Well, it seems that my package of new comic books didn't arrive today as I had been anticipating... That sucks because it leaves me with nothing new to review. I could crack open a recent issue of Astonishing X-Men, X-Men: Legacy or Moon Knight, but I'm REALLY down on the x-books right now, so a review of either one of those x-books would basically consist of me bitching for a few paragraphs, so I figure I'll spare everybody that. Unless you guys want to read a post full of complaints and lame jokes... Yeah, I didn't think so! As for Moon Knight... I'm just not really in a Moon Knight sort of mood, whatever that means. I have Captain America #602 and the Captain America: Who Will Wield The Shield one-shot laying around as well, but I refuse to read either of those books until I've read Cap: Reborn #6. Besides those comics, I have nothing new to read, and as such, I have nothing new to review, so I'm going to go RETRO and review an issue of Adventure Comics from the 70's! That's right everybody, it's the return of the dreaded RETRO Review!!! Since this is a RETRO Review, expect plenty of sarcasm! So without further ado, here's a look back into the past, back when Aquaman was alive, Tempest was still called Aqualad and Batman and Robin used to fight crime with the aid of Hostess Cup Cakes! Don't ask...
Adventure Comics #452: Writer: David Michelinie. Artist: Jim Aparo.
This issue opens with Aquaman fighting off some damnable surface-dwellers who were hassling him, which was preventing him from finding his missing son, Aquababy. Sadly, Aquaman is unable to defeat the three goons in wetsuits so he summons a few sea critters to do the job for him... That was pretty lame of Aquaman actually... With the menace of the guys in the wetsuits dealt with(Huzzah!), Aquaman meets up with a few members of a pacifist sect of Atlantians who inform him that a)their city was taken over by a surface-dweller, b)that same surface-dweller had managed to kidnap Aqualad as well. Damn surface-dwellers... Aquaman and the pacifists head to the city and he is met by more guys wearing wet suits. Aquaman decides to simply call a shark to deal with those bozos, but much to Aquaman's surprise, the shark attacks him and knocks him out instead! Holy double-cross, Aquaman! Aquaman wakes up tied to a wall in a room with Aqualad and a fellow Atlantian named Mcaan. Since the three men are trapped there, Mcaan decides to regale Aquaman with his origin story... Why not I guess... Basically Mcaan and his son lived in Atlantis and the kid heard the pacifists preaching one day. The kid decided that was the life for him, so he ran away to join up with them. Mcaan came across a photo of Aqualad in some Atlantian newspaper(which I would assume isn't actually made of paper...) and since both his son and Aqualad had purple eyes, Mcaan figured his son had become Aqualad... Yeah, OK... Eventually Mcaan finds Aqualad and discovers that Aqualad isn't his son, and the two decide to hunt down the pacifist's city so Mcaan could reunite with his son. Upon arriving at the city, the duo were promptly captured by those rotten surface-dwellers. After Mcaan finishes his story, as if on cue, the leader of the evil surface-dwellers, Black Manta, arrives in the room to gloat. Manta knocks Aquaman around for a while, because Aquaman's hands are loosely tied by a simple rope, and that is apparently Aquaman's kryptonite. Eventually Aquaman tricks Manta into thinking he was dead and proceeds to escape from the room, leaving Aqualad and Mcaan to fend for themselves... Gee, thanks a lot Aquaman! Upon getting outside, Aquaman tries to summon some fish to help him, but once again, the fish try to attack Aquaman. Aquaman makes a run for it and is chased down by Black Manta riding a dolphin... Yes, a dolphin. Aquaman heads into a laboratory where the pacifists were being forced to put gills on Black Manta's men so they'd be able to breath underwater. Aquaman decides to use the medical laser on Manta, but Manta reveals that he has Aquaman's son prisoner, and that if Aquaman did any thing rash, his son would pay the price. Aquaman surrenders himself to Manta, and Manta proceeds to toss Aquaman and Aqualad into an arena where they were to fight to the death for Manta's amusement... You know, if I were Black Manta, I'd probably just kill the both of them and be done with it. I guess I just don't have Manta's flare for the dramatic... Manta shows Aquaman a remote control and explains to him that the remote