Saturday, May 29, 2010

The Best of the Rest!!! May 29th edition.

It's Saturday, which means it it's time for me to give my uninformed, overly sarcastic and at times offensive opinion on comic books and their creators, that's right, it's time for a new installment of The Best of the Rest!!! Are you tired of that introduction yet, 'cause I sure am! But alas, there's nothing that can be done about it, mainly because I'm just not creative enough to come up with anything new. Um, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, this Best of the Rest post thing... I have some pretty mediocre comics to get through tonight, so expect some mediocre psuedo-reviews. Hey, if the writers aren't gonna bring their A-game, why should I?

Outsiders #29: This is one of those comics that has been seemingly sitting on my nightstand forever. Well, not literally forever, but... why am I even explaining this... Anyway, this comic deals with former Outsider Looker(and what kind of a super-hero name is Looker anyway? I guess I'd be Amazing Man-Hunk or something...)being hunted by a vampire who hunts other vampires... Methinks DC is trying to cash in on the vampire-mania that has been running wild. After some hot vampire-on-vampire action, Looker winds up using her womanly wiles to trick and kill the vampire hunter. Since Looker seemed to think that other vampire hunters would come after her(um, why would they? She trounced this one!)she books a plane ticket for Markovia, a country where both Kryptonians AND Vampires are welcome. And they call America a melting pot! Score: 7 out of 10.Whenever the word "bitch" appears twice on a single page, you can be SURE that I'll be posting it!

Justice League of America #45: So Jade landed in Germany thanks to a big green meteorite, which has the Germans none too pleased. The Justice League of America(what, no Justice League of Germany?)arrives to calm the situation down, just as the Justice Society of America's airplane arrives. Just so ya know, the JSA was following their comatose teammate Green Lantern(that would be Alan Scott), who was being drawn to the green meteorite. Before the JSA can touch down, Power Girl attacks and destroys the plane to the shock of the JLAers, and the apathy of me. Power Girl then turns her busty attention to the JLA. Luckily for the JLA, Congorilla(who I guess knew Power Girl would eventually become possessed and turn on EVERYBODY)had contacted Supergirl earlier, and the Girl of Steel arrives to intercept the seemingly insane(but busty)Power Girl. After an extended fight scene, Batman tells Jade to blast Power Girl, since Jade's powers are magic based(really?)and all Kryptonians(even busty ones from alternate dimensions)are vulnerable to magic(or magicks if you prefer). With Power Girl down(but thankfully still busty), the Germans inexplicably decide to launch an attack on the JLA/JSA contingent, and are easily turned aside by Jade... Silly Germans... The two teams then totally ignore the poor inept Germans and decide to discuss Alan Scott's origin... Well that seems unnecessary... Jade then tells the team that the meteorite she arrived in was the Starheart, which I guess is important, since the Starheart gave Alan his GL powers. Alan then wakes up and proclaims that it's the end of the world, and that he feels fine... Well he didn't say the last part, but he should have. Score: 7 out of 10.Okay, no funny comments or anything here, that picture is AWESOME!

New Avengers Finale #1: God help me, this is the comic I've been avoiding... Remember how much I enjoyed BENDIS's work on Siege? No, well go check out my Siege reviews and then come right back...... Done? Good. So you see that I REALLY liked Siege. I guess BENDIS must have sensed that and decided to punish me by putting this piece of garbage out... Basically all you need to know about this one is that the heroes end up capturing the Hood, Madame Masque and Count Nefaria, after an extended(and BORING!!!)battle. Then BENDIS decides to kill 19 pages with a recap of pretty much his entire New Avengers series... Yes, that's right, a NINETEEN page recap!!! I mean is a NINETEEN page recap EVER really necessary!?! So between BENDIS's HORRIBLE dialogue, and what was pretty much a retelling of a series that I didn't like in the first place, this comic was like some sort of terrible comic book torture. When I envision Hell, I see myself strapped to a really uncomfortable chair(maybe one of those little pink children's ones)while demons force me to read this comic for all of eternity!!! Score: 1 out of 10. I'd have gone with a zero if not for the artwork, which was really good. See that, a silver lining!Spider-Man and Luke Cage talking for no reason at all... A SURE sign this was a BENDIS written comic!

