Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Best of the Rest!!! May 22nd edition.

It's Saturday, which means it it's time for me to give my uninformed, overly sarcastic and at times offensive opinion on comic books and their creators, that's right, it's time for a new installment of The Best of the Rest(copyright pending)!!! And yes, I am going to use that opening line EVERY single week, so get used to it! Five books to get through tonight, and much to my chagrin, I enjoyed them all! I know, what's a Best of the Rest post without a whole bunch of complaints!?! Oh well, hopefully I'll read a bunch of horrid comics for the upcoming week and next week's post will be full of venom and fun! Enough babbling X, get on with the post already! Umm, okay I will...

Brightest Day: Titans: Villains for Hire Special #1... Wow, that's a long title!: Before we get into this comic I need you all to do me a favor. Forget the Faces of Evil: Deathstroke comic, as well as the Teen Titans Blackest Night x-over stuff, because it seems as if Deathstroke sure forgot about those comics! Anywho, Deathstroke hires the Tattooed Man(who REALLY needs a better codename!), Cheshire, Osiris and some girl named Cinder to be his... well, villains for hire(as is obvious from the title here!). The 5 villains/pseudo-villains get a contract to kill the Atom(Ryan Choi, not Geoff John's beloved Ray Palmer), and after some difficulty, they do just that... That slight sobbing sound is probably Kello, just so you know. So the villains kill the Atom and Deathstroke refuses to tell his team why they are called the Titans, or what his masterplan is... Well okay then.... Score: 8 out of 10.You see, Osiris broke my number one rule, NEVER trust a one-eyed man dressed fully in spandex.

REBELS #16: This comic kicks off with Starfire attacking some of the REBELS(or are they LEGION again?)because of the good old, “super-heroes meet and have general misunderstanding” law. After Adam Strange explains that the fight was a simple misunderstanding, Starfire goes to meet Vril Dox(AKA my hero). Dox tells Starfire that since her homeworld Tamarian(Tamaria? Tamariananar?)had been blown up good, he was having the planet Rann teleported into its place. There's a very good reason for all of this, but you'll have to trust me on that, 'cause I don't feel like getting into it! In a few weeks time, Dox has managed to transform Rann from a barren wasteland to a thriving planet again. And why did he do that? Because he's awesome! Well, that plus he plans on restarting his LEGION police force, and with the people of Rann now beholden to him, he figures he can base LEGION from Rann. Starfire's insane sister Blackfire learns that another planet had appeared in Tamarian's orbit, so she decides to attack it, because she's insane and all. Oh, and somewhere along the way Starfire joins with the REBELS/LEGION team and starts to flirt with Captain Comet. Eventually Blackfire(who is insane)and her evil Tamarians attack Rann. What happens next? I'll tell you next month. Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.If I was a songwriter I'd write a song and dedicate it to Vril Dox... I really would too!

Booster Gold #32: Booster Gold was sent into the distant future by Rip Hunter(that has to be THE best porn star name EVER! Not that I know anything about porn star names... *ahem* moving on...)to retrieve the helmet of Dr. Fate so that it wouldn't fall into the hands of Darkseid. After some VERY hit or miss comedy(much like this post!), Booster winds up bringing the helmet, as well as a small girl back in time with him. It seems the small girl is there to make potty jokes, because in the DCU, nothing is funnier then toilet humor. This issue ends with Booster learning from Rip Hunter that Max Lord was alive again, which Booster is none to pleased to find out. You know, because he killed Booster's good buddy Ted Kord. Back during Infinite Crisis. In the Countdown to Infinite Crisis comic. With a gun. In a castle. There, I spelled it out for you! Score: 7 out of 10.My GOD are there a lot of words on this page!!!