was allowing him to erect a large force field around the arena which would prevent Aquaman and Aqualad from escaping... Now why would Manta tell them that? In order to raise the stakes higher, Manta places Aquababy in a plastic globe that was slowly filling with air, meaning Aquababy would suffocate unless Aquaman found a way to save his son within 5 minutes. Manta then tosses two tridents into the arena and demands the two heroes do battle. Aquaman, fearing for his son, immediately attacks Aqualad, drawing first blood and hurting Aqualad's feelings... Really! Anyway, the two battle for a while and Aquaman realizes that the reason he was unable to control the various sea creatures surrounding Manta was because they were all robots. Aquaman makes contact with Topo, Aquababy's pet octopus, and Topo attacks Manta, destroying his force field device, which allows Aquaman to shatter the globe Aquababy was being held in. Realizing the jig was up, Manta makes a run for it, but not before attempting to collapse a wall on a few of the pacifist Atlantians. Aquaman saves the pacifists, but that slight distraction allows Manta to make good his escape. After saving the pacifists, Aquaman heads back to the arena where he discovers that Aquababy wound up suffocating in the plastic globe while he and Aqualad battled... Wow, that's a pretty horrible way to die... Aquaman gives his son's dead body to Topo and tells the octopus to return home... Umm, shouldn't Aquaman be the one to deliver the awful news to his wife and Aquababy's mother, Mera, not some freaking octopus!?! Instead of returning home, Aquaman wants to chase after Manta and asks Aqualad to assist him. Aqualad flatly turns Aquaman down, stating that he was hurt that Aquaman had tried to kill him in the arena earlier, even though refusing to fight probably would have led to Manta killing Aquababy sooner. Aquaman gets pissed(and rightfully so!)and tells Aqualad that he'll hunt down Manta on his own, ending this issue.
Well, that sure wasn't a cheery comic book! Having a limited knowledge of Aqua-history, I knew Black Manta was responsible for the death of Aquaman's son, but I didn't know how it actually occurred until I read this issue. Jeez, how can you suffocate a little kid... What a piece of work Black Manta is... I actually wouldn't mind buying and reading whatever issue it is where Aquaman finally meets up with Black Manta again, because I can't figure out why Aquaman didn't rip Manta limb from limb upon finding him. I know I would have. Besides the Black Manta stuff, the way this issue ended with Aquaman and Aqualad really bothered me. Aquaman discovers that his only son is dead, and he decides to go after the party responsible for the heinous crime. He asks his longtime sidekick to help him out, and Aqualad say no?!? Really!?! What the HELL was that! Manta told the two to fight to the death, while Aquababy was his pawn. What the hell did Aqualad expect Aquaman to do, play patty-cake with him?! How Aqualad could turn his back on Aquaman after he lost his son is absolutely perplexing to me. And I thought Roy Harper was a lousy sidekick! At least Roy could blame the heroin for his actions, what the hell was Aqualad's excuse? Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading this this blast from the past as much as I enjoyed writing it. Since this is a RETRO Review, I feel I should close this post with a retro saying... Ah I know, Up, Up, and Away!
Score: 7 1/2 out of 10.Yeah, I know this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the story I just reviewed, but come on, how couldn't I post this masterpiece!?!
Just for the record, your jokes are FAR from Lame dude. They make me laugh damn near, if not, everytime.
ReplyDeleteAh JT... You sure do know how to put a smile on my face. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteGlad I could help X. Now..onto Aqualad, that dude is the biggest Dbag around for not helping Aquaman. I mean really? No? That's just his answer?
ReplyDeleteThe entire ending to this comic was just messed up... I'm still not sure what Aqualad wanted Aquaman to do. As long as Manta was holding Aquababy hostage, Aquaman had no choice but to obey Matna, and if that meant battling Aqualad, so be it. To me, that seems like the kind of thing you forgive after it's all over, especially considering the fact that Aquaman lost his only son. Up until this comic I'd always liked Aqualad/Tempest, but I def lost some respect for him after this...
