You know I'm starting to scrape the bottom of my new comic pile when I'm stuck reviewing books like the two here... These actually may be the two Marvel comics I look the least forward to every month. If not for the fact that Namor was getting canceled soon(next issue?), I'd have dropped it from my pull list by now. As for Uncanny, it's kind of like Superman or Batman, no matter how bad it gets, I'll keep collecting out of habit. Wow, that was a really negative introduction... To make up for it, I'm going to state ONE positive about each of these comics by the end of each review. See, who says I'm too negative?
Uncanny X-Men #537:
Summary: The one armed Kruun, who Lord Summers allowed on Crazy Mutie Island in what could only be explained as a case of momentary insanity, sneaks into Colossus and Shadowcat's bedroom and hits Colossus with a dart that takes away his powers. He then forces Colossus to battle him outside, coercing Colossus by threatening Shadowcat with a knife that could cut her even in her intangible form. So Shadowcat, Colossus and Kruun head outside and Kruun forces Shadowcat to get out of her spacesuit, which was the only thing allowing her to talk, before proceeding to beat Colossus unconscious within seconds. From there he slashes Colossus's throat, telling Shadowcat that she had to find somebody to help her before Colossus bleeds to death. So Shadowcat(who can't talk remember) rushes to the security room and finds Lord Summers sitting frozen in front of the security cameras. Kruun enters the room and tells Shadowcat that he had drugged Lord Summers with something that paralyzed his body, but was allowing him to watch all of Kruun's carnage. From there Shadowcat runs to Her's bedroom, but can't seem to wake Her up. Kruun enters the room and gloats that he had drugged Her as well, leaving her in an unconscious state. Shadowcat runs outside where she discovers Wolverine meditating, but can't get his attention since his eyes were closed. Kruun, like a MORON, begins to talk to himself(?!?), which alerts Wolvie to his presence. Wolverine tells Shadowcat to go get some help, while he deals with Kruun. While Wolvie and Kruun are battling, Shadowcat heads inside and runs into Kruun's unhappy wife(?). Kruun's wife sympathizes with Shadowcat's plight, but tells Shadowcat that much like Shadowcat herself, she'd also do anything for her man, and proceeds to slash Shadowcat's throat.
Thoughts: Ugh... The only way I could have hated this issue more was if Rachel Summers and Sage were in it and it was written by Chris Claremont... This was pretty much my ultimate nightmare issue of this series. It starred the two characters I like the least out of practically EVERY mutant(Shadowcat and Colossus), it contained villains I hate(the aliens from Breakworld), and the story doesn't really make sense... I'm STILL trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the ultra paranoid Lord Summers invited Kruun and his fellow Breakworlders to live on Crazy Mutie Island... That just makes NO sense at all, consider Lord Summers dogged determination to keep mutantkind alive no matter what. For me, this was one of the worst issues of Uncanny X-Men since before Ed Brubaker's run a few years back. Okay, now as promised, here's something positive about this issue... Wolverine had some great lines and came across looking rather well here.
Score: 3 out of 10.Now if Shadowcat were to die here, I'd go back and change the score to a 9. But until then, it gets a 3.
Summary: This issue begins with Namor calming down an angry sea creature by talking gibberish to it... Yeah, we're off to great start... With the royal Logomancer dead, Abira, Namor's girlfriend, receives a recording from the Logomancer, telling her that she was going to be the next in line to serve as Logomancer. Namor, suspecting his longtime enemy Krang's hand in the death of the Logomancer, decides to go after Krang in retribution. It turns out that Krang didn't order the death of the Logomancer, but that some of his angry lieutenants took it upon themselves to kill the Logomancer. The angry lieutenants then tell Krang that they were going to unleash a Burrower to destroy New Atlantis and sink Crazy Mutie Island in order to get Namor overthrown and return the Atlantians to their former warlike state. Namor confronts Krang about the Logomancer, and Krang tells Namor what was really happening, as well as offering to help Namor defeat his angry lieutenants. Namor, Krang and Loa(for some reason) all head to where the crazy lieutenants were holding the Burrower, but arrive just a bit too late to prevent the Burrower from, you guessed it, burrowing. The two rival factions of Atlantians then fight, while a future version of Namor visits Abira, telling her that she and current Namor had to save Crazy Mutie Island or... I don't know, something bad happens in the future. I stopped caring about this series like 8 issues ago, what do you want from me?!
Thoughts: I didn't like anything about this story. Plain and simple. But then I haven't liked anything about this series since pretty much the beginning, so yeah... I don't really know what else to say... With the exception of Namor, I don't like any of the characters, the story bores me to tears, it's just all bad... I mean I'm sure there are probably people out there who are enjoying this series(then again, since it's getting canned, maybe not...), but I am most definitely not one of them. Now for something positive... The artwork has been really good in this series since the start, and this issue was no different.
Score: 2 1/2 out of 10.And a glip, gloop bloop to you too, Namor.