Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #14
Summary: This issue starts with Clark arriving on the roof of the Daily Planet in the helicopter they have, because that paper has MONEY. He notices Lois waiting for him and he takes his Superman suit off and hides it on the helicopter due to his Clark Kent attire sleeve being burned from a fire he put out as Superman, and he didn't want Lois to see his suit under it. Next we...wait... how did he burn his sleeve of his Kent clothes if he put out the fire as Superman?! Anyway, Jimmy manages to take the helicopter and fly it around, because the paper has so much money they'll let Jimmy pilot a helicopter even though he barely looks old enough to drive. Of course Jimmy manages to crash the helicopter, because he's Jimmy Olsen. He calls Superman for help with his watch but quickly finds Superman's suit on the helicopter and puts it on for warmth for some...odd reason. While walking around in Superman's suit, God realizes he has the chance to kill Olsen and Jimmy's struck with lightning, but sadly for us all, Superman's suit is impervious to lightning. Jimmy stumbles onto a land that time forgot, and is surrounded by hillbillies in Hogfoot Hollow. They think Jimmy's Superman, but he says he's not, so they say he's being modest and give him tests to prove he IS in fact Superman... because yeah. They ask him to move a tree stump from the ground, and in odd Olsen fashion, a boulder happens to fall down and move it while Jimmy pushes it, and no one else sees the boulder. Jimmy soon finds out that the strongest person in Hogfoot is to marry the Mayor's daughter, I guess... age doesn't matter. Jimmy's next exploit is being fed a ton of food he can't possibly eat, but luckily a giant bear reaches through the window and eats all of the food, which impresses the local hicks when they come back to see "Superman" has eaten everything! From there we see Jimmy seemingly scare a bear away, but the bear was actually afraid of a skunk... who wrote this?! When Jimmy finds out he has to marry Petunia, the Mayor's daughter, since he's the strongest guy in the town, but Moose Morton, super hick, is jealous since he wants to marry Petunia. Meanwhile, Clark flies out looking for Jimmy in his work attire. Why... not just take your glasses off... then people will just wonder why Superman is wearing a suit instead of them seeing and wondering why Clark Kent is flying. Moose challenges Jimmy to a fight but is shocked when he sees Clark flying and he faints, causing Jimmy to win Petunia's honor. With the wedding approaching, Jimmy is dressed in his suit by Petunia's brothers... weird. Moose decides to run up behind Jimmy and hit him with a boulder... um...okay, but Jimmy slips on a banana peel. Moose figures the rock is "kricktynite" and Jimmy takes advantage of that to act powerless and run away. Moose, the potential murderer, then wins the love of the daughter of the Mayor... Anyway, Clark takes advantage of Jimmy being out of the suit and gets it back, then flies Jimmy back to the helicopter and fixes it, but basically threatens Jimmy not to ask why his suit was in the Helicopter. The issue ends with Jimmy telling Clark that being mistaken as Superman isn't fun and to never get caught wearing his suit, while Clark smiles knowingly.
Thoughts: This was sooooooo bad! I mean, I know these people apparently had never seen Superman, but if this is such a hick town that no one has a newspaper with his picture or anything, how did they even KNOW he was Superman? Who says, he's wearing spandex with an "S" on it but omits that he's a super powered flying ginger?! Also, how did Jimmy survive a helicopter crash, being struck by LIGHTNING (Who did HE piss off?! It wasn't even raining!), being narrowly missed by a boulder, surviving coming in close contact with a bear, TWICE, AND fighting a guy who was going to club him to death and then later throw a BOULDER at his head. The worst part is, Superman was around when the guy was gonna hit Jimmy with the boulder and didn't even intervene! He must've been thinking "I'll teach you to wear my suit, Olsen!" And the cherry on top was Superman threatening Jimmy while flying with him. "You ask how my suit got in that helicopter and they'll be asking how you fell out of it!" The trend continues, absurdity at it's finest.
Pages in this story: 8 (Seemed like MUCH more.)
# of Times people call Jimmy "Superman": 18
# of Times Jimmy should have died: 7