ReplyDeleteBesides Aqualad's strange behavior, there was the fact that Aquaman gave an octopus(!)his dead son's body and told it to return home to Mera. Imagine Mera opening her door to that sight! No wonder she wound up becoming a Red Lantern!
Lmao, speaking of that wait until you read Green Lantern 50 dude. Mera is... a hell of a red lantern.
ReplyDeleteMmmm, interesting... Hopefully I'll have GL #50 in my hands by the end of the week.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of that I saw that Emerald Twilight cover and it was freaking sweet. Is that during when he was Parallax or something?
ReplyDeleteMan, that is by far one of my favorite covers of all-time... Yeah, that cover takes place right when Hal is making his way to Oa to pretty much destroy the Green Lantern Corps. Along the way, he attacks any other Green Lanterns he comes across, taking their ring to add to his power, leading to that awesome cover.
ReplyDeleteYou know, maybe one of these days I'll pull out a bunch of my all-time favorite covers and either post 'em here or on the pic blog.
That's so awesome. He looks so evil. Btw you know that cover where Ollie shoots Hal's Lantern with an arrow? There's a BN Green Arrow alternate cover where GA is charging his ring with a Black Lantern and Hal shoots it with an arrow he made from his ring. Man that's so epic.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to see what your favorite covers are. I'm looking forward to that post.
I've actually got that cover on one of my trades! I'd love to get that alternate cover, but we already discussed my utter hatred of variant covers... See, now that's the kind of thing that should be the regular cover!
ReplyDeleteThat cover post may have to wait til I've got a few days off from school, because going through all of my comic books would prob take a few hours, if not a few days!
Ah you lucky guy you. You happen to remember what issue that is? I don't wanna have ya searching. And yeah, I can imagine you wading through comics with tattered clothes and a long beard.
ReplyDeleteMan, I can't say I do off the top of my head. I know it was from the old 1970's Green Arrow/Green Lantern series, you know, back when they were "Hard Travelling Heroes"... Whatever THAT means!
ReplyDeleteYou know, that description of me isn't that far from the truth!
Lol, outside of being in the Justice League and Tim Drake's voyage I wasn't aware Superhero's traveled much, Oh speaking of which I read Red Robin 9, Tim's return to Gotham. It wasn't bad. I'd give it a 7.
ReplyDeleteLol are you actually rockin a long Cast Away beard?
Oh yeah? Well, the only way I'd read it would be if you gave it a 10 and called it one of the best things you'd ever read! I ordered a copy for my sis, so after she gets her's, I'll have to see what she thought about it as well.
ReplyDeleteHa, nah, I haven't gone the Grant Morrison, crazy long beard way yet, but by the end of the week, I get pretty scruffy. I haven't been clean-shaven since I was like 16 though!
Lol. I'm sure she won't dislike it too much, it mentioned like six other comics continuity wise but that was weird. Plus your boy Connor Kent pops up.
ReplyDeleteReally? Longest I've went without shaving is probably a month and a half, I had stuff in my beard when I woke up lol. I shave like every two weeks now but I have one of those thin kinda, Matt Hardy beards.
My sister is like THE world's biggest Tim Drake fan, so as long as he actually shows up in the comic, I'm sure she'll be happy!
ReplyDeleteI really don't have a set look for the most part... Well, except for the fact that I'm NEVER clean-shaven I guess. I'm currently rocking some long sideburns and a long chin goatee, like Jericho from back in the day. The way I am though, next time I grab a razor, I might radically alter the way I look. Between the facial hair, and the fact that I'm growing my hair out for the winter(it kind of looks like I've got a mop on my head), I look like a bum.
Lol well hopefully Yost won't write Tim outta his own comic.
ReplyDeleteI feel you, that's how I was but I cut it once like this and Falisha loved it so i kept it this way. And I haven't had a hair cut since May 2007 but I currently have braids, but when I'm not braided I have a Ben Wallace look lol.
Ha, well where Yost is involved, anything is possible!
