Brightest Day #16...

Yes, this is indeed one of my dreaded Brightest Day reviews. As such, we'll be doing this review using what I like to call, “Brightest Day Rules”... What are Brightest Day Rules? Basically I start off reading this comic figuring it's going to be the worst thing I've ever read, so the score starts off at a 0. As I continue reading, I add or subtract points depending on what I see. Is that a biased system? Hell yeah it is, but my blog, my rules. With all that said, let's get this torture started!!!

Review: We begin with Aquaman bringing the new Aqualad and his adopted parents into one of Aquaman's little underwater hidey-holes. Aquaman tells Aqualad that his parents can stay ♪under da sea♪ and the two head off. From there we head to the JLA Watchtower, where Dr. Midnite and the Silver Age Atom are trying to figure out what's the matter with the Firestorms. Bottom line, they decide to call in Metamorpho... Yeah, that's EXACTLY who I'd call in to help. Black Lantern Firestorm plays mind games with the loved ones of the Firestorms, just because he can. Meanwhile, Aquaman brings Aqualad to some secret cave, where Aqualad is given a message from Mera, telling him about his heritage. Basically he was taken as an infant and experimented on by Mera's people, who wanted him to be able to open a portal in the Bermuda Triangle for some reason... Okaaay then. Aquaman tells Aqualad that he had a responsibility, Aqualad disagrees, they fight, and it all gets smoothed over by Aquaman. Back at the Watchtower, the Firestorms argue(because they're morons)and destroy the universe(if only...)ending this issue.

Thoughts: Okay, let's get into the scoring of this comic! The first scene wasn't that bad, so I'll give it a 1. The second scene contained Congorilla, meaning it automatically gets a -2. Since BL Firestorm(or Deathstorm if you prefer)annoyed me with his idiotic dialogue, I'll give his scene a -1. The Aqualad origin scene was a bit confusing, but not that bad, so I'll give it a 2. The Aquaman/Aqualad fight served no purpose, so it gets a 0. The Firestorms blowing up the DC Universe made me happy, so that gets a 3. Now if only the DCU would stay destroyed until somebody other then GEOFF “Silver Age” Johns was put in charge, it would all be good! So let's see, I have some math to do, annnnd...

Score: 3 out of 10.So long DCU. See you in HELL!!!!!

Avengers Academy #7

Overall: This issue begins with Hank Pym telling Tigra that her infant son was perfectly healthy, but that there was a slight abnormality... It seems that Skrull Pym(the child's father)had matched Pym's DNA so perfectly that the child had no Skrull DNA in it, but rather was Pym's biological son(Za-huh?!). Needless to say, Tigra freaks out a bit, but Pym promises that he wouldn't dare do anything to involve himself in Tigra's life. Tigra calms down a bit and tells Pym that if anything were to ever happen to her she would appreciate it if Pym took the child, to which Pym responds that he would be happy to. Tigra picks up on the fact that Pym was obviously thinking about the Wasp again, and Pym admits that he was, and that he wouldn't be using the Wasp moniker anymore, since he planned on bringing his ex-wife back to life(oh please no...). Tigra is disturbed to hear that(as am I!), but before she can press the issue, Pym and the Avengers Academy students are asked to escort the Absorbing Man to the Raft prison. Unfortunately for Pym and the kids, the Absorbing Man breaks free and absorbs the powers of all of the students as well as Pym. Justice and Tigra respond almost immediately, but unfortunately, the rest of the Avengers are in another dimension, meaning those two, as well as Pym and his banged up charges had to take down the 30ft tall, rampaging villain. The Absorbing Man has his way with everybody before Pym grows to match Absorbing Man's size, and reveals that he would once again be going by the name, Giant Man. The two giants battle for a while before Pym makes a last ditch play to grow himself and Absorbing Man right out of the bounds of reality, where the two come face to face with the uber-powerful Abstract Entities. The sight of these god-like beings nearly drives Absorbing Man insane, and when Pym returns them back to normal size, Absorbing Man promises to go back to prison, so long as he isn't forced to be tied down and motionless, as is the way he is usually jailed. Pym goes to the prison with Absorbing Man and rigs his cell so that he can have some freedom, instead of being forced to remain motionless. Pym then heads back to base and after being spoken to by Jocasta, Justice and Tigra, decides that he wouldn't try to bring Wasp back to life yet, since there was a chance the process could leave her brain-dead. This issue ends with one of the students, Veil, standing in front of Pym's machines, contemplating whether or not she should pull the lever to return Wasp to life(PLEASE don't!!!).

