Avengers #13: (Fear Itself tie-in)
Summary: How do I even review this...... Hmm... Basically the Avengers(yes, ALL of them...) talk about how things led up to Fear Itself. They. All. Talk... All issue long... Everybody talks and basically gets us to the press conference the Avengers held about Stark Reliant rebuilding Asgard. We also get a few quick glimpses of the Blitzkrieg on Washington, but nobody really mentions that. And Spider-Man vomits into his mask. Twice.
Thoughts: Oh no! It's the return of the Dread Lord BENDIS!!! You know the guy... That's the comic book writer who doesn't actually bother to write a story(or writes a story that makes NO sense: see Secret Invasion), and instead just has characters stand around(or in the case of this comic, SIT around) talking... About nothing in particular... What the hell happened! For the most part, Brian Bendis has been writing pretty good stories since the end of Siege. Hell, after how good Siege was, I swore off calling him the Dread Lord BENDIS!... The first storyline in this series was remarkably good(the Kang/future stuff), making me sure the Dread Lord BENDIS! moniker was dead and buried. Sure, there were some bumps in the road(like most of the Hood/Infinity Gems storyline), but all in all, I had no major complaints. And then THIS issue came along. It was just mind-numbingly bad. I mean, you had the Red Hulk eating raw eggs, Spider-Man vomiting into his mask(twice mind you), Noh-Varr showing up out of the blue with his girlfriend(We get it. He has a girlfriend. Great.), and a panel with Luke Cage's baby crying... Which was being recorded to the Avengers verbal history for some reason... The ONLY thing that saved this comic from being a perfect 0 was the fact that we find out that Hawkeye and Spider-Woman might be/could be/are hooking up. That was the only good thing I took out of this one. If you want to see the Red Hulk eating raw eggs or Spider-Man randomly drinking a bottle of soda with a straw, THIS is the comic book you've been dreaming of! But if you're looking for a cohesive story or action, avoid this comic at ALL costs! You'll thank me later.
Score: 1 out of 10.
Yes, there were at least two panels of Spidey sipping a soda...Namor Annual #1:
Summary: Quick recap time! Steve Rogers, Namor, Dr. Nemesis, Lord Summers and Our Savior Hope are stuck in the Negative Zone. Our Savior Hope is injured and Namor has gone crazy due to being without water for so long. Oh, and Blastarr wants to kill them all. If you want to know any more then that, check out my reviews for the Steve Rogers Annual or this year's Uncanny X-Men annual. There, recap done, onto this comic. While Namor and Blastarr throw down in Blastarr's Negative Zone headquarters, Lord Summers asks Steve to get Our Savior Hope away from the battle while he tries reason with and/or blast some sense into Namor. While Steve is spiriting Our injured Savior Hope away, Dr. Nemesis is forcing some Negative Zone aliens into creating a dimensional teleporter to get himself and his comrades out of the Negative Zone at gunpoint. Once the aliens create the device, Nemesis grabs it and takes off, soon followed by the aliens, who had realized that Nemesis didn't actually have bullets in his gun. Steve manages to bandage Our Savior Hope up and she wakes up, wanting to get back into the battle... Because she's Our Savior and all. Steve nixes that idea, telling her that his first priority was to get her home in one piece, to which Our Savior Hope reluctantly agrees. Lord Summers tries to reason with Blastarr, figuring the two of them might have a shot at subduing Namor, but Blastarr refuses to listen to Lord Summers, instead continuing to try to take Namor down on his own. Nemesis arrives on the scene being chased by a giant eel-like alien, and steers the eel-like alien into Blastarr, at which point it eats Blastarr... Well that's one way to deal with him! Nemesis, not realizing Namor was temporarily insane, heads over to help him up, getting punched in the gut as a result. Lord Summers blasts Namor away and tells Nemesis to find Steve and Our Savior Hope. Nemesis rushes off to do as he was told, while Lord Summers continues blasting Namor away from him. Nemesis finds Steve and Our Savior Hope, just as Lord Summers really cuts loose with a blast, destroying most of Blastarr's headquarters, as well as bringing Lord Summers and Namor to Nemesis, Steve and Our Savior Hope... That's mighty convenient... Steve heads over to the injured Namor and tries to help him up, but ends up getting his arm broken by Namor for his troubles. By this point, Our Savior Hope has managed to duplicate Namor's powers and latches on to him. Nemesis opens the portal back to Earth, and Our Savior Hope flies Namor into the ocean, restoring his sanity and yes, you guessed it, saving everybody. From there, Nemesis, Steve and Lord Summers head through the portal, get patched up and everybody lives happily ever after... Or do they?!? This storyline ends with Blastarr blasting his way out of the eel-like alien swearing revenge on the Earth.
Thoughts: Even though I was just a BIT sarcastic here, I have to admit, I enjoyed this issue, and this entire three part storyline for that matter. Was it perfect? No, but it was good, clean fun. What can I say, I like seeing Namor go off on a rampage. Nobody does an out of control, crazed rampage like Namor does. Imperius Rex!
Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.
Blast you, arm-breaking Namor!
ok that's it i'm never helping somebody get back on their feet ever again after having seen that panel. but Cap. kept fighting which is almost as gnarly as that Brightest Day issue where Aquaman gets his hand cut off and then has it cauterized right away so he can get back into the fight.
ReplyDeleteBut unlike Aquaman, Steve didn't fall to his knees and start to cry, he stood up and smashed Namor in the throat! Obviously because Steve Rogers > Aquaman! Man, I HATED when Aquaman's hand got sliced off and he sat their crying like a little punk... What kind of hero does THAT?!?
ReplyDeleteAvengers #13 was pure crap. I couldn't believe how horrible this book was. A complete waste of time.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better myself!
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