Batman #699: So the Riddler was drugged with Joker venom(or Joker gas, although Joker venom sounds a bit classier)last issue, but Bats managed to get him to a hospital in time to administer the antidote. Bats then decides to go after the man responsible, Sebastian Blackspell, but Bats is unable to track down the bad news magician. Oh, and while Bats is chasing leads and doing that whole detective thing Ra's Al Ghul loves so much, the Riddler sneaks out of the hospital(in his hospital gown!)and is able to track down Blackspell(STILL in his gown!)... You know, more then anything else, I'm most impressed that Riddler was able to sneak around Gotham and find Blackspell, all while wearing a hospital gown! I mean really, THAT'S impressive! Bats finds Blackspell's hideout and discovers him kicking Riddler around(and yes, Riddler is STILL in the gown), and steps in to halt the assault. Blackspell falls into a barrel of... magic goo I guess, and Batman accuses Riddler of being responsible for... I don't really know, but something evil. Riddler denies he's turned back to the dark side, and Blackspell turns into a giant pissed-off tree thanks to his exposure to the magic goo... Huh, I didn't see THAT coming... Riddler runs away(bare-foot and STILL in his hospital gown)and Bats winds up tying up Blackspell in some chains. Blackspell becomes human when it starts to rain, and Riddler high-tails it out of Gotham, probably still wearing that hospital gown... What a weird comic this was.... Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.You know, if I was to ever turn into a tree I think I'd do better then simply saying, "I'm... turning into a damn tree!"

Flash #2: Yay, it's Barry Allen time... And just so you know, that's me being BITTERLY sarcastic. On the plus side, my Flash subscription ends at issue #6, and I PROMISE all of you that I WILL NOT pick up another Flash comic so long as Barry Allen is starring in it! But enough venom, let's get this review over with so I can spew some more venom! Barry runs away from the Renegades(who are police officers from the future), and eventually causes the Renegades to return to the future after he messes with their time equipment. Thanks to Barry's negligence, an old apartment building blows up... That Barry Allen is a real jerk. Barry then returns to his police station and finds out that his blood was found on the deceased Mirror Monarch(one of the Renegades), which leads to everybody stupidly looking at him... Yeah, that's right, that's as much of a review for this comic as I'm willing to do! Sue me! I hates me some Barry Allen, plain and simple. If you want to read a Flash comic, do yourself a favor and read some older Mark Waid, Mark Millar, or even that jerk Geoff Johns issues of the Wally West Flash. Boycott Barry Allen!!! Score: 6 out of 10.For as long as YOU'RE alive Barry, I'm definitely NOT okay...

Batman: Streets of Gotham #12: This was yet another really weird read for me... For some bizarre and inexplicable reason, Paul Dini(he's the guy who wrote this comic)decided to make the Carpenter(that woman who's gimmick is that she builds headquarters for villains)the central feature of this book... Yeah, that's right, the Carpenter STARRED in this issue... What, was the Molder unavailable? Jeez... Anywho, she gets hired to build a deathtrap for some loser named the Director(where the HELL is Paul getting these villain names from?!?), who planned on tricking Batman into running through it, so he could film Batman's death... Well, I guess that explains his nom de guerre... 's right, I'm throwing French words out there now! Gawk in awe at my awesomeness!!! Carpenter is nearly finished with her masterpiece when she stumbles upon some of the Director's storyboards which reveal that he intended on killing her to test the traps. Some of the Director's goons then notice that Carpenter saw the storyboards and go to kill her... The most horrifying thing here is the fact that this is a multi-part story! About the Carpenter! And a guy named the Director!! In other Streets of Gotham news, Damian Wayne continues to make nice with that Abuse kid, buying him a motorcycle and a warehouse to keep it. Don't worry, Hell hasn't frozen over or anything, Damian only did this to make sure he'd have the power of Abuse on his side if things ever went sour between him and Batman. Huh, so I didn't like the main story, but I enjoyed the Damian parts... That's a sure sign that I should stop blogging IMMEDIATELY! And possibly check in with a head doctor... Score: 6 out of 10.Damian being NICE!?! What in the blue HELL is going on here!?!?!