Gotham City Sirens #11: This comic follows two different storylines, Catwoman and Harley Quinn hunting for missing dogs and Poison Ivy starting her first day at her new STAR Labs job. First off, you'd think somebody named CATwoman would be glad that a bunch of dogs had gone missing, but apparently not... Go figure. CW and HQ(you can always tell I'm getting close to the end of a post by how many abbreviations/initials I start to use)wind up solving the case of the missing dogs when they discover that HQ's hyenas were eating all of the neighborhood pets. Oh the humanity! Or should I say oh the hilarity? Umm, I'll go with hilarity. Oh the hilarity! In the other story, Poison Ivy arrives on the job(but obviously NOT as Poison Ivy, because that would just be dumb), and fires a few people because she read(from Lex Luthor no less)that's the way to garner respect in the corporate world. Sure, if international super-criminal Lex Luthor says that's the way to go, them by gum, that's the way to go! Eventually one of the women Ivy fired returns and locks Ivy in some sort of evil plant oven thing because she was angry about being fired. I bet THAT never happened to Lex. And well, that's the end of this issue. Will Ivy be cooked? Will Catwoman rename herself Dogwoman?? Will I end this pseudo-review with a modicum of self-respect??? The answer to all of those questions is a resounding no! Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.See, just like I said, Ivy was trapped in an evil plant oven thing.

Dark Avengers #16: I'm gonna tell you right now, NOTHING in this comic matters except for the very last page. But don't you worry, I'll get to that soon enough... This is the final issue of Dark Avengers, because Dark Reign is over and Marvel must finally be over it's love of the word “dark”. Don't you worry though, I'm not over my love of the word “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”! This issue follows Siege #4, and shows all of the Dark Avengers(except for Daken, because he's too smart)being arrested by the heroes. The villains get locked away, Steve Rogers decides to hire Victoria Hand to be his right... umm, hand woman, and Norman Osborn gets to act crazy one more time, this time blaming all of his failings on his Green Goblin persona. So that's how Dark Avengers ended. On the very last page, series writer BENDIS writes his farewell address. And he signs it, “BENDIS!”!!! That's how I've been typing his name for over a year now! This can mean one of three things... Either BENDIS is so crazy that he actually DOES sign his name in block letters with an exclamation point(as I always suspected...), that he's is a frequent reader of my blog, or that I have been BENDIS all along, and have been bashing most of my... I mean BENDIS'S comics simply to see who would agree with me... him, and then have those cretins... I mean readers destroyed. All hail the Dread Lord BENDIS!!! Score: 8 out of 10.So he really DOES sign his name "BENDIS!"... I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

17 comments:

  1. That's me sobbing actually, I loved that comic but I DESPISED that they killed Choi for like no reason at all... I'm still upset by that.

    Lmao @ that Rip Hunter line, I literally Laughed out loud at that, and I know I'm a chronic "Lol'er" but yeah, that was classic.

    Max Lord...killed Ted Kord...with the Gun...in the castle. Damn and I thought it was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the study! And yeah there's a TON of text on that scan.

    I feel like you're all drugged up on sudafed because Oh the Hilarity tickles my funny bone... That and the evil plant oven...and it never happening to Lex..I swear I've laughed through this whole review.... btw I KNEW you were BENDIS.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the words JT, I'm def glad you enjoyed this post. I usually try to flex the old comedy muscles during the BofR, so I'm happy that you thought there were more hits then misses here.

    Wow, I didn't realize you were a big Choi fan too JT. I remember Kello telling me that his series was pretty good a while back, so I can imagine how distraught he was.

    I was thinking that EXACT thing while I typed up the Max Lord thing! As I was proofing it I was like, "Huh, this sounds just like something out of Clue!"

    Well at least YOU knew I was BENDIS, I had no idea!

    ReplyDelete
  3. No problem dude, I'm appreciative of comedy, and yours was pretty funny if I say so myself.

    Yeah I didn't follow his series but I always liked the character and he seemed like he had potential, so I hate that he got Geoff Johns'd just because he shared a name with Palmer.

