suddenly being unable to bring Alec Holland back to life without somebody else dying... I mean what the HELL is THAT?! How does that make ANY sense?! Was 12 as many people as it could bring back to life or something?! I mean that just makes NO sense whatsoever! On top of that, I'm going to give another -200 because if Hawk WOULD have caught the boomerang, That Damned White Lantern's plans would have been foiled, since nobody would have died... Seriously, think about that for a second... Somebody had to die to bring Alec back to life, right? Now all Not Old, Not Bald, Not Fat Captain Boomerang had to do was throw the boomerang at Dove, he didn't have to kill her to accomplish his goal. Hawk was supposed to catch the boomerang, which would have saved Dove, thus NOBODY would have died, meaning That Damned White Lantern wouldn't have been able to bring Alec back, meaning EVIL Swamp Thing would have won... You know what, ANOTHER -100 for that huge plot hole. -25 for the Godzilla-esque battle between the two Swamp Things, and a -5 for how easily Swamp Thing killed EVIL Swamp Thing... Can you say anti-climatic? While we're riding the minus train, a -25 for Hawkgirl dying/disappearing/turning to air/whatever happened to her, and another -25 for Hawk not getting punished in the least for not accomplishing his mission! I mean really?! However, a +30 for That Damned White Lantern disappearing, hopefully never to be seen, nor spoken of again. You don't know how much that smart-ass Lantern pissed me off at times... As for the epilogues, a 0 for the Aquaman one, because I could care less, a -2 for the Earth Manhunter one because it was so damn sappy, a +7 for the Hawkman one, because he was really screwed over here, and a +1 for the Firestorm(s) one. As for Swamp Thing, a -3 for his part. So he's a crazed environmentalist murderer now? Um, way to go and protect life, White Lantern... I guess... However, I'm gonna end the scoring of this Brightest Failure(HA!) on a positive note, and go with a +40 for the Constantine appearance at the end. Now if DC screws up Constantine's character, goes and makes him into a kinder/gentler Constantine or something like that, then that +40 becomes a -1,000,000... So there we have it. The end of one of the worst series ever put out by either of the big two. As a matter of fact, I'd easily put Brightest Day right up there with Secret Invasion, which currently holds the top spot as the worst event comic I've ever read. So congratulations DC, you've officially hit rock bottom. On the plus side, the only direction to go now is up. As for me? All I have left to do is tally up the score and I can finally close the book on this train wreck. Too bad DC can't do the same...

Score: -419 out of 10. All right! My lowest score ever! Take a bow, Chairman Johns!I couldn't have said it better myself.

Really Quick Hits! 3/19/11 edition

Over the course of the past two days I have managed to... instead of review, let's say summarize 14 comic books. After looking back at the books I wrote about, I'm pretty disappointed... The highest score any of these books got from me was a 7 1/2, which is a score I give to a comic that was only SLIGHTLY above average. As a matter of fact, many, if not most, of these books were below a 6, which means they were below average reads. That's really pretty bad... Interestingly, 9 out of the 14 books were DC titles, which I guess explains why the scores were so lackluster... On a positive note, this is my 100th post of the year! That's about the only good thing about this post...

Wonder Woman #608:

What Happened: Cheetah, Artemis and Giganta(who are Amazons now) beat Wonder Woman: The Teenage Amazon down for a while because they want to kill her as revenge for Wonder Woman abandoning them, or maybe they wanted to capture her for the mysterious Morrigan... I really don't know, or quite frankly care. The Morrigan themselves seem like they now suddenly DON'T want WW to join their ranks, and we end this one with Dr. Psycho saving WW from the trio of phony Amazons.

Thoughts: What can I say here that I haven't hit on before? I just can't get into this story at all. I think we're 8 or 9 issues into J. Michael Staczynski's WW story, and I honestly have NO idea what's going on. I mean after nearly TEN issues of this story, shouldn't we have SOME idea of what the hell is going on, why WW is now a Teenage Amazon, and who/what the Morrigan are all about? Every issue it's just more and more confusion... I don't get it.

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.Look out, Wonder Woman: The Teenage Amazon! It's Cheetah: The Sudden Amazon!!!


Titans #33:

What Happened: Deathstroke, Cinder, Cheshire and That Worthless Junkie, sneak onto an island to kill some guy named Drago. Unfortunately for Deathstroke, Drago knew Deathstroke was coming. How'd he know? Because That Worthless Junkie and Cheshire have finally turned on Deathstroke. After an extended fight scene, Cinder is knocked out and Deathstroke is captured and brought before Drago, who pulls out Deathstroke's eye... With his bare hand... Really.........

Thoughts: I... I don't even know what to say anymore. I mean after that last page, what more is there TO say?! What's the purpose of having some feeb LITERALLY pull Deathstroke's eye out? What's the endgame here? Is Slade gonna go all Daredevil and do his thing blind? Is he going to simply... I don't know, stick his eye back in his head and carry on like nothing happened? I thought this series was on the upswing, I recall enjoying the past few issues, but that sure came to a screeching halt with this issue. Ah DC... You find new ways to depress me every single month...

Score: 4 1/2 out of 10.Yoink!


Superboy #5:

What Happened: This is the second ever, or as DC is calling it, The FIRST EVER Race Between Kid Flash and Superboy!!!!!!! issue. The two agree to race with the proceeds going to benefit Smallville. So the two teenage heroes run around the globe, inexplicably staying neck and neck the entire time, and then Krypto wins the race.........