Well, I enjoyed Pym's battle with the Absorbing Man, and the novel way he defeated AM... But I DEFINITELY didn't like the idea of bringing Wasp back! Ugh... The ONLY good thing to come out of that travesty Secret Invasion was the “death” of Wasp. Undoing that would make Secret Invasion remembered for... Um, I don't know, being REALLY bad I guess. Besides the Wasp stuff, I was a bit bummed that the students didn't get a larger role in this issue. Since they're all so new, I'd have preferred it if they got a bit more face time, but since this story wasn't all THAT bad, I can overlook that fact for now. Hopefully next issue gives us more of the kids and NONE of the Wasp!

Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Oh yeah! The In-Betweener AND the Living Tribunal, together! I am such a fan of the Marvel cosmic beings... It's kind of sad really...

Supergirl #59

Overall: This issue begins with the Toyman's son, the Dollmaker(yes seriously, the Dollmaker...)asking Cat Grant(who he captured last issue)to be his mother... Yeah. While that scene is playing out, Supergirl is searching Metropolis for some trace of the kidnapped Cat, but comes up empty. After giving the obligatory origin story, Dollmaker takes the gag out of Cat's mouth to see if she was willing to be his mother. Cat responds that even if he was the last child in Metropolis, she wouldn't be his mother, so Dollmaker decides to kill every child in Metropolis to test that theory. However, before he is able to put the gag back in her mouth, Cat calls to Supergirl, who arrives and puts a(mercifully)quick end to Dollmaker. From there, SG rescues Cat and the children the Dollmaker had taken hostage, before heading to Smallville for Christmas. This issue ends with SG picking up an issue of the Daily Planet and discovering that Cat had FINALLY written a nice article about SG.

Oh god... Like the Toyman wasn't bad enough... Now we get the Dollmaker? Ugh. All I'm going to say is hopefully this is the LAST time Dollmaker EVER appears in a DC comic and leave it at that.

Score: 5 out of 10.Good god... Did this issue really happen?!

Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #5

Overall: We get started here with Kilowog, Arisia, Guy Gardner and that Red Lantern being forced to battle the Green Lanterns who had been kidnapped and brainwashed by Zardor from the Unknown Sectors. The brainwashed GLs seem to believe that Guy and company are members of the Sinestro Corps, and as such are obligated to kill Guy and his motley crew. After a long battle, Guy manages to convince the brainwashed GLs of the truth, however, once he loses mental domination over the Lanterns, Zardor orders them to commit suicide, which they do, right in front of the shocked heroes. Guy manages to garner the whereabouts of Zardor through the ring of one of the dead Lanterns, but before he can get going, Atrocitus sends an image of himself to Guy. In the message, Atrocitus tells Guy that the creature kidnapping the entities was on Earth, and as per their agreement, Guy was honor bound to head to Earth to help with the creature. Since Kilowog and Arisia had seen the message too, Guy finally decides to level with them and tell them all about his agreement with Ganthet and Atrocitus, which ends this one.

I actually enjoyed this issue a lot. It was mainly just Guy and his allies battling a small army of rookie GLs, but it was pretty well done. Lantern on Lantern violence is always fun to read about! So next issue Guy either has to continue after Zardor, which is what Kilowog wants, since Zardor was responsible for killing several rookie Lanterns Kilowog had trained, or head to Earth to battle Hal Jordan on Atrocitus' behalf. Regardless of which way Guy goes, the next issue should definitely be good.

Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Get him Guy! Take that bastard Jordan down a few notches!