ReplyDeleteWow, May 07?!? I usually go a year between haircuts, and as I get closer to the one year mark, my hair really starts to get on my nerves. Usually when I start to put it in a ponytail, I know it's time to get it lopped off. When I get it cut, since it's just once a year, I pretty much go for a crew cut, then let it start to grow out all over again.
Yeah, I grew my hair out because I got tired of spending money on haircuts, I hate going to get my haircut and it's just boring so I grew it out, decided to get braids, and now my hairs so long I can put my braids in a ponytail. Lol, which was always one of my goals. :P
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty awesome, it'd be sweet to see like a year video condensed to minutes of your hair growing from crew cut to a ponytail.
Ha, that's the EXACT reason I hate getting a haircut, it's such a boring waste of time! I hate sitting at the barber shop forever, and then having to sit in that chair for a bunch more time. I can def find better ways to spend my time then sitting in the barber shop with a bunch of old men!
ReplyDeleteExactly dude and their never talking about anything of importance. I remember one day I was literally at the barbershop for like a hour and a half. Another time some old dude passed out and the hospital came. I told Falisha I'd get my haircut for our wedding...and we aren't even engaged so who knows when that will be. And I may not do it then :P lol
ReplyDeleteHa, jeez, you've had some pretty crappy barbershop experiences too! Especially when it comes to that old guy passing out! Man... I had to laugh at the line about Falisha and your wedding! I hope she never happens across this thread!
ReplyDeleteMy worst barbershop experience was prob back when I was like 6 or 7 years old, and I went with my father, who was a bigtime alcoholic/druggie at the time. We went in, and sat down, when he saw some friends of his outside. He went outside, and told me he'd be right back, but he wound up disappearing for the rest of the day! So I get my haircut, but the barber wouldn't let me leave, since I had no money, and my old man, who had the money was gone! Eventually, like 4 hours later, my mother decided to go out to see where we were, and she FINALLY paid the guy so I could leave! That's probably why I hate going to the barber so much actually!
Lol I was thinking that when I posted that. :p
ReplyDeleteDamn...that's horrible. So you were basically held prisoner at the barbershop. Damn...You're right, no wonder you hate it. So not to pry but I'm assuming since you said at the time, your dad eventually became Sober and whatnot?
Heh... Yeah, I guess that's one way of looking at it, I was indeed held prisoner at a barbershop! How many people can say that?
ReplyDeleteHmm, I wouldn't exactly say he's sober, but he's not the raving drunk that I grew up with. After my mother had my younger brother he at least stopped with the drugs and stuff, but to this day he'll drink to the point of passing out... If nothing else, he's the reason I never have, and never will touch any alcohol or drugs.
Yeah, some people go to Juvie, some people go to the Barbershop. :P
ReplyDeleteAtleast he's changed a little, it's better than nothing I guess. Plus if it's keeping you away from Alcohol and such I guess you can look at it as a plus. I'm the same way, never have touched a drink, a cigarette or anything else and don't plan to.
Ha, yeah, didn't you know, the barbershop is the new juvie!
ReplyDeleteYeah, if nothing else, at least he's better then he was... I guess... Man, I could tell some stories from my childhood though!
That's kind of the way I look at it too, at least I managed to learn from his mistakes, you know? No booze, drugs or cigs for me either, mainly because I would never want to put those close to me what he put me and my family through.
Lol @ the Barbershop being the new juvie. Go in a delinquent, come out with a barber's license.
ReplyDeleteThose sound like stories I'm interested in hearing but don't feel comfortable asking about.
Yeah, at least you can always take that from it. Since you know first hand you know not to put anyone else through it like you said, and I'd say that's the most valuable lesson to learn from it.
Jeez, yeah, if I'd have been stuck there any longer, maybe I would have learned enough to be a barber!
ReplyDeletePfft, I've got tons of stories, most of which I've made my peace with long ago. Nothing you ask me could possibly bother me, especially since I'd count you as one of my best friends, as weird as that might sound!
That's the way to be man. In every sucky situation I've been in, I've always tried to find SOME valuable lesson to take out of it.