  1. The jokes about amazing Man-Hunk and Power Girl (Thankfully still Busty) were awesome. I want you to pick her series up (since Judd is writing it now) just to read more of your hilariously Busty comments about PG.

    I love how when you compliment someone (Bendis, Morrison, Johns) their stories get horrible. You're a jinx... X Drake. And that line about Blackspell turning into a tree was excellent. If I turned into a tree I'd yell "I've got wooooood!" because I'm immature. And Riddler did get some use outta that gown.

    You're so Barry biased, I love that you just skipped that he rebuilt the building better than before. You're like J. Jonah Jameson.

  2. Glad you enjoyed the post mi amigo. It's always good to know that somebody enjoys my horrible jokes! Yeah man, if you give PG a good word, I'll def pick it up.

    "X Drake" HA!!! It's all come full circle now... And you're right, from now on, I'm just gonna say everyone's work is horrible, that way I'll reverse the jinx...

    "If I turned into a tree I'd yell "I've got wooooood!" because I'm immature." I don't even have a retort for that one JT... Good job!

    I am SO glad you got the fact that I totally left out Barry fixing the building, 'cause that was totally done on purpose! See, if I'm stuck having to read 4 more Flash comics, I'm gonna make Barry look as bad as I possibly can! :P

  3. You know me, I laugh at most things so having genuinely funny things to laugh at is a treat. And I'll let ya know, hell if I go early the day it comes out I'll try to let ya know before ya do your comic gazing post.

    Haha, watch, Return of Bruce Wayne is gonna be ama...I can't even finish that sentence....

    Lol see, immaturity wins again. It's my secret weapon, like Impulse vs. The Joker.

    Haha, I'm like...wait he fixed that building! And it was dilapidated before and now it's five star hotel status lol. I'll be on the lookout to see how you treat Barry!

  4. I agree with JT in that your Power Girl comments were awesome. I'm surprised you weren't commenting on the fact her name says she's a girl and not yet a woman, lol.

    And X, seriously, I get why you don't like SAINT Barry, but when do you plan on trying to like him. It's not like his resurrection ment the death of Wally, cause that would have given you a reason to be pissed off. They just brought him back as they calculated that he would sell better than Wally. It's the fault of the readers for not forking enough money over to DC when Wally was the star.

    On more of a positive note to the slightly less positive (but not negative)[and slightly sarcastic] note above, I loved your sarcasism through out the review, including you actually liking Damean Wayne. You might want to go get that checked out by Dr. Mid-Night to make sure nothing is wrong with you. :D

  5. Nice reviewing sir. I love this and your flashback Friday, seems like sometimes I get caught up on some missing links in comics that I've read and I always enjoy reading your POV.

    Lmao, wow, I knew JT said you didn't like Barry Allen, but that section you did just proved it. Lmao, I think you hate Barry as much as I hate Cassie. We should start a "we hate Cassie and Barry blog" and talk about them for as long as possible. Lol.

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  8. JT: The Return of Bruce Wayne line had me laughing... I love that just two issues in we can already call this mini the front-runner for worst mini-series of the year! See, I'm going to keep bashing that mini in the hope that it'll become good thanks to my reverse jinxability! As for Barry Allen, this is ONLY the beginning... >:-)

    Cole: Hey, long time no blog! Good to "hear" from you again! I loved that Power Girl comment... If THAT'S Power Girl, IMAGINE what Power WOMAN would look like!!! As for SAINT Barry, I... just can't... do it!! I'll always resent him for knocking Wally back to third(or maybe even forth!)Flash status... I mean, Wally's such an interesting, well-developed character, while Barry is... well, Barry! And don't you worry, I've already set up an appointment with Dr. Mid-Nite, because something MUST be wrong with me!!