Thunderbolts #151

Overall: As the cover of this issue indicates, this is an origin issue for Ghost. After some prodding from Moonstone, Ghost decides to give her his true origin(although he makes sure to omit his name throughout). Basically he was a technological genius who was working on ghost-tech for a computer company. He basically slaved away for the company while the three bosses took all the credit and raked in the dough. Eventually Ghost became burnt out and asked for a vacation, which the three bosses reluctantly gave him. Upon returning to work, a woman who he was obviously attracted to suddenly showed interest in him and the two hooked up, which increased Ghost's productivity. So things were all good until his girlfriend was killed in a gas explosion in her house. This drove Ghost into a deep depression, and with no personal life, he buried himself deeper and deeper into his work. After staying late one night, he managed to hook his mind up to the company computers and saw security footage of the three bosses telling Ghost's girlfriend that if she started up a relationship with him, they'd pay her a huge bonus in money and stocks. Eventually Ghost's girlfriend asked for even more money, so the bosses had an assassin set up the gas explosion to get her out of the way. While Ghost is learning all of this, the assassin who killed his girlfriend blows up his house, but Ghost is saved since he was interfacing with his computer at the time. The explosion, coupled with his working with the ghost-tech ended up transforming him into the intangible creature he is today. From there, Ghost hunted down and killed the assassin plus all three of his bosses and set his sights on all corporations, which he felt were inherently evil. After telling Moonstone his tale, Ghost wanders off, leaving Moonstone alone to ponder what she had heard. This issue ends with Luke Cage deciding to add Hyperion to the T-Bolts in the place of Crossbones, who had been tossed off the team.

Well, before this issue I could care less about Ghost, but his origin story was so well done, I couldn't help but like him. The origin story was well done, and gave Ghost more of an anti-hero vibe, than the pure villain vibe I had been previously getting off of him. It's always nice when a writer can take a character that I really don't care about and give me a reason to care about them. So good job to Jeff Parker on that one. The reveal at the end that Hyperion would be joining the team left me a bit conflicted, since they already have Juggernaut on the team... I'm not sure they needed ANOTHER powerhouse on a team that already has Juggernaut, Moonstone and Luke Cage. But I guess we'll find out with the next issue.

Score: 8 out of 10.In the immortal words of JT, "Boom."

Captain America: Man Out of Time #2(of 5)

Overall: After getting shot last issue while saving a woman, Captain America wakes up in a hospital, still baffled as to where and when he is. Obviously the doctors figure Cap is insane, while Cap figures it's still the 1940's and he's simply dreaming this whole scenario up. Cap leaves the hospital where he bumps into Rick Jones, who asks Cap if he'd help him figure out what happened to the Avengers, who were turned to stone right before they had the chance to reveal Cap to the public. Cap smiles and agrees to help, since as far as he was concerned, this was all a dream anyway, so why not go with Rick and find out why the Avengers were turned to stone. Rick heads to his apartment and gets online looking for info, while trying to explain the Internet to a VERY skeptical Cap. Eventually Rick manages to find a surveillance camera which catches some weird being blasting the Avengers with a strange beam, turning them to stone. Rick decides to make a call to Stark Enterprises to see if they could trace where the strange looking man went, while Cap decides to use the computer to look up a few things, including one thing that shocks him so badly that he leaves, just as Rick gets the information as to where the strange villain had fled. Cap hops along rooftops and breaks into the hotel room of the strange villain, who turns out to be an alien. Cap trounces the villain, and upon discovering that it was an alien, bursts out laughing since it was so ridiculous. Rick arrives on the scene and the alien agrees to turn the Avengers back, lest crazy Cap beats it up again. Rick tells Cap that even though that was an alien laying on the floor, this really wasn't a dream, which Cap finally seems to believe, since he discovered from Rick's computer that President Roosevelt died mere weeks before the war in Europe ended. Cap couldn't imagine that he would dream something that horrible up, meaning that somehow he really was in the future. This issue ends with Cap agreeing to help the Avengers, but deciding that he had to return to his time somehow when he was done.

I have to say, I wasn't really enjoying this issue until the end, with the FDR reveal. That was VERY well done, and played into Cap's already established mythos where he was a huge backer of Pres. Roosevelt. Some of the stuff that happened earlier in this issue was kind of funny(Cap being surprised to see a female doctor, and his puzzlement at some of the terms he heard), but the story with the alien was just okay. All in all, I enjoyed this comic, and can't imagine those feelings will change as this mini rolls along.