Thoughts: What the hell did I do to deserve this?!?!?! Is it because I said Dan Didio sucks?! Is it the way I've been insulting Chairman Johns lately?!? I mean seriously, why is this happening to me?!?! *sigh* Okay X, take a deep breath and calm down... This is one of the few times I finished a comic book and literally cursed aloud after reading it. It was that incredibly bad. Not only that, it was insulting. I literally felt insulted after reading this comic. First off, Bart Allen has already proven that he is light years faster than Superboy. Don't believe me? Then CLICK HERE. But as I was reading this I was thinking, “Maybe Bart doesn't want to embarrass SB too badly in his hometown.” Sure, it SEEMED like Bart was giving the race his all, but like I said, maybe he was holding back. So as the issue rolled along, I figured we'd get a tie or something. And then Krypto, who wasn't even a part of the race won... I don't even want to talk about this anymore. Needless to say, this series just lost a reader.

Score: 0 out of 10.Go to hell, Krypto.


Batman and Robin #21:

What Happened: Some new villain named the White Knight is running around killing off the families of anybody who has ever been incarcerated in Arkham Asylum. By the end of this issue he's managed to kill Victor Zsasz's brother and the Mad Hatter's family, stymie the Gotham Police Department(big shock there!) as well as leave Batman(Dick Grayson) and Robin in his dust.

Thoughts: Hey, somebody sound the alarms, this was actually a GOOD comic book! After the past three DC comics I read/posted about, I REALLY needed something like this. The story is really strong, with Dick and Damian managing to figure out what the White Knight's game was(killing off the family members of Arkham's infamous), but not knowing who the Knight was going to strike against next, since it could be almost anyone. The fight scenes were good, the story was good, the art was good, the dialogue was good, and Commissioner Gordon didn't rough Damian up this issue. I have no complaints here.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.My current Windows background!


Captain America: The Korvac Saga #4(of 4):

What Happened: Captain America(Steve Rogers) manages to convince future Galactus to give him the Ultimate Nullifier to put an end to the threat of Korvac. Cap confronts Korvac with the Nullifier but is unable to convince himself that nullifying Korvac was the right thing to do. Korvac takes advantage of Cap's hesitation and snatches the Nullifier, but since his mind wasn't properly focuses, it nullifies Korvac, ending his threat. With that, Galactus sends Cap back to the 21st century and we can call this mini-series a wrap.

Thoughts: Eh, no complaints here. I mean I doubt I'll remember this mini-series a week from now, but as it was, it was an okay way to spend a few minutes. This issue, like most of this mini-series was good. And hey, good is better than bad!

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.That Galactus is such a class act!


Batman Incorporated #3:

What Happened: Batman(Bruce Wayne) heads to Argentina to dance the Tango of Death and try to convince Gaucho to join his Batman Inc. initiative. Gaucho turns Bats down, even after Bats assists Gaucho defeat a few of his Argentinian enemies. In the end, Bats and Gaucho are trapped by the thought-to-be-dead villain, El Sombrero, which literally translates to “The Hat”...

Thoughts: I literally have no earthly idea what I just read here. None. There were blue scorpions, a hot air balloon, Batman pretending to be Bruce Wayne in order to dance, and a villain whose name is literally The Hat. The Hat! If ever you need proof that Grant Morrison is insane, then read this comic book.

Score: 3 out of 10.Yup, Batman returned in order to dance.


Batman: Streets of Gotham #20:

What Happened: Dr. Death thinks back to his origin while he's working on some drugs for his new boss, Hush. However, Hush figures out that Dr. Death was going to double-cross him, so he knocks Death out and steals Death's drugs.

Thoughts: I honestly had no problem with this comic. I can imagine that some people would, since this storyline was supposed to be about Hush, and he only appeared on maybe three or four pages, but I actually enjoyed Dr. Death's origin enough to overlook the lack of Hush. I think there are only two more issues left before this series is being canceled, so I'd have to hope that Hush(finally!) takes center stage next issue and reveals exactly what he's up to here.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Man are they OLD!!!

Batman #706

Review: This issue begins with the Sensei trying to torture information out of Lucius Fox about something... Lucius has no clue what the Sensei wants(neither do I!), so he brings Tam Fox into the room, promising to torture her if Lucius didn't tell Sensei what he wanted to know. From there Batman(in this case, Dick Grayson)gets beat up by Riddler, Enigma and their goons, but Bats signals for Damian, who arrives and chases the villains away. Bats and Damian head back to the Bat-bunker and after looking at some pictures, Bats decides that Reaper could help him find Lucius Fox. Bats heads to Arkham, where Reaper speaks vaguely to Bats about the location of Sensei. I-Ching and Peacock talk about... something, and then Bats heads to Catwoman's base where he finds... oh god... Catgirl. Catgirl offers to help Bats find Sensei because she speaks Chinese and for some reason, Bats doesn't... But I thought she was a part of the Italian mafia, why the hell would she know Chinese? Whatever I guess. They head out, and quite frankly, this comic is SO awful I stop reading right there because I can't stomach it anymore. Sorry.

Thoughts: It's VERY rare for me to start reading a comic book and become SO disinterested in it that I simply stop reading it halfway through. I mean I've managed to read some of the worst things ever put out by either Marvel or DC(Secret Invasion, Brightest Day, Uncanny X-Men: The Draco), from cover to cover, no matter how bad it was/how much I hated it. But this comic? I couldn't finish it... Maybe I was in a bad mood when I was reading this comic or something, but I just couldn't be bothered wasting any more of my time reading this. The story is simply unreadable, plain and simple. I really don't get why DC continues to allow Tony Daniel to write Batman comic books. As an artist, he's great, but being a good artist doesn't make you a good writer(or vice versa). I'm now to the point where I'll simply scan through any comic book written by Daniel and not bother reading it, because while the art is good, the story is anything but.

Score: 0 out of 10.What is with Tony Daniel writing Damian so damn horny all the time? Isn't he like 10?!