    Yep, I think we know what inspired your Max Lord descriptive killing. And I knew you were Bendis the minute you said you wipe your nose with Hundred dollar bills and old DC Comics... :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nice reviews, BENDIS!! I just hope the time you spent writing them isn't taking away from your writing duties on Avengers...the first issue was good, but if I see even the hint of overwrought dialogue in the second, then I'm gone!

    Haha, anyway...that Booster Gold scan reminded me of a page from Marvel's ridiculous Onslaught cover, which I saw some time ago on another blog:

    http://lh3.ggpht.com/_rWwAGlhzaRs/SgyJ9Z0JI_I/AAAAAAAAAWc/xXIc-6k6kKo/s512/Onslaught%20balloons.jpg

    In both cases...SO MUCH DIALOGUE!

    ReplyDelete
  5. "And I knew you were Bendis the minute you said you wipe your nose with Hundred dollar bills and old DC Comics" Bah, I should have been more careful when I was dropping my subtle little hints... So the big secret is out... You all know that I'm actually BENDIS! Well, taking over this blog was fun while it lasted... I guess I'll allow the real X to come back from the Negative Zone to resume his blogging duties now. He just better remember that I can easily come back at anytime. Oh, and Marc, you had better be nice to BENDIS! Remember, I know where your blog is!!! :D

    Wow, the Professor/Onslaught REALLY had a lot to say there didn't he! Seeing that page made me remember just how depressing the whole Onslaught story was... It could have/should have been SO much better...

    ReplyDelete
  6. You're wrong X-Man, I was outright WEEPING when I read that news about the Atom. I punched a big hole in the wall and didn't go to work for like 3 days. I just stayed in bed eating Chinese food and muttering to myself about who could take over protecting Ivy Town.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Oh, and Marc, you had better be nice to BENDIS! Remember, I know where your blog is!!! :D "

    Uh-oh...uh...I mean, I love all of your work, Master BENDIS! Even Secret Invasion and Daredevil: Ninja, I swear! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. HA!!! Wow Kello, I knew you'd take that news hard, but I didn't realize just how badly Atom's death was going to affect you! I feel badly for you my friend... Well at least Wally West isn't dead... Yet...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well you had better have liked Secret Invasion Marc. I mean really, what's not to like? IMHO it was a MASTERPIECE!!! Oh, and BTW, the last guy who spoke poorly of Secret Invasion is currently sitting in the Negative Zone, so just keep that in mind! >:-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lol that's what I said in my review X. I liked Choi but at least it wasn't Wally West.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great minds think alike JT! You know that! But yeah, whenever somebody points out that at least Wally isn't dead, I always add the word, "Yet..." Once he's out of sight for a long enough time and Barry's more established in his role as the Flash, I can EASILY see Geoff killing Wally off. I'll tell you this much though, when/if that happens, this blog will be an angry, ugly place...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good point, it's coming, hopefully not at Flashpoint though, I wouldn't be surprised. But you're right, it's just a matter of time.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Maybe the next DC event will retcon the company's history so that anything after the very first Crisis didn't happen, and then they could just kill off every modern age character at one time!

    ReplyDelete
  14. HA! Kello's idea scares me because I could EASILY see it happening! THAT would be the day I go back to only reading Marvel books again!

    You know what JT? I'd be willing to bet a good amount of money that Wally bites the bullet during Flashpoint... That's when I start an online petition!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'd sign that petition, I guarantee at least one of the Flash's die and it's looking like it's Wally. Btw I was right about Rayner dying in Blackest Night, he just came back. :P

    ReplyDelete
  16. I doubt you have much to worry about. I would think that if they planned to kill Wally they would have done it already.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I sure hope you're right Marc... Still, I think Geoff is waiting to kill Wally off. If he just kills him right after Barry returns, the diehard Wally fans may backlash against Barry, so he's just waiting in the weeds and biding his time... Then when we least expect it, POW, Wally gets killed off in some inglorious way!

    ReplyDelete