Score: 7 out of 10.So Cap went a little bit crazy... It can happen to the best of us.

What If? Spider-Man: Grim Hunt #1

Overall: As you probably gathered from the title of this comic, this issue of What If? asks what would have happened is Spidey had killed Kraven the Hunter during the Grim Hunt storyline. Basically he'd go completely crazy, kill an imprisoned Norman Osborn to protect his friends and family, and after Mary Jane breaks up with him, decide to ditch the Spider-Man mantle and become Kraven the... err, Peter the Hunter. Madame Web tries and fails to convince Anya Corazon to become Spider-Girl, and then decides to get a few spider-themed heroes together(Spider-Woman, Anti-Venom and Venom)to take Peter down. Unfortunately for Web, Peter kills the trio of spider-characters and fatally wounds Madame Web, who teleports to Anya, who she asks one final time to become Spider-Girl. Anya finally decides to become Spider-Girl, confronts Peter on her lonesome and beats him when his shotgun blows up in his face, leaving him blind(?!?). Blind Peter heads back to MJ after having been evil for weeks, she takes him back, and Spider-Girl patrols NYC in Peter's stead.

Ugh... See, this is the problem with a What If? Comic... They're either good, or really bad. This issue was definitely the latter. First of all, the story wasn't even narrated by the Watcher! It was narrated by Madame Web(until she dies). I mean what kind of a What If? comic isn't narrated by the Watcher?! That would be like buying an issue of Daredevil and instead ending up with a comic starring Black Panther instead... Oh wait... Um, anyway, besides the fact that the Watcher wasn't present here, the story itself really wasn't that good. So Peter kills Kraven, then tells MJ, who scolds him. This leads to Peter eating a lion atop the Brooklyn Bridge, where MJ meets him to ask him to come back. Peter responds to this by going to the Raft and killing Norman Osborn, and then heading home to MJ, Aunt May and Harry Osborn, expecting them to... I don't know, break into dance because Norman was dead. After seeing everybody was upset by Norman's death, Peter decides, “What the hey, I'll become Kraven the Hunter because that worked out SO well for him!” And then a gun explodes in his face... Yeah, this was one What If? I could have easily went without.

Score: 4 out of 10.Sure, if I killed one of my loser enemies, the first thing I would do is BECOME that loser enemy!

Uncanny X-Force #3

Overall: This issue starts off with Apocalypse and Ozymandias giving the origins of his Final Horsemen. Speaking of the Final Horsemen, they have utterly defeated the X-Forcers and were awaiting word from Kid Apocalypse as to what to do with the fallen heroes. Kid Apocalypse doesn't really want to give the death order, so one of his handlers gives the order for him. Luckily for X-Force, that delay gives Fantomex the opportunity to recover, and he begins to use his powers of misdirection to cause some of the Horsemen to attack each other, while Fantomex gets the near dead Wolverine away from the fight. Deadpool tries to help Archangel, who was in bad shape due to Famine, but doesn't really do that well. As for Psylocke, she manages to get into the head of War, and convinces him to take her prisoner instead of simply killing her. After Fantomex's misdirection wears off, the rest of the Horsemen retreat to their base(which is actually a huge spaceship)and prepare to lift-off. Psylocke, who made it inside, flirts with War, and gets close enough to him to drive her psychic knife into his skull, incapacitating him. Fantomex and Wolvie try to get into the ship, but they realize that the ship was about to take off, leading to bad things for our heroes. This issue ends with Psylocke approaching a frightened Kid Apocalypse, who was innocently playing with some action figures.

I still LOVE the overall storyline here, with X-Force eventually having to deal with a child being possessed by Apocalypse, but not fully evil yet. So yeah, the story IS good. This issue though... It could have been better. Nothing really happened, and whenever the team got into trouble, Fantomex simply misdirected the villains into fighting each other. Repeatedly. I love Fantomex, but he was almost like a crutch here. Whenever something bad happened, Fantomex would misdirect his way out of trouble. So while this issue was a slight lull in the awesome that the first two issues delivered, I'm still extremely confident the next issue will give us ALL kinds of fireworks.

Score: 7 out of 10.Look out Little Apocalypse, it's a scantily clad ninja!!!