Hey, you could be making some extra money on the side man, Licensed barber since the age of six!
ReplyDeleteWell if you feel like telling them I'll gladly listen. And nah, it's not weird, to be honest I feel the same way dude. Great to meet a cool guy who I can talk about Comics, Wrestling, Life and anything else about.
Definitely dude, there's almost always a bright side to any situation, sometimes you just gotta look for it.
Thanks for the nice words man. Looking back at things though, I've got to say, maybe I missed my true calling, hairstyling... Nah, I don't think so!
ReplyDeleteNo problem at all dude, mean em 100%. Speaking of hairstyles, If I had the folicles for it I'd rock the Nate hairstyle in your profile pic. Now that's just epic hair.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Nate's hair in that pic is awesome... Try as I have, I could never get my hair to look like that, and believe me, I've tried! While I do have a bit of the moptop thing going on, it's nowhere near as great as Nate...
ReplyDeleteLol I mean that's a mane of hair. I envy anyone who can get hair like Nate's. So apparently you've rocked the mop top, the crew cut, and the ponytail. Anything else you've rocked?
ReplyDeleteHmm, well when I'm between the crewcut and moptop stage I've been known to just spike it up, but I think that's prob it... I've always been that way though. Since I was like 16, I've been constantly changing up my look. If I was a bit ballsier, I'd try out the Daken weird mohawk thing, but that's prob a bit too out there, even for me!
ReplyDeleteThe day you get the Daken Mohawk thing is the day I decide to get the Wolverine haircut. Hell...I wonder if that's even possible with my hair.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it's possible for ANYONE to get the Wolverine haircut!
ReplyDeleteLol, how would you sleep if you had that wolverine haircut? Wake up and half your head would be lopsided.
ReplyDeleteYeah, exactly! I wonder how Wolvie manages to keep his hair in shape while managing to star in like 10 different Marvel books every month...
ReplyDeleteRight? He's gotta be their most overly exposed hero. I mean Batman has like 5 comics and Wolverine is still in more than him.
ReplyDeleteNobody in all of comic books is as overexposed as Wolvie is, and this is coming from somebody who is a fan of the character! Even after dropping out of the(Dark)Wolverine series, he's still in more Marvel comics then anybody else... Well, except for Osborn maybe...
ReplyDeleteWell Stormin Norman is a villain so that makes sense but Wolverine is in FAR too many things for a good guy. That's like putting Spidey in like 9 comics just because he's over. And Arguably Spidey may be their most popular hero.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm honestly surprised that there hasn't been/isn't more of a fan backlash at Wolvie's overexposure... It's not that big a problem for me, since I'm only(only, ha!)reading three comics Wolvie stars or co-stars in, but he's legitamately in like 7 other comics as well! It's insane!
ReplyDeleteLol @ only three. That's Crazy. So Wolvie is in 7, Batman is in Batman & Robin, Batman, Streets of Gotham, and Detective Comics, as well as appearing in Batgirl and Red Robin. Who else is in a ton of comics?
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm going to actually count each comic Wolvie is either starring or guest starring in, just to be perfectly sure. First the three I read: Wolvie: Origins, Uncanny X-Men and New Avengers. Besides that, there's Astonishing X-Men(which I actually read infrequently, so I read 4 Wolvie titles), Wolverine: Weapon X, X-Men Legacy(I'm not 100% sure about this one), Wolverine: First Class, X-Force, plus the numerous mini-series/One-shots Marvel puts out starring Wolvie. So that's officially 7, and possibly 8 depending on Legacy. Let's see, Batman is in: Batman and Robin, Batman, Streets, JLA. I wouldn't list Sirens, Batgirl, Red Robin or Detective(right now), because he doesn't appear in them regularly. So Bats has 4. I don't think Spidey or Supes is THAT bad, so I think Wolvie def takes the cake here.
ReplyDeleteHm...as of Lately GL's been appearing in Green Lantern, GLC sometimes, BN main issues and that's pretty much it and he's kinda the Star of Blackest Night so that makes Wolverine look like quite the glory hound.
ReplyDelete