With the overwhelming success that is Flashback Friday(OK, “overwhelming” is probably a bit of a stretch, but it's my blog so humor me!), I've decided to bring back the feature that nobody has been clamoring for(well, except for JT)the Best of the Rest! Now I'm sure there are a few of you out there who are wondering, “Why gosh Jethro, what is this here Best of the Rest nonsense all about?” This “nonsense”, as you so astutely put it, is where I(and I'm quoting myself from several months back here), “give my uninformed and at times offensive opinion on comic books and their creators”. In layman's terms, I just do a bunch of hastily put together reviews, slap 'em into one post and call it a feature... It's my regular reviews, only worse! Expect lots of sarcasm. Horrible, horrible sarcasm... Well with an intro like that, who WOULDN'T want to start reading???
Green Lantern Corps #47: This issue pretty much wrapped up the Blackest Night portion of this series and put a pretty little bow on top. Basically, the GL's go about fixing up Oa, and we get to look in at a few of the characters who have been starring in this series. Since I have a very strong pro-Earth bias going tonight(don't ask... Trust me on that!), I'm only going to look into the two Earth-born Green Lanterns. Kyle Rayner manages to convince the Guardians of the Universe that they should repeal their ban on GL's having romantic relationships with each other, basically so he could get some of Sinestro's daughter in public. Hey, why not? Oh, and Guy Gardner's bar collapsed during the Black Lantern invasion, which proves definitively that zombies are real jackasses. And if that offends any zombies who may be reading this, TOUGH! And yeah, that's pretty much that. Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Yeah that's right, I didn't even mention this scene in my "review", but I decided to post it anyway... Go figure.
Justice Society of America #38: FYI(that's “for your information”, for your information), this entire comic takes place in the suck-tacular future where the Nazis have managed to conquer the United States, which probably surprised even the Nazis themselves... And if that offends any Nazis, TOUGH! After recapping how the Nazis won(hmm, I guess that means this comic didn't actually take place solely in the future...), we discover that the Fuhrer(that's Nazi-speak for leader I guess)is going to be visiting the prison camp where all of the de-powered ex-superheroes were living. In order to impress the Fuhrer, the top brass at the camp decide to execute a high profile prisoner, so they choose Batman(as well as the Joker, who doesn't want to live in a world with out Bats). The Fuhrer arrives and we learn that he is the all grown up All-American Kid/Kid Karnevil/that evil blond kid from Salvation Run. Bats and Joker get executed firing squad style, and the grown up(and still ultra annoying)Jamie Reyes decides to attack Mr. Terrific, who was collaborating with the Nazis. Don't worry, this was all a plan to get the Nazis to trust Terrific even more then they already do, he wouldn't REALLY collaborate with Nazis! So the Nazis shoot Jamie in the head for his lack of restraint, and take Terrific to the infirmary to get patched up. And that's literally how this one ends. Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.Gute Nacht Mistah J!!!
Action Comics #888: The evil Kryptonian, Jax-Ur(who is the host for evil Kryptonian god Vohc the Breaker)has managed to trap Chris Kent in the Phantom Zone, while Vohc's creation(a giant-sized version of the Kryptonian god Rao)destroys large portions of Pakistan. Flamebird tries to defeat fake Rao, but can't, so the Justice Society of America(and I guess Pakistan)step up to the plate to give her an assist. Mr. Terrific wins the award for the most obvious observation, when he announces that it looks like Rao has been growing every time he is being struck... Gee, thanks Captain Obvious... Terrific then spouts off a bunch of sci-fi mumbo-jumbo, that basically means that if Rao continues to expand, he'll become a giant black hole and destroy the Earth(much like my blog). So to combat this dread news, the JSA continues to attack Rao, and they are soon joined by Wonder Woman(and an ax!). WW(and the ax!)smacks Rao a few times and Green Lantern(Alan Scott)puts a big force field around Rao's head, which causes Rao to collapse. Well THAT was easy! Almost too easy... Hmm... The heroes all celebrate and congratulate each other, which allows Rao the opportunity to get back up again and continue his parade through Pakistan. By this time, the governments of Pakistan and India have had enough of Rao and his crap, and decide to launch some nuclear weapons at the giant Kryptonian god, which seems a BIT drastic to me, but what do I know? Before I get back to that cheerful little scene, I should probably go back to Chris and the Phantom Zone. Chris wanders around the Phantom Zone and winds up finding Nightwing(no not Dick Grayson, although that would have blown my mind!), and the two decide to bond(or whatever it is you do when you meet an ancient Kryptonian god)in order to halt the horrifyingly deadly march of Rao the unstoppable!!! Nightwing hops out of the Phantom Zone(not literally I hope)and disarms all of the nukes, ending this issue. Score: 6 out of 10.Hey look, it's Wonder Woman... And an AX!!!