    Falisha: Thanks Falisha. Hmm, a "We hate Cassie and Barry" blog you say? Well, I DO hate Mr. SAINT Barry Allen... That would probably be a hilarious blog! I can see it now... "Day 479 of the We Hate Barry and Cassie blog, and I still hate Barry... -X"

    Jozeph: Why do you come here only to rag on stuff? So you didn't like the JLA comic... Cool. I did. If you want to add something productive, like WHY you didn't like it, fine. If not, then I'm not really sure WHAT I'm supposed to say to that comment of yours...

  9. Lmao....

    Yeah man, that's definitely a front-runner for worst of the year, the sad thing is, even if it improved I wouldn't know because the second issue made me not wanna read ANY more of the mini. Which is sad cause it had SO much potential.

  10. Lmao, that would be a wonderful blog. Let all frustrations out on those two.

    But, don't hurt me when I say, I'm actually enjoying the Flash run they have going. Lol. But we can still make this blog work! lol.

  11. I think Bendis is James Robinson's Marvel doppelganger...he can be great in one comic and utterly horrid in the next. "Wildly inconsistent" is the term I'd use to describe them both. I liked Bendis's "Avengers Finale" (the issue that came out right after Avengers Disassembled) so it's disappointing to hear NA Finale sucked...there's no excuse for it not to have been a slam dunk, seeing as New Avengers was Bendis's baby, through and through.

    As to the Joker gas/venom issue...I call it Joker venom too, and that's what Kevin Smith called it in Cacophony. And as you know I really enjoyed that book, so I'll be sticking with calling it that for the foreseeable future.

  12. Yeah, I just don't really know what Grant is trying to do with Return of Bruce Wayne, JT... It seems like the sort of story that should be able to write itself... He really doesn't need to go too much further then, "Bruce Wayne is trapped in the past, and can't return to the present..." Maybe throw in a twist like, "Whenever somebody from the present tries to find Bruce, he gets shunted to a different time period thanks to the Omega Effect..." and that's that.

    That def WOULD be a wonderful blog Falisha! And I can totally understand you liking the Flash comic, if it was Wally in the lead and not Barry, I'd probably be enjoying it too! But in the interest of honesty, I have to tell ya that I really don't have anything against Cassie! So long as you handle the Cassie bashing, and I handle the Barry bashing our blog should still work!

    Wow Marc, moving must have really taken a toll on you, you just used the words "Bendis" and "great" in the same sentence!!! :P You know, it's weird, I used to REALLY enjoy reading BENDIS'S work back in the day, I loved Disassembled, the start of New Avengers, Ultimate Spider-Man, The Pulse, even House of M... I think for me, the tipping point was the way HoM ended... From that moment forward, I've always looked at BENDIS'S work differently. I guess kind of like the way I look at Geoff Johns post-Blackest Night. BENDIS is the sort of writer who probably shouldn't stay on the same comic book for too long, because after a while he just sort of loses his way. It happened with Ultimate Spidey(right around the Harry osborn/Hobgoblin stuff)and New Avengers after HoM. I'd love to see BENDIS start a series, get it rolling and then move on, rinse and repeat as necessary. Wow, I REALLY went on and on with this comment didn't I?

  13. Lol, I've heard great things about Wally while he was flash, as usual my Comic Prince JT filled me in of what he knew.

    And I think I can handle the Cassie bashing. I'm sure I can find SOMETHING to complain about when it comes to her.

  14. I agree about Bendis...HoM was the point he started to lose his luster for me as well. I think his best work at Marvel has been the stuff that had a definitive end to it, like his runs on Daredevil and Alias. But when he's in it for the even longer haul, he stretches the story way too thin. One exception to this "rule" was his year on Ultimate X-Men, which was short but also epitomized everything I DON'T like about his work.

