The Best of the Rest!!! May 22nd edition.

It's Saturday, which means it it's time for me to give my uninformed, overly sarcastic and at times offensive opinion on comic books and their creators, that's right, it's time for a new installment of The Best of the Rest(copyright pending)!!! And yes, I am going to use that opening line EVERY single week, so get used to it! Five books to get through tonight, and much to my chagrin, I enjoyed them all! I know, what's a Best of the Rest post without a whole bunch of complaints!?! Oh well, hopefully I'll read a bunch of horrid comics for the upcoming week and next week's post will be full of venom and fun! Enough babbling X, get on with the post already! Umm, okay I will...

Brightest Day: Titans: Villains for Hire Special #1... Wow, that's a long title!: Before we get into this comic I need you all to do me a favor. Forget the Faces of Evil: Deathstroke comic, as well as the Teen Titans Blackest Night x-over stuff, because it seems as if Deathstroke sure forgot about those comics! Anywho, Deathstroke hires the Tattooed Man(who REALLY needs a better codename!), Cheshire, Osiris and some girl named Cinder to be his... well, villains for hire(as is obvious from the title here!). The 5 villains/pseudo-villains get a contract to kill the Atom(Ryan Choi, not Geoff John's beloved Ray Palmer), and after some difficulty, they do just that... That slight sobbing sound is probably Kello, just so you know. So the villains kill the Atom and Deathstroke refuses to tell his team why they are called the Titans, or what his masterplan is... Well okay then.... Score: 8 out of 10.You see, Osiris broke my number one rule, NEVER trust a one-eyed man dressed fully in spandex.

REBELS #16: This comic kicks off with Starfire attacking some of the REBELS(or are they LEGION again?)because of the good old, “super-heroes meet and have general misunderstanding” law. After Adam Strange explains that the fight was a simple misunderstanding, Starfire goes to meet Vril Dox(AKA my hero). Dox tells Starfire that since her homeworld Tamarian(Tamaria? Tamariananar?)had been blown up good, he was having the planet Rann teleported into its place. There's a very good reason for all of this, but you'll have to trust me on that, 'cause I don't feel like getting into it! In a few weeks time, Dox has managed to transform Rann from a barren wasteland to a thriving planet again. And why did he do that? Because he's awesome! Well, that plus he plans on restarting his LEGION police force, and with the people of Rann now beholden to him, he figures he can base LEGION from Rann. Starfire's insane sister Blackfire learns that another planet had appeared in Tamarian's orbit, so she decides to attack it, because she's insane and all. Oh, and somewhere along the way Starfire joins with the REBELS/LEGION team and starts to flirt with Captain Comet. Eventually Blackfire(who is insane)and her evil Tamarians attack Rann. What happens next? I'll tell you next month. Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.If I was a songwriter I'd write a song and dedicate it to Vril Dox... I really would too!

Booster Gold #32: Booster Gold was sent into the distant future by Rip Hunter(that has to be THE best porn star name EVER! Not that I know anything about porn star names... *ahem* moving on...)to retrieve the helmet of Dr. Fate so that it wouldn't fall into the hands of Darkseid. After some VERY hit or miss comedy(much like this post!), Booster winds up bringing the helmet, as well as a small girl back in time with him. It seems the small girl is there to make potty jokes, because in the DCU, nothing is funnier then toilet humor. This issue ends with Booster learning from Rip Hunter that Max Lord was alive again, which Booster is none to pleased to find out. You know, because he killed Booster's good buddy Ted Kord. Back during Infinite Crisis. In the Countdown to Infinite Crisis comic. With a gun. In a castle. There, I spelled it out for you! Score: 7 out of 10.My GOD are there a lot of words on this page!!!

Gotham City Sirens #11: This comic follows two different storylines, Catwoman and Harley Quinn hunting for missing dogs and Poison Ivy starting her first day at her new STAR Labs job. First off, you'd think somebody named CATwoman would be glad that a bunch of dogs had gone missing, but apparently not... Go figure. CW and HQ(you can always tell I'm getting close to the end of a post by how many abbreviations/initials I start to use)wind up solving the case of the missing dogs when they discover that HQ's hyenas were eating all of the neighborhood pets. Oh the humanity! Or should I say oh the hilarity? Umm, I'll go with hilarity. Oh the hilarity! In the other story, Poison Ivy arrives on the job(but obviously NOT as Poison Ivy, because that would just be dumb), and fires a few people because she read(from Lex Luthor no less)that's the way to garner respect in the corporate world. Sure, if international super-criminal Lex Luthor says that's the way to go, them by gum, that's the way to go! Eventually one of the women Ivy fired returns and locks Ivy in some sort of evil plant oven thing because she was angry about being fired. I bet THAT never happened to Lex. And well, that's the end of this issue. Will Ivy be cooked? Will Catwoman rename herself Dogwoman?? Will I end this pseudo-review with a modicum of self-respect??? The answer to all of those questions is a resounding no! Score: 8 1/2 out of 10.See, just like I said, Ivy was trapped in an evil plant oven thing.

Dark Avengers #16: I'm gonna tell you right now, NOTHING in this comic matters except for the very last page. But don't you worry, I'll get to that soon enough... This is the final issue of Dark Avengers, because Dark Reign is over and Marvel must finally be over it's love of the word “dark”. Don't you worry though, I'm not over my love of the word “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”! This issue follows Siege #4, and shows all of the Dark Avengers(except for Daken, because he's too smart)being arrested by the heroes. The villains get locked away, Steve Rogers decides to hire Victoria Hand to be his right... umm, hand woman, and Norman Osborn gets to act crazy one more time, this time blaming all of his failings on his Green Goblin persona. So that's how Dark Avengers ended. On the very last page, series writer BENDIS writes his farewell address. And he signs it, “BENDIS!”!!! That's how I've been typing his name for over a year now! This can mean one of three things... Either BENDIS is so crazy that he actually DOES sign his name in block letters with an exclamation point(as I always suspected...), that he's is a frequent reader of my blog, or that I have been BENDIS all along, and have been bashing most of my... I mean BENDIS'S comics simply to see who would agree with me... him, and then have those cretins... I mean readers destroyed. All hail the Dread Lord BENDIS!!! Score: 8 out of 10.So he really DOES sign his name "BENDIS!"... I don't know whether to laugh or cry...