Daredevil #506: Wow, it seems like AGES since I last read a DD comic... That's not a part of the review or anything, just a random observation... DD(who is the leader of the Hand)helps one of the Hand's bigwigs fight off an assassination attempt. The bigwig(whose name is Bakuto by the way)figures that DD was behind the attack(because they butted heads last issue), and storms away. DD mopes about this turn of events to his friend White Tiger, who acts weird... Foreshadowing much? Later on, DD calls a Hand meeting and Bakuto accuses him of shenanigans, which DD flatly denies, which causes Bakuto to storm away again, because that's what he does, much like how I tend to over use commas(and parentheses!)... Wow, that was the best run-on sentence EVER! After the meeting, DD falls asleep and is visited by Elektra in a dream, who proceeds to cut something out of him. DD wakes up and realizes that he was bleeding... Exactly where Elektra cut him! Ooo, creepy!!! We conclude this lovely trip to Japan with White Tiger revealing that she was actually in cahoots with DD's rivals for the leadership of the Hand! How UN-surprising! . Score: 7 out of 10.Gah, that's one UGLY ninja!
Mighty Avengers #36: This is the very last issue of this series, so I think a moment of silence is in order......... OK, that's long enough. Pym(taking a page out of Mr. Terrific's playbook)explains in sci-fi mumbo-jumbo that he's been attempting to revive his ex-wife/punching bag the Wasp, and that he's been using Jocasta to help with that feat. Jocasta, now realizing why Pym had been so nice to her, smacks him and calls him a fleshbag, which is my FAVORITE(or FAVOURITE for my non-American friends)robot to human insult. While Jocasta vents at Pym, Ultron and his ten billion brides(that's right, TEN BILLION)storm into the room and start tearing up the joint, Ultron style! Pym and his associates(Jocasta, a guy in a black mask named Ace, and a chick with an eye-patch named One-Eyed Jacquie)run away from Ultron while Pym tries to formulate a plan to defeat his angry robotic offspring. Ultron says nuts to that and flies in front of Pym, telling his “father” that he knows what Pym was up to, and reconfigures the Wasp's brainwave patterns so that she only obeys Ultron. Ultron gloats, figuring he's finally defeated Pym, but Pym reveals that he still has the only device that can free Ultron from Infinite Avengers Mansion, the Dimensional Inducer, which is trapped inside of Jocasta. Pym then calls Ultron a coward(them's fightin' words!), which causes Ultron and his ten billion brides to attack Pym. Pym grows in size to deal with the attack, while drawing Ultron's attention away from his allies. Finally away from Ultron, Jocasta manages to free her ten billion clone bodies from Ultron's control, and Pym flies away from Ultron to meet up with Jocasta. Ultron arrives and tells Pym that even without his ten billion brides he can STILL whoop Pym, so Jocasta offers to marry Ultron to halt his attack... Really?!? Ultron agrees, and then Pym marries the two robots... Yes, really! Ultron goes through Jocasta's files and realizes that the Dimensional Inducer was back in Infinite Avengers Mansion, so Ultron decides that he'll be using that to run rampant through the cosmos. Pym says, nuh-uh, and teleports every single Avenger ever to his side to deal with Ultron once and for all. Ultron(realizing that those were PRETTY bad odds)backs down and agrees to leave with Jocasta, heading to a completely secluded planet that was totally devoid of life. After Ultron leaves, we discover that the Avengers were only holograms, and that Jocasta could still project her consciousness to the Mansion, which means that everything that had happened was all for nothing... Hmph... This issue ends with Pym joining his Mighty Avengers at Asgard for the final battle against the Sentry. Jeez, that reviews was WAY longer then I would have liked... I'll have to short-change the next one now! Score: 6 1/2 out of 10.And I must be mad for reading this!
Action Comics #889: Hey look, it's another issue of Action Comics! Giant, evil, fake Kryptonian god Rao begins the long and arduous process of turning into a black hole(well, I think turning into a black hole WOULD be a long and arduous process!), while Nightwing walks around saving those losers from the JSA from being crushed by Rao. I kid, I like the JSA! There not losers... Most of the time... Dr. Fate shows up(gee, thanks for FINALLY showing up Doc...)and along with Nightwing, Flamebird and Wonder Woman(who has pretty much stood around and done nothing)attack Vohc the Breaker who was responsible for giant, evil, fake Kryptonian god Rao's rampage(but then you all ready knew that from reading about AC #888 earlier, didn't you?), and Nightwing and Flamebird force Vohc into the mini black hole that was opening up inside of Rao. The other heroes don't follow the Kryptonians because... Well, I'm not entirely sure why not, but they don't, which leaves us with Nightwing and Flamebird against Vohc inside of giant, evil, fake Kryptonian god Rao. Unsurprisingly, the two heroes vanquish Vohc, which is a classier way of saying they beat him like a rented mule. With Vohc done for, Nightwing banishes him to the destroyed Phantom Zone, allowing Vohc to build stuff in that secluded space... Aww, how nice of him! With Vohc gone, giant, evil, fake Kryptonian god Rao breaks into little pieces, which causes Wonder Woman to say, “Great Hera.”. I agree WW, “Great Hera” indeed! Nightwing and Flamebird emerge from the shadows and make out in front of everybody(umm, OK...)before flying off into the sunset together. Well, not literally, but I think you get my point. This issue ends with a bunch of scientists(led by that sneaky Lex Luthor)cleaning up the mess that was Rao, while Luthor almost definitely thinks of all sorts of nefarious uses for a broken giant, evil, fake Kryptonian god. Score: 7 out of 10.Sorry, I'm all out of quips. You'll have to come up with your own.
Annnd, that's it. I'm done and not a moment too soon I'd say. Feel free to leave your credit card numbers and/or false praise in the comment section of this post, and last but CERTAINLY not least, Long Live The Legion!!!