  15. Ha! I bet you'll be able to find SOMETHING about our friend Cassie to go off about Falisha!

    I'm glad you metioned BENDIS'S DD run Marc, because that was the FIRST time I was EVER interested in that character. It carried through to Ed Brubaker and Andy Diggle's runs, but it was BENDIS who got me hooked on DD. Hmm, I know I've read it, because I've read/own every issue of Ultimate X-Men, but I HONESTLY don't recall BENDIS'S run in that book... I'm guessing it had to be pretty early on, right?

  16. It was in the 30-40s of Ultimate X-Men or so. The two story arcs were called "Blockbuster" and "New Mutants" and I believe they both had art by David Finch. He started right after Mark Millar's "Return of the King" story and ended his run with the "death" of Beast.

  17. Hmm, I DO remember the whole ill-conceived killing of Beast, but I honestly don't recall those two storylines... And considering that I'm a big New Mutants fan(well, not the current horrible series...)you'd figure I'd remember that one... Could it have been SO bad that I actually blocked BENDIS'S entire run from my mind?

  18. It's possible, although I'm not sure I'd describe it as bad so much as utterly forgettable. It was decompression at its absolute worst, and Bendis clearly had no idea what to do with some of the characters. I believe Colossus had all of two lines in Bendis's entire 12-issue run. That's two lines in a year's worth of comics! The whole run was plagued by little things like that, all of which added up to leave a bad taste in my mouth.

  19. Yeah, sorry I don't always comment X, but its rather annoying as I have to sign into 3 windows using AIM as I don't have a blogspot. And I can see how SAINT Barry Allen pushing Wally back is frustrating, but Wally is 2nd right now, with Bart and then Jay following. And in my opinion, I don't think SAINT's return will last forever, but it might last a while. I kind of like having different super teams being around showing the different generations. JSA (with Jay Garrick, Alan Scott, etc.), JLA (with Barry, Bruce Wayne, Hal Jordan, Oliver Queen, Diana), Outsiders/Titans (with Wally, Dick Grayson, Roy Harper, Kyle Rayner, Donna, etc.), and Teen Titans (w/ Bart, Tim Drake, Conner, Mia, Cassie, etc.). They will soon (next 10 years, lol) have to create a new team for the next generation: Wally's children, Damiam Wayne, Chris Kent, etc. They

  20. Well, if BENDIS'S Ultimate X run was utterly forgettable I guess that explains why I don't remember it, Marc! :P You know, my problem with BENDIS'S New Avengers run is probably the opposite of what he did with Colossus... In New Avengers, EVERYBODY has to speak, even if they just comment on nothing in particular... Every so often two characters will suddenly break into a conversation that has NOTHING to do with anything, and I'll just kind of sit back and wonder, "Was that REALLY necessary?" Spider-Man is usually the main culprit too... BENDIS should probably be banned from using Spidey in any team books he writes!

    Ah, well no problemo Cole, I'm glad to have you around when you are. I don't know though, I kind of see Wally as the forth Flash right now... At least Jay and Bart are in SOMETHING, poor Wally is just in limbo! And I love the idea of having super-hero teams around from different eras, I really like the four different generations of teams you had listed there, the only problem with that is the fact that in the DCU, the Justice League is sort of seen as the goal, you know, THE top team, so you have all of the other heroes aspiring to be in the League(which makes all of the other teams seem lesser), while the JSA is more of a legacy sort of team. That's why it bugs me when guys like Wally, or Kyle Rayner or even Connor Hawke make the League, and then their dead namesakes return to life and they're riding the pine again. To be honest, if there was a SAINT Barry comic AND a Wally comic, I'd be WAY less angered by Barry's return... Hell, why not move Wally over to the Adventure Comics title since Superboy isn't the